by Devney Perry
“How are you feeling?” I asked Evie. At nearly six months pregnant with triplets, she had a beautiful pregnant glow, but she looked ready to topple over when standing.
“Enormous.” She rubbed her belly. “I’m just grateful for every day the doctor doesn’t put me on bed rest.”
“Bed rest won’t be so bad,” Mia said from the sink. “Think of how much fun you’ll have ordering Zack around while you watch TV.”
She laughed. “Good point, Mom. Maybe I should buy a little bell so I can ring for him.”
“What’s this?” Zack appeared at Evie’s side, kissing her temple before splaying his hand on her stomach.
“Oh, nothing.” She grinned into her water glass.
Zack’s hand stayed on her belly as it rubbed slow circles.
The image of Cole’s hand on my pregnant belly popped into my head, and I jerked, surprised for a moment, until a sense of longing chased it away. I wanted his hand on my growing belly. On our baby. I wanted his hand to have a band like Zack’s, something that showed the world he was mine.
“Poppy?”
My head whipped up to Cole. “Yeah?”
“I asked if you wanted another beer.”
“Oh.” My cheeks flushed as I came back to reality. “Sorry.”
His forehead creased. “Are you okay?”
I nodded and smiled. “I’m great. And yes, please. I’ll take one more.”
“I’ll get it.” Brad grabbed me a bottle from the fridge before turning to Cole. “So I talked to the city manager again this morning. He’d like you to start sitting in on meetings.”
Cole tensed at my side. “Dad. No.”
“It’s just a few meetings. It won’t interfere with your caseload. But if you want to be chief, you need to get to know him.”
“Dad, I never said—”
“Hold that thought.” Brad held up a finger as he emptied the bottle of wine into Mia’s glass. “Let me get another bottle of wine.” He smiled at me, then walked out of the kitchen, heading back downstairs to their wine cooler.
“What’s going on?” I whispered to Cole when Brad was out of sight.
Cole pushed out a loud breath and nodded toward the living room.
I followed him out of the kitchen, waiting to speak until we were alone. “I thought you didn’t want to be chief of police.”
“I don’t. But I’m having a hard time getting through to Dad. I just . . . he’s got these plans for me and I hate letting him down.”
I gave him a sad smile. “I think the only way you could let him down would be by taking a job you don’t want just to make him happy. Don’t you think it would be better if you were honest with him about how you feel?”
Cole ran his hand over his face as he considered my advice. “You’re right,” he breathed. “I need to make him hear me. I’ll tell him when he comes back upstairs.”
I stepped into his space, wrapping my arms around his waist. “Want me to stay?”
He hugged me back and kissed my hair. “No. Thanks, beautiful. But I’ll handle it.”
“Okay.” I let him go and went back to the kitchen just as Brad was coming back upstairs. When Cole called him into the living room, Mia shut off the water in the sink and came to the island.
“Is Cole finally going to make Brad listen to him? It’s about time.”
“What?” My chin dropped. “You knew?” I hadn’t even known.
Mia shrugged and took a sip of wine as Evie laughed. “Oh, Poppy. Mom knows everything.”
“Just wait until we do presents later,” Zack said. “We make her tell us what’s in every one of her boxes before she opens them. In all the Christmases and birthdays I’ve seen, Mia has never gotten one wrong.”
“It’s true.” Evie nodded. “She’s been like that forever. None of us can pull off a surprise. Maybe you’ll be the one family member who can stump her.”
Family member. Those two words sent a surge of warmth through my heart as I realized just how true they were. I was a part of Cole’s family, just like he’d become a part of mine. Brad and Mia. Evie and Zack. They’d let me into their lives, their family, taking the love that Jamie’s parents no longer wanted.
I smiled at Evie, glad I could be part of this tradition. “Maybe I will get to surprise her. I doubt she’ll guess what we bought for her.”
“Please,” Mia huffed. “I’ve known for weeks what you and Cole got me.”
“What? Did he tell you?”
