by E. L. Todd
“Thank you for taking me with you to London. I had a good time.” I hoped being sweet would pull him out of his bad mood.
“Of course. I had a great time.” He put his hands in his pockets then faced me, still seeming distant. “Well, I guess I’ll see you later.”
“Okay.” I felt my heart fall.
He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, being cold.
I didn’t bother arguing or trying to make the situation better. We had this same fight so many times, and I really didn’t want it to happen again. The best thing for both of us was for him to leave and cool off.
Ward walked out and shut the door quietly behind him.
Once I was alone, I released a deep sigh. We had such a great time across the pond, and it immediately went to shit once we were back in the States. My profession bothered him to the point of obsession. I wished he would be more understanding about it. Just when he came to terms with it, he would freak out and get pissed off all over again. For as long as we were together, it would always bother him.
Just when I turned to my refrigerator, Ward burst back inside my apartment.
“I want you to quit!” He slammed the door behind him and marched to me.
The sound made me jump, and my hand went to my chest as I caught my breath. “Shit, you scared me.”
He got in my face, towering over me and looking just as menacing as a real grizzly bear. “This ends now. You’re so much better than this, Clementine. I don’t want my girl riding a pole on a stage while a bunch of scumbags watch her from the privacy of the darkness.”
“First of all, I’m not your girl. Secondly, it’s my choice. I do what I want and I won’t change for anybody. I’m not sure why you think you’re so special.”
He clenched his jaw and put his hands on his hips. He looked like he was about to erupt like an explosive volcano. His eyes were fiery like the depths of hell, and his hair was messed up like he’d been running his fingers through it while he paced my hallway a second before he returned to my apartment. “I am special. That’s the problem.”
“We agreed this was casual. I’m not going to change for a man that’s only going to be around for a short period of my life.”
“What if I don’t want to be around just for a short period of time?” For a moment, his anger disappeared. “What if I want you for as long as you’ll have me?”
The words he spoke to his mother came back to me. “What do you mean?”
“A commitment—you and I.”
“That’s exactly what I said I didn’t want. It won’t go anywhere, Ward.”
He gripped his skull, losing his cool. “How will you know unless we try, Clementine? Come on, we’re great together. We can make it work. I know we can.”
“Everything I said still stands. You’ll be there half the month and I’ll be here. I can’t have a relationship like that. Who can?”
“Come with me,” he said. “When I return to London, come with me.”
“What?” I asked incredulously. “Ward, I have two jobs and I can’t just neglect my responsibilities every two weeks. I’m not going to uproot my life and sacrifice everything just to be with you. That’s not fair.”
He rubbed his temple. “Quit your stripping job. Then you can come with me, and if you need to come back for the symphony, you can.”
“Uh…you think I don’t have bills to pay?” I asked incredulously.
“I’ll pay your bills. Whatever you need, I’ll give it to you.”
I looked at him like he was crazy. “I don’t want your money, Ward.”
“I don’t mean it in an offensive way. It’ll just allow us to be together.”
“And what will I do when we break up? Scramble for another job? No.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m not going to depend on you for rent and food. I would only do that if I were married.”
He sighed in irritation. “Clementine, I’m trying. Meet me halfway.”
“Meet you halfway?” I asked incredulously. “Why is halfway me uprooting my entire life for you? Traveling back and forth with you and practically following you around? Never once did you offer to stay here and find something else.”
He stared at the ground. “You’re right.”
“And I wouldn’t want you to, Ward. You’re close with your family. You belong with them.”
“Then the only way this will work is if you agree to travel back and forth with me.”
“And I’m not going to do that,” I said simply. “I’m sorry.”
He turned his back on me and paced the room. His eyes stared into the far distance, like he was thinking deeply. He rubbed his chin then came back to me.
“Let’s just stick to our original plan. We’ll see each other until one of us wants to see someone else.”
“I don’t want to see someone else,” he said quietly. He looked into my eyes, the longing evident. Like the tip of an iceberg, I could see the emotion on the surface, and knew there was much more underneath.
I didn’t either. Ward was a dream. I wished the situation were different. But no matter how I examined our relationship, it was clear that the only way it would work was if I sacrificed everything and flew back and forth with him all the time. What kind of life could I possibly have? I could work for the symphony because the schedule was spread out, but I couldn’t have any other full-time job. I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills. It just wouldn’t work. “I’m sorry, Ward. I don’t know what else to say…”
He scratched the back of his head. “If we were married, you would do it?”
My heart rate sped up and I suddenly felt winded. “Excuse me?”
“If we were married, you would fly back and forth with me? Would you quit stripping? Would you quit working?”
I felt the room spin. “I admit I want to be with you, Ward, but I don’t think marriage is the answer.”
“Please answer the question.” He put his hands in his pockets while he searched my face.
“I don’t know…it’s totally hypothetical.”
