The F Word (Redefining Me #1)

by Michelle MacQueen

  “Then let’s go mingle.” Cam pulled her toward the crowd. “I believe you have some adoring fans who want to talk to you.” He gestured at a group of girls waiting nearby. “I’m right here with you, Pey, but this is your moment.”

  Peyton squeezed his hand as they approached the fringes of the crowd forming backstage.

  “Peyton!” One of the girls stepped forward with a shy smile. “We love your app.” She looked back at her friends. “And we were wondering if you have plans to make it available to other schools?”

  “That is definitely a priority,” Peyton said. “But it might be a while before we get there.”

  “We’re big fans. It’s so great to see girls creating a real presence in the STEM studies world. My friends started a Girls Who Code group at our school, but we’re just sophomores. I hope by the time we’re seniors we’ll kick ass like you.”

  “You guys are amazing, working together as a group. Keep up the good work, and I’m sure we’ll see you all here in a few years.”

  “Great meeting you!” The girls scrambled away giggling at Cam as they passed by.

  “That was so cool.” Peyton grinned. “I have fans. Who knew?”

  “Looks like you have a lot more waiting to get your attention.” He held her hand as they walked farther into the crowd.

  “They’re all looking at me.” Peyton suddenly wanted to be anywhere but in this room.

  “You’ve got this, Pey. I’m right behind you.” Cam gave her a little shove.

  “Ms. Callahan, Mike Reynolds.” A tall man in a suit reached to shake her hand. “Impressive presentation today. I’m here from Georgia Tech.” He pressed his card into her hand. “Have your parents call me, we’d love to show you around campus and talk about that scholarship you’re going to win.”

  “Thanks.” Peyton pocketed the card as the next college rep swooped in behind Mr. Reynolds. Pretty soon, well-wishers surrounded her and Cam, and Peyton had a fistful of business cards.

  “This is unbelievable.” Peyton floated on cloud nine as they continued to walk through the crowd.

  “Ms. Callahan.” Peyton turned to find a familiar face.

  “Mrs. Stevens!” Peyton flung her arms around her principal. “I’m so glad you made it.”

  “I wouldn’t miss this for anything. Here, I want you to meet Mrs. Milburn, she’s from the state board of education.”

  “Hi,” Peyton said shyly, shaking the woman’s hand.

  “Lovely to meet you, Peyton. And your boyfriend too. Cam, right?” She smiled.

  “Yes, ma’am.” Peyton’s breath stuck in her throat. That was the first time anyone called Cam her boyfriend.

  That’s right, Cam’s my boyfriend!

  “The state board of education would like to talk to you and your parents about getting No Body Shame into every high school and junior high school in the state.”

  “Wow,” Peyton stuttered. “That’s amazing, but you should know I don’t want to sell the platform. I want to keep creative control.”

  “And we want that too. No BS needs a young perspective. We believe kids will respond to your app knowing one of their own created it and continues to run it. We can talk specifics when your parents are present, but we have been looking for a platform like this for a long time. Your partner, Katie, will be invaluable for such a big project, so keep her close.”

  “I certainly will. That all sounds wonderful. I’ll have my parents call you this week.” Peyton took Mrs. Milburn’s card and placed it at the top of the pile. She had cards from Google and Apple too, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to go in that direction.

  “You’re dying, aren’t you?” Cam laughed at the look on her face. “I can see it in your eyes, you want to dance around this room and sing at the top of your lungs right now.”

  “You know me so well. Can you believe this?” Peyton clutched his hand, so grateful he’d never left her side for one second through the madness of the last hour.

  “Time to go find out you won.”

  “Are you crazy! Don’t jinx it.”

  “I think they’re ready for you to get back on stage. I’ll go find a place to sit.”

  Peyton grabbed his hand. “I’m scared, Cam. What if I don’t win?

  “There’s no way you didn’t win, Pey. You hit that out of the park.”

  “Yeah, I did, didn’t I.” She threw her arms around him. “I love you, Cameron Tucker.”

