by Lexa Bălă
And when you say rude things about Tate...God, it pisses me off so much. 'Cause I found in him peace of mind and he was just making me forget about Darren and you. And I consider him a friend and it just annoys me when you start insulting him. I admit, I overreacted, 'cause I shouldn't have cared so much about him, but more about what you feel about all these things, about being here and know that I spend my time with Tate the psychotic kid. I understand your repulsion over him. So I let you hate him how much you'd want to, but let me do whatever I want. And if it doesn't work well, then you should feeling good saying ~I've told you ~.
I know you're protecting me. And someday I'll be grateful for that.
I don't care more about him, Theo. And he is not better for me than you are. You are good enough. You are actually the best for everyone.
And I'm sorry about how Hayden, Tess and Aiden treated you. It was not fair. But they are our friends. Your friends too. And we gotta accept their bullshit, as they accept all our bullshits.
'Cause they are our second family, Theo. No matter how stupid and annoying they are, they are still our family. And nobody accepts better Tess and Aiden's sexuality than us. Theo, you are part of this family, even if you've came later in it.
People don't avoid you. They simply don't understand you. But I understand you. God. I miss the way we were. "
I feel some tears running down my cheeks and I hear my own sobs. But I don't stop. I'm not done yet.
"Theo, we both keep all of us together. Let's don't lose what we have.
And it's hard to get over someone's death, but it's harder if you don't have anyone beside you.
I'm just sorry," I muttered. "I'm sorry. And it's your choice if you choose letting me try again to be your friend or not.
Gosh, I don't know how the hell I'm gonna say all these again right in front of you. And you won't probably give a damn shit on what I say and I'll say it all just for nothing.
But I don't think I'll ever say this again anyways.
Theo-" I muttered and held his hand tighter. " I don't wanna lose you. 'Cause at this moment you are so important to me.
And don't ever give up skateboarding. No matter how many broken bones you'll get, no matter how many scars you will have after all. 'Cause this is one thing you were sharing with Darren and one thing that was giving you the exhilaration of complete liberty. And we shouldn't try to forget Darren. It's a stupid thing that won't work anyways. We should just remember him just the way he was. To remember of him alive. And it's not wrong Darren brought us close to each other. It's not wrong we're being friends because of him. We were friends before he passed away too, anyways.
But he made us better friends."
I stop as I already got too emotional. I have never pictured myself doing this, almost begging someone to forgive me. I have never thought that someday I will have such a person right beside me. I never thought that I will ever feel that much.
I want to stand up, but as soon as I want to let go of his hand, I feel his fingers tighten on my wrist.
And then I know that my words were listened.
I startle and gape in surprise and try to take my hand out of his tight hold, but I cannot.
"You don't have to say it again, " he muttered.
He stands up, but doesn't let go of my hand.
"You hear it all?" I mumbled.
I feel a tear going down my cheek.He nods.
"Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, " I murmured.
I feel my heart pounding in my chest and I don't know, but I just get panicked and stamble off to the door. I hear his steps behind me, but I run down to the stairs.
When I get in the living room, I see everybody gazing at me in surprise but I ignore them all.
"What the hell happened to her?" I heard Hayden from behind my back.
But I don't stop.
I dart outside and head to anywