The Complete If I Break Series

by Portia Moore

  “No, I’ve learned my lesson. At first I thought it was just because of the alcohol, but now I realize he just likes to beat the crap out of girls. Oh! The house—it’s—he trashed it. The tables are broken, and the lamps. I’ll pay you back for everything you bought.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re okay.” I squeeze her hand as Dr. Carsons comes in with the police officer.

  “Miss Green, Detective Long has some questions for you,” the doctor explains. “I’m going to have to ask you to excuse us,” she tells me.

  “Of course. Hil, I’ll be right outside,” I tell her with a weak smile.

  “No. Go home. They won’t let you see me again until tomorrow. Unfortunately, my parents will be here soon.” She waves slightly before Dr. Carsons closes the door.

  As soon as I’m outside, the tears I’ve been trying to hold in since I saw her begin to flow. Cal and Angela quickly approach me.

  “I-I can’t believe he did that to her,” I mumble into his shoulder. “What did the detective say?” I ask Angela, wiping my face.

  “He asked me what happened, and I told him what I knew. But what I say doesn’t matter since I wasn’t there, and if she doesn’t press charges…” She runs her hand across her face.

  “Even if she does press charges, what he’ll get is too good for him,” Cal says tightly.

  “His parents will get him out on bail. They’re from old money down south. He’ll get some high-priced lawyer, and it won’t even matter,” Angela tells us.

  I feel even more horrible that I don’t know anything about this guy other than what he looks like and his first name.

  “Let’s go back to your place and pick her up some clothes,” Angela says softly.

  “I’ll drive you,” Cal says, putting his arms around both of us.

  Angela smiles appreciatively and pats his hand as we leave the hospital

  When I open the door to my apartment, my mouth drops open. “Oh my God.”

  This is unbelievable. The sofa and matching chair are flipped onto their sides. Our lamps are pushed over. One is broken, along with the glass table that usually sits in the center of the room. Glass shards cover the floor.

  “I can’t believe this,” I say, starting to pick up the glass pieces.

  Angela closes the door and begins to help clean up. “He must have been throwing her all over the place.”

  “She has to press charges. There’s no way she won’t after this,” I try to convince myself.

  “Do you know where this guy lives?” Cal asks, moving the sofa into its original position.

  “No, but I know he’s always at the Golden Rod. I’ve been there a few times with him and Hillary. His parents own it. I’d bet my life he’s there now. That’s where Hillary met him,” Angela says.

  “That’s the bar on 3rd and Wallace?” Cal asks her.

  “Yeah,” Angela confirms.

  “I don’t even know his last name,” I mumble. I’m her best friend, and I don’t even know her boyfriend’s last name.

  “Lauren, you can’t blame yourself for this. What could you have done—” Angela’s interrupted by a commotion outside our door.

  “Hillary, Hillary!” Someone is yelling and punctuating it with loud bangs. “Baby, I’m sorry. You know I wasn’t myself. Let me in. We can work this out.”

  Angela and I stare at each other in disbelief. Is he seriously here right now?

  “She’s not here, asshole!” Angela yells through the door.

  “Go away before I call the police,” I yell.

  “This is none of your damn business, bitch!” he yells back. “Hillary! I’m sorry. I was drunk.” He’s still banging on the door.

  “She’s not here!” I scream, rushing toward the door.

  Suddenly, Cal steps in and grabs my arm, stopping me in my tracks. “You and Angela go to your bedroom.” His face is like stone and his eyes wide.

  My heart beats so rapidly that I don’t even argue. Angela’s eyes lock on mine, and we both quickly head to my bedroom.

  “I know she’s in there. Don’t make me kick the fucking door down!”

  Angela and I are huddled in the doorway of my bedroom, and we hear the front door open. I peek around the corner to see what’s going on. Aaron charges into the apartment when Cal opens the door, but he stops short when he realizes who just let him in. I take it Aaron is surprised to see Cal. I assess his size. Aaron’s a lot bigger than I remember—at least two hundred fifty pounds, five eleven, maybe. I shudder at the thought of him hitting Hillary, who weighs a hundred twenty pounds at most.

