by Devney Perry
“And to think when I dropped the kids off at school this morning, I thought how nice it would be to spend my day with adults.”
Jimmy snapped his fingers in the air, pointing to his empty jar of chili.
“That is not how we order food in this restaurant,” Poppy snapped.
He sent her a pleading stare, glancing at Randall’s collection of jars. He was winning by one chili and a triple-berry crisp.
“No.” Poppy crossed her arms over her chest.
“I got you, Jimmy.” Cole went to the refrigerated display case at our sides and grabbed a chili from the top shelf. “Hot?”
Jimmy shook his head and waved Cole over.
“You are not helping, Detective.” Poppy glared at her husband.
His shoulders shook with silent laughter. “It’s too late now. We might as well see which one of them gives up first.”
Cole was the reason Jimmy and Randall had gotten the idea to start this whole ordeal. He’d come down to eat lunch at The Maysen Jar with Poppy. Apparently, they’d had some physical testing thing at the police department today, and he’d been cutting back carbs for a couple weeks to prepare. With the test complete, and reveling in his dietary freedom, Cole had inhaled two jars of mac ’n’ cheese like a kid who’d been given permission to devour his pillowcase of Halloween candy.
Seeing Cole eat so fast had triggered Jimmy’s and Randall’s animal instincts.
I could eat a jar faster than that.
I could eat two jars faster than you could eat one.
Then Cole had chimed in with the brilliant idea to have a contest.
One jar had led to two, then three.
When Poppy and I had both adamantly refused to serve them another jar of anything, Cole had come behind the counter and assumed the role of supplier.
“I can’t watch.” Poppy turned her back to the counter.
I did the same. We could still hear silver spoons scraping glass jars, but at least this way we didn’t have to see the idiots make themselves sick.
“Do you guys have any plans this weekend?” I asked Poppy. “I was thinking about kidnapping MacKenna and Brady on Saturday night. With everything that happened this summer, I feel like I didn’t get to spend much time with them. Max and Kali will be with Finn so if you and Cole want a date night, I volunteer as babysitter.”
She didn’t hesitate. “Done. We’ll bring them over around six.”
“Perfect.” I smiled. It would be nice to spoil them rotten—and have them so I wasn’t home alone.
Max and Kali had been at Finn’s place two nights this past week and it had been torture. With them gone a few nights each week and back in school, my house was too quiet.
Though Randall and Jimmy’s antics had gone beyond the spectrum of crazy today, I’d needed it. I’d needed a good day at work and to remember the life I’d built post-divorce.
“What else is on the docket for today?” I asked Poppy.
She glanced over her shoulder then rolled her eyes. “I hadn’t planned to restock macaroni and cheese until tomorrow, but I’d better do it today instead.”
“Chili too,” Cole added. When she shot him a glare, he held up his hands. “What? It’s almost gone. Jimmy’s on three. Randall only two. I do feel sorry for the residents on their floor tonight. That’s going to stink.”
I coughed to cover up a laugh.
Poppy pulled her lips in to hide a smile.
This is exactly what I need today.
“Okay, I’m going to walk away from this.” I tossed a thumb over my shoulder. “I’m going to do a quick sweep of the tables then grab the laptop and get caught up on some emails.”
“I’m going to head back to the kitchen,” Poppy said then looked at Cole. “Are you heading back to work?”
He nodded. “As soon as we declare a winner here, I’m taking off.”
“Okay. Come say good-bye before you go.” She walked over and kissed him, melting against his chest as he slanted his head and deepened it.
They were adorable. And lucky. So damn lucky.
I left them all and went through the swinging door to the kitchen. The morning had been busy, the restaurant filled with college students. Half the tables were occupied with textbooks and laptops as kids studied, so I hadn’t spent much time in the office, sticking out front to help.
I settled in behind the desk, opting to sort through mail first to snag any bills. Mostly, the stack was junk. Poppy’s favorite kitchen supply company had sent her a new catalog that she’d be drooling over later.
My hands paused on a letter toward the bottom of the pile. It wasn’t addressed to the restaurant but to me. And it was in Finn’s handwriting.
“What is this?” I grumbled. Weren’t we done with the letters? Seriously, I needed to be done with the letters.
The other mail was tossed to the side as I tore open the envelope’s seam and pulled out the single piece of paper.
My jaw fell open as I took it in.
Dinner? I turned the page over, but the back was blank. Then I read it again. Why would he want me to go to dinner? And why would he invite me with a letter?
I stood from the desk and hurried out of the office, letter in hand.
Poppy hadn’t made it to the kitchen yet. She was laughing with Cole as Randall lifted his hands in victory.
Jimmy was breathing hard, his face a shade of green as he clutched his stomach. “Nan is a sweetheart, but no woman is worth this kind of pain. I’m already gassy.”
Randall chuckled.
“Some women are worth it all,” Cole said, pulling Poppy into his side.
I opened my mouth to pull Poppy aside but stopped short. Everyone was in such a good mood, despite the foul odor creeping into the air. This letter, though not bad, would take the spotlight.
