"You're my special, hell girl. The only one. And I don't know if that's how normal people feel love..." I stop him, pressing my finger against his lips.
"It is," I whisper, "because you're my special too," I say and watch in wonder how his expression changes right before my eyes. A face ravaged by pain suddenly becomes steeped in joy, his mouth pulling up in the most gorgeous smile I've ever seen.
"I love you, Sisi," he repeats, and those words alone have a way to move me beyond belief.
"I love you too, Vlad," I say the words back, moving closer to him and wrapping my arms around him, soaking in the feeling of finally being whole.
Because he completes me in an indescribable way.
"So much," his voice caresses my senses as he holds on to me.
And I do feel it.
I do feel his love, and retrospectively, I can see it in his every action.
He just didn't know it was love.
"Please forgive me," he whispers against my hair.
My hands tighten in his shirt as tears rack my body.
"I'll do better. I promise you I'll never hurt you again," he continues, slowly rocking with me, his arms tight around my waist, his face in the crook of my neck.
"Ok," I find myself saying. In spite of my rebelling mind, in spite of my entire history, I find myself giving in.
"I forgive you," I whisper, knowing the words to be true the moment I utter them.
I may have lost myself that night, but his words of love served as a beacon to bring me back to myself.
And because I do feel his love, in every conflicting action and in every misspoken word, I know I can never let go of him again.
"I'm entrusting you with my heart. Please don't crush it again," I tell him.
I don't know if it's the right decision. In fact, I'm not sure of anything else but the fact that I love him. And maybe for once I should let myself be led by my heart, not my mind.
We stay in silence like that, just holding on to one another.
"I'm sorry about the baby," he eventually speaks, and I feel a pang in my chest. "Even if it wasn't mine," he continues, and I feel his heavy breath on my neck. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."
I sniffle a sob, leaning back to look at him.
God, he really means it!
"It was yours," I admit, suddenly ashamed of my lie. "Nothing ever happened with Raf. I lied. I wanted to hurt you somehow..." I trail off.
But the look in his eyes has me blinking my tears away, a lightness appearing on his face, his shoulders sagging in relief.
"Sisi," he groans, his hands cupping my face. "You did hurt me," he says quietly, "I don't think I've ever known greater torment than imagining you with someone else. Pregnant with someone else," closing his eyes, he sighs, as if a weight has been lifted off his chest.
"Never?" He asks again and I shake my head. He brings my face to his, peppering me with kisses. "You have no idea what that means to me," he says between kisses, "you're mine... only mine..."
"I am," I admit, "you're the only man I've ever kissed, the only one I've ever touched, and you will be the only one I'll ever give myself to. You have my word. How could I even think of someone else when all I see is you? When my heart is so full of you? Even when I hated you I loved you," I confess.
And even when I hated him I could recognize that no one would be able to replace him.
"Sisi..."
"There's no me without you either," I nuzzle my face against his chest, realizing I've never spoken truer words. "No Sisi without Vlad." There's nothing logical about us, nothing remotely explicable about the way I feel about him. I just do. Even now, I feel him deep inside of me, his presence soothing me and calming my clamoring soul.
"And no Vlad without Sisi," he completes the sentence, laying his forehead on top of mine. "I'm yours. Wholly yours too, Sisi. I would never even look at a woman that's not you, let alone touch. You're the only one in the world for me," he rasps, and relief floods my senses.
I'd never even let my thoughts wander there, because I knew that the thought of him with someone else would drive me crazy. But hearing his confirmation does wonders to my mood.
We stare into each other's eyes, and I feel a peace settle over me.
"I'm sorry about the baby," he gives me a pained expression. "If you want, I'll give you ten. No, a hundred babies. Everything to make you happy, Sisi. Everything," he says with such staunch conviction that I can't help cry even more.
"For now you're enough," I whisper, touched by his words, but unsure if I'm ready to go through another heartache again.
