by Harlow James
“You’re going to get that, Chloe. You just need to talk to him.”
“This is why I don’t do this, Shayla. This is why I don’t let people in—because the disappointment hurts too much.” I twist my face into the cushion to muffle my cries as I feel Shayla’s arms wrap around me.
“Shhhh, Chloe. It’s going to be okay.” She presses her lips to my temple, and that’s the last thing I remember before I cry myself to sleep, wishing I could just go back in time to when the optimism of my future was much brighter than the dark cloud I feel hovering above me at this moment.
* * *
“Chloe?”
The deep rasp of the voice saying my name instantly has my eyes popping open. Hovering right above me in the chair I must have fallen asleep in is Silas, studying me from his position to the right of my chair.
He has bags under his eyes, his dark hair is a mess, and he looks delectable in a navy shirt and grey sweatpants.
Jesus, the man doesn’t play fair.
I glance down and notice that Shayla must have moved the ottoman so I could stretch out my legs and lie down last night after I cried myself to sleep.
And then it all comes rushing back.
“Silas, what are you doing here?” I sit up and rub my eyes before glancing out the window as the sun barely crests the horizon. “What time is it?”
“Just before six. And I came to take you home.”
I struggle to sit up, but Silas immediately jumps in to help. And then Shayla chimes in. “I’m going to give you two a minute.” She lifts her coffee cup in the air with a knowing smile on her face, and then turns around and walks out of the living room, leaving me alone with the man that broke my heart last night.
“I’m not going home with you, Silas.”
“The fuck you aren’t, Chloe. You belong at home with me.” The command of his voice is slightly startling, a tone he hasn’t taken with me in months.
“That’s not happening.”
“Yes, it is. We’re going to go home, you’re going to shower, and then lie in bed with me as we hold each other and talk about everything.”
“No. You…you don’t want me.”
He crosses his arms over his chest and arches a brow at me. “Is that honestly what you think?”
“That’s what I know,” I say, lifting my chin. “I heard you.”
“No, you didn’t. You heard my thought process, but you didn’t hear my realization.”
I swallow and brace myself for what’s coming, the truth that I’m sure Shayla will be more than willing to throw back in my face. “And what is that?”
Silas crouches down and grabs my hands, bringing them to his lips. “I never wanted a family. I never thought I’d have one. This isn’t what I planned,” he says, repeating the words from last night that cut me wide open. “But then I went and fell in love with you, and now I realize that you and me together is all that matters.”
My bottom lip trembles as the sting of tears hits my eyes again. They are so dry from crying all night, but there’s no way I won’t shed a tear for the words he just said.
“That’s what I said to Nonna after that, Chloe. I am hopelessly, utterly, entirely, through every inch of my skin and ounce of my heart in love with you and all of your craziness, all of your stretch marks, all of your cravings and weird tv shows that you love, and your obsession with Disney. I want to make a life with you—even if we only get tomorrow, even if something happens in the blink of an eye.” He reaches up to brush my tears away. “Because a life without you is one I don’t want to live anymore. You’ve changed me, you’ve allowed me to dream, you’ve given me my own family, but it won’t be complete without you, baby.” His lips find mine for a soft kiss. “What do you say? Do you want to be a family with me, Chloe? Really do this—the two of us and our son, making memories, making mistakes together, but loving each other through it all?”
I let out a sigh of relief and then shake my head. “I’m so fucking stupid.”
“No, you’re just a little irrational right now, baby.” His fingers lift my curls away from my face now.
“My clit lit up the second I saw you, Silas.”
“Wait…what?”
“My clit burns for you,” I tease as Silas starts to laugh.
“Are you seriously fucking quoting that Bridgerton show right now?”
I shrug and then pull him closer. “Yeah, I was just trying to be funny.” I smile at him before saying what I really want to, holding his face in my hands. “I love you too, Silas. So fucking much. You are my person. I look at you, and I’m home.”
