by Tara Brown
Did I lose people, of course.
But I gained some too.
Chapter 33
A month later
Liam
She’s in the window, staring at the grounds, and I know it’s eating her. She’s watching him and it’s eating at me. The guilt prevents her from living fully. She’s moping.
I’m torn between killing him and making it look like an accident or hiding his body, so she thinks he ran off. The second would ensure she never gets past the guilt so it’s low on my list.
And while Kyle has become the thing that’s ruining my life, I’m not entirely sure I could kill someone. Not like that. If a single soul threatened Lou’s safety, I could justify a large amount of violence, but cold-blooded murder because she ended a teenaged relationship poorly would be something I’d really have to work up to.
Being king, I could have someone else do it, but they would never be as efficient as I am, and she would find out it was me. And that is a risk I’d never take.
Not that I have free time to obsess over this.
I have incompetent workers who decided to take me at my word on feast day a month ago and are currently trying a different career path. Needless to say, it’s exhausting all the last of autumn to train them adequately.
I also have a city’s worth of people living in a town and more come every day. We’re building as fast as we can, and the new bodies do help with the workload, but humans are not the same as drones. They require sleep and breaks and full meals.
At the very top of my list of things not going my way, we don’t have enough winter stores nor the storage places, to provide for live humans. The drones also required less.
There are days when I see the old way, the way of the nanobot, as better. But then I think on something she once said to me. What if when it came time for us to have children and reproduce, someone who was more compatible with either of us came into town? What if the bots decided we matched this person better and separated us? She stared at me and asked if I had such undying faith in their capabilities to keep us safe, that I would walk away from her or allow her to walk from me.
The answer was unequivocally no.
Never.
Not a chance.
I would burn the earth and myself with it.
The last one was a lie.
There’s a chance I am incapable of hurting myself to that degree.
She turns and gives me a soft smile. “Did you say something?”
“No.” I don’t know if I did. I talk to myself aloud a lot.
“Are you all right?” She walks to me, putting her hand on my arm like she does when she thinks something’s wrong.
“I’m fine.” It’s a small lie.
“Have you had any homicidal thoughts today?” She stares into my eyes when she asks it. She’s a human lie detector, even against me.
“Of course.” No point in lying.
She cocks an eyebrow. “Tell me who.”
“I contemplated strangling one of the builders who came in. He was telling me they’re behind schedule. He complained about the crew, some laziness, and them not listening to him. And for two seconds”—I close my eyes and recall it exactly—“I could feel my fingers around his neck, it was meaty too. I would have struggled a little. I wanted to be mid strangle when I told him to learn to exude confidence so his men and women would listen to him. If how he behaved at work was anything similar to what he did when he came into my council room and sniveled like a small child, I don’t blame his workers for being disrespectful.”
“And then?”
“And one of the other council members told him that since this was his third time coming and he hadn’t come up with a solution on his own for this problem, he would be transferred to a new crew. There he would work under someone we felt was quite efficient at problem-solving so he could learn some strategies.” Telling the story grates on my nerves.
“That’s a super smart answer.” She battles a grin.
“I thought so. I was quite satisfied with how it went. And as he left, the council member who solved it actually appeared to be contemplating strangling him herself. And I realized the man was annoying as hell and my response wasn’t completely irrational.”
“See.” Her eyes widen and she lets the smile take over her face, lighting it up and melting my bitter heart back to the soggy mess she prefers it to be. “You’re not getting worse.”
“Well, let’s not church it up too much. Murder is still my first choice as a solution in all things.” I laugh as if I didn’t just say murder.
“Yeah, I mean that’s not ideal.” She scoffs. “But have you committed or actively plotted someone’s death?”
“No.” It’s a mistake. I answer too quickly; I’m rushing because I desperately don’t want to have this conversation. Not even with her.
“Liar,” she outwardly mocks me. “Legit, you have to stop plotting Kyle’s death. Just let me handle it.”
“I love you,” I change the subject, desperate for this to be over.
“You’re manipulating me. But I love you too.” She stands on her tiptoes and brushes her lips against mine. Breathing her in is exactly what I need. She is the cure.
“Do you love me enough to sort out the next three hours of civil matters with the council?”
“Absolutely not.” She kisses once more and steps back. “We all agree, Tanya and I can never be council, just in case the bots take over again.”
“Frying all the computers and sabotaging our entire programming system didn’t help that scenario,” I remark, still a little bitter at her for that. “You’ve left us in the dark ages.”
“Whatever.” She turns and walks to the door. “I’ll see you after, for dinner.” She blows me a kiss and I let myself pretend to feel it land.
But I don’t go to the council. I’ve excused myself for the afternoon and have another destination in mind. I hurry to the back stairs and rush down them to the kitchens and the back door. As I leave the courtyard and ramparts and pass by the gardens and slop houses, my mind churns. I’m plotting but it’s not my plan.
It’s advice.
Hopefully sound advice.