Randall slid from his chair, his arms still raised and started dancing around the floor.
“For a guy who uses a cane, you sure are nimble,” I teased.
His response was a smirk and to gyrate his hips.
“That Nan, she’s a lucky woman,” Poppy teased.
Cole let out a catcall before belly laughing as he got out his phone to record the show.
I folded up the letter, joining in the laughter, determined not to let it bother me today. I wasn’t sure what Finn was playing at, but today was one of the first normal days I’d had in a while.
I needed normal, not more letters to confuse my emotions.
With the letter folded in half and shoved in my back pocket, I turned to go back to the office but stopped when Mom’s voice carried through the restaurant. “Molly.”
“Hi, Mom.” I abandoned the kitchen door with a smile and met Mom in the middle of the restaurant for a hug. “What a surprise. What brings you here today?”
She smiled. “I hadn’t been in for lunch in a while, and I had a client cancel their session. I thought I’d come and say hello.”
“Wonderful. I’ll sit with you. What would you like?”
“A salad, please. Whichever you’d recommend.”
“Okay. Pick a seat and I’ll bring it over.”
She nodded, eyeing Jimmy—still groaning—and Randall—still dancing—along with their piles of jars.
I hurried to get her some lunch, a spinach salad with an incredible champagne vinaigrette Poppy had mixed up this morning.
“How are you?” I asked after sitting down across from her.
“Fine.” She went through prepping the salad. “Just fine.”
“And Dad?”
“Fine as well. He’s been editing a colleague’s book this week, so I’ve hardly seen him.”
And for Mom, that was probably preferred. Dad too. They liked their lives separate, something I’d never been able to understand since Finn and I had merged every single piece of our marriage. Relationship. Business. At the beginning, we’d been virtually inseparable.
Finn and I might not have worked out, but I wouldn’t have traded those days for anything. M
om and Dad, they’d never had that. They’d never had the passion or the love for one another that burned brighter than a star.
Even though our star went dark, it had been worth it.
“I got an interesting call this morning,” Mom said before taking another bite. “This is delicious.”
“Poppy’s a culinary genius.”
“That she is. So anyway. The call. It was from Lauren Trussel.”
“Oh?” I straightened in my chair.
Lauren Trussel was the marriage counselor I’d gone to see before the divorce. After those sessions with her alone, with me making excuses for why Finn hadn’t bothered to show up, I’d finally given up. How many sessions did it take before Lauren wrote us off as a destined-for-divorce case? One? Maybe two?
“And what did she say?” I asked.
“She said she got a strange call yesterday from Finn. He wanted to schedule some time to visit with her.”
I blinked. “Finn? My Finn?”
“Well, he’s not your Finn anymore. You are divorced. And now that he’s finally out of your house and back in his own, you can move on with your life.”
“That’s not . . .” I trailed off, not wanting to get into a discussion about her fears that I had an unhealthy attachment to my ex-husband. She didn’t know that Finn and I had been sleeping together before his accident. She didn’t know about the letters. She wasn’t going to find out either.
“Why would Finn want to see Lauren?” I asked. “And why would she tell you about it?”
“We’ve always kept in touch. She keeps me privy to things I need to know.”
“Things you need to know? And that includes Finn? What about doctor-patient confidentiality?”
“Well, Finn isn’t technically a client. At least not yet.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. There was something more here. Something Mom was keeping to herself.
“Mom,” I said gently. “Did Lauren keep you privy to the sessions I had with her?”
Another shrug as she finished a bite of salad. “I knew at a high level what was happening.”
“Define ‘high level’ for me, please.”
“She gave me an assessment of your mental and emotional state on a scale of one to ten. She felt it important that I know when you were close to a breakdown so I could be there to support you, since Finn never bothered to show up for your sessions.”
And there it was. All this time, Finn had been right. If Lauren was comfortable telling Mom about how I’d been feeling, she would have been just as comfortable giving high-level details of the sessions had Finn showed up.
He’d been worried that Mom would learn about us. And he’d been right.
Damn it.
“That’s not okay.” My hands were balled, the muscles furious as I spoke. “She had no right to share that with you.”
“Don’t get all flustered about it, Molly. There aren’t many therapists in town. We all keep in touch in case we run into a difficult case and need input.”
“I’m not a difficult case. I’m your daughter.”
“A daughter who let her partner rule her life for far too long.”
Rule my life? That was ridiculous. Mom made Finn out to be this controlling, egomaniacal villain. “You never liked Finn. I don’t understand why.”
“You’re a different person when he’s around.”
“A different person? What do you mean?”
“You’re more worried about his feelings than you are your own. You give him too much power.”
“Power over what? I’ve always made my own decisions. I’ve always lived my life. Taking his feelings into account isn’t a bad thing, Mom. That’s what you do when you love someone.”
“You never moved to New York after college. You gave up that dream.”
I rolled my eyes. “That was my dream for about a month when I was sixteen, when I thought I wanted to work on Wall Street. I mentioned it to you once and you never let it go. My dreams changed.”
