by Harlow James
A book.
I’m having a goddamn argument about a book.
“Really? Then why don’t you want to know what to expect moving forward? Why aren’t you reading about child birth, and postpartum care, and what to do after the baby comes?” I shake my head at her.
She stands, launches the book across the room at me, and then plants her hands on her hips. “You read it then if you’re so worried!”
“I am!” I bellow. “I’m listening to the goddamn audiobook in my car on the way to and from work!” She stands there, stunned from the volume of my voice. “But apparently I’m the only one who finds it necessary. And here I thought we were in this together…”
Chloe stares at me across the space, her jaw laxed now and her eyes wide. “Oh.”
“Oh? That’s all you have to say?” Silence and then her eyes disappear to her lap. “Fine. Then this conversation is over.”
Leaving the living room, I stalk up the stairs and slam the door to my room before throwing my body down on my bed and taking deep breaths to get my heartrate under control.
The woman can be so selfish, I swear. I know she cares, but all of these weeks she’s been home and she couldn’t be bothered to pick up the book? I’m over here trying to learn everything I should expect—not only because I’ll go crazy if I can’t anticipate what’s to come—but also because that’s the responsible thing to do. That is what being a parent is all about.
I’ve never had a child before, obviously, and the same goes for her. I’m freaked the fuck out about how much my life is about to change, but I’m trying to be proactive about it. However, it seems that Chloe doesn’t want to accept that this is happening, or she’s just planning on flying by the seat of her pants, which makes my stomach churn at just the thought of that.
And here I am thinking that we could work together, be together in more than a platonic way—but then she goes and does shit like this that has me questioning just how different we truly are. How are two people who think so inversely supposed to raise a kid together? How am I supposed to trust her to make smart choices regarding our child if I can’t trust her to read a goddamn book? And why does my chest ache knowing she isn’t taking this as seriously as I am?
Maybe I’m overreacting, but my mind is spinning, the flight or fight response kicking in so swiftly that I feel the whiplash knocking me back and forth between my feelings for her. Wes and Hayes may think they see a future for Chloe and me, and a few hours ago, I was highly optimistic about it as well. But now…well tonight was just a glaring indication that maybe Chloe and I aren’t on the same wavelength in more than one way in our lives, and I’m not sure what to think of that.
Chapter 7
Chloe
It takes a lot for me to feel guilty, to feel like I’ve made a mistake and need to own up to it—not because I think that I don’t make mistakes or bad choices and shouldn’t apologize for them, but because most of the time I have a good reason for why I say or do something that could piss someone else off.
But this time—I don’t have an excuse that even makes sense to my own brain for why I haven’t picked up the book that Silas took upon himself to purchase for me—for us. And now, I’m lying awake as my mind spins with all of the reasons why I’m putting it off, but I think it all comes down to one issue—knowing what’s going to happen makes this all real. It means I have to make plans for the first time in my life, that I have to think about the future, which is something I’ve always avoided or never allowed myself to do because I had no idea what my life was going to look like from day to day growing up.
The only time I allowed myself to dream was when Shayla and I decided to leave Los Angeles to move to Santa Barbara. But that was more of an escape from our lives there, an adventure we embarked on together, and it was exciting.
Having a baby with a man I barely know but also find incredibly attractive and alluring is terrifying. And then knowing that once this baby comes, I am responsible for its safety and care for at least the next eighteen years has my body humming with nerves and denial even though intrinsically I already feel very protective over him or her.
But the look in Silas’s eyes last night when he realized I haven’t been reading—it sliced through me, made me feel unworthy more than I have in a long time. I felt his disappointment radiating off of him, and what did I do? I fought back because that’s all I’ve ever done with anyone who tries to tell me what to do, who tries to control me and my life. And now, I feel like scum, especially knowing that he had been reading every chance he gets.
He really is in this. He truly cares in his own neurotic way. I can’t believe that I got pregnant by a man that actually wants to do this with me and I’m taking it for granted.
And that is precisely why I’m up at three in the morning, sipping decaf coffee, and reading about the fourth month of pregnancy in the book that now has bent pages from where it landed incorrectly on the floor. I snuggle into the plush chair by the couch, flick on the lamp on the side table, and flip open the book that’s been taunting me for a few weeks now.
“During your fourth month of pregnancy, you will be able to feel the baby move for the first time.”
“Well, yeah, that makes sense now,” I speak lowly to myself.
“You also may experience new symptoms such as heartburn from various foods you eat and ligament pain across your belly.”
“Lovely, something else to look forward to.”
“By the end of your fourth month, your baby is about six inches long and weighs about four ounces.”
“Jesus, Silas’s dick is way bigger than that,” I mutter before taking a sip of my coffee and continuing to move my eyes across the page.
“What about my dick?”
“Jesus Christ!” I jump in my chair, causing my coffee to spill all over my white pajama top, my heart racing uncontrollably.