  “Who the fuck are you?” Aaron says in a surprised tone.

  “It doesn’t matter who I am.” Cal’s face is stoic as he shuts the door and locks it.

  Aaron looks at him suspiciously for a moment then continues on his mission. “Hillary!” He walks toward the bedrooms. He stops when he sees us. “Is she in there?”

  I stand in Hillary’s doorway. He reeks of alcohol. No way am I letting him in Hillary’s room.

  “Hillary,” he yells again, rushing toward her door.

  I stand my ground in front of it. Cal is right behind him.

  Aaron moves his arm to push me. “Move, bit—”

  Before he even finishes his sentence, Cal grabs him by the throat and has him pinned to the wall. The sound of Aaron’s weight hitting the wall makes both Angela and me gasp. Frantically, Aaron tries to break the grip Cal has on his throat, but it’s deadlocked.

  Cal’s voice seems to come from deep in his throat, and it’s calm—scary calm. “You low-life piece of shit. You like to hit girls, huh? Does that make you feel good to throw around someone half your size?”

  I glance at Angela, who seems as much shock as I am.

  “I should throw you out of that fucking window,” Cal growls.

  He steps back and releases his grip on Aaron’s throat, but before Aaron can get his balance, Cal punches him in the face. Aaron stumbles and tries to regain his balance, but before he can stand, another punch has connected with his back, and he falls to the floor.

  The scary calm has dissipated, and Cal looks as if he’s on the verge of exploding, the veins in his neck visible. “I should fucking kill you!”

  His foot connects with Aaron’s chest. Aaron attempts to catch his breath and crawl away at the same time. Cal flips him, climbs on top of him, and squeezes Aaron’s neck again, pressing his knee into his chest.

  He jerks Aaron’s chin up and turns him toward me. “Apologize for calling her a bitch!” Cal applies more weight on top of him.

  Aaron strains to look at me. “Sorry,” he squeaks out.

  “Would you have hit her if I weren’t here? Does it make you feel good to hit women? Well, how does this feel?” Cal asks venomously. “If you ever come near them again, I’ll snap your neck like a twig. If Hillary calls you, you better hang up. If you see her in the street, you run the other way. Do you understand?”

  Aaron is starting to turn blue. He’s going to kill him! I start to realize Cal has lost control, so I run to them and try to pull Cal off of him.

  “Cal, he’s turning blue,” Angela yells.

  “Cal, stop,” I beg him.

  “Do you understand me?” Cal yells.

  “Cal, you’re going to kill him. Let him go!” I tell him, desperately but unsuccessfully trying to pull him away.

  Cal looks at me, and I see fire behind his eyes.

  “He’s not worth it. Let him go, please,” I plead, tears in my eyes. “He’s not worth it, babe.”

  Cal is in a rage. I have to get him out of it. If he kills the bastard and goes to jail for the rest of his life, I’ll never forgive myself.

  “He’s not, Cal, he’s not,” Angela chimes in.

  Cal nods, removes his knee from Aaron’s chest, and lets his neck go. Aaron immediately balls up, gasping in as much air as he can. Cal looks at him like a dirty rat, completely disgusted, and kicks him.

  I look at Aaron and think abou
t how badly he hurt my friend. What Cal’s done still doesn’t seem like enough for how he hurt Hillary on more than one occasion, but I can’t let Cal dispense what Aaron deserves. We all watch as Aaron starts to get up. Cal steps up to him one more time, and Aaron freezes, his eyes full of fear.

  “If I ever find out about you hitting another woman again, if I even think you’ve hit another woman again, you’re dead,” Cal warns him. “Do you understand me?”

  Aaron nods frantically. Cal punches him in the stomach, and he keels over.

  “Open the door,” he says, looking at me.

  I do as he says. The next thing I see is Cal pulling Aaron out into the hall and pushing him down the stairs. We watch Aaron roll down the steps. After a few seconds, he manages to literally crawl out the door. I look at Cal. I can’t believe what I’ve just seen. He looks at both of us but doesn’t say anything. I don’t know what to say, and Angela looks completely shocked.