She shook her head. “No. I just figured it out.”
“No way.” There was no chance she’d ever guess our gift.
“No way, what?”
Cole and Brad walked back into the kitchen. Brad looked sullen but he was trying to hide it, while Cole’s relief radiated through the room.
No one brought up their conversation in the living room. Instead, Evie brought them both into ours. “Mom said she knows what Poppy and Cole got her for Christmas, but Poppy doesn’t think there’s any way she could have guessed.”
Brad chuckled. “Take my advice, Poppy. Just accept that there is no such thing as surprising Ms. Crane. The harder you try, the faster she figures it out. Save yourself the stress.”
“But, how could she possibly—”
“You got me a puppy like Nazboo.”
My chin fell open as I gaped at Mia. Impossible. Cole and I had just ordered the dog yesterday. The puppy wasn’t even weaned yet, so we’d had to wrap up a collar and leash along with a picture.
“How— I don’t—” I blinked and closed my speechless mouth.
“See what I mean?” Zack muttered.
I took a long gulp of my beer and looked up at Cole. “So much for our big surprise.”
Cole chuckled. “Sorry. I should have told you about Mom’s superpower. Honestly, I thought we might have had her on this one, but I guess not.”
“Are there any other family secrets I should know about?”
“Don’t tell her!” Brad shouted as both Mia and Evie opened their mouths. “If I’m lucky, it will take her a few years to figure out mine.”
The kitchen erupted in laughter as Mia kissed Brad’s cheek and went back to making dinner and Zack and Evie started debating baby names. And I just smiled and leaned into Cole’s side, happy to be part of it all.
Hours later, after too much food and drink and gifts, Cole and I loaded up a sleepy Nazboo and drove home.
“How did it go with your dad?”
“Better than I expected. He didn’t want to hear me at first, but when I told him that I’d make a shit chief of police because my heart wasn’t in it, he started to come around. I still think he was disappointed though.”
I knew Cole hated disappointing people, but in this case, he’d done the right thing. Reaching across the console, I took his hand. “He’ll come around.”
“Yeah.” He kissed my knuckles. “Did you have fun?”
“Yes, so much. I love your family.”
“They’re yours too. You’re stuck with me, so you’re stuck with them.”
I smiled out the dark windshield. “I like stuck.”
“Good.” He laced our fingers together. “How would you feel about being stuck at my house? Maybe make it our house?”
My head whirled toward him. Cole was grinning into the night. “Really? You want me to move in?”
He looked over and nodded. “Pretty much since the first night you stayed over but I thought that might be too soon.”
“Finally!” My shout startled Nazboo in the backseat. “Sheesh. I’ve been stalling my realtor for months.”
He chuckled. “So that’s a yes?”
“That’s a yes, Detective.”
“Goodman.”
I frowned as Cole answered his phone. It was the morning after our dinner at Brad and Mia’s and we were supposed to have the Friday alone together.
I’d gotten up early and made us both breakfast—we were eating in the dining room for the first time in ages. We’d been talking about
taking Nazboo for a walk when his phone had rung, and since it was the station on the other line, it couldn’t be ignored.
“Yeah, I’ll be there in twenty.”
Damn it. So much for our day off.
“Sorry.” Cole gave me a sad smile as he hung up the phone. “If I could stay, I would, but I really need to head into the station.”
“Okay.” I couldn’t fault him for putting the chance to make an arrest ahead of couch time with me. “Be safe.”
“I will.” He stood and kissed my forehead, taking his plate to the sink.
I stood and followed him with my own. “I’ll take care of the dishes. You go ahead.”
“I’ll make it up to you.” He took the plate from my hand, set it down, then hoisted me onto the counter.
I brushed his dark hair off his forehead as he stepped between my legs. “What did you have in mind?”
“How about I pick up Chinese takeout on my way home and we have a late lunch and watch a movie?”
“Do I get to pick what we watch?”
He nodded. “Yes, but I get two vetoes.”
“One.”
