Rae nodded, and Dylan felt a twinge of jealousy. He’d never had anything like that, but she’d had it with Mike. Dylan wanted to share it with her.
“Since you know I have experienced it, you know why I’m not looking for a relationship. No man should have to compete with my memories of Mike,” Rae said. “It wouldn’t be fair to him.”
Dylan had wondered about that very thing, but hearing it verbalized made him shift uncomfortably in his seat.
“You’re getting ahead of yourself now,” Amelia said. “What we’re looking at is socializing, and I don’t mean going out with the girls from the office or coming to my house for Sunday dinner. Girlfriends are awesome, and we love doing things with them, but they aren’t men.”
“Duh,” Dylan said with a chuckle.
“Don’t you get cheeky with me, young man. You know what I mean. Spending time with members of the opposite sex is fun.”
“It is,” he agreed, glancing at Rae.
“But I have that with Dylan,” Rae said.
“Yes, you do,” Amelia said with a wink, “but you need to broaden your friend pool.”
“Thanks,” he said with a flat tone.
“The same goes for you.” Amelia pointed to their computers. “Now get busy answering all those questions.”
3
When Amelia had gone, and it was only the two of them typing away at their questionnaires, Dylan wanted to ask Rae how she felt about what they were getting involved in. It was fun watching how thoughtful her expression turned as she considered some of the questions, twisting a strand of her long brown hair around a finger.
“This is harder than my final exam,” he said. “It’s like they want me to reach deep inside for the answers. That’s not the kind of introspection I normally do.”
“Same here. When I was growing up, I was taught not to speak too highly of myself, or people would think I was conceited. It was like the ultimate bad thing. I don’t know if that’s why it’s so much easier to name my faults than my virtues. But if all I do is point those out, I’ll come across as a total loser.” Rae rubbed her temples.
“I’ve noticed you’re way too hard on yourself.” Dylan started to massage her tight neck muscles, wishing he didn’t have to pretend the intimacy wasn’t more than friendly.
“You always know exactly where the tension’s the worst.” She almost purred. “I don’t know if having such critical self-talk is just me or me being a girl.”
Dylan hadn’t really thought about it before, but then his mind went to Jayden’s mother.
“My sister’s like that,” he said. “After so many years of being belittled by our father, I’ve never been able to convince her she’s good enough.”
He’d often wondered how much their father’s constant disapproval had contributed to Nora’s addiction. She’d been in and out of rehab so much that at Christmas their wealthy father had refused to pay for it anymore. Now, Dylan didn’t know where she was. Nora hadn’t made any effort to see Jayden since January. The saddest part was the little dude rarely asked about her anymore.
“You’re quiet all of a sudden,” Rae said softly, and Dylan gave her neck muscles one more squeeze before dropping his hands.
“Just thinking of Nora.”
“I’m sorry,” Rae said. “I know you’re worried about her.”
“And Jayden. I’m afraid he’s going to forget her.”
“Then don’t let him.” She shifted in her seat to face him and covered his hand. Could she not feel the attraction thrumming where their skin touched?
“How?”
“Go through any photo albums you have. Don’t avoid talking to him about her. I mention Mike to the kids all the time.”
And didn’t Dylan know it too. It was the most ridiculous thing to be jealous of a dead man. Dylan would give anything to have Rae speak of him so lovingly.
“But what if it makes him miss her more?”
“Be honest that she’s trying to get well—no, don’t look like that. Do you really think deep down inside she doesn’t want to get better so she can be a mom to her boy again?”
“Maybe deep down inside, if the drugs haven’t killed it. The difference between Nora and Mike is she’s choosing to stay away. How do you explain that to a four-year-old?”
“I am sorry.” Rae rested her head on his arm. “But there is a chance she can beat this someday, and you want to have Jayden prepared in case it happens.”
“And what if she never does,” Dylan asked, wishing he dared to put his arm around her shoulders, “and he spends his entire childhood waiting for a mother whose addiction is always more powerful than her love for her son?”
“I wish I knew the perfect answer,” she said, “but I feel strongly that his memories of his mother should be positive.”
Dylan’s mind conjured a picture of his little dude at the window during their first weeks together, looking for the mother who never came. It was hard to stay positive when faced with the hurt and disappointment on Jayden’s face. But Rae’s words had truth in them that Dylan couldn’t deny. He had to find a balance between doing the very best for both his sister and her son.
“You’re right. I’ve let myself get discouraged. I’ll do better.”
“You’re doing fine. I haven’t met a finer man than you, Dylan.”
Rae straightened and met his gaze. She was so beautiful. Her rich brown eyes seemed to draw him in. He loved the way she smelled, a combination of her shampoo, the perfume she liked, and baking. Dylan’s gaze dropped to her lips as she licked them. The earlier thrumming of attraction surged through him, and he forgot himself. He leaned in with every intention of kissing that luscious mouth.
What if you ruin your friendship?
At the thought, Dylan shifted and kissed her cheek instead. “Thank you.” He pulled back and faced his laptop again. “That means a lot to me. It’s not like I had much experience with kids before Jayden came to live with me. You’ve helped a lot.” Forcing his hands not to shake at the near-miss, he started typing again.