  “You’re amazing, you know that, right? Like, mind-blowingly amazing. You’re beautiful, smart as hell, and you have the kindest heart of anyone I know. And you’re going to win this. But even if you don’t, you’re still amazing, and the platform you built with these two hands saved me. Now go get that big trophy.” He gave her a nudge toward the stage.

  Peyton couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as she stood with the other finalists on stage. Cameron and Julian grinned back at her from their seats in the audience. To see them getting along brought tears to her eyes. She found herself thinking about Cooper. He wasn’t always the best brother, but if he were here right now, he’d be cheering louder than anyone.

  I miss you, Cooper Callahan. But I’ve got to let you go now. I’ll always love you.

  Her heart stalled in her chest as Dr. Peterson stood behind the podium to announce the results.

  “This year, the national STEM Studies Scholarship Program yielded the largest participation rate ever. It’s exciting to see a near fifty percent increase in female participants. I know that makes our male participants happy. Most of us STEM guys are all thumbs and stutters around the fairer sex, so the arrival of our smart and geeky counterparts are about a hundred years overdue.” The audience laughed at his banter.

  “But on to the awards.”

  Peyton couldn’t hear over the loud pulse pounding in her ears, and she was sure she was going to be sick right here on the stage.

  “Peyton Callahan with her incredible social networking platform, No Body Shame!”

  Thunderous applause roared, and someone nudged her toward the podium.

  “It’s an honor to present this award to you, young lady.” Dr. Peterson handed her an elaborate first place plaque.

  First place! I won! She turned bewildered eyes toward the audience, looking for her people. Julian, Katie, and Cameron were standing on their chairs whooping and clapping for her.

  “Peyton will receive a full scholarship to the STEM program of her choice, and I’m sure she won’t lack for options. Congratulations, dear. I’d also like to ask Ms. Katie Whitmore to come up on stage please.”

  Peyton watched Katie’s face turn green with nerves. She hated to be the center of attention.

  “You’ve got this,” Peyton mouthed to her, giving her a nod.

  As Katie came up the steps to join Peyton, she stumbled and fell flat on her face. Dr. Peterson leaped to help her up and guided her, red-faced, to stand beside Peyton. “Not to worry, Katie. Not a one of us science and math geeks haven’t face-planted a time or two.”

  “It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” Peyton whispered, wanting to give Dr. Peterson a good long lecture about the labels he was so fond of. Instead, she wrapped her arm around Katie’s slim shoulders. Poor Katie trembled like a leaf but managed to give Dr. Peterson a smile.

  “Now then, Katie, the board has reviewed the work that has gone into the making of No BS, and while Peyton has spearheaded the project, making it her own, she is right, she could not have done it half so well without you. So, we would like to present you with a twenty-five-thousand-dollar scholarship as well.”

  “Shut up!” Katie gasped, taking the envelope he’d offered her. “I mean, thank you. Thank you so much!”

  “Congrats, Katie, you deserve it, now let’s get off this stage,” Peyton said, guiding her friend to the safety of backstage.

  “I told Katie’s mom we’d take you home. Ready to go?” Cameron asked with a smug smile.

  “Why? What are you up to?” Peyton narrowed her eyes at him.

/>   “I can’t get anything past you.” He shook his head. “I picked this up at the flower shop. It’s a bit early in the season, but it’s brought us luck before. He held a sprig of mistletoe over her head. It was a good memory from that night. Before the accident tore them apart. Addison had hung mistletoe everywhere, just for Cam and Peyton, determined they would finally get together at her Christmas Eve party.

  “Congrats, Pey.”

  “And here we are again.” She smiled up at him. After all this time, they’d come full circle, and now it was time to move forward.

  “Here we are.” Cameron pulled her closer, settling his hand on her hip as Julian honked for them to hurry up. They ignored him. “You need to know… the Meghan thing… she showed up at my house and barged her way in, and I-“

  Peyton covered his mouth with her hand. “I know. I didn’t really think you could like someone like her. She’s mean, a bully, and you are the nicest guy I’ve ever known.”