“One.” He leaned in and brushed his soft lips to mine. “I’ll hurry.”
“Text me when you leave the station. I might take Nazboo over to my place to start packing.”
“Don’t wear yourself out. Save some energy for me.” He grinned and kissed me again before rushing out of the kitchen. His sweatpants hinted at the perfect ass beneath the gray cotton.
I’d hoped to spend a lot of time squeezing that ass today. Instead, I’d get a head start on packing so I could officially move in.
I sighed and hopped off the counter, rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. I was just about to go upstairs when Cole came back down, dressed in jeans and a thick green sweater. The cable knit made the green in his eyes pop more than his usual black polo.
“I love you.” I wrapped my arms around him, taking a deep breath of his fresh smell.
“I love you too.” He leaned me back so his lips could mold to mine. His tongue slipped between my teeth, tickling, before he pulled away. “See you soon.” One more kiss to my forehead and he was gone, striding toward the garage.
I held Nazboo back as we went to the front door to wave good-bye from the porch.
Nazboo let out a whimper as he backed out of the garage and onto the street, leaving her behind with her second-favorite owner.
“Sorry,” I rubbed her ears, “but he’ll be back soon. Come on. Let’s get some packing done before he gets back.”
I hurried through my own shower—not bothering to wash my hair but rather leaving it up—then pulled on some skinny jeans, an oversized gray turtleneck and my favorite black TOMS. Nazboo rode shotgun as we crossed town, and when we got to my house, I decided to start packing up the small office.
Two hours later, I was sitting on the floor, sorting books and papers into three stacks: keep, throw and Jamie. The keep pile had been growing the fastest, with the throw pile a close second. The Jamie pile was the smallest with a few of his old books I was going to give to Jimmy.
“Nazboo!” I called, taking a break from sorting.
She’d disappeared about fifteen minutes ago and I couldn’t hear her paws clicking on the hardwood floors, which meant she’d either fallen asleep or she was causing trouble.
I waited and listened, but nothing. “Nazboo!”
This time I heard a scurry from the living room before she came trotting down the hallway and into the office with a book in her mouth.
“No!” I jumped up from the floor. “Bad girl.” I yanked the book from her mouth and pointed my finger in her face. “Bad girl, Nazboo. No. No. No. We don’t chew books.”
Damn it. She wasn’t entirely to blame. In my hurry this morning, I’d forgotten her rawhide sticks.
I walked out of the office and to the kitchen, grabbing a paper towel to wipe off the book. Once it was dry, I recognized it as one from the Jamie pile.
“Jimmy isn’t going to want this one now.” The cover was destroyed with teeth marks and slobber, though the inside wasn’t too bad. I thumbed through the pages, surprised when a letter tucked into the middle popped out.
Folded in thirds, the top flap had been inscribed To Jamie on his 35th birthday.
“Oh my god.” I gasped and covered my mouth.
This was it. The letter I’d thought was lost. The letter Jamie had written to himself in ten years.
The letter Jamie had written the day he’d died.
This letter was one of only two things on the birthday list Jamie had done himself. I’d searched for this letter. I’d torn the house apart the year after his death searching for it but I’d never been able to find it. But here it was all along, tucked into a book that Nazboo had used as her chew toy.
And now I could finally read the last words Jamie had ever written.
Tears threatened, but I swallowed the burn in my throat and took two long breaths. Then I went to my small dining room table and took a seat. Carefully, I opened the letter, smiling at Jamie’s sloppy handwriting. It only filled the top half of the page. Of course his letter wasn’t long—that hadn’t been his style.
I inhaled, filling my lungs completely, before reading his words.
Old Me,
You’re getting up there, dude, so before you hit forty, I wanted to give you some advice. Don’t have a midlife crisis. Don’t be that guy. It’s sad and pathetic and would really piss me off. Look around. I’m sure you’re still cool since you’re me. Your wife is smoking hot. Life is good. So stay cool, and be good to Poppy. She’s the best thing that ever happened to you.