Rae hesitated a moment before turning back to her own computer. Had she read his intent? She knew him really well, and he had a hard time hiding things from her. Had he wrecked it?
“How can they match people based on some of these questions?” she finally asked, sounding a little frustrated. “I’ve known plenty of guys who thought they were a gift to women.”
“And they weren’t.”
“Well, they sure weren’t for this woman. Of course, I’m not into middle-aged, balding men with pot bellies who think they’re all the rage.” A funny look crossed her face. “That wasn’t very nice. Just because I don’t find someone attractive doesn't mean no one else would.”
“What kind of men do you find attractive?” Dylan tried to keep his voice level like he was only casually interested.
You! I find you attractive, Dylan Rademaker. And I can’t!
Rae pressed her lips together to keep from crying out the words, her face going warm. For a second there, she’d been sure he was about to kiss her. The outrageous idea, instead of blowing her away like it should have, had sent an unexpected thrill through her.
How could a couple of seconds of looking into his eyes have flipped her world upside down? He’d been about to give her a friendly, brotherly peck, and she’d been ready to lay a big one on him.
She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. Since her disastrous birthday last year, he’d become the dearest of friends. She could talk with him about almost anything. Their lives had become intertwined in every way. At the moment, they were like a family without the complication of a romance.
Still, she couldn’t deny she’d wanted Dylan to kiss her. Amelia was right. Rae must be coming alive again, and poor Dylan had been in the wrong place when she’d felt the first stirrings. She wouldn’t risk what they had because she’d been tempted to kiss him. Even if he reciprocated those feelings, it wouldn’t work. Rae would not allow herself to get involved. Wit
h anyone.
“I think what I find attractive comes from inside,” Rae said, keeping her voice level, “and I can only see that by getting to know someone well. People are sometimes gorgeous on the outside but have no personalities at all. There was one guy in high school who was like that—really good looking, varsity quarterback, one of the popular kids. My best friend crushed on him, but she didn’t look like one of the cheerleaders. He never gave her a second glance. Instead, she became good friends with his sidekick.”
“That was kind of creepy,” Dylan said, pausing in his typing.
“Not really. She wasn’t trying to become the sidekick’s girlfriend so she could get close to the hottie.” When Dylan scowled, Rae gave a soft chuckle. “The quarterback really was handsome, but my friend said once she got to know him better she found out his looks were the only thing he had going for him. He got a zero in the personality department. The average-looking sidekick, however, oozed it.”
“So, you’re saying attractive people don’t have to develop good personalities because they can get by on their looks?”
“Well, it’d be grossly unfair to say that about all attractive people, so no, but I’ve known some people it fits. My grandmother used to tell me anyone can be attractive if they spend some time on their appearance and are clean. Of course, she also told me I looked unfinished.”
“Unfinished?” Dylan gave a gratifyingly insulted scowl. “You don’t look unfinished.”
“Thanks. She called me that during my awkward teenage years when I had acne and braces.”
“Oh, the gawky teenager.” He gave a soft chuckle. “I grew so fast one year that I was the king of clumsy because nothing was the same distance it’d been even a couple of months earlier. I was constantly misjudging things.”
“I did that when I was pregnant.” Rae considered his handsome face. “Amelia’s right about you. I’m surprised you don’t have a girlfriend.”
“I did until a year ago. I thought I’d told you about her. We broke up not long before I got Jayden. I was already getting him a lot, and she said I had to choose between him and her.” Dylan shrugged.
The back of Rae’s eyes burned. She wasn’t surprised at the choice he’d made. He was that kind of guy. The memory of her friend’s daughter came to mind. She’d found out the hard way that a “significant other” could mistreat children from a previous marriage. And sometimes kill them.
“You’re a good man,” Rae finally said.
“I try to be. All I have to do is the opposite of what my father would have done.” Dylan rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess no parent’s completely worthless. They can always serve as a bad example.”
“I’ve only met your dad once. He did come across as kind of cold, but I’ll bet he believes he’s doing what’s best. He could be worse.” She met Dylan’s gaze, thinking of her friend. “So much worse.”
“Maybe.” He heaved out a breath. “I remember the look on Nora’s face when he’d rant about her failings and what a disappointment she was. He’s such a drill sergeant, even now. In high school my curfew was ten. Ten. I was such a boy scout, always trying to win his approval. I did exactly what he wanted me to, no matter how unreasonable it was. And he still wouldn’t trust me, always assuming the worst. In the end, both Nora and I ended up rebelling.”
“Like you dropping out of college and going to work as a bug sprayer because he thought it beneath you?” Rae shifted in her chair again to face him. “Oppositional defiance, anyone?”
“You got me there.” Dylan gave a dark chuckle. “Bit off my nose to spite my face, as Amelia would say, didn’t I? Not that I’m sorry. Sure, it’s harder now to go to school than it would have been when I didn’t have Jayden, but when my father was paying the tuition, I had to study what he wanted.” He glanced at her, doubt flashing across his face. “You don’t think I should have studied law like he was demanding, do you?”