He nods, a small smile on his face as one finger traces my scars. His mouth quickly follows as he kisses his way across my entire body, covering each scar.
He lays me on the floor, spread for him, a look of pure adoration on his face as his eyes survey me.
"You're perfect, Sisi. And I love every scar of yours," he murmurs, lowering his head to trace the cross scar with his tongue. "They made you into who you are," he continues, speaking against my skin and making me shiver—the combination of his wet tongue and his warm breath fogging my senses. "And that makes them beautiful."
I press my hand to his cheek, taking in his heat, somewhat unable to believe any of this is real.
"Please don't hurt me again," I whisper, some residual fear still in the back of my mind.
"I'd rather die than cause you pain again, Sisi," he effortlessly gathers me in his arms, taking me to the bed. "I'll spend my entire life making up to you for everything I did," he whispers, his breath fanning on my face.
His lips take mine in the sweetest kiss, and I can taste his desperation behind it, the way he's putting everything he has in this one kiss.
"Stay with me," he says, his arms tightening around my body. "Stay with me tonight."
I still for a moment, the pain from before still fresh in my mind.
"We don't have to do anything. I just want to hold you. Please, Sisi," he pleads, and I find myself nodding.
"I'm scared to..." I trail off, trying to find the proper words.
"I know," he replies. "and I can't blame you. I'm sorry," he apologizes again, and I don't think he's ever said sorry to someone before—let alone this many times.
"We'll move past it," I lightly caress his face. "Slowly."
"I'll go as slow and I'll be as gentle as you want me to, Sisi. I just need to know you're by my side. The rest doesn't matter."
He holds me close to his body, spooning me from behind as I tell him everything that happened in the past few months, as well as why I'd agreed to marry Raf. I can feel the tension in his body every time I mention his name, so I want to make it clear that Raf's never been anything but a good friend.
"I don't know what I would have done if you'd actually slept with him," he suddenly says, his voice somber. "Killed him? Hunted down his entire family and killed all his living relatives? Given you a lobotomy..." he trails off and an amused smile creeps on my face.
"You'd have given me a lobotomy?" I shift, turning so I can face him.
And he's definitely not joking.
"So that you'd forget ever being with him. So that I'm the only one for you. Ever," he continues, still as serious as before.
"Oh, Vlad," a small smile tugs at my lips while his expression remains stoic.
"I'm serious," he pouts, and I'm suddenly reminded how cute he can get in spite of his psychotic tendencies. But that's what I love about him. That duality and the fact that I know he's only cute with me.
I'm his one exception, just like he is mine.
"I love you," I whisper, laying my head on his chest, my entire being infused with happiness when he says the words back.
And I sleep peacefully for the first time in months.
Chapter Twenty-Five
"Mmm..." I bring her closer to me, my face in the crook of her neck. "Can we stay like this forever?" I ask sleepily, worried that once I open my eyes reality will come crashing down and everything w
ill have been a dream.
The mere fact that she's next to me and letting me touch her is more than I could have ever hoped.
Hell, when she'd told me about her time at Sacre Coeur, I could only listen, mentally making a list of all the people I need to dispatch—and painfully, too.
To think of Sisi, my brave and beautiful Sisi, being put through so much suffering kills me. And I intend to make sure those people get what they deserve—a very drawn out death at the end of my knife.
I still can't believe what a lucky bastard I am, and that she'd actually forgiven me, even regaling me with those words again—love.
Shit! I'm so fucked.
Now that I heard her say the words, I'm never going to get tired of hearing them.
Even now, looking at her sleepy form, with the way her lips twitch, the corners lifting slightly, I get this insane urge to smother her with kisses.
Is this what love feels like?
Because I think I like it. No, scratch that, I fucking love it. And her. Always her.
I fucking love her.
Fucking Hades in the ninth circle of hell but I'm in trouble. This time, though, it's the good kind.