  “Nice, huh?” He smiled against her fingers. “Sounds boring.”

  Peyton shook her head. “Nope. Not for this girl. Nice is perfect. I don’t know about you, but I’m done thinking about the past, Cam.” She looped her arms around his neck. “Let’s just focus on the here and now.”

  “I’m entirely focused on those beautiful lips of yours.” His hand moved to cup her cheek, the pad of his thumb trailing across her lower lip.

  Peyton, ever the impatient one, pressed her lips to his. Tilting her head back, she stepped into his embrace, relishing every moment of his kiss. With his hand splayed across her back and the other tangled in her hair, Peyton felt just right. They fit together so easily. In his arms, she wasn’t too big, or not good enough. In his arms, she was just Peyton, and he was just Cam, and all those labels others used to define them didn’t matter. They never mattered.

  22

  Cameron

  ~ Cam,

  We are perfect.

  Peyton ~

  Cam smiled as he let his eyes drift around the bonfire party. There weren’t a lot of people there, but Peyton had only ever needed a few friends. She stood at the edge of the group talking to Addison of all people. Cam didn’t know why Addie had come, but he trusted Peyton to take care of herself.

  He wasn’t the only one watching the pair. Julian stood near them like a bodyguard or an eavesdropper. Cam wasn’t really sure which. At first, he’d thought Julian was protecting his sister from one of the school’s mean girls, but the longer he watched him, the more he saw it. Julian’s eyes weren’t on Peyton. He’d focused them on Addison with a mixture of longing and worry in their depths.

  Interesting.

  Cam moved on, skimming his gaze over Peyton’s parents who carried the plaque she’d won, showing it to all of their friends with matching grins. It was nice to see the Callahans happy. They stood with Cam’s parents. Cam watched the stiffness with which his parents interacted with the Callahans. They’d never made an effort to know the family who had become a second family to Cam. It surprised Cam when they showed up. Despite the discomfort they displayed, the fact remained. They’d come.

  Cam walked around the house to where he’d parked his car on the street, stopping as he came face to face with Avery.

  Dusk had fallen, but there was still enough light to make out his old friend’s hardened features.

  Avery stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels as he gazed up at the house he’d once spent most of his time in.

  He didn’t speak, but he had to know Cam was there.

  There was still so much unsaid crap between them, but that night, Cam didn’t want any of it to matter. He approached Avery. “You coming around back to the bonfire?”

  Avery blew out a breath. “When Mrs. Callahan invited me, I said no.” He dropped his eyes to Cam. “I didn’t think I could set foot in this house, that yard where we played football and had parties.”

  “But you’re here.”

  Avery’s eyes drifted to the house again. “I was in my car and didn’t realize where I was going until I got here.” He paused for a moment. “Did…did Peyton win?”

  Cam nodded. “Yeah. How did you know about that?”

  “The school posted online this morning about her being a finalist.”

  “So, everyone knows? About the app?”

  He nodded, running a hand through his unkempt hair. “It’s good. That she won.” He scrunched his forehead. “She’s…a good person. She didn’t deserve what Meghan did to her.”

  Cam raised an eyebrow. “Avery, you’ve known her your entire life. App or not, she’s always been a good person. Your girlfriend on the other hand… do you even like the girl you’re dating?”

  “I don’t know.” He sighed before coughing and changing the subject. “I don’t think I can do this alone. Be here surrounded by the memories, I mean.”

  “You’re not alone.”

  A soft voice drifted toward them as Nari appeared. “He’s right.” Sympathy flashed in her gaze. “You still have us, Avery. We’ll walk into that yard with you.”

  Avery’s shoulders dropped in relief, but he shook his head at the same time. “Okay. But this doesn’t mean we’re friends.”

  Nari laughed again, sarcasm entering her tone. “Of course not. You’re a jock. I’m a nerd. We aren’t allowed to be friends.”

