Amanda dropped to a squat alongside the baby and lifted her finger to his little toe. “You did it, Aud. You created a perfect specimen.”
“You will, too. Someday,” Audrey told her.
Amanda scoffed. “Yeah, right. I think I lost my chance.”
As if on cue, Sam from the Sunrise Cove walked in through the back door, lifted a bottle of wine, and waved it in greeting toward Amanda. Amanda burst to her feet and rushed toward him. “Sam! I thought you said you couldn’t make it.”
Susan interjected to say, “I told him he had to stop by. If he works at the Sunrise Cove, he’s family, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, right,” Audrey muttered under her breath. “You lost your chance.” She rolled her eyes as Amanda began to ask Sam about a recent television show they were both obsessed with, along with questions about an article she had sent him from The New Yorker.
It was sickly sweet, their budding friendship-romance. But of course, Audrey was happy for Amanda. She couldn’t be all work, all clean-the-house, all-list, and no play. Not forever, anyway.
When Max began to whimper a bit later in the day, Christine approached and asked if she could take him. Exhausted, Audrey nodded and placed him in Christine’s arms. She cradled him gently, like a natural, and took him toward Amanda’s bedroom with a bottle. Once there, she bobbed him gently as she fed him. Audrey saw her only through the small crack in the door.
Christine’s face looked remarkably sad. Audrey had never seen her look like that before. It reflected a love for the baby, of course, but it also told a story about loss and fear and regret. For the first time, Audrey realized the true depths of what Christine was about to do for her if she really went back to Penn State.
She would help raise Audrey’s baby.
And then, when Audrey was ready, she would come and take her baby away again.
Christine would be left alone, without Zach, without a baby, and without a love to call her own.
The thought curled itself around Audrey’s neck and threatened to strangle her. How she wished everything could be different for Christine.
But just as the thought passed through her, baby Max kicked up one of his beautiful feet, and Christine cupped the foot with a tender hand. She buzzed her lips toward Max’s little face, and Max’s eyes glinted with joy and, if possible, a new love— a love without judgment.
Chapter Eighteen
March 27.
Audrey hovered above her sleeping babe as the sunlight seeped through the downstairs drapes and cast a shard of brightness across his toes. It was just past seven in the morning, a full month after Max Wesley’s birth. Outside, springtime birds tweeted brightly and dug their beaks into the various bird feeds that Audrey and Grandpa Wes had set up only a few days before.
Grandpa Wes stood at the glass with a mug of coffee in-hand. He spoke tenderly as he gazed at the birds. “Most of them won’t be back till April gets in full swing. But look at this little girl—a Baltimore Oriole. Audrey, have you ever seen anything more beautiful? Oh, and look!” He nearly jumped from his skin. A droplet of coffee came out of the mug and browned his skin. “There, near the dock. I think, if I’m not mistaken, that bright blue ball of energy is an Indigo Bunting.”
Audrey lifted baby Max into her arms and stood alongside her grandfather. The flurry of activity from the birds felt necessary and good. As they ate, they shook their heads around and gazed at the wide world around them.
“Where have you been all this time?” Audrey asked them as if they could understand. “The Vineyard missed you.”
Amanda walked into the kitchen area. Her hair was messed up, and she still wore pajama pants and a tank top. The noise of her caused two of the birds to flit away from the window.
“Good morning, sunshine.” Audrey beamed at her half-asleep cousin.
“I’m late. I’m late?” Amanda said it as though she’d never heard of the concept before. She then ducked up the staircase. In a moment, there was the sound of the shower water smashing against the base of the bathtub.
“Did Christine head off to the bistro?” Grandpa Wes asked as he and Audrey shared a laugh.
“I believe so,” Audrey replied. “I think I’ll head up that way. Maybe take a walk along the docks. Sit in the sun somewhere. As long as he’s bundled up, he seems happy to be outside.”
“No use keeping him cooped up in here,” Grandpa Wes agreed.
