by Kate Swain
He grinned back, pulling a face over his shoulder as he headed off to check out the bike.
I was still bending over my work as Carter walked in. He and Mark were discussing some customizing they were planning to do for a biker – the Harley they were going to be customizing was standing at the entrance, and I was listening in as they planned the work, talking about what parts they were going to have to order, and how long they thought it would take before they arrived.
I grinned to myself, letting my mind drift on thoughts of Tessa. After a bit, I realized things were quiet.
“Guys?” I frowned. The whole workshop was eerily silent. Nobody talking, nobody swearing. The sound of the compressor or cleaner or any other bit of equipment had deadened, too. I looked around nervously. What was going on?
Mark stared at me. Carter, a pencil in hand, was also staring. Over by the paint tins, Adam was looking at me too. I stood up.
“Guys?” I asked, getting worried. “What’s up?”
“You were whistling,” Mark said, and suddenly all three of them were giggling. Adam slapped his thigh, doubled over with mirth. Carter was grinning.
“What?” I said, feeling my cheeks color too, an uncertain smile twisting my lips.
“You were whistling. I heard you,” Adam teased. “You can’t say you’re not also having a good time, eh?”
I went red. “I didn’t say I wasn’t,” I managed to say, at which time they all started laughing harder.
“Hell, Matt.” Mark chuckled. “She must be really awesome.”
“Come on,” I said, shooting him a look, though I felt proud and wonderful too. “I’m a gentleman. You know that.”
“You don’t need to tell us,” Carter chuckled. “We can see by the look in your eyes.”
I looked away, feeling a mix of shyness and pride filling me up. I was in love, and I wasn’t about to hide it.
“Yes,” I agreed. “I am happy.”
Mark smiled at me and I could see his eyes shining. His happiness for my joy touched me deeply. I looked down at my toes, realizing I was standing in the middle of the work-space, a massive grin on my face.
“She looks like an amazing girl,” Mark said sincerely. I could see no teasing look in his eyes, just a genuine happiness for me. I nodded.
“She is.”
There was an awkward silence, and then Adam and Mark started asking me questions.
“What does she do? Where does she come from? Does she have family here?”
“How did you meet?”
I warded off their questions with a raised hand. “Hell, guys,” I chuckled. “Not so much…
we didn’t meet that long ago.”
Adam grinned. “I didn’t know you moved fast.”
I made a face at him. That wasn’t quite fair – for the past eight years I had barely even considered another woman. Mark nodded.
“Matt knows what he likes when he sees it.” He looked at Adam in a way that subtly told him to back off. I smiled at Mark – it had been years since either of us had stepped in to defend each other, but it was nice to know he was still there to guard my back when I needed it. I nodded in acknowledgement.
We all got back to work as Carter turned to walk back to the shelves – it was a subtle signal to stop standing around and get back to work. I turned back to our project – another Honda, and as I did so Mark came to join me.
“Seriously, though,” Mark asked as we got back to work. “I did wonder how she is?”
“How do you mean?” I asked, instantly defensive. He grinned.
“I don’t mean like that – I mean how is her life, financially? She is okay?”
“Of course,” I said a little too quickly. What did my brother think I was? Thoughtless? The first thing I had done was make sure that everything was alright. I had to admit that it was something that was still worrying me, even now. Her accommodation was in some part of town that was far from safe, and she seemed to only have one pair of jeans. I was really worried about her.
“Just checking,” Mark said defensively, as he bent down to check the wheels.
“Well,” I said slowly. “I must say I am kind of worried for her. I don’t know what happened to her, but something bad happened.” I was starting to wonder if she had maybe run away. I didn’t want to ask her to tell me things that she wasn’t ready to share. Maybe she was ashamed of her situation. I remembered something she had told me. “She didn’t want to be a nanny.”
“No,” Mark nodded. “I imagine not.”
“She studied photography,” I said slowly. I recalled some of the pictures she’d shown me the other day. As we talked I started to get an idea. “She’s really good,” I added, reaching to take off one of the wheels. “I wish she could get a break.”
