His father drummed his fingers on the table as Cam sat. His mother shifted her eyes away, unable to look at him after seeing his stump.
Fine. He bit into his pop tart. His father scowled.
“Cameron, you shouldn’t eat such things if you’re going to train.”
Cam almost choked on his food. He swallowed. “Excuse me? Train?” He did realize what had happened to him, right? Even the coaches at the center couldn’t get him to a point where he’d had any hope of succeeding. That was why they sent him home after so long.
His father sighed as if the answer was obvious. “Coach Jasper told me you’ve been running on the school track. I don’t know why you didn’t tell me.”
One time. He’d been to the track once, and word reached his father. “Unbelievable.” He tried to push back from the table, but his father gripped the back of his chair.
“You will stay until we’re finished.”
Cam shook his head but didn’t try to leave again. Allen Tucker never backed down until he got his way. At least, not anymore. He’d once been like Cam, an Olympic hopeful with big dreams. Cam’s dreams had been crushed through no fault of his own, but his father lost his chance by making the wrong choices. The name Allen Tucker became synonymous with performance-enhancing drugs. He’d spent every moment since then trying to get back to the show. For a while, Cam was his ticket.
His father was quiet for a moment before uttering one word. “Paralympics.”
Cam sat back, the full force of the word striking him in the chest. His father had always claimed the Paralympics weren’t a real competition. He’d been wrong. Those men and women earned every one of their medals. They were the strongest athletes in the world.
But Cam’s father was an asshole.
Cam considered his next words carefully. “I’ve tried this, Dad. For eighteen months, you sent me across the country to a training facility. It. Did. Not. Help.”
Cam’s mother placed a hand on his arm. “We didn’t send you, dear. You needed time to recover away from this place. You chose to go.”
This was too much. If they believed that, they were delusional. His parents paid a lot of money for him to spend so long there. His father pulled in favors to keep him there after he refused to train for months on end.
He’d even sent a threatening letter to Cam when he heard Cam wouldn’t run once his rehab was complete. That was when the psychologist visits began. Eventually, he’d started running again. But he’d refused to change his prosthetic once he’d gotten used to it. He hadn’t cared that others would allow him to increase his speed.
“We need to get you blades.” His father’s voice cut through his self-pitying inner argument.
He snapped his head up, meeting the stern eyes of his father, his coach. “No.”
His father rose from his chair, towering over the table. “What do you mean, no?”
Cam stood to face him. “I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m done competing.”
“I didn’t raise a quitter, boy!” Red veins snaked up his father’s neck.
“No, you raised a machine and then threw me away when I broke. Let me ask you something, Dad. I’ve been training to make it to the Olympics for years. Have you ever once wondered if I wanted to do it? Did you even consider that a teenage boy might not want to wake up at five AM every morning? He might want to be able to keep friends without feeling like it was only a distraction?” He glanced from his father to his open-mouthed mother. “That he might have wanted to recover from the worst night of his life surrounded by his family instead of a bunch of therapists at some unfamiliar clinical rehab facility.”
Cam stepped back from the table. “When I left here, I’d lost everything, but I was still me. Still Cam. Do you want to know what eighteen months of pain and strangers and abandonment did to me? Just look. Do you see your son standing before you.” He turned his back on them, shaking his head. “I didn’t think so.”
He climbed the stairs to his room and stuffed a pair of sweats and a T-shirt in a duffle before sliding in Peyton’s box. He couldn’t be in his house for a moment longer. At least tonight.
After he grabbed his keys and opened the front door, he froze. A man stood on the doorstep, lifting his hand to knock. Cam scanned his ill-fitting suit and too-charming grin.
“Cameron Tucker.” He stuck out his hand.
Cam only glared at it. This was just perfect. He could spot a reporter anywhere.
The man dropped his hand, seemingly unfazed. “I’m here to talk to you about your return to the Olympic chatter.”
Cam glanced back over his shoulder to where his father now stood in the entryway. “Talk to him.”
He pushed past him and hurried to his car before anyone could stop him. Tossing his bag in the back seat, he climbed in.
He needed to see the one person who’d understand. The one person he’d pushed away.
You’re a coward.
He had been. He’d given everything he could to his father. He’d let him try to live his dreams through his son. Cam didn’t know what lay in his future, but he couldn’t go back to training. Not yet. Not when there were other pieces of himself he had to find first.
Above all, you love to run.
And training stole that love. He wanted it back.
A few minutes later, he pulled up in front of the house that had felt more like home than his own. Peyton might be mad at him, hurt, but she’d never turn him away. Not when he needed her.
He breathed deeply and opened the door. The front lawn leading up to the large red-brick house was manicured to perfection. Flowering bushes sat along the front underneath large bay windows. He forced himself to keep walking despite the nerves in his stomach.
His fingers gripped the cold bronze knocker. Before he could stop himself, he knocked it against the door three times.
At first, no one came. He was about to turn around in defeat when the door swung open and Cooper’s face greeted him.
His breath came out in short pants until his mind cleared. Not Cooper. Julian.