“And you?” Audrey asked.
“Kerry’s coming to pick me up in just a little while. She said she’d cook me pancakes. After that, we’ll head out for a walk. I’m sure by that point, Trevor will have picked one topic or another to talk my ear off with,” Grandpa Wes said.
Audrey giggled. “You love it.”
“True. I’ll just serve him right back with all my bird knowledge.”
“That’ll show him,” Audrey said.
Audrey waited for Aunt Kerry to pick up Grandpa Wes before she fully prepared to head out. It was strange, in those moments, as she and her son were the only beings at the normally-full Sheridan house. The big house creaked around them with the springtime breeze. She lifted a baby shoe from the shoe rack and slowly placed it over Max’s right foot as he kicked the other playfully. He blinked those big blue eyes at her from over his pacifier. It almost seemed like he knew they were on their way to an adventure. At least, a baby-sized adventure.
The sun was like medicine. Audrey pressed the stroller forward as she walked toward town with her cheeks lifted toward it. Everything smelled of fresh blooms, and greenery and she reveled in it. When she reached the Sunrise Cove, Christine stood out front in her baker’s apron, her hands on her hips, and her face also lifted toward the sun. Her eyes were closed until she heard the sound of the stroller.
“Audrey! Max!” Christine beamed. She jumped toward them and leaned down to look at Max. “Good morning, little man. Happy one-month birthday. You did it!”
Max cooed appreciatively and then started to nod off.
“How’s it going? You’ve probably been awake for hours,” Audrey said.
“Yes. I have. But it’s been good. I opened the little window outside the bistro, and plenty of people have come over to buy baked bread and croissants. Apparently, Sam said I’d have it open on our social media. I barely knew we had social media for this old place,” Christine admitted.
“I guess the Sunrise Cove has officially entered the twenty-first century,” Audrey replied.
Christine brought out some croissants with butter and orange marmalade, which Audrey ate heartily. They spoke about the upcoming doctor’s appointment for the baby, which would happen in a few days, along with Audrey’s twentieth birthday, on April 7.
“We have to do something special,” Christine insisted. “It’s your first birthday as a new mom. And you’ve been through a lot this year.”
“To think, just a year ago, I turned nineteen and made out with a guy at a frat house,” Audrey said with a sigh. “My, how the mighty have fallen.”
“Come on. If you met that version of yourself, you would laugh at her,” Christine said, playfully swatting her hand.
“I would certainly laugh at her slender waistline,” Audrey said. She tapped at her belly that still felt like a bowl of jelly. “I can’t wait till I’m cleared to exercise.”
“Yeah. We all know how that will work out,” Christine said.
Audrey continued on from the Sunrise Cove. She walked with her eyes toward the water as the sunlight played out, dancing along the waves. She thought of future summers when she and Max would romp and play along the beach. She imagined them building a huge sandcastle and sitting inside of it as the waves crashed to shore just beyond. She imagined them becoming very best friends like Audrey and Lola had always been. She imagined him telling her his deepest, darkest fears and how grateful she would be that he trusted her enough to give her that. It was such a rare thing to trust anyone in this world.
Audrey was so lost in thought that she nearly stumbled dire
ctly into an approaching walker near the docks. When she jumped back, she jerked the stroller waking Max up slightly.
But the man before her wouldn’t budge. It was like he’d wanted to get her attention.
And in a moment, Audrey understood why.
The man who stood, blocking her and Max’s path, was Zach Walters.
He looked a bit strange. His cheeks were hollowed out; he had a shaggy, dark blond beard; and he wore clothes Audrey had never seen him in, dark blue sweatpants and a big, baggy sweatshirt. He looked like a guy going through a nervous breakdown of sorts. Even his eyes, normally so alive, looked far away and lost.
“Zach,” Audrey breathed.
“Wow. Audrey.” He sounded so wistful. His eyes turned toward the baby and immediately glistened. He stared at Max for a long time. It was like he’d forgotten how to speak.
