by Chloe Grey
“You aren’t an idiot, and the reason you fell for him so quickly was because your heart was broken. He came along and put the pieces back together. Even if you’ll never admit it, you longed for someone to do that, didn’t you? He did that, and you fell in love. He’s still in the process. What’s wrong with that?”
“Whose side are you on?”
“All I am saying is to give him time.”
“What if he will never love me? What if he’s using me for companionship and sex? He is fresh from a breakup, Zane. He needed someone to fill the gap.”
“How do you know that? Because from my point of view, he gave you a lot and looked like he genuinely cared for you.”
I shook my head, downing another shot. The world was spinning, and I felt like throwing up. “He won’t ever love me. No one will. I’m a tool for men to use and discard. And you know what? I’m okay with that. Use me for all I care, I will—”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I doubled over and threw up on the ground.
“Jesus, Audrey!” Zane was beside me in an instant. The next thing I knew, I was being half dragged somewhere, and then a toilet seat appeared in front of me.
I puked everything residing in my stomach. I don’t know how I consumed that much liquor. It came out of me in waves, and I cried while I threw up. I cried like I had never cried before.
Zane was beside me through it all, helping me up when I was done and dragging me out of the bathroom someplace. I couldn’t remember much, but the last thing I saw were tears on my best friend’s face.
That’s what I do. I hurt people. I fuck things up. Audrey Hemlock, the person with a poisonous last name. Audrey Hemlock, the relationship break up expert, at your service.
Chapter 34
I woke up laying on the surface of the sun with a monstrous headache. It was scorching, and the light was blinding against my eyes. I blinked through the confusion, but nothing changed. Mustering the will to sit up, my head split in half, or at least that what was it felt like. I cried out, putting both hands to my head.
“You’re awake.”
I blinked rapidly. My vision cleared, and I saw Zane in front of me, holding a glass filled with a bubbly liquid.
I knew it was stupid, but I wished it was Kevin instead, no matter how much I hated him.
“Kev,” I said. “Where is he?”
“I don’t know. But you’re in a hotel room I booked since you didn’t want to go back home.”
He was right. Coughs erupted from my throat as I looked around. I hadn’t noticed my unfamiliar surroundings. I was in a single bed, and even though the curtains weren’t drawn, the faint light emitting through them were like laser beams.
Warily, I took the glass he offered me. “If this is alcohol...”
“It isn't. It’s a hangover cure Jason made for me last week. It worked for me, so I hope it will work for you.”
I sniffed the ‘cure’, crinkling my nose when I smelled sourness. Holding my breath, I gulped down the liquid. It tasted as bad as I imagined, and I shoved the glass back to him, cringing in disgust.
Zane chuckled and took the glass, placing it on a small gray table.
Memories of last night came back to me, and I lay back down carefully so I wouldn’t puke the liquid I just drank.
“I fucking hate my life,” I mummered.
The bed dropped as my friend sat on the edge of it right beside me.
“Me too.” He placed a hand on my forehead. “I think you have a fever. I’ll head down and get some medicine later.”
I turned to Zane. He cared for me. He genuinely did. He was always there during my darkest hours and blackest moments. For the first time since meeting him all those years ago, I saw him in a whole new light. He was no Kevin Bond, but any woman would define him as cute.
“Zane,” I started. “Do you love me?”
He frowned. “Of course, I do. Why are you even asking this?”
Pushing myself back up to my sitting position, I received another splitting headache, grinding my teeth and trying not to puke my guts out.
I looked at him, and he looked at me.
Then I did the unthinkable. I leaned forward and reached for him, cradling the back of his head. I brought my lips to his.
“Cookie, what the—” Zane backed away before our lips could meet and he fell from the bed. “Ow, shit!”
He was back on his feet a split second later. “What the hell was that?”
“I don’t know.” Tears slid from my eyes. “I don’t fucking know.”
Nervous laughter leaped from his throat. “You do know I am like one hundred percent gay, right?” He laughed again. “And I am taken.”
I sighed and looked away. “I know.”
“You haven’t cleaned your mouth since puking your guts out. You should do that. Can you stand up?”
I lay back down and pulled the blanket to my chin. “I want to stay here forever.”
“I don’t have much to pay for this room forever, but I can make do with a few weeks at most. Rest and relax, and I’ll be back later. I need to Google fever medication and find a pharmacy.”
I didn’t answer him.
“O-kay,” he said aloud. I heard him walking away and then heard the click of the front door a moment later.
TWO DAYS. TWO EXCRUCIATING long days after my break up with the person I thought was the love of my life.
I didn’t do much during those two days. I didn’t take a bath or wash myself for over thirty hours until Zane forced me to. But he couldn’t force me to eat, so he stopped trying. I lay in the bed, wallowing in my own self-pity
Kevin hadn’t called. He didn’t text after the initial ‘Where are you???’ the night of our breakup.
He had probably moved on. There were so many girls who would die to be with him, and I blew my chances. He was probably calling another woman babe and fucking her in our—his—bed. I wouldn’t be surprised.