“Fuck, Chloe,” he says, moving toward me quickly as the hot liquid seeps into the cotton and burns my skin. “I’m sorry.” He’s shirtless and wearing only a pair of black sleep shorts, the sight distracting me from the matter I should be paying attention to.
“What is it with you and scaring the shit out of me in the morning?” I stand, set my cup on the coffee table, and then move to take off my shirt, careful not to get coffee in my hair as I do so. Once the fabric is clear of my head, I look up to find Silas staring down at my bare chest.
“Oh shit.” I quickly move to cover up, even though I know I have nothing to be ashamed of and Silas has seen it all before. But I legitimately forgot I wasn’t wearing a bra.
He clears his throat before finding my eyes once more. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I need a shower now, but I’m good.”
“What are you doing up at this hour?”
“I was…reading,” I admit, watching his face for his reaction.
“Reading, huh?” He stands tall and clasps his hands together, clearly amused with my change of heart.
“Yes, Silas. I was reading, okay?” I move to throw my hands up in the air, but think better of it before I flash him again—although seeing his heated eyes on my breasts did make my body warm up too. “I felt like shit when you walked away from me last night. I’m sorry I haven’t been reading. I tossed and turned all night knowing that you felt like I’m not taking this seriously, and I’m sorry that you feel that way. I just…” I stare off to the side as I debate how to explain my reluctance to him.
“Hey.” With his thumb and forefinger, he lightly grips my chin, forcing me to look up at him again. “I couldn’t sleep either after how I acted. That’s why I came down here, but I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you.”
“You definitely threw a bit of a tantrum. And if our kid inherits that from you, then we’re both in for a fun time.”
“Seriously though, Chloe. I just want to know that you’re in this with me, because I don’t want to resent you down the line.”
He would have every right
to resent me if he felt like he was the only parent who cared about our kid. But that’s the last thing I want, and the closer we get, the more I get to see these intense and caring sides of him, the more I want to do this right alongside him.
His fingers leave my chin and then swipe my hair from my face as he studies me, and then his eyes fall to my lips, so I stare back at his—lips that I haven’t tasted in months but remember exactly how they felt against mine.
And then I realize we’re both bare chested, standing less than a foot apart and my breasts are aching at the thought of reaching out and grazing my nails down his abs, pulling him into me, and losing myself in his strong arms and massive body, and of course that glorious dick of his too.
“Chloe?”
“Hmmm,” I say dreamily, still envisioning us lying on the couch together, him nestled sweetly between my legs and hammering into me until I’m seeing stars.
“You should go clean up.”
“What?” I lift my eyes to find him smirking down at me. “Oh, yeah.”
“And maybe put a shirt on too.”
“Then you have to.”
“Not the same for men, sweetheart.”
“That’s a sexist double standard, Silas. If I wanted to walk around topless, why couldn’t I?”
“Because your breasts are perfect and lickable and I’m having a hard time restraining myself right now.” He reaches down to adjust his cock that is visibly hard at the moment. And there goes the throbbing between my legs.
“They’ve gotten bigger.”
“I’ve noticed. And that’s why I need you to walk away from me right now.”
“You don’t want to…” I’m fully prepared to offer them up for him to play with, but I can see the conflict in his eyes.
“Jesus, Chloe. Please, just go get dressed.” He spins around so he’s not looking at me anymore. “Thank you for apologizing and opening up the book. It means a lot, but I can’t keep standing here with you not wearing a shirt.”
My shoulders sag in defeat. For a moment there I thought for sure Silas was about to give in to me again and I would be handsomely rewarded with multiple orgasms. But it seems Mr. Live-My-Life-By-The-Rules has no intention of crossing that line ever again and it’s probably best that we don’t. My poor vagina.
“Okay. Sorry.” I begin to walk away, but his voice stops me cold.
“Do you think you could get to month six by tonight?”
“What?” I look back at him over my shoulder.
“The chapter on month six. Maybe we could have dinner tonight and talk about what we read?” His back is still turned to me, but his voice sounds much more hopeful than it did last night.
“I can do that.”
“Alright. Yeah, that sounds good.” He twists to smile at me quickly, then turns back around.
Grinning to myself, I finish walking to my room and hop in the shower, fully intent on bringing myself the pleasure that Silas won’t fulfill. As the hot water cascades over my body, I slide my hand over my stomach with one destination in mind, but I freeze the moment my fingers move outward from my belly button. One glance down and I see it—the small bump protruding from my body, the bump that was not visible yesterday, but now is unmistakable.
My baby. Our baby is growing and now the world will start to know as I only get bigger from here.
A rush of emotion hits me—excitement, fear, pride—and then purpose. This baby is my purpose—an aspect in my life that I was looking for just months ago—and it’s time to jump all in.
* * *
“Oh thank God, Doc.” I sigh in relief as Dr. Wilson announces I can resume physical activity.
“Your scans look great, your blood pressure is fantastic, and you seem much more upbeat.”
“I feel like I can eat again. The medication is really helping with the dizziness too.”
“And believe me, she’s been taking advantage of it,” Silas mutters sarcastically beside me.