Audrey stepped around to the side of the stroller and adjusted the blanket over Max’s little body. “This is Max,” she said. Her voice cracked. “Today is his one-month birthday.”
“You don’t say,” Zach whispered, completely mystified. “A whole month.”
They stood in silence for a moment. Zach seemed to not be able to get enough of looking at the baby. It was heartbreaking. Zach had wanted to be Max’s stand-in father. Now, he was a stranger on the sidewalk.
“Remember all those times,” Zach said as he lifted his eyes again. “All those times you were so sure your baby was going to be a girl.”
Audrey laughed, surprising herself. In actuality, she’d again completely forgotten about that. The only real reminder was the bright pink blanket, which Aunt Kerry had crocheted for them. They used it religiously and just said that Max was the type of guy who liked pink. “It works for him,” Christine had said for a laugh.
The laughter cleared the air for a moment. Audrey finally dared herself to ask: “Zach, how are you?”
Zach released his hands from his pockets. They hung sadly at his sides. “I am okay, I guess.”
Audrey nodded. When he let the silence fall again, she pushed him a bit. “You um. You up to much?”
Zach laughed, but not unkindly. “Not so much. I guess that’s obvious, given what I’m wearing and the state of my face.” He pulled at his beard as if he was nervous once again.
Audrey’s heart dropped a bit. “I really thought you’d left the island for good.”
“I thought about it. I really did,” Zach confessed. “And I still am, I guess. I don’t know how I can stay here with you now. After everything.”
“Where did you go?”
Zach dropped his chin lower. “I went to visit my ex and our daughter’s grave. I couldn’t get the whole thing out of my mind. I had all these crazy flashbacks. I would wake up in the middle of the night and really think it had all just happened. My ex encouraged me to come back and get a therapist, which I’ve done now. The doctor says it’s going to be a hard road, but I started medication and well.” He shrugged again. “I guess that’s my story and here I am on my daily mental health walk.”
Audrey wanted to burst into tears. She knew, with every wrinkle etched into his face and every syllable, that he meant his words completely.
“Do you want to hold him?” she finally asked.
Zach looked at her like she had three heads. “Really? Are you sure?”
Slowly, Audrey lifted him from the stroller and placed him in Zach’s arms. Their eyes connected as they assessed one another. The baby lifted a fist and pushed it against the top of Zach’s chest, then kicked his feet excitedly. It was like a greeting between rowdy guys.
“Wow,” Zach breathed. “He really is perfect.”
“He’s getting stronger by the day,” Audrey said softly. “He’s good. He’s healthy. He has so much love for all of us. And although I know there are a million reasons to be afraid, I’m just trying to take one day at a time.”
“One day at a time,” Zach echoed. “What a concept.”
Zach held baby Max another minute or so, more like he wanted to steal enough time to make up for never doing it again. With every move and sound he made, it was clear that he had been a father before. He knew what he was doing, despite the serious depression— despite the fact that he was basically a walking zombie.
When Zach placed Max back in the stroller, his eyes sparkled with tears. He straightened his spine and then said, “Christine made it pretty clear that she never wants to talk to me again.”
Audrey had no idea how to respond. Her mind raced.
“But I’m glad I got to meet Max before he gets any bigger,” Zach said. “Maybe I’ll get off this island. Go build a life somewhere else. I don’t know. But Audrey?”
“Yes?”
He pressed his lips together as he built the strength to speak again.
“I’ve been so privileged to be a part of your family the past year or so. All those weddings and birthdays and family dinners. All those nights beneath the stars. Throughout it all, I couldn’t believe that I was allowed to be part of the Sheridan family. Now, I’m just grateful it ever happened.”
They said goodbye after that. Audrey turned around to watch as he walked away. His posture was almost slouched in defeat, and his head was low, and his hands were pushed in his sweatshirt again. He had none of the original Zach Walters swagger or confidence.