Our conversation last night had given me a better glimpse into what makes Sisi into the magnificent woman she is—perseverance. Against all odds, she survived.
And I was the one who found her.
Now I'm going to keep her for the rest of my life and I'll do my very best to make her the happiest.
A little too happy at the prospect, I keep tightening my arms around her, wanting to never let go. To always have her near.
Maybe I should cuff her to me.
The moment the thought comes to mind, I still, my eyes slowly opening as I realize what a great idea it is. That way, I don't have to ever spend a moment without her.
"What's going through that mind of yours?" her voice brings me back to reality, and I look down to see her gorgeous eyes sparkling with mischief as she watches me closely.
"That I'd like to cuff you to my side," I tell her seriously. "That way I don't have to miss you ever again."
"Not a bad idea," she whispers, leaning into me. She's wearing only a bra and her underwear but suddenly that's all my mind can process—and my cock.
Damn, I need to get myself under control.
I know she's not ready for anything physical, likely she won't be for a very long time. And I don't want her to think I'll pressure her in any way.
We're going at her pace, even if it kills me.
"I can't remember the last time I slept this well," she brings the back of her fingers to my cheek, slowly trailing them down, "or was this happy."
I capture her hand, bringing it to my lips.
"Me too, hell girl. Me too. And because of that, I don't want to leave this bed," I smile, tugging her into me and cuddling her.
Her small size makes her fit right at home in my arms, and I listen to her small sounds, the way she seems to purr as I bring my hands down her arms in a light caress.
"Then let's not. We can always watch a movie in bed," she suggests and I quickly agree.
Anything to keep her close. The more time I spend by her side, the more I'll realize that it's not a dream and that she's actually mine.
We end up spending the entire day in bed, alternating between watching movies and pillow fighting, all of them ending with us in rather compromising positions that have my cock dying for relief.
Like now.
I stare into her eyes, her legs spread to accommodate my pelvis, my hands hovering above her head as I hold a pillow. We're both breathing harshly, and I don't know if it's from the exertion or the titivating contact.
Does she know how hard I am?
Her eyes slip lower, to the tent in my pants, and a blush creeps up her neck. I'm so fucking stunned by her beauty, that I just still, my pillow dropping from my hands, my eyes fixed on the pretty red on her cheeks, or the way she pulls at her lower lip, biting it in an entirely innocuous way, yet that alone has the blood all rushing down to my cock.
She raises an eyebrow at me, but she doesn't waste any time in switching our positions until she's the one above me, her pillow aimed at my head.
Giving me a sly smile, she brings it down over my head, some feathers flying out of the pillowcase and causing her to giggle.
"I win," she whispers, only now realizing that although she's won this, her position means that she's sitting right on top of my dick.
"I can't help it, hell girl. You have that effect on me," I smirk at her.
She keeps playing with her lip, her teeth nibbling at it as if she isn't quite sure what to do next.
Moving slightly off me, she keeps her eyes on me.
"Why don't you do something about it?" she asks, and I see the way her pupils expand, her chest rising and falling with every labored breath.
She's as turned on as I am.
But I know we can't do anything just yet.
"What do you want me to do, hell girl? I'm all yours," I tell her. Maybe it will help if she regains some type of control over this. I know the last incident scarred her, both mentally and physically, and I'll probably regret what I did to her for as long as I live. And because of that, I'm willing to do whatever it takes until she's comfortable with me again. I'll go as slow as she wants me to, even when my instincts demand that I fuck her into oblivion.
I need to get a grip on myself!
"I want to watch you," she says breathlessly, her eyes lingering over my erection. "No touching. Just watching."
She doesn't have to tell me twice as I pull down on my pants, my cock springing free and slapping against my abdomen.
"I forgot how big you were," she whispers, her expression changing to one of apprehension.
I feel a pang in my chest, the thought of hurting her physically hurting me.