Julian’s eyes held the only bit of emotion he showed. Shock. Did he want Cam to leave? He probably did.
An image of Julian on the hood of the car, crowbar in hand, knocked the air from Cam’s lungs. He shook his head and met the other boy’s eyes. As he peered closer, he could see little changes. His face had lost any bit of softness he’d once had. Dark stubble coated his jaw.
But it was the way he held himself that spoke of everything they’d been through. Julian had always had a carefree grace about him. Both twins had. Now, his posture was stiff, almost as if he considered each movement before making it.
“Cam,” he finally said, his voice gruff as if he’d only just woken up.
“Julian.”
They stared at each other a moment longer before Julian finally sighed. “What are you doing here?”
That was a good question. Suddenly, Cam didn’t know anymore. He hadn’t been friends with Julian since they were kids, but they’d spent a considerable amount of time together with Peyton and Coop. Yet, seeing Julian felt like looking at himself. The same grief he’d been carrying reflected back at him.
No one else knew what it had felt like to be in that car. No one except Cam and Julian. Avery didn’t remember. Cooper was gone.
Cam rubbed the back of his neck. “I…uh…”
“Cameron?” Mrs. Callahan appeared behind Julian and slapped him on the back of the head. “Why didn’t you invite him in?” She turned her kind eyes on Cam. The kind of look Peyton always hated because she felt her mother approved of Cam more than she did her own daughter.
“Cam, honey.” She smiled. “Why don’t you come in? Peyton is in the shower, but you’re welcome to wait for her.” She pushed Julian out of the way. “We’ve missed you around here.”
He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t cross that threshold while she stared at him expectantly. He took a step back.
“Mom,” Julian grumbled. “Leave him a
lone.”
Mrs. Callahan frowned. “Julian, weren’t you practicing your guitar?”
He took the hint and threw his hands up in surrender before walking away.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Callahan.” Cam stumbled back. “This was a mistake.” He turned, mumbling to himself. “Everything was a mistake.”
She watched him get into his car, and she was still there when he drove away.
Cam slammed the door of his car and walked toward the hill that sloped down to the falls. He clutched Peyton’s box under one arm as he tried to descend to where the rushing water crashed against the rocks. He’d been to the river since returning to Twin Rivers, but he’d avoided Defiance Falls.
But no matter how far away he stayed, it never left his mind. In the distance, the bridge shone in the sun. Concrete pylons rose up to embrace the busy road as it meandered over the water.
He averted his eyes, choosing instead to focus on his footing. He’d grown used to the prosthetic over the months, but some skills were still a struggle. Going downhill, for one.
His toe hit the grass, sending him pitching forward. The box crashed to the ground, but someone gripped his arm before he could follow it.
He released a breath and steadied himself before glancing down to make sure his leg was still covered. Satisfied, he finally glanced at the person who’d save him from tumbling down to the path at the bottom of the hill.
Nari released him with a smile, her eyes crinkling behind the thick frames of her glasses. “Hey.” She stuck her hands in the pockets of her jean shorts and kicked her toe against the ground.
Cam hadn’t expected company at the falls, but only a cold-hearted person could turn Nari away. As shy as she was, she was still one of the nicest girls in their school.
When he didn’t respond, she raised an eyebrow and bent to pick up the box he’d dropped. “Are these the notes Peyton gave you that night?” No one who’d been there needed to ask which night she was referring to.
Some of the notes had spilled on the ground. One lifted into the air as the breeze struck it. Nari jumped forward and snatched it before it blew away. She stared at the note and then jerked her hand toward him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have read that.”
Cam hesitated before taking the note. It wasn’t until his eyes fell to the words that he knew which of Peyton’s envelopes it had come from.
I know you better than they do.
It was a “me” note with an arrow at the bottom. He flipped the slip of paper over.
I know you’re better than they think you are. You’re my best friend, Cameron Tucker.
She was wrong. He wasn’t any different from his parents. They’d abandoned him after the accident by sending him away. He’d abandoned Peyton by leaving without a word.
He opened the box and stuck the note inside before slamming the lid and tossing it onto the grass. She’d given him the present when she thought her words would help him through everything. When she knew him better than anyone else.
He brushed the hair from his eyes and focused on the churning falls. It was strange how the worst day of his life happened right there, yet he felt a kinship to the thrashing water. It never calmed, never settled. It was as if it took hold of him that night and continued to rage inside him.
Nari stood silently next to him. Cam could have forgotten she was even there if he didn’t crave company so much. Her presence was a welcome distraction. For all the time he’d spent alone over the past year, he’d never felt the crushing weight of loneliness. Not until returning to Twin Rivers. Not until he tried to step back into his old life only to feel his own absence. Like he was a shadow, desperately trying to grasp onto something, anything familiar, before fading away.
Cam descended the rest of the way down the hill to where the walking path meandered by the falls, sloping up toward where the two rivers converged on the north side of the bridge.
A rail divided the walking paths from the flowing water. That hadn’t been there before. Neither had the warning signs marking the edge of the water.
As if reading his thoughts, Nari spoke. “They put those up after the accident.”