“Damn, Chloe. You’re making me so fucking happy right now.” He presses his lips to mine, forcing me to melt into his kiss. But there’s nothing forceful about it. I’m in this willingly. I can’t believe I ever doubted how this man feels about me.
When we part, he cups my jaw. “But will you do me a favor and next time, just fucking talk to me. Let me know what you’re feeling and thinking. All of this could have been avoided. I was actually leaving that conversation with Nonna to speak with you and tell you how I felt. I didn’t want to wait another minute to make sure you knew that you are my future, whatever that future may look like.”
“I’m sorry.” I hang my head down in shame. “I just…panicked. This is so foreign to me. I don’t know how to manage all of these feelings and fears.”
“Well, I hear that parenting is supposed to be like that too.”
“Well, fuck, Silas. I’m gonna be a hot mess then,” I say, throwing my hands up in the air.
He chuckles. “We’ll just be hot messes together. Although I’m really looking forward to this kid coming out of you so maybe you’ll go back to normal a bit.” He holds up his forefinger and thumb with just a slight space between them.
“Normal Chloe is still pretty crazy,” Shayla says as she enters the room again.
“Hey! Just wait until you’re pregnant and then talk to me about crazy.” I hold my stomach in my hands, feeling the baby move inside of me. “You have no idea the lack of control I feel over my body right now.”
“I know, Chloe. I get it. But seriously, I wasn’t afraid to smack you upside the head again if you woke up and pushed this man away.” She points at Silas. “Silas, she’s all yours, friend.”
“That’s exactly what I want.”
“You can’t just hand me over,” I interject, but Shayla laughs.
“I’ll always be here, Chloe. You know that.” She tilts her head at me reassuringly. “But like you said, Silas is your person now. And you two have some making up to do.” She bounces her eyebrows up and down.
“Come on, baby. Let’s get home.” Silas kisses my lips and then helps me from the chair, but I waddle right over to Shayla and hug her with all the strength I can muster, whispering in her ear through the grateful and overwhelming emotion in my throat. “I love you, Shayla. You will always be my family.”
“I know, Chloe. I love you too. You’ll never get rid of me. And I’ll always be here to smack some sense into you.”
“I know you will.”
We part and then Silas drives us home, the weight resting on my chest less than twenty-four hours ago quickly dissipating, replaced with overwhelming love and gratitude for the people in my life that put up with my antics, who always have my back, and who love me for who I am.
* * *
“Come on, Silas. You heard the doctor. Sex is the best way to induce labor.”
The mountains of muscles all over his body rise and fall as he struggles to catch his breath. “Chloe, I literally just finished fucking you, woman. Give my dick a break.”
“Your dick is the reason we’re in this predicament in the first place!” I reply, reaching for the appendage in question, stroking my hand over his semi-hard length. “I want this baby out, so you’re going to fuck me until he’s here.”
“Can I at least get a glass of water first?” He turns his head to the side, questioning me with a raise of his brow.
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I roll my eyes, frustrated that he’s not taking this seriously. “Fine, I guess. And while you’re down there, grab some gummy worms.” I run my nails over my stomach as Silas chuckles and stands from the bed, walking away from me while giving me the perfect view of his delicious ass.
God damn, I’m a lucky woman.
The past two weeks have been amazing now that Silas and I are officially together and there’s no question about what we want. We talked for a while after we got home from Shayla’s and laid everything on the line—our fears, our visions of what the future looks like.
But I know now, confidently and completely, that we’re on the same page, and now all we’re missing is our son to make everything complete.
The next morning after going at it two more times, Silas drives us to the doctor’s office for my thirty-nine week check-up. I am so uncomfortable and tired that I would do just about anything at this point to get this kid out of me. I can’t sleep or get comfortable to save my life. I’m irritable and over everything. I just want to hold my baby finally.
Dr. Wilson knocks on the door and then quickly enters the room. “How are we doing this morning, you two?”