Mark nodded. “It’s a real shame. It sounds like she’s had a hard life.”
“Yes,” I agreed. I started working, all the while this new idea playing through my mind. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before!
“Matt?” Mark frowned at me as I pumped up the jack, ready to remove the front wheel.
“Yeah?” I asked, pausing to wipe my hands on an oil-rag.
“That’s a Phillips,” he said, pointing to my screwdriver. I groaned. He just smiled at me.
I got down to work, excited about going back home and putting my plan in action.
20
Tessa
I went into the kitchen to get lunch ready. I was about to go and fetch Lucas from school – he wasn’t going to hockey practice today of course so I wouldn’t be early. When I asked him about his arm, the only thing that was bothering him was that he couldn’t be as active as usual. Or, to put it in his words, he didn’t want to be doing nothing all day.
“What’s up with Matt?” I asked the kitchen quietly. Matt had been so weird yesterday – friendly and sweet, but sort of quiet, as if he was hiding something.
I was putting the butter back in the refrigerator when I heard my phone ring. I had left it on the counter-top, just in case. I frowned, then felt my heart thump when I saw it was from Matt.
“Hello?” I asked, answering it and feeling my body shiver as I heard his voice.
“Hi!” He sounded full of life. “How are you? Is Lucas there?”
I smiled. “Matt, it’s only one o'clock. I haven’t gone to pick him up yet.”
“Oh. Of course.” He sounded sheepish and I wanted to smile. I could imagine that sweet face. I had to suppress an urge to kiss him.
“I’m just making sandwiches. Something wrong?” I asked.
“No no… Nothing’s wrong.” He sounded affronted. “I just wanted to check if you are okay.”
I smiled. “I’m fine,” I said. I was grinning, as if he was there in the kitchen with me. I had never felt like this about anybody before, and it was the most beautiful new experience.
“I also wanted to ask if you have the newspaper there,” he said.
I frowned. “Newspaper?” I asked. “Why?” He had the newspaper delivered daily – sometimes when I arrived for work, the paper boy arrived and I took the paper from him. I had no idea if it was here or not today – all I knew was that it hadn’t arrived while I was there this morning.
“Yeah. Is it on the front steps? It hadn’t got there when I left this morning.”
“I’ll check,” I said, feeling my brow crease into a frown. “Why? Is there something important?” I had never seen him particularly interested before. He usually glanced at the headlines and then put it down somewhere. If he ever read it, I had never seen him. We had a stack of them in the cupboard for putting in front of the door when it rained, or similar watery calamities.
“Depends,” he said, and I could hear in his voice that he was smiling. “Maybe you should turn to Page Two?”
“Okay?” I said, wanting to ask him what exactly this was about. It wasn’t like him to be so cryptic. “Are you sure there wasn’t something up?” I asked, heading to the front door. I could see the paper ly
ing there where it usually was. I was mystified as to what he was so interested about.
“No, no… it’s fine,” he said gently. “I guess I should go do some work. See you later?”
“I guess,” I replied, still confused. “See you later.”
“Bye.”
I felt a little flare in my heart just hearing his voice. I said farewells and hung up and then went to the door. I had a few minutes before I went to fetch Lucas, so I headed to the step where the paper lay, feeling curious.
It wasn’t like Matt to be secretive about anything, so I bent down to pick it up, feeling a burning curiosity. I had no idea what it might be. I guessed it was maybe something about the business – some feature or article that showcased them, that he was proud of. I flipped to the page he suggested, feeling a sense of pride.
I almost stopped breathing when I saw what was there. My breath caught in my throat and I dropped the paper on the table with a hollow sound.
“No.”
I sat down heavily, my mind unable to take it in. I couldn’t believe it, so I went back and looked again. I hoped that I had imagined it, but it was true. There, on the page right in the middle, was my photograph. I had showed Matt the photographs I had taken in the park, and when he seemed interested, I mailed him a few. I couldn’t believe that he’d sent it into a photograph competition in the paper.