Don’t fuck it up,
Young Me
I laughed as tears filled my eyes. This was just . . . so Jamie. This letter was all the wonderful, ridiculous, sweet things that my husband had been.
And I was just so glad that I’d found it. Now I could put it with his birthday list, where it belonged.
Thank you, Jamie. Thank you for helping me find this.
Whether it was Jamie or not, I didn’t know. I was just grateful that another coincidence had led me to his letter.
These incredible coincidences.
And maybe it was silly, but I was thanking serendipity for bringing me Cole.
I sniffled, smiling again through blurry eyes as I reread the letter. Then I folded it back up and took it to my purse, tucking it into Jamie’s journal. Tomorrow, I’d let Jimmy read it too. He’d like that.
After the journal was safely stowed, I bent low to scratch Nazboo’s ears. “I guess you’re not in trouble. But no more chewing books, got it?”
She licked my face.
“I’m taking that as a yes.” I stood and nodded to the garage. “Come on. Let’s see if we can find some boxes.”
Another hour later, I’d boxed the keep pile and loaded it into my car. I’d finished trashing the throw pile and was checking my phone to see if Cole had texted. He hadn’t, so I decided to start packing the kitchen.
An hour later, when all the drawers had been emptied and cleaned, I checked my phone again, still seeing nothing from Cole.
“He’s probably just busy,” I told Nazboo.
Her brown eyes opened, but otherwise, she didn’t move from where she’d fallen asleep next to the fridge.
“I’ll send him a text.”
I fired off a quick note, asking if he had any idea when he’d be done at the station, and then I went back to packing.
The minutes ticked on, and my phone stayed silent on the counter. My eyes darted to the screen so often, I lost focus on packing. But no matter how hard I tried to concentrate on sorting dishes and random kitchen appliances, I couldn’t stop myself from constantly checking my phone. And every time it turned up blank, my panic grew.
There was something eerily familiar about this. Something entirely unwelcome. Memories plagued my mind from the last time I’d been in this kitchen, desperate for my phone to chime.
&nb
sp; He’s okay. He’s just at work. I reminded myself over and over that Cole was fine. That the anxious prickling on the back of my neck was just because I was here. That finding Jamie’s letter had freshened old memories. This is just déjà vu.
Despite my best efforts not to compare the past to the present, when the doorbell rang, a lance of terror cut through my racing heart. I held my breath as my unsteady feet rounded the corner of the kitchen.
My eyes searched the window of the door, and for a moment, I was taken back five years. It took me a second to separate the memory from reality, but when I did, the wave of relief that crashed over me nearly knocked me over.
Cole’s handsome face was on the other side of the glass.
I hurried down the hall—Nazboo rushing to catch up—and turned the lock.
“Hi,” I breathed, pressing a hand to my still pounding heart. “That was the most intense déjà—”
I stopped talking at the look in Cole’s eyes. They were full of pain. Of dread. I’d seen that combination in his eyes before. It was the same look he’d had the night he’d stood on this very porch and told me that my husband had been murdered.
“Cole?”
My voice seemed to make the pain worse and his entire face twisted in agony.
“You’re scaring me. What is it? Tell me.” I waited three heartbeats. “Please.”
He swallowed hard. “We found the person who killed Jamie.”
My hand clamped over my mouth but a sob still escaped. No amount of calming breaths could keep my tears away, and they flooded my eyes, trickling down my cheeks. “You did? It’s over?” An unbelievable sense of finality settled in my chest. I was still crying, but the drops were no longer filled with fear. They were full of relief. It was over.
Cole nodded but didn’t seem at all relieved. Wasn’t this good news? A killer was off the streets. He’d found the bad guy. Why did he still look like he wanted to be anywhere but on my porch?
“There’s more.” His voice cracked.
Tension came rushing back, filling my muscles as I stood silently, waiting for Cole to continue.
When he looked to his feet and then back up again, the tears in his eyes pounded a hammer to my chest.