“Just think about it,” he said. “Would you do that if we were married?”
If Ward wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, I would do anything to make it work. He was the most amazing man I’d ever known. He made me happy like no one else did. “Yeah.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
His eyes brightened and he released the breath he was holding. “Okay.”
“But that doesn’t mean we should rush into anything,” I said quietly.
“This is my new offer,” he said. “We’re monogamous and only see each other. I’m your man and you’re my girl. We make this relationship work as much as we can. Because, I think, this could be everything I’ve been looking for.”
I took a deep breath and averted my gaze because the brightness in his eyes was too much. “I don’t know…”
“Clementine, please. What are your reservations?”
I decided to go with the truth. “It bothers me you’ll be away so often…”
“You don’t trust me?” he asked sadly.
“It’s nothing personal…”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve done everything I can to prove what kind of man I am. I know you’re scared based on your last relationship, but I know you trust me. You’ve seen my home and my family. You know everything about me. I’m not the cheating type. Never have been and never will be. As much as I want to be patient with you, I need you to give me that trust. I feel like I’ve earned it. Without it…this will be nearly impossible. So, Clementine, I’m asking you to take one more chance. I sincerely hope it’ll be the last time you need to.”
When he spoke so eloquently and looked so handsome as he did it, it was impossible to say no to him.
“I promise you can trust me, Clementine. I won’t hurt you.”
I really hoped I wouldn’t regret this. “Okay.”
He stiffened at my words then a grin broke out on his face. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and came cl
oser to me, the joy clear in his eyes. He pressed his hand to mine and grabbed them. “We’re going to make this work.”
“I hope so…”
“It will,” he said firmly.
I stared at his chest, feeling my heart race.
“Now…you need to quit stripping. You’re officially my girlfriend.”
I pulled away and glared at him. “No.”
He sighed. “There are a million other jobs you can do.”
“I’m not having this conversation with you again!”
He growled like a bear.
“I agreed to a relationship I never wanted to have, and I’m trusting you even though my heart is still skeptical from the last man who broke it. I’ve given you everything I can, Ward. I’m not going to sacrifice my livelihood too.”
He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Then he reopened them. “Okay.”
Chapter Nine
Conrad
Break ups were more difficult than I realized. When Skye was going through torture after she left Cayson, I felt bad for her, but I didn’t really understand just how trying the ordeal was.
It was crippling.
Heartbreaking.
Agonizing.
The fact Beatrice hadn’t called in two months just made me angry. I wasn’t the one who ruined the relationship. She did. She was the one who took off the second things weren’t picture perfect. All I was doing was helping her. If she really couldn’t understand that with that big lawyer brain of hers, then she really was no good for me.
I missed her, but that longing started to turn to anger and bitterness. I did everything for that girl and I never asked for anything in return. I was always the one working my ass off to make her happy. Never once she did she do that for me. I’d never had a girlfriend before and I did my best. I never messed up in our relationship or even looked at another girl. When she didn’t put out for a year, I didn’t even jerk off.
Shit, I was the perfect boyfriend to her.
The resentment just made me let her go even more. Her head was so far up her ass that she couldn’t even think clearly. The trauma that happened to her family had shaken her so much that she was unfixable. It was a sad and depressing truth, but I couldn’t spin it any other way.
My dad and I had spent a lot more time together. Since we worked together, we got lunch at the same time. After work, we went to his boxing gym and worked out. And when the weather was nice, we went golfing. I’d always liked my dad but I’d never been particularly close with him. Now he was a friend, as odd as that sounded. And I actually liked him.
When we got lunch together one afternoon, he was a little different. He wasn’t his cheerful self. Something was clearly on his mind. His eyes were dark like he was thinking about getting away with murder. Lately, I’d been the one who was depressing, but we suddenly switched.
“Something on your mind, Dad?” I asked as I ate my food.
“Your sister.”
“Is she okay?”
“No, not at all.” His shoulders were tense like he was about to fight someone.
“Did Slade do something?”
“We were having dinner with Trinity and Reid when—”
“Wait. Trinity is dating Reid again? Shit, she moved on quick.”
“No, she says they are just friends. But I want something to happen between them. Reid would be great for her. I like him and want him in the family.”
“Well, if she’s spending time with him, that might happen,” I said.
Dad nodded. “That’s what I’m thinking too. But Slade saw her and flipped out. He must have said something harsh to her because she cried.” He released a violent groan. “I really hate the fucker.”
“Slade?” I asked incredulously. “You hate him?”
“I want to break his fucking neck,” he said seriously. “He came to our house last week looking for her. I almost choked him to death.”
“Damn…what did he do?” Last time I checked, he just didn’t want to get married.
“He broke Trinity’s heart. That’s what the hell he did.” His eyes looked demonic.