I saw my name printed underneath. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know what to say.
“Matt…” I shut my eyes, feeling a tear run down my cheek. Horror and panic and fear mixed with pride inside me.
How could Matt have done that? He might as well have written to my killers and told them where I was.
I wanted to cry. He had done such a lovely thing, something that could really have helped me and furthered my career. But at the same time he could just have killed me. I didn’t know what to say.
“Damn it.” I felt my fingers twist the newspaper, almost ready to tear it up. I knew that wouldn’t do any good – there were thousands of them floating all over the town. It was a reaction of utter fear. I pushed it away, so I didn’t need to see it. Then I checked my phone – it was half-past one already, and time to go and fetch Lucas.
I drove, feeling sick. I couldn’t stop the feeling that somebody was going to find me. I knew it was ridiculous – there were no details other than my name and the fact that I resided in the city. But somehow I felt like it was going to lead to something bad.
I was shaking when I stopped outside the school. I was tense and somehow I was expecting a bullet between my shoulders any moment. I couldn’t make myself calmer.
“Tessa, you’re as safe as you were yesterday. Maybe safer.”
I couldn’t let myself see the positive side, though, even when I considered it logically. I had just won a photography contest.
I hesitated, caught between wanting to look at the newspaper again and wanting to rip it up and never think about it again.
I looked up as I saw Lucas running from the front door of the school. I opened the door hastily, hiding the newspaper. I turned around as he climbed into the back seat, small face flushed and grinning.
“Tessa! Let’s go. I want to eat!”
I laughed. Lucas was getting a healthy appetite – all the more so now that his wounds were healing. I put my foot on the gas and we sped off into the town.
While we drove, Lucas chatted about school, and how he’d done really well in a test. I smiled and congratulated him.
“Will Daddy be back early?” He wanted to know.
I frowned. “I don’t know, Lucas. Did he say he might come back before seven today?” It wasn’t usual for him to be able to come back early – mostly he worked overtime, if he was going to do anything out of the ordinary. I felt my heart jump and I wanted to smile.
I drove back a little faster, looking forward to seeing Matt. I didn’t know what I would say to him when I did see him… I knew he had wanted me to do well and he was proud of me.
“I just wish he hadn’t.”
“What was that?” Lucas wanted to know. I frowned and concentrated on parking outside the tall apartment block.
“Nothing, Lucas,” I replied, swinging my legs over and getting out of the car. “I was just talking to myself.”
I opened the door and went in, Lucas following me inside.
“Peanut butter sandwiches!” he shouted gleefully, as he sat down for lunch. I bit back a grin. I was glad he enjoyed them – they had always been my favorite as a kid. I was also glad Matt had insisted that I eat lunches here too – it was one meal I could count on every workday.
I was just cleaning the dishes, while Lucas unpacked his school-books and settled down to do some exercises, when the door unlocked.
“Matt?” I heard my own voice said, utter surprise tightening it. “You’re back early.”
“I couldn’t wait,” he said, and walked into the kitchen carrying a bunch of flowers. They were pink and multi-petalled and beautiful and I felt my heart tighten, even as my cheeks went pink.
“Matt…” I trailed off. “You shouldn’t have!”
Lucas looked from me to Matt, a small frown on his brow. “What’s happening?” he asked, confused. “Is it Tessa’s birthday today? Why didn’t you say?” he accused his father. Matt just smiled.
“It’s not Tessa’s birthday,” he said. “It’s to say well done. Did you see her photo?”
“Photo?” Lucas was mystified. I felt my heart twist, even as I wished Matt had kept it a secret. I looked at my feet and Matt took out a copy of the paper – apparently he had bought another one on the way home.
“Look, son!” Matt put the paper down on the kitchen table. “Tessa won a competition. Isn’t she great?” He was smiling and I could see pride in his eyes. My heart melted and I wanted, very badly, to cry.