It was confirmed. Love does not exist for me. I would grow up depressed and lonely. Going to a sperm bank and having children seemed like a bright idea the more I thought about it. Then again, they would have to grow up without a dad. Would that be fair to them? Would I be up for the challenge of being a single mom? Hell, I was deeper in debt now because of the stupid watch I bought for him as a gift.
The gift. My hands flew to my necklace still wrapped around my neck. I wanted to tear it off and fling it out the hotel window, but after a moment of mulling it over, I decided not to. Let my necklace be a reminder that love was impossible for me, and I should stay the hell away from any man that showed an interest in me. Let this be my shield.
“Let’s go to the bar,” I told Zane who was laying on his own bed, typing on his phone. He had been typing and taking a lot of calls recently. Things with Jason must have gone well for him, and as much as I wanted to be happy for him, I couldn’t stop the twinge of jealousy in me.
When I tear up on his wedding day, it would be both from happiness and sadness. I shuddered at the thought.
“Bar?” He frowned. “No way. You’re not touching another glass of alcohol.”
“Try and stop me,” I retorted back, feeling terrible for snapping at him.
He set his phone aside and sighed. “Please. I’m begging you not to drink yourself to death. Please don’t use what’s left of your money and spend it all on shit like that.”
“Are you coming with me or not?”
“Okay, okay.” Zane got out of bed and walked towards me. He gripped my sides. “What type of alcohol do you want?”
“I don’t know. Anything that is strong and can make me forget that asshole.”
“Whiskey?”
“Sure, whatever.”
“I’ll get you a bottle of whiskey. But that’s all you can have. Stay here while I find it, okay?”
I thought about slipping out while he was gone and drowning my misery in a random bar but decided against it. It wouldn’t be fair to Zane, and I needed to stop acting like a chi
ld no matter how terrible and miserable I felt.
I nodded. “Okay.”
“Stay here. Please. I will be right back.”
I used the bottle of Jack Daniel’s Zane got for me wisely. A shot every hour. That lasted me only a day. But most important, it didn’t make me forget about Kevin. In fact, the drunker I got, the more I thought about him. He filled my mind, haunting every thought I had. I tried to shove him away, but he kept coming back.
Going to the bathroom and using an upset stomach as an excuse was my way of letting go of my sorrows. I cried silently until my body couldn’t secrete any more tears. Zane became suspicious, but I never answered his questions and would keep my head down and use my hair to hide my face and bloodshot eyes before plopping down on my side of the bed.
I missed Kevin. I still loved him. When I told him he would be the hardest guy to get over, I was completely serious, and so far it had been proven true. I still hadn’t eaten, I still hadn’t slept much and my head felt heavy. I couldn’t explain how I felt beyond feeling depressed. It was like I wasn’t myself anymore and somebody else was in my body, controlling my movements. I was in a dream, floating in the air, and I saw everything in a birds eye’s view, observing my own thoughts and actions like I was an outside observer.
It wasn’t a good feeling and I drowned it out using the method that breakups had taught me over the years.
I forced Zane to get me two more bottles of whiskey, so I could knock myself out and fall asleep.
THREE DAYS SINCE MY breakup with Kevin.
I had had it with the lack of alcohol and Zane’s harsh reinforcement, so I came up with a solution. When he went to get food, I snuck out and bought myself liquor at a nearby convenience store, drinking the bottles dry and discarding the evidence before Zane got back.
After getting away with that three times, my body ratted me out.
Zane looked at me as I hiccuped. “Cookie.”
“Ye—” Hiccup. “—ah?”
“Have you been drinking?”
“No.”
“You are a terrible liar. Do you know that?” I could tell he was disappointed with me, but he shook his head, sighed, and continued typing on his phone.
I had never felt as terrible as I did then, but I didn’t care. If I died of alcohol poisoning, the world would be a better place. Zane and my parents would weep for me but only them and no one else. At least I hoped they would mourn for me. Maybe Sam, too.
Speaking of Sam, where was she? She did text me over the days, but I only replied with single words. Sometimes I wouldn’t reply at all. She would ask what happened or why I wasn’t at work, and I couldn’t answer those.
Work. There was no way I was going back there. Not with him in the building. I would have to find a new job. Then again, should I? Why should I pay off my debt when there was no reason for me to live anymore.
“Would you miss me?” I asked.
“Huh?”
“If I was gone, would you miss me?”
“Gone?” Zane sat up and looked at me. ‘What do you mean by ‘gone’?”
“Gone. Like gone from this world.”
“Jesus, cookie.” He sighed, running both hands through his hair. “You need to go back to a therapist. ASAP.”
“Would you miss me, though?” I pressed on.
“Yes, I fucking would. And so would so many people. Don’t even try to do something stupid, you hear me?”
When I didn’t answer him, he raised his voice and repeated, “You hear me?”
“I hear you.”
He went back to texting on his phone, his fingers typing in a rapid-fire pace. His phone rang a minute later, but he declined it and started typing again.
“Zane.”
“Yeah?” He didn’t glance away from his phone.
“Thank you. I know I’ve been a major bitch, but thank you for taking care of me. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
He looked at me. “No problem. Anyone would do the same.”