“And what about his business? You started that business together and once it was established, he all but shoved you out the door.”
“I stayed home with our children. But you are right, that was hard for me to accept.” I’d give her that one.
“Does this really matter?” she asked between bites. “I came to have a nice lunch with you and to let you know Finn is seeking counseling. Maybe it’s because of the accident, but you should know. He could be on the verge of an emotional crisis. It might not be safe for him to be alone with Kali and Max.”
What the hell?
“Do you hear yourself?” I shook my head. “Finn would never do anything to harm our children. He isn’t having an emotional crisis. He went through an incredible trauma. You of all people should applaud him for wanting to talk through any issues that may have caused.”
Though it would have been nice to know he was struggling. After all the letters, after all the air we’d cleared these past few months, he still didn’t trust me with his feelings.
“I have your best interests at heart.”
I’d heard that statement from Mom a thousand times, always when I didn’t agree with her. “I’m not doing this anymore.”
“Doing what?”
“Playing both sides. I love Finn. I will always love Finn, whether we are together or not. He’s the father of my children and a good man. You can judge my failed marriage all you want, but it’s time you learn to keep those opinions to yourself. Do not come here or to my home and belittle him.”
Mom looked at me like I’d gone crazy. “What is wrong with you?”
“Nothing.” I stood from the table. “I’m just making my position perfectly clear. In the choice of you versus Finn, he will always be the winner. Call that unhealthy. Call me a pushover. Call me whatever you want. That’s your decision. But I’ve made my choice. I hope you can respect that. Please enjoy the rest of your meal. It’s on me.”
Without another word, I left my mother sitting slack-jawed at the table. I crossed through the restaurant, my heart racing. I passed Randall and Jimmy as they sat nearly comatose on their stools. Cole must have snuck out the back door. I managed to keep my chin up and shoulders pinned until I made it into the kitchen, then I blew out the breath I’d been holding and let my hands shake.
Poppy was at the table working. She abandoned whatever she was mixing when she saw my pale face. “What happened? Are you okay? You’re as pale as a ghost.”
“I’m okay.” I took three deep breaths. “I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. “I need you to tell me something as my best friend and not as Finn’s sister.”
“Okay.”
“Is it crazy that I love Finn?”
“Maybe,” she answered. “But I’d rather be crazy in love than just crazy.”
I giggled, my shoulders relaxing away from my ears. Leave it to Poppy to make me smile. I walked to the table, dropping my elbows to the top and resting my face in my hands. “I don’t think I’ll have the mother-daughter relationship I’ve always wanted.”
“Sure you will. With Kali.”
My heart swelled as I pictured Kali’s face from this morning, her smile wide and bright as she walked away from the Jeep to start her school day. “God, you’re so right. I feel like I’ve been trying for years to build this easy dialogue with my mom and it’s just . . . not easy. It never has been.”
Mom lectured. I listened. I placated her because it was too exhausting to debate with her. I’d learned that at an early age. Mom had an answer for everything. Rarely was it You’re right, Molly.
“I’m tired of trying,” I admitted.
The door swung open with a squeak, and I braced, expecting Mom to storm through with some choice words.
Instead, Finn strolled inside. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I stood up from the table. “Was my mom still out there when you came in?”
“Yes.”
“Did you talk to her
?”
“Yes.”
I gave him the side-eye. “What did you say?”
“I started with hello, then I told her that shade of navy looked good on her but hustled in here before she could say something to piss me off.”
“Thanks for that. It’s probably best that only one of us fights with her today.”
He blinked at me twice. “You got into a fight with your mom? Like a real fight?”
“I don’t know if it was really a fight,” I told Finn. “But she made me mad, and I drew a line in the sand.”
“I’m going to head out front and keep an eye on things. Let you guys talk.” Poppy wiped her hands on her apron, then she squeezed Finn’s arm as she passed by and out of the kitchen.
“Let’s go to the office.”
He followed me down the hallway, taking the seat across from me at the desk, leaning his elbows on his knees to give me his full attention. “What happened?”
“Mom doesn’t like you.”
Finn chuckled. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
“I guess I thought that someday she would. But I see now she won’t. I made it clear that she can keep those opinions to herself because they aren’t welcome in my presence, that I’m on your side and she needs to be respectful.”
“You stuck up for me with your mom?”
“I did.” I nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner.”
“Wow.” He sat back in the chair. “I, um . . . thanks.”
“You’re welcome. I’m sorry that you’re struggling right now. If there is anything I can do to help, even if it’s just to listen, I’m here.”
“Uh, I’m struggling?” Finn’s eyebrows came together. “What are you talking about?”
“Mom. You were right about the counseling. She would have known all about our sessions with Lauren Trussel. She came in for lunch today and told me that Lauren had called her and said you’d scheduled some time to talk with her.”
“Annnd I’ll be canceling that appointment.”
“It’s not fair. You should be safe to talk about the accident if it’s causing you stress. I can do some digging to find a therapist in town who doesn’t associate with Mom.”