Dad was always super protective of Trinity. Sometimes I felt bad for her. She had her own private guard dog. “Well, I think what Beatrice did to me is far worse but I don’t see you huffing and puffing about it.”
“That’s different,” he said. “You’re a man. You’ll get over it. Women are more sensitive and delicate. I won’t stand by and watch some loser hurt my only daughter.”
“Dad, I think you need to calm down a little bit.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”
“Look, Slade is young. Can you really blame him for not wanting to get married right now?”
“He said he never wants to marry Trinity.”
“In all fairness, Trinity knew that,” I said. “ I even told her that. She still wanted to be with him. I don’t think you should blame Slade for everything. Trinity made mistakes too. And she’s an adult. She’ll bounce back and be fine. Just give her some time.”
“That doesn’t mean I have to like that little punk.”
“Um, isn’t Ryan one of your closest friends?”
“What’s your point?” he asked.
“Then isn’t Slade like family to you? How can you hate him?” Sometimes my dad couldn’t see reason when he was really angry.
“I see Slade in two different lights. Of course, he’s a part of this family and I would do anything to protect him and look out for him. That still stands. However, the rules change when it involves my wife and kids. If he hurts one of the people I love most, he’s not going to get away with it. He’ll have to deal with me, every pound of muscle and ounce of rage.”
If I didn’t know my dad so well, I’d be terrified of him. “I think you should cut him some slack…”
“Trinity is your sister. You should be protective of her too.”
“I am,” I said. “But I know Slade really loved her. I mean, like, really. There isn’t a doubt in my mind. It wasn’t like she meant nothing to him. Trinity changed him completely, made him into a different person. That love was real. The fact he doesn’t want to get married is beyond me. Maybe he’ll change his mind.”
Dad stared at me like my speech meant absolutely nothing. “I sincerely hope he doesn’t. I’ve wanted her to be with Reid from the beginning. He’s a good guy and I trust him.”
“But does Trinity like him?” I asked.
“I know she did at one point.”
“Just…give her some space.” I was doing this so Dad would unwind but I was also trying to help my sister. I’m sure Dad was breathing down her neck, trying to push Reid on her like she was a mule ready to breed.
Dad returned to eating his food, clearly finished with the conversation. “How’s your floor?”
“Good,” I said. “It’s nice having an assistant.”
“Don’t fuck her,” he said seriously.
The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. “I’m not interested.” I hadn’t been interested in anyone. I was trying to get over Beatrice, but I wasn’t ready to be with someone else yet. I didn’t know when I would be, but it definitely wasn’t any time soon.
“How’s the studio?”
“It’s almost done,” I said. “Got a few more things to do. I’m excited to see it up and running.”
“You’ll be busy doing both.”
“Yeah…I should have thought it through.”
“You can cut down your hours if you need to,” Dad said.
“No, it’s okay,” I said immediately. I wouldn’t back out of the deal even though Beatrice wasn’t my girlfriend anymore.
“You haven’t talked to Beatrice?” he asked quietly.
I shook my head, unable to say the actual words.
“Well, not every relationship you have is going to last. It’s just a part of life.”
“Apparently.”
“Every person you’re with is an experience. That way when you mee
t the right one, you have everything down. You won’t disappoint her.”
“I can’t picture myself ever settling down…at this point.”
“Give it a few years and you’ll change your mind.”
I really, really doubt it. “Beatrice had too many problems. Stupidly, I tried to fix them. If I find someone else someday, I want her to be fun and cool. I want her to be carefree and…normal.”
Dad chuckled. “It sounds like you know what you want now. Told you, it’s experience.”
“I’d rather not have experience in exchange for not having my heart broken,” I said seriously.
He gave me a sad look. “The pain will pass eventually. I know it’s hard to believe but it will.”
I finished my food then looked out the window.
“Want to play golf after work?” he asked.
“Sure.” I had nothing else to do anyway. Everyone else was working or spending time with their significant others.
“I’ll let you drive the golf cart this time.”
I chuckled. “Thanks, Dad.”
“You’re welcome, son.”
“And thanks for everything,” I whispered. “You made me feel a lot better.” I kept looking out the window because I didn’t want the moment to get too emotional.
Dad patted me on the shoulder. “I’m always here for you.”
***
When I walked inside my apartment, Theo and Alex were sitting on the couch. Their backs were to me. But there was another person in the living room. He had dark brown hair and I didn’t recognize him, at least not from this angle.
Theo turned around. “Hey.”
“Hi.” I eyed the other person then turned to him.
“Uh, William stopped by because he wants to talk to you,” Theo explained.
“William?” Beatrice’s brother?
He stood up then approached me. “How are you?” He extended his hand to shake mine.
I took it, not really thinking about my actions.
Theo and Alex disappeared into their bedroom.
“Not to be rude, but what do you want?” I asked. I didn’t want to look at him. His features reminded me too much of Beatrice. It was painful.
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to intrude on your life.”