The brewhouse that I fought against being built, is halfway constructed. It will be a pub and brewery, and everyone is excited. Everyone but me. I can’t help but roll my eyes seeing it, laughing at the image of the townsfolk as hipster microbrewers.
He’s there when I get close. He’s shouting at someone. He looks different, broader, stronger. At least with this mission to annoy me, he’s not drunk all the time on that noxious moonshine. I didn’t even know Canadians made shine.
A man bows and Kyle’s head turns. He recoils and stands straight, not offering me any sort of recognition beyond disgust.
“Kyle, I’d like a word, if you’re able.” I give him the chance to politely decline. It’s not for him. It’s for me. It’s so I can say I tried and he didn’t want to meet me halfway. And then when he vanishes, I have something resembling a clear conscience.
But he’s an annoying Boy Scout and shouts at his workers, “Be right back.” He jogs to where I am, dripping with disdain. “Didn’t think the king ever left the confines of the castle,” he mocks me. “Surely, you have matters more important than brewery engineering.”
“Is that your way of ensuring I understand I am not welcome in your brewhouse?” I ask, watching for his reaction.
“Come all you like, the more the merrier.” That’s a lie.
“It doesn’t hurt my feelings, Kyle. I’m completely aware of your hatred of me.”
“Look, Liam. I don’t want to do this. Lou asked me not to do it. She made herself really clear when she chose you and this.” He waves a hand at the castle and town that is slowly stretching out of the ramparts and creeping along the fields to where his brewery is. One day, this will be cheap side, and the streets will be cobbled instead of hay and dirt. “So if you could try to be the bigger man—”
“Let me
rephrase that, I’m counting on you hating me.” That statement makes him stop. He stares at me confused as I finish the thought, “I’m hoping we never create anything close to a friendship.”
“Okay.” He scoffs. “Done.”
“Because I need a favor from you and your particular feelings for me are self-serving.”
“What? You want me to drop dead?” He laughs.
“No, the opposite actually.” The request tastes like ash in my mouth but there is no line I wouldn’t cross for her.
“I’m lost.” He loses the grin and humor.
“I want you to do something for me, something I can’t ask another person for.” I stall, wishing I could say it and be done but it’s harder than I imagined. “I’ve been having a lot of old feelings come up recently. Being surrounded by people and their problems and human nature has me seeking old solutions.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I was once a guest at an institution for the criminally insane. I had some problems coping with betrayal.”
“Okay.” His eyes flicker and I suspect he would prefer very much to take a step back.
“If ever there were to come a time when it’s obvious I no longer have a handle on myself, Mad King Liam so to speak—”
“Dude. You can’t ask this of me. Don’t you have a friend?”
“That’s the point. I don’t want a friend to be persuaded into thinking I’m okay again. I’m persuasive. Quite.”
“Oh I know.” He’s back on board.
“If you have even a drop of love left for her, you will ensure I have an accident of some sort. I will get sick. Something will go incredibly wrong and I will no longer be with us.”
“Why? Are you worried that time is close?” It’s smart question.
“No. If the time were close I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t admit my flaws to you. I would never ask for your help. And most of all, I would never leave her behind for you to have.” I stress the word “never,” hoping he catches my drift. “I love her more than I love anything in the world. And this act right here, is a safeguard to ensure she survives everything, even me.”
“She has bots, she heals.”
“And I’m clever and resourceful, and if my problems were to ever come back, evil. Right now I want nothing but for her to have a happy life. With me. But if that changes, and I change, I need you to guarantee me you will take care of her. And me.”
“You’re being serious?” He stares into my eyes.
“Deadly serious.”
He’s quiet in contemplation. He winces, maybe from arguing with himself. “I’m not a cold-blooded killer. I don’t think I have that in me.”
“Likely not,” I agree. “But you are an amazing friend. Loyal to the death. You hate me. I am giving you permission to do this. And no matter what, I know you’re an ethical guy. You’re practically a saint. I’ve never been in safer hands. I need to know that if the time were to come, she would be taken care of. Even if that meant saving her from me, and herself.”
“You don’t hate me?” he asks.
“No. I’ve always been indifferent to you. I reserve hate for monsters. I take hate rather seriously. Part of the sickness I suffered with as a child.”
He puts a hand out, as if that last question were a test and I passed. “Fine, I’ll be your backup plan.”
“Thank you.” I place my hand in his and shake.
“How will I know, if it’s happening?” he asks, while we’re still shaking.
“Her. She will be upset and worried. She might confide in Lee who would obviously tell Erin who would tell Miles and he would tell you. Girls keep secrets in packs.” I crack a grin as I take my hand back.
“And what if you ever come and tell me you were joking or testing me or this isn’t real?” He lifts an eyebrow over his eyes that are flooded with worry.
“That would be a bad sign. Quite bad.” I glimpse behind me at the castle. “And if possible, I would ask for the utmost discretion on this. As in, if you ever pull your head out of the sand, and realize Lee is madly in love with you and always has been, don’t tell her about this conversation.”