“But this isn’t where the accident took place.” He lifted his eyes in the direction of the bridge though he couldn’t see it from where he stood.
“There’s a sign on the bridge too, but they put more up when there’s ice.”
Cam nodded. Ice. Right. Because the bridge wasn’t a dangerous part of the road, not normally. The road leading to it curved and wound down alongside the river, but the speed slowed as you reached the crossing. That night, the bridge became deadly, but it wasn’t through any fault other than the boys in that car.
Cam released a breath and sat on the bench near the rail, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees.
Nari set the box aside for a second time and took a seat beside him.
“How did you know I’d be here?” Cam asked.
Nari pulled her long ebony hair over one shoulder and tucked her hands under her thighs. “I didn’t.” She chewed on her lip for a moment of hesitation. “I was pulling up to Peyton’s as you were leaving, so I followed you.”
Cam lifted a brow and peered sideways at her. “Why?”
“Why?” Confusion flickered across her face.
“Yeah, why? You seem to be the only person in this Godforsaken town who doesn’t stare at me every time I’m near.”
“Maybe I just don’t find you all that pleasant to look at.” She pressed her lips together to suppress a smile.
Cam shook his head, the beginnings of a genuine smile tilting his lips. He’d almost forgotten what that felt like. “You talk to me as if nothing has changed. I don’t understand. It seems like everyone else wishes I’d just stayed gone so I didn’t have to come home and remind them of what happened.”
Nari’s smile fell. “If by everyone you mean Peyton, you have to cut her some slack. You’re not the only one who suddenly returned. Julian is back, and believe me, if you think you have issues in this town, you don’t know the half of it. You’ll eventually move on, eventually get over the accident. But Julian… He has to see Cooper every time he looks in the mirror. Peyton has to see him every time she’s near Julian. And their parents…” She shook her head. “It’s been eighteen months, Cam, but this town still hurts.”
Cam rubbed the metal of his leg through his pants. Nari didn’t know that he too had a constant reminder.
Nari sighed. “Pey was doing okay. Sort of. None of this has been easy for her.” She poked his side. “And you coming back only made it harder.”
He rubbed a hand over his face. “I know. But I just can’t…” He shook his head.
Nari was quiet for a moment. “Why aren’t you running?”
He shrugged, but Nari didn’t let that be enough.
“Everyone thought you were back to take the track team to state one final time before joining the Olympic team. Or at least trying to make it. You’ve spent the last eighteen months training, haven’t you? Why stop now?”
Cam lifted his head to look at her. “Nari, just say what I know you truly want to say.” Nari didn’t know the entire truth, but she knew more than anyone else. She’d sent Cam letters every month. He didn’t know how she’d pried the address out of his mom, and he’d hated receiving anything from home. At first. But she spoke mostly of Peyton, and it helped him get through everything.
But, it meant she knew the kind of facility he’d been in. Training, yes, but also rehabilitation. And the look she gave him said she knew more than she’d let on.
He rubbed the back of his neck and let his eyes drift to the water again. “You know.”
She nodded. “I haven’t told anyone if that’s what you’re worried about.” Her words came rapidly. “Peyton was having a really hard time, so I wanted to figure out when you were coming home. I went to your house and found your mother…drunk.”
Cam snapped his eyes to hers. “My mother doesn’t get drunk.” She’d
always been so careful with her image, saying letting alcohol control one’s actions was sloppy and undignified.
Nari shrugged. “She missed you.”
He shook his head. Another thing that didn’t sound like his mother. “When was this?”
“A few months after the accident. She answered the door, and I knew something was off right away. Your father wasn’t home. I called Peyton, and she came. We got your mom to bed and then stayed to make sure she was okay. Peyton stayed the entire night, but as I was leaving, I found something on the table by the door. It had tears soaked into the page, and I wanted to see what it was that could make a woman like your mom break down.”
She brought her hands into her lap and wrung them together. “My mother always tells me I’m too nosy for my own good.” She laughed nervously. “But it had your name on it. I just wanted to help your mom and help Peyton.”
“Nari.” Cam clenched the edges of the bench. “Spit it out.”
“It was a progress report from a physical therapist. That’s how I got the center’s address. They detailed how you were doing with your…prosthetic.”
Cam closed his eyes, waiting for the feeling of shame to go away. A pressure on his hand made him opened his eyes.
He didn’t know what he expected to see in Nari. Pity? Was that why she was the only person who accepted him back into her life? The only one who didn’t make him work for it?
“I think you should tell her.”
It took a moment for Nari’s words to register in his mind. He stood and turned away to pace toward the rail. “Why didn’t you?”
“Because it would hurt her to hear it from anyone other than you.”
Cam turned. “Hurt her? I’m missing a leg, Nari. How does that hurt her?”
Nari stood, uncharacteristic anger rising in her eyes. “So what?”
He clenched his jaw. “I think you should go.”
She crossed her arms. “Peyton is my friend. I won’t leave until I’ve said what needs to be said.”
“And what exactly is that?”
The F Word (Redefining Me #1) Page 6