Silas kisses the top of my head, as I stare back at the doctor. “Perfect,” he mutters, rubbing my back at the same time I say, “Fucking over this.”
She smiles. “It seems you two are getting along quite well.”
“Yeah, I think I’ll keep him around,” I say, twisting to the side and flashing him a wink before turning back to face Dr. Wilson. “But enough about that. Let’s get down to business, Doc. What’s it going to take to get this kid out of me?”
She chuckles and then holds her clipboard to her chest. “I’m afraid that’s all up to the baby, Chloe.”
“Nonsense.” I wave my hand through the air. “How much, Doc?”
“Excuse me?”
“My baby daddy over here is a billionaire. Name your price, and it’s yours. Let’s get this show on the road.” I snap my fingers, eager to make this conversation go in the direction I want.
“Chloe,” Silas chastises as Dr. Wilson shakes her head with a smile on her face and then holds her hand up.
“It’s okay, Silas. This isn’t the first time I’ve been bribed to induce labor.” She sets her clipboard on the counter and then reaches for a pair of latex gloves. “I know you’re uncomfortable, Chloe. But the best thing we can do is hope that labor starts on its own. Let’s start by examining you first, and then talk about options.”
“We’ve already been fucking, Doc. Silas is doing a great job, but I think we could step up our game, don’t you, babe?” I turn to face him, utter mortification apparent on his face. “Don’t be shy, Silas. The doctor knows we have sex, obviously,” I say, pointing to my massive stomach and then stating proudly, “This guy railed me three times last night, and twice this morning.”
“Jesus Christ, Chloe. I think she gets it.” Silas pinches the bridge of his nose as I lean back on the exam table, placing my feet in the stirrups Dr. Wilson takes out for me.
“Even though I probably shouldn’t say this, that’s quite impressive, Silas.” She winks at my man, and for a second I debate kicking her in the face. But then I remember she holds the keys to getting this kid out of me, so I refrain. “Let’s see if you’re dilated or not, okay? That will give us an idea of how much longer this should take.” She lifts the paper draped over my legs and then her brow furrows. “Um, Chloe. I don’t need to do an exam. I think you’re going to need to go to the hospital.”
I prop myself up on my elbows as my heart begins to race. “What? Why?”
“Because you’re leaking water right now. I’m afraid you’re in labor.” She smiles as she stands, snapping her gloves off of her fingers.
“Seriously?” I squeal and then turn to Silas as his eyes widen and he looks like he’s about to pass out.
“Yup. Looks like all of your hard work paid off.” She smirks and then moves to wash her hands in the sink. “I’ll call over to the hospital and tell them to get a room ready for you. Have you been having any contractions?”
“A few this morning, but nothing consistent.” I sit up again on the bed with Silas’s help as I watch him turn to Dr. Wilson.
“Shit. So…this is happening, like right now?”
“Yup. You’re about to be a father.” The doctor pats him on the shoulder and then moves to leave. “I’ll see you two over there in a few hours.
“Uh… fuck. Okay.” He turns back to me. “This wasn’t the plan, Chloe. Your water was supposed to break at home, I was supposed to drive us there, have the hospital bag in the car…”
I cut him off as I see his mind start to race and can feel his pulse do the same in my hand. “Hey. We’ve got this, alright?” I so don’t know if we’ve got this. “We read the books, we did the birthing class, and we had a shit ton of sex last night, which is good since my vagina will be out of commission for a while.” He smiles and laughs nervously as my pulse picks up too. “We’re ready. This is going to be a breeze. I’m gonna make childbirth my bitch.”
* * *
“Jesus Christ!” I throw my head back against the bed, grateful for the few moments of rest I can savor before the next contraction hits me.
This is not easy, not even in the slightest. I’ve never considered myself a weak woman, but I don’t think I can do this.
“You’re doing great, babe. Just breathe,” Silas says, mimicking the breathing techniques we learned in the birthing class.