“Wow,” Lucas said, looking at me round-eyed.
I felt my throat close, a mix of sweetness and pain making it for a moment too hard to speak. Lucas seemed so impressed, and that meant so much to me. I had never felt the acceptance and love that I felt from these two people, not in my whole life. Dad had always been close, but his own problems had made it so hard for him to show anything besides a detached affection. With Matt and Lucas, I was starting to learn what love was.
“What’s up?” Matt whispered in my ear as he passed on his way to the counter. He looked concerned and I squeezed his hand, under the table where Lucas couldn’t see. He wasn’t aware of our closeness yet.
“I’m okay,” I said, when he came back to the table, the kettle filled and boiling, the cups lined up on the counter-top, ready for making tea.
He looked into my eyes, those dark blue ones confused and hurt and I felt instantly bad. He hadn’t meant to compromise me, just by having my name published in the paper! In fact, I thought sorrowfully, he had actually wanted to help me!
“Tessa…” Matt trailed off, as I turned away, unable to conceal my reaction anymore.
“Sorry, Matt,” I murmured. “I am just going to the bathroom for a moment. Excuse me, please.”
Matt watched me go and I headed off to blow my nose, feeling bad. With the door shut, I could have a moment of thought. I wanted so badly to be able to tell him my story – to let him know why, categorically, it had been a bad idea for him to put my name on anything that stated where I was.
But what could I say?
I closed my eyes and leaned back, sighing. A tear tracked down my cheek and I cuffed it away, feeling annoyed at myself. I shouldn’t be crying! I should be happy! Matt had done me a favor by getting my work out there. So many people would be grateful for the break they had just been given. And here I was, sitting here weeping?
Not everyone has two hitmen tailing them.
I blew my nose, realizing I was being a bit hard on myself. I did have an overwhelming, very real reason why I was upset about what he had done! I didn’t know what would happen if I told him my story. If he knew that my simply existing could draw hell
down on his family, he would tell me to go. He wouldn’t be able to do anything else.
I stood up, checking my face in the mirror. I looked a mess. I rinsed my face, wishing I had makeup to tidy myself up a bit. I would just have to go out there looking like this. I dried my face on the towel, and thought that it did hide the fact that I’d been sobbing. I brushed stray locks of hair away from my face and headed back to the kitchen.
“Tessa?” Matt was at the window, washing dishes. He turned around when I came in. Lucas had gone to his bedroom, leaving us, for the moment, alone. “What happened? Did something happen today to upset you?”
“No,” I said, turning swiftly away. “I’m fine, Matt. Just tired.”
“Oh.” He looked upset, and I wished I could find the energy to show him how much I appreciated what he had done. I would benefit from it, one day, I was sure. I wanted to be more sure of my safety before I started putting my name out there. I wished I could tell him.
“Matt… I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I just want to go to sleep. Thank you,” I added, making a vague gesture that took in the table, the paper, the gladioli that he had arranged in a vase in front.
“It’s nothing,” he said, and wrapped me in a hug. “I wanted you to know you’re an amazing photographer.”
“Oh, Matt!” I was crying and I couldn’t stop it. I was so appreciative of what he had done, but I also couldn’t believe that the one person who wanted to help me had indirectly created the greatest threat to my life so far. “Matt… If I…”
“If what?” he asked, breathing against my shoulder in a way that made fire run down my spine. “I wish you would tell me things, sometimes, you know, Tessa,” he added. I could see how sad he was and I ached to be able to trust him with my story. But my presence was putting his son in danger, and he wouldn’t be able to countenance that, no matter what he wanted for us both.
“It’s nothing,” I said, turning away to hide the distress on my own face. “Really, I just need to go home.”
“Okay,” he said. I could see in his eyes how upset he was and I wished I didn’t have to do this. But what else could I do? If I stayed, even a second longer, I would tell him everything. And then my world would end. If he told me to go away, I wouldn’t bear it. I knew, though, that I owed Lucas that I took myself away from here, before something bad happened.