"It's only for your pleasure, hell girl. Never pain," I assure her, "unless you ask for it," I smirk at her, using my hand to grip the base of my cock, my fist tightening over my shaft.
Her mouth opens slightly as she watches me work my length up and down, her eyes following my every move.
Slowly, she removes her top, bringing her voluptuous tits into full view, her nipples tight and straining in the air.
I let out a groan at the sight, pre-cum generously oozing from the tip. I swipe my thumb over the head, using the moisture to coat my entire shaft.
"Fuck, hell girl, you're temptation personified," I rasp, watching her bring her hands up to play with her nipples.
"Did you touch yourself while I was gone?" I ask, the image already forming in my mind and making me even harder.
She blushes, slowly nodding.
"And what did you think of while you were petting your little clit?" I ask, tightening my grip at the same time as I hear her small gasp, her spine arching and thrusting her tits in the air.
"You," she says, her voice barely above a whisper. A flush spreads up her chest and to her cheeks, her tongue peeking out to lick her lips in between small whimpers.
"What was I doing?" I continue to probe, her little mews doing wonders to my cock, the bastard preening at the sounds, my balls almost drawn up in pain from being too full of cum. I have no idea what spell she's cast on me, the way my body reacts only to her, but I'm not complaining.
She fucking owns me!
"Fucking me," her eyes flutter closed, "fucking me like an animal," she continues, her voice becoming increasingly higher pitched and breathy. "Chasing me and taking me on all fours... like a beast," she says on a strangled moan and I can barely stave off my climax. It seems that for all her fear about the pain, there's also a secret thrill in being chased and subdued. My dirty nun might be naughtier than I'd expected.
We might indulge in those fantasies in the future.
"Take off your panties," I issue the command without even thinking. "Let me see that pretty pussy," I say on a gruff voice.
She doesn't even hesitate, the minx. She slips her panties do
wn her legs, positioning herself right in front of me before slowly opening her legs and letting me see the wonder nestled between.
She's wet and slick and glistening with need, and I'd like nothing better than dive in, taste her with my tongue and have her come all over my face.
But not now.
"Slide your fingers down your tight little pussy," I order her, all the while continuing to work my cock, imagining my hand is her pussy, gripping me tightly and sucking the fucking life out of me.
Oh, but I'd gladly die.
She does as instructed, two fingers descending between her pussy lips. They are almost immediately coated in her arousal and she uses it to smear it around, making me jealous of a goddamn finger.
"Whose pussy is that, hell girl?" I demand, wanting her words.
"Yours, only yours," she cries out, eyes closed, her fingers circling her clit.
My own movements gain speed as I can practically smell her arousal from where I'm sitting, the scent intoxicating and so fucking delicious I'm one second away from jumping on her, ready to lap at her juices.
"Are you imagining it's me touching you?" I continue to ask, enjoying the way her cheeks flush, her mouth opening and closing with each stroke of her clit.
"Yes," she whimpers, "I'm imagining it's my god touching me," she says, the words taking me by surprise and making my balls contract, my orgasm imminent.
"Fuck me, hell girl," I groan. "How can I last when you say things like that?"
I squeeze my cock, my eyes almost rolling in the back of my head at the sensation.
"My not so saintly little nun likes to play dirty," I drawl, watching her own movements quicken, her mouth parted, her breath coming in spurts.
"Come for me, Sisi, let me see that pussy come for her god," I command her, and it doesn't take long before she's moaning my name, her legs quivering as she rides her climax, her pussy gushing out juices and drenching her fingers.
Fuck!
Her eyes snap open, her glazed pupils taking in my engorged cock and the way I'm pumping it like a mad man, the sight of her only fueling my own pleasure.
"Come on me," she says, moving on all fours and slowly coming towards me until her face is at eye level with my cock. "Come all over me," she repeats, and it's enough to make me bust, cum shooting out of my dick and all over her face.
Morally Ambiguous: A Dark Mafia Romance (Morally Questionable Book 4) Page 47