I shook my head. ‘There is no anyone. No one else cares about me.”
He sighed. “There are people, cookie. And you really need to see a therapist. Even if everything goes right today.”
“What do you mean?”
He hopped off the bed, and at the exact same time, there was knocking on the door.
“Be nice to him, and please hear him out, okay?”
“What are you—that is not room service?”
He gave me a slight smile—the first smile I had seen from him in ages—before walking over to the door. “No, it isn’t room service.”
Chapter 35
Kevin stood in front of me, hands in his pants and looking so fuckable in a cream sweater that stretched incredibly over his chest and navy chinos that did his legs justice. I hated him, but that was my brain, not my body.
I felt my tingling down there when I hadn’t experienced that in what felt like forever. My breasts grew heavier, and my nipples tightened. Basically, everything that my body did when we were naked and in bed together, it was happening now.
“I’ll be outside,” Zane said, stepping around my ex-boyfriend and closing the door behind him.
“When Zane told me you looked like hell,” Kevin said, studying me. “I didn’t expect actual hell.”
My hands balled into fists, and tears threatened to fall from my eyes. “You came all the way here to insult my looks? Alright, come on then, do your worst.”
He took his hands out of his pockets and stepped closer to me, the watch I bought for him wrapped around his wrist. I stepped back.
“I am not here to insult you. Even looking at your worse, you’re still beautiful, babe.”
“Don’t call me—”
“Babe,” he said, stepping closer. I backed off until I couldn’t anymore, with my back against the wall. “I still can call you babe because you are still my babe. We didn’t break up.”
“We did,” I spat out. “So you can go to hell.”
“Say it then.”
“What?”
“Say ‘I am breaking up with you’.”
“You want me to say it?”
“Fuck no. But if you want to say it, say it.”
“I am breaking up with...” I looked at him. Kevin didn’t have a smug look on his face like his tone portrayed. He just looked tired.
“I am,” I started, “breaking up...” My knuckles turned white, and my eyes shot daggers at him.
My mouth opened again. I tried my hardest to push the rest of the words out, but nothing came out.
I couldn’t do it. I still loved him. Even after what had happened, he still owned my heart.
He closed the remaining distance between us, gripped my hips and tackled my lips.
My brain screamed at me to shove him away, do something, anything. As my insides waged war, he pressed me against the wall and deepened the kiss. I moaned when his hands slid up my body, trailing a path through my curves, stopping at my cheeks as he angled my head to his, slipping his tongue in to find mine.
I allowed my body to win this time.
“Babe, I missed this so damn much. You have no idea how restless I was.” He broke the kiss but kept pressing light pecks onto my lips. “I wanted to come here and see you so badly.”
“Why didn’t you?” Tears gathered around my eyes and I wiped them away. “Why didn’t you come to see me? Why didn’t you call me?”
“Zane convinced me not to. He told me to leave you alone for a little while and allow you to breathe and think things over. There were multiple times I came here but Zane held me back.”
“He held you back?” Even in my state, I found that funny and extremely unbelievable. “How?”
“Well, I didn’t fight back. Hell, I rented a spot next to this hotel just so I could be closer to you. I couldn’t sleep back in our apartment.”
“You did?” My eyes widened. “You did all of this for me? Why?”
“Why? Isn’t it obvious, babe? Because I wa
nt you. I treasure this relationship, and I won’t give you up without a fight.”
I looked away as hot tears leaked from my eyes, but Kevin tilted my gaze back to his, using his thumb to swipe away falling tears.
“You haven’t moved on.” I choked the words out. ‘You still want me.”
“You can be so dumb sometimes, you know that, babe? Of course, I still want you, even though you did piss me off that night.” He pressed more light kisses to my lips, and I enjoyed his honey taste from every peck. “There is no way I’m moving on, not without you.”
I broke down, covering my face against his strong shoulders. “I’m sorry, Kev. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“It’s okay, babe. It’s okay. I forgive you.”
“You still want me,” I said again, softer this time.
His hands snaked around my hips, and he lifted me, dropping me on the bed. I gasped when he climbed on top of me and sighed as his lips found mine again. Kevin started grinding his hips, and I replied with my own erotic sways, growing wetter by the second.
“I’m sorry too, babe. What you told me that night...” He leaned forward and trailed kisses down my neck. “I haven’t been entirely honest with you. But from here on out, no more secrets.”
I almost choked with happiness. Nodding, he wiped more tears from my eyes, which I was sure were still bloodshot from all the crying I had done over the last few days.
“Here.” He held his pinky in front of me. “Pinky promise. No more secrets. No more hiding. I will promise you that.”
I linked his pinky with my own and dropped it, moaning as his lips went back to my neck. His thumb hooked over the hem of my shirt. I lifted my arms so he could pry it away from me. I hadn’t bothered wearing a bra, so his lips had free reign over my breasts.
“Kev,” I moaned out his name. “You came back.”
“I did, baby. Now, just relax.”
Kevin growled out something about missing me so fucking much before he discarded his own clothes and positioned his cock over my sex. “I am going in. Is that okay, babe?”