  “Again with the labels?” Cam lifted a brow. “That’s not why we’re not friends, and you know it.” He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “It’s because of Avery’s big mouth. He’s too loud for my sensitive ears.”

  That finally got a laugh from Avery. “I mean it. Just tonight. I’m not going to start showing up here to hang out. I have my own friends, and you guys have…things.”

  “Nari,” Cam started. “I think Avery is saying we don’t have friends?” Ever since the award ceremony, Cam had felt lighter, more ready to smile and joke, even if it was at Avery’s expense.

  Nari crossed her arms. “But we have him.”

  “We’re not—”

  Cam cut Avery off. “Friends. We know. Wait here. I need to grab something from my car, and then I’ll escort my non-friend into the only party he’s probably ever been scared of.”

  As Cam walked to his car, he heard Nari behind him. “Must be a strange feeling for you, being just like any other high schooler nervous about walking into a party. Don’t worry, I promise we won’t make you do beer bongs or kiss anyone in closets. We know how hard it is for you just to lower yourself to hang around us. I promise our loser won’t rub off on you.”

  Cam almost laughed at the comment. Nari said it sweetly enough, but there was the bite of honesty behind her words. She disliked Avery more than the rest of them. She’d been closer to him besides anyone other than Cooper until he decided he didn’t need any of them after the accident.

  Cam listened to them, preparing to play mediator. The thing about Nari, though, was she didn’t fight. Honest to a fault, she was still too nice to take it further than that.

  Avery stood stiffly beside her.

  Cam retrieved the folder he’d brought and rejoined them. As they walked through the swampy side yard and neared the party, Avery only grew more tense.

  Nari moved past her earlier comment as if it hadn’t been said and talked to Avery in a low voice, soothing his nerves as best she could in her Nari way. Cam sensed he wasn’t needed. He’d promised Avery he’d stay by him, but Nari held Avery’s full focus. Cam suppressed a smile and left them to go find Peyton. She stood near the flames, the orange glow flickering across her face, giving her an ethereal look. Every time he saw her, she stole the breath from his lungs.

  He couldn’t quite believe everything that had happened that day. He’d woken up with the knowledge that she wasn’t speaking to him, yet not knowing how to get her to trust him again. It turned out, all she’d needed was honesty.

  He slid his arms around her from behind, reveling in how well she fit him. How was it possible that he was the one who got to touch her, kiss
her? Even after everything he’d been through, he didn’t feel as if he deserved her, but he’d work to change that. If there was one thing Peyton and her app taught him, it was that he deserved whatever he chose he deserved. He was worthy. If he wanted others to stop seeing him in a poor light, he had to make the first step.

  He wasn’t the dreaded D word. Disability didn’t define him. He wasn’t quite sure what defined him yet, but it wasn’t some stupid label. And no one else would see that if he didn’t see it himself.

  Peyton leaned back into him. “Is this real?”

  He smiled. She’d asked the same question the first time he kissed her almost two years ago in that tree house. “Yes, Peyton. It’s real.”

  “You’re still my best friend. You know that, right? This doesn’t change anything.”

  He turned her in his arms. “This changes everything.” He leaned in. “Sorry it took me so long.” He pressed his lips to hers, and unlike the last time those exact words were spoken, he wasn’t going to stop. Ever.

  She pulled away to catch her breath, and her eyes fell to the folder in Cam’s hand. “What’s that?”

  Cam stepped away from her and glanced down at his hands. “Uh…this feels so stupid now.”

  “Cam.” She took the folder from him and flipped it open.

  He shifted nervously from foot to foot.

  She lifted her gaze to meet his. “What are these?”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “The emails. I printed them. Every single one. You only saw a handful posted around school, but you deserve to know everything I wanted to say to you. Some of it is pretty ugly, but I don’t want to keep anything more from you.”

  “How many are there?” Her voice shook.

  “Five hundred forty.”

  Her mouth fell open. “But I only sent emails for the first year. I stopped, Cam.”

  “I didn’t. When your emails stopped coming, I kept writing. Every day.” He met her heated gaze.