  “Go get her things. I’ll be in the car,” he says simply, catching his breath.

  And then he’s gone. I look at Angela, whose mouth is wide open.

  “I don’t think he’ll be bothering Hillary anytime soon,” she says softly.

  All I can do is nod.

  May 12th 2011

  May 12th, 2011

  “Lauren, your aunt is on the phone,” Angela says, holding the phone out to me.

  I gesture that I don’t want to talk. She gives me an apologetic smile.

  “Umm, she’s not here, Mrs. Scott—I mean Brooks,” she bumbles. After a moment she laughs. “She says she knows you’re here, and she really needs to talk to you.”

  I roll my eyes and take the phone. “Hi, Raven,” I say, trying to keep the dryness from my voice.

  “Hi, sweetie, how are you?” she says anxiously.

  I arch my brow. I know she’s itching to tell me something. “I’m fine. What’s going on?” I feel almost as anxious myself.

  “Cal is here!” she reveals cheerfully.

  I feel my stomach drop and close my eyes, a smile spreading across my face. It’s about time. It’s been three whole days since I talked to him.

  “Lauren, are you there, sweetheart?”

  “Yeah. I’m here,” I tell her, remembering I’m on the phone.

  “He says it’s really important that he talks to you,” she says urgently.

  He thinks whenever he needs something or wants something, it’s important. But when anyone else—

  “Did you tell him where I am?”

  “No, honey, I don’t know where you are exactly.”

  “Did you tell him who I’m staying with?”

  “Honey, will you please talk to him? You are still his wife, even if you’re upset with him right now,” she urges.

  I roll my eyes again. This is the Raven I know. “I’ll talk to him,” I mumble.

  “Cal, here she is,” she says happily.

  “Lauren,” he says dryly. His voice doesn’t sound too urgent to me.

  “Yes, Cal?” I say unenthusiastically, even though I’m really glad to hear his voice.

  “Where are you?” he asks nonchalantly.

  “Why? Do you actually care now? It has been almost a week, if you haven’t noticed,” I mumble bitterly.

  “Look, I need you to get to the house.” He sounds annoyed.

  “No.” He’s not my master; he doesn’t get to say “jump” and have me ask how high.

  “This is important,” he says, his tone softening a bit.

  “Important, yeah.” I laugh, and he sighs in frustration.

  “I’m coming to pick you up,” he says as if it’s a command.

  “You don’t even know where I am.”

  “Do you want me to play a guessing game?”

  “You know what, Cal? Whatever it is, I don’t care—”

  “Lauren, can you just meet me at the house? Please,” he interrupts.

  I run my hand over my head and bite my lip. It could be a trick, him just getting me back to where I don’t want to be, but there’s a hint of urgency to his voice.

  “Why?” I ask, knowing I probably won’t get an answer.

  “I need to tell you in person,” he replies quietly.

  “Of course, in person,” I say softly to myself. “Fine. Fine, Cal.” I ignore that little voice in my head. I’ve pretty much blocked it out since I met Cal—why start listening now?

  “I’ll be home before the evening,” he says.

  “Yeah, okay.” I sigh and hang up. I can’t believe I’m even doing this.

  “What happened?” Angela asks curiously.

  “Cal says he needs to see me,” I tell her weakly.

  She sits on the couch. “Are you going?” From her expression, I can tell she already knows the answer.

  “I’m just going to see what he wants. He said it’s important,” I say, trying to convince myself more than her.

  “No judgment here,” she replies, grabbing the remote and flipping through the channels on the TV.

  I roll my eyes at myself and flop down beside her. “I’m so pathetic,” I mumble and rest my head on her shoulder.

  “Not pathetic, just in love.” She giggles, leaning her head on mine.

  “I think being in love makes you really stupid.”

  “No question about it.” She laughs. “You don’t think this is just a ploy to get you back home, convince you to stay? Because that’s what I think.” She chuckles.