“Not if you didn’t want to be a lawyer which you’ve said before you didn’t. What were you like in high school? Were you one of the hot guys?”
“Hot guys? Right. We had the right address to run with the popular kids, but I never liked them. Their games reminded me too much of the ones my father played.”
“And if your curfew was ten, you weren’t a partier.”
“Definitely not. At least not until I moved out.” He went quiet, his expression taking on the worry she saw whenever he spoke of his sister.
“What?” Rae asked.
“I did a lot of stupid stuff the first six months I was on my own. After what happened to Nora, I’ve wondered why I didn’t end up like her. Why did she get hooked and I didn’t?”
“From what I’ve read, addiction’s a complicated thing. It’s not always just physical. I’m glad you came to your senses before it trapped you too. Where would Jayden be without you?”
Where would she have been without Dylan?
“What about you?” he asked.
“Me? I was kind of a nerd and ran with the brainiacs. I didn’t even go to prom.” Her cheeks went hot.
“I didn’t go either—because of my stupid curfew.” He was watching her with such an intense gaze. “Why does that bother you?”
“Because it’s kind of a rite of passage I didn’t get to experience. I didn’t fit the mold and so much of my self-esteem was tied to fitting in. Which I didn’t.”
“It shouldn’t be tied.”
“I know that now, but back then it was proof to me I wasn’t attractive which meant I wasn’t good enough.”
“You don’t feel that way now, do you?” Dylan leaned forward, forcing her to meet his gaze, like he thought she’d lie to him. He seemed oddly intense tonight.
“No,” Rae said. “Mike helped me with that.”
“I’m guessing you didn’t know him in high school then.”
“We met in college. I didn’t really know what I wanted to study anyway, so when we got married, I quit school and worked while Mike finished his degree.”
“Are you sorry you dropped out?”
“Not really, especially now it’s only me and the kids. Mike left us in a good place financially. I’m not rich, but with the children’s survivor’s benefits, I could probably afford to work part-time and go back to school. But my job is great, and the people I work with are like family. I have good benefits, and most days I’m not under a lot of pressure. When I come home after work, I’m not completely drained with nothing left to give my children. If I went to school, I could get a better paying job, but I’d also have a lot more responsibility. There’s a reason people get paid big bucks.” Rae faced her laptop again. “I can go back to school when they’re older. It’s kind of funny because Amelia’s giving me a hard time about tying my identity with my kids. I can't win.”
“You don't have to do this eRapport thing if you don’t want to.”
“I know, but it’ll probably be good for me to step outside of my comfort zone.” Rae nudged his shoulder with hers. “And I’ll have good company. I might have backed out of it if you hadn’t agreed to do it too.”
Dylan yawned.
“This went way later than I expected,” Rae said. “Leave Jayden here for the night.”
“I appreciate it,” Dylan said. “If I try to wake one, both of the Littles will be up.”
He closed his laptop, debating if he should drop the bomb tonight. It was getting late. Was it too late?
“What’s bothering you?” Rae asked. “I can tell something is, and I’ll bet it had something to do with your little meeting this afternoon with Mr. G.”
She knew him so well now. Dylan let out a breath and met her gaze.
“He’s had an offer to sell, and his wife wants him to take it.”
Rae’s complexion blanched; she understood the implications too.
“My thoughts exactly.” Dylan dropped his gaze to his clenched fists and chose his words carefully. “He told me about another option.”
“Something that involves you?�
� She blinked. “Does he want you to take over?”
“Sort of. He wants me to buy the company from him.” Saying the words aloud made all Dylan’s earlier doubts come back full force.
“Have you got a fortune you’ve never told me about?” Rae asked with a disbelieving snort.
“Just that trust my father’s made clear he won’t release early, but it wouldn’t be enough to buy a company like GPC anyway.” Dylan told her what their boss had said.
“I love the idea of keeping our independence, and I think you’d do great running the show, but you’d have to finance it. So, again I ask how someone in your situation could qualify for the funding.” Rae shook her head.
With her statement, the myriad of thoughts that had been rolling through his mind seemed to coalesce into one. “Mr. G. said there were ways to work around that. I think the real question is if I’m willing to do it.”
“Maybe you’re right.” Rae’s expression turned contemplative. “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”
Dylan shook his head. “There’s a big difference between going back to school to be a supervisor . . . and being the manager.” He grimaced. “The owner.”
“It might be happening sooner than you planned, but it’s not all that alien an idea, is it?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” He rubbed his face, weary. There were so many more things pulling at him now. He had the care of Jayden and was as involved with Beth and Preston as if they were Dylan’s responsibility too. And trying to help Rae.
“I’ve never made good decisions when it’s late, and I’m tired. You must be exhausted,” Rae said, rising. “Mr. G. told you to think about it. I’d suggest you take some time to do that. Weigh the pros and the cons. I’m sure he’s expecting you to have more questions.”
The Forever Gift Page 3