“Fuck you and you’re breathing. This is all your fault! You and that glorious dick of yours!”
“Chloe! How are we doing in here?” Dr. Wilson asks as she comes into the room, snapping gloves over her fingers. I’ve been here for twelve hours now, and I swear there is no end in sight. It’s past nine at night and all I want to do is sleep and not feel pain all over my body anymore.
“I want the drugs, Doc. I know I said I was tough, I know I thought I could do this…but now? My entire vagina is on fire!”
Everyone in the room shares a laugh, which only has me ordering them in my head of who’s going to be punched first. Nurse Ratchet in the corner has been giving me dirty looks all night. She’s currently number one.
“Well, let’s check you then, see how you’re progressing and go from there.” Silas moves back up near my head where I ordered him to stay during this process as the doctor puts a pair of gloves on and very adamantly shoves her fingers into my vagina. We both agreed for the sake of our sex life that he shouldn’t watch what’s about to happen. “Chloe, I’m afraid we’re past that point, hun.”
“What point?” I say through gritted teeth when another contraction hits me.
“The point where you can have an epidural. You’re at nine centimeters, honey. This baby is coming sooner rather than later.” She signals to the nurses in the room, and they start moving around a hell of a lot faster than they were before.
“What? No! I’ll…I’ll hold him in. We can get the anesthesiologist in here really quick and drug me up and this baby will never know!”
“Sorry, it doesn’t work like that.”
“Mother fucker!” I yell, breathing through the contraction while Silas grabs my hand again and smoothes my hair from my face.
“Chloe. I know this hurts, but you don’t need to cuss, babe.”
“Fuck you, Silas!”
“Or maybe she does.” He shrugs and the nurses laugh again.
“You have no idea what this feels like. I am burning down there, Silas. And not the good kind of burn. Not the feeling of being turned on, like when I saw you for the first time, or when you edge me on the brink of an orgasm during sex.” His eyes wander the room. “I’m talking about mother fucking fire raging between my legs! Even the Duke of Hastings himself would be running away from this!”
“I got it, babe. I’m sorry. But you can do this.” He crouches down and gets in my face so I can see every fleck of gold in his eyes, eyes I hope our son inher
its. “You are the strongest woman I know. You are fierce and bold, and possess in an inner strength I never realized was so beautiful in a woman. I love you, and when this is over, we’re going to meet our son.”
I feel my lip tremble as the contraction subsides and I rest my head back on my pillow. “Why do you have to say shit like that? I was gonna give up and just let this baby slide out when he’s ready, but now I have to rise to the occasion. Damn you, Silas De Luca, and your words of encouragement. Damn you. I fucking love you.”
He chuckles. “I love you too, Chloe. Now let’s have this baby.”
The room seems to spin around me as several nurses move trays of tools into position and the contractions get stronger and closer together in a matter of minutes. I close my eyes, squeezing Silas’s hand as the pain intensifies and I start to feel pressure between my legs.
“Oh my God! Fuck!”
“You’re doing great, Chloe. I can see him starting to descend. Keep breathing and on the next contraction, give us another big push.” Dr. Wilson looks up at me from between my legs.
“Come on baby, he’s almost here.”
“He better be really fucking cute!” I bear down and push as the pain slices through my lower body, a ring of fire igniting around my vagina.
Dear lord, please let me survive this.
“Excellent. I can see his head.”
“Really?” Silas breaks rule number one and moves to look between my legs, his eyes widening the second he takes in the sight before him. “Holy shit! Chloe, how are you doing this?”
“Silas, get the fuck back up here!” I scream and then push again as the burning gets so intense that I feel like I’m about to pass out.
“The head is out. One more push, Chloe. You’ve got this!”
I nod, and then give every last ounce of energy I have into that last push…
Crying echoes in the room as I feel weight and pressure leave my body and Dr. Wilson lifts our baby up for us to see. “Congratulations, you two! It’s definitely a boy!”