“Okay. You have my word.” He nods and takes a step back. The look in his eyes tells me I have been successful.
“Thank you for being my life insurance policy.” I offer him a slight bow, putting a little something extra in for his ego.
He offers me something resembling a bow in return.
I turn around and walk to the castle, grateful he can’t see the smug grin on my lips. Another problem solved. It took me a while to realize the only way he would ever be happy for her, was if he had a different reason for watching. But also if he believed he was protecting her from the shadows. He sees himself as her guardian, always trying to protect her, never letting her stand on her own.
The bonus is his respect for me has shot through the roof. He sees me as broken and wounded and struggling to survive my former illness. He now wants to protect me too. Because like he said, he is not a cold-blooded killer. He’s a gentleman. And he doesn’t want this over his head.
A small part of me wishes she could see the things I do to make her happy, so she’d understand how much she means to me and what I do to ensure she has the best life with me. But the other part of me knows she never would have gone along with it.
When I get to the castle, she’s there, speaking about something dull with someone in planning. She’s smiling and laughing as they make a joke at their own expense.
My love for her will never fade, and I’ve made sure of that. There won’t be a single unhappy day.
Feeling the success of that in every inch of my being, I make my way to the kids’ garden that is being closed down for winter.
Leah and Davis wave to me from the middle of the field where he’s teaching the few kids we have here how to farm. He’s even starting a 4-H next spring to teach them animal husbandry. I didn’t pretend to know what that was when he said it. It sounded like something a few of the patients back at the institution suffered from, but I was certain I was wrong.
Lester is with them. He stays close to Leah. And she keeps him safe. Not just from himself but from anything that might stimulate his temper. She is soothing and calming for him. Seeing him makes me sad in a strange way. He is the most altered of us all. Not entirely how he was before the bots fixed him, but he’s also no longer spouting poetry. In fact, he rarely speaks at all.
The Littles see me and run over with Mason and Magoo hot on their heels.
“Liam, did you see?” Joey runs over with her bulbs. “We have some flowers to plant for the winter. They live even in the snow.”
“Wow, that’s impressive. Sort of like you lot, hard to kill.”
“You know it,” Magoo says, flashing some new spaces where there should be teeth.
“You’re missing some soldiers.” I point.
“The tooth fairy even came here. In Canada!” That had to be the highlight of Leah’s entire month right there. She and Davis laugh like it might have been.
“Maybe the tooth fairy was Canadian all along,” I add.
“Maybe.” Magoo furrows her brow and turns back to her mom.
“It makes sense, I mean. Who else is nice enough to give you money for teeth?” she shouts back at her daughter, still laughing.
“Hmm.”
“Can I speak to you, Joey?” I kneel down to her level.
“Am I in trouble?” She narrows her eyes and asks the question all kids should ask before answering.
“Absolutely not.” I lift my hands to show innocence.
“Fine.” She turns and shouts at Leah, “I’ll be right back. Don’t plant without me.”
“Okay, sweetie.” Leah waves her off.
As I stand, Joey grabs my finger and holds tight, getting her dirt all over my hand. It’s something new in my life. Constantly being some level of dirty.
I walk her to the far side of the yard and reach into my pocket with my free hand, pull
ing out a small box. “I have a question I’ve been meaning to ask you.”
“What kind of question?” she asks something she must have heard her parents say. Before.
“Well, I want to ask Lou if she will marry me at Christmas, and I can’t ask her until I ask you. Because you’re her family, and Leah told me that if you want to join someone’s family, you have to ask them first.”
She frowns and suddenly I am uncomfortable.
“Marry Lou?” She wrinkles her nose. “I mean, I guess.”
“If you don’t want me in your family, I won’t ask her. No one but you and me will even know this conversation happened.” I can’t believe this kid is turning me down.
“It’s not you, it’s her. Are you sure?” She makes a face, and I’ve seen it before. But not from her. It was one of the expressions the nurses would get at the institution when they were concerned about your mental state.
It brings a smile to my lips. “I’m pretty sure.”
“Okay then.” She shrugs. “But I think I’m getting the better deal. I’m getting the king as my brother and you’re getting Lou. And she’s bossy.”
“I have noticed that.” I fight the laugh I desperately want to have.
“Is that it?” She glances up at me.
“That was it.”
“Can I go back now?”
“Yes. Thank you for your permission.” I offer a wave but she turns and leaves without answering me.
It didn’t go at all how I had imagined it would. I assumed she might cry, gush a bit, run around in excitement, maybe hug me. We would both be excited about the ring. She didn't even ask to see it.
This was like her asking me for the same thing.
She responded exactly how I might have.
But it doesn’t matter.
I have her permission.
Now all I need is for Lou to say yes.
I walk back to the castle, hoping that part goes better than this part did.
Epilogue