Audrey felt the tremendous weight of this meeting on her shoulders. But before she could think of what to do, Max started crying, and she lifted him against her chest, her hand cupping his perfect little head. Out across the waves, a tiny sailboat reflected the springtime sunlight. Maybe everything was just as lost as Zach said.
But then again, maybe not.
Chapter Nineteen
Max’s check-up several days later was a barrage of good news. Max’s oxygen levels were normal; he was growing healthily; and he seemed “just about the happiest baby,” especially given what he’d gone through, according to the doctor. Christine and Audrey hugged outside the office as Max kicked around in his stroller. When Audrey stepped back, tears filled her eyes. “I just feel so relieved,” she said. “I don’t know why I expected bad news.”
Christine laughed as she wiped a tear from her own cheek. “I think we just got used to bad news.”
“That was our first mistake,” Audrey said. “We should never let ourselves think that’s the norm.”
At this moment, Audrey again considered her run-in with Zach. She hadn’t managed to explain the situation to Christine yet. Was this possibly the time? She didn’t want to keep it from her.
Suddenly quiet, Audrey began to push the stroller out toward the sunny sidewalk. She didn’t bother to zip up her spring jacket, and it whipped out behind her with the April breeze.
“Should we head to the grocery store?” Christine asked. “Amanda sent over one of her long lists.”
“Of course she did,” Audrey said. “Do you think she and Sam have kissed yet?”
Christine laughed heartily. “What a question! I don’t know. They’re certainly very chummy, aren’t they?”
“I think she’s smitten,” Audrey added. “But she doesn’t trust herself.”
“Sam’s a great guy,” Christine affirmed. “Much better than that jackass, Chris.”
“I checked Chris’s social media recently,” Audrey said, in full-on gossip mode. “He’s in Thailand now, apparently. Having the time of his life. Scuba diving and riding motorcycles around islands.”
“None of that sounds like anything Amanda would be into,” Christine said.
“Wait. Imagine Amanda on the back of a motorcycle!”
“She would just scream the entire time,” Christine returned.
“Audrey! Hey! Audrey?”
Audrey stopped short and drew her head around to spot Noah. He rushed across the parking lot, his dark locks swirling behind him in the breeze. When he reached the sidewalk, he gasped for air and said, “I saw you from all the way by the docks.”
“That’s quite a sprint,” Audrey said wi
th a laugh. Her heart jumped into her throat.
Noah studied her for a moment as his smile widened. There was real chemistry between them; Audrey couldn’t deny it.
“It’s Max’s one-month birthday,” she said suddenly.
Noah beamed down at Max. “I guess congratulations are in order, dude. You made it. One whole month on earth.”
Audrey giggled as she slipped a strand of hair behind her ear. She could feel Christine’s eyes boring into her head. Obviously, she’d turned into a flirtatious-college-student all over again.
Then again, seeing Noah like this was strange, as they’d been through so much together. They’d been through an emotional marathon.
“How is your sister?” Audrey asked.
“She’s much better,” Noah said. “Back home and everything. Mom couldn’t be happier. She orders me around constantly. Everything we do is for the baby.”
“Sounds like our house,” Audrey said. “Max is the most spoiled baby on the planet.”
“As he should be,” Noah replied. After a pause, he added, “And I guess you’re probably always at home with him, huh?”
What the heck did that mean?
“Mostly, I guess,” Audrey said.
“Although we give each other breaks every once in a while. Don’t we, Aud?” Christine chimed in.
Audrey turned to catch Christine’s wink. What did that mean? Was she playing cupid?
“Oh, cool. So you could maybe, I don’t know, go for a walk with me sometime?” Noah asked then.
Audrey’s heart nearly burst out of her chest. Her first thoughts went to her bulgy belly, her tired eyes, and her frantic motherly-thoughts. Could she possibly leave the house for a few hours, without Max? He was just a little thing.
A Vineyard Lullaby (The Vineyard Sunset Series Book 7) Page 12