“Hey, no uterus, no opinion, alright?” I point a finger up at him standing at the side of the exam table. “I have been living off of buffalo wings for weeks because it was the only thing I could stomach. Now, the grocery store is my oyster, Silas. I need all the food and anything this baby wants.”
Dr. Wilson laughs at me. “Just remember to eat in moderation. Too often women get that ‘eating for two’ mentality, which will only result in more weight gain.”
“Got it, Doc.”
“I still want you to take it easy though, Chloe. You shouldn’t be walking dogs at the pace you were before.”
“She hired someone to help her now, so she won’t be as active,” Silas adds proudly. After the temp quit last weekend, we found an eager college student looking for work. Daniela is bubbly and willing to help as much as she can, which took a lot of stress off of me. And the fact that Silas insisted on helping me with my business just made me swoon a little bit harder for the man.
“Fantastic. Just keep doing what you’re doing and I’ll see you in a month.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
Silas and I leave the office and make our way back out to his car. After he helps me settle in, he rounds the front and then slides into his seat, taking me back to his house. “So, do you have any clients lined up for this week?”
“A few in the mornings, but I didn’t sign on to do too many. Plus Daniela was available, so I figured I would let the clients meet her and get acquainted.”
“Good idea.”
“We still have dinner with your family this weekend, right?” My heart starts to race when I remember that my clearance from the doctor was the deciding factor on when I’d get to meet them.
“Yes. I’ll call Nonna later and let her know for sure that we’ll be there.”
“I mean, we could skip it, you know. I’m sure they’re all very busy.”
Silas chuckles and then reaches for my hand, the gesture so natural I’m not even sure that he realized he did it. But I’m fully aware as his strong hand envelops mine, his thumb stroking over my skin. “It will be fine. You have to meet them eventually, Chloe. They’re going to be a part of our child’s life.”
“I know.”
“Are you scared?”
“A little. I didn’t have a big family growing up. The idea of having three sisters sounds exhausting.”
Silas full on laughs this time. “Oh believe me, it is. And they will have plenty to say and questions to ask. But I know you’ll be able to handle yourself.”
“You know I don’t have a filter, Silas. What if I say something that offends them?”
“I doubt you will. My family is very open and sarcastic as well. Plus, if you don’t come for dinner, you’ll miss out on Nonna’s meatballs.”
I twist in my seat to face him. “Are these the same ones that you serve at your restaurant?”
He leans over in his seat and glances at me quickly. “They’re better.”
“Oh, fuck me. I’m there. If anything, I’ll just stuff my mouth so I can’t speak.”
“Gotta train our kid to love Italian food now, Chloe. He or she won’t have a choice in the matter once they’re here.”
* * *
“She’s free!” Shayla throws her hands in the air as I walk over to the table where she and Waverly are sitting at the restaurant we chose to meet at for lunch.
“I flew the coup, guys. I’m allowed to venture out in public again.” Setting my purse down on the table, I lean over to hug both of them and then take a seat in the booth on the other side of the table.
“We figured we’d let you have the booth.”
“I appreciate that.” Reaching for the glass of water already there, I take down half of it, and then settle into my seat.
“So, how’s it going? Last time I saw you was the weekend I stopped by after you moved in.” Shayla takes a bread roll out of the basket on the table and starts tearing it into pieces, plopping one in her mouth.
“Well, it’s been fine. Silas’s house is amazing
, and he bought me a new mattress which I have trouble getting out of most days.”
“That was nice of him,” Waverly states.
“It’s amazing. I almost didn’t leave it,” Shayla adds.
“Yes, it was, even though I didn’t ask him for that. But he’s been very helpful while I’ve been sitting around picking my nose in boredom, adamant about resting and taking care of myself.”
Waverly leans forward, resting her chin on her propped up arm. “So are you getting to know each other more?” She waggles her eyebrows.
“Um, not in that way. We actually had a fight the other night.”
“About what?” Shayla chimes in.
“A book.”
They stare at me dumbfoundedly. “A book?”
“Yup.”
“What book?”
“What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”
“Aw, Silas is reading that?” Waverly croons and Shayla smiles.
“Oh, he’s very serious about it.”
“So what was the fight about then?” Shayla asks.
I sigh and then fiddle with my thumbs. “He was pissed because I haven’t been reading it.”
Both of them furrow their brows. “Why wouldn’t you be reading it?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “It’s just a lot and something about reading that book makes it seem more real.”
“You do realize this is very real, right Chloe?” Shayla questions.
“Yes, I’m aware, Shayla. Thank you for the biology lesson, although with the way I pee every ten minutes these days, I’m not sure I needed the reminder.”
Waverly rolls her eyes. “So he was pissed?”
“He yelled at me. Like, super frustrated and then stormed off.”
“Wow. I can see that from him though. Silas is the type of man that takes things very seriously.”
“Yeah, I’ve gathered that. I felt like shit after he walked away, so I woke up early the next morning and started reading,” I admit as Shayla tilts her head at me. “And Silas walked in while I was.”