  “If it is, I’ll leave,” I say pointedly.

  “Aww, come on. Once you see him, it’s all over. He starts whispering in your ear how sorry he is, touching you in all the right places, making you forget why you were even mad in the first place…” She eyes me. God, how many times has that happened?

  “Have you been stalking me?” I tease her, but I realize how perfectly that describes the end of every argument we’ve ever had.

  “Well, let’s get you back to the hubby.” She laughs, grabbing her keys from the table. “If you’re not staying, you won’t have to take anything with you.” She sticks her tongue out at me.

  I laugh. “You’re right.” I shrug and grab my purse, following her out the door.

  I wonder why people take a chance on falling in love. If I could go back through time, would I change the things I’ve done? My mind says I would, but the decisions I made concerning Cal were never made logically.

  Someone once told me that when you’re in love, your heart takes over and your brain shuts off. I never understood what that meant when I was younger, but I do now. New love makes you look past a person’s flaws, which seem magnified later on. I look at my wedding ring; even when I take it off, I still feel it there.

  I open the door to the penthouse. Everything looks the same, as if I never left.

  “Cal?” I call, putting my purse on the console table near the door.

  I didn’t think he’d beat me here; it seems I was right. I turn around and lock the door. I head upstairs to our room, and I can tell it’s been cleaned since I left. I sit on my bed and look around, realizing that I have actually missed being in the comfort of my own home. Who knew? I yawn and lie back, my body relishing the down comforter. This feels amazing after the cramped stay on Angela’s couch.

  I open my eyes and first notice that the sunlight vanished while I slept. I look at the clock on the table and see that it’s 8:14. I got here around six. Footsteps are coming down the hall, so I jump up, only to get a head rush, and I have to sit back down on the bed. The door opens, and Cal steps in. He looks at me, his face set in a hard frown.

  “You’re finally up,” he says, turning on the light.

  “How long have you been here?” I ask, covering my yawn as I try to fully wake up.

  “About an hour,” he says, sitting in a chair across from the bed so we’re face to face. I wonder when he brought that in. It wasn’t here earlier.

  “So what did you want to talk to me about?” I sigh, secretly scolding myself for wanting his arms around me, for mis
sing him, for being ready to forgive him if he just asked.

  He pulls his chair closer to me and sits back down. I look at him curiously, and for the first time in forever, his eyes avoid mine. We sit in silence for what seems to be the longest seconds of my life.

  “Cal?” I say softly, purposely erasing the contempt that laced my voice earlier.

  His eyes are scaring me. I’ve always tried to tell from them what he was feeling, but they’re avoiding me. He’s looking in my direction, but he’s not making eye contact.

  “What’s wrong?” I whisper, almost afraid to hear the answer.

  “I’ve never lied to you,” he says, his voice strong and unwavering. “And I’m not going to start now.” He sighs and drops his head down, running both hands through his hair.

  My heart rate picks up. “Just say it.” My nerves are multiplying by the second.

  He picks up my hand and holds it tightly in both of his. “I-I have to leave.”

  My expression hardens, and I pull my hand away. “You called me back for this?” I stand, feeling my anger rise.

  He pulls me back down. “Look, this is different.” His eyes widen, and his tone lifts higher.

  “Everything is different with you, Cal. If you weren’t so different, maybe I wouldn’t feel so screwed up right now,” I snap, snatching my hand away from him. I can’t believe how easily he fooled me. God, I was eating out of his hands.

  He frowns and walks toward the window. He looks out, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. “I don’t know if I’ll be back.”

  I search his tone for some hint of sarcasm, but I don’t find any.

  “What?” I say, hoping I didn’t hear him right.

  He doesn’t say anything. I walk in front of him.

  “Would you mind repeating yourself?” I say sharply.

  “I’m going to make sure that you’re taken of. I put ninety thousand in your personal account—”

  “What? You don’t know if you’ll be back?” I ask him frantically, trying to get my words out. He’s leaving me money? Things are going so fast in my head that I can’t even say what I want. “Why does it sound like you’re saying that you’re leaving me?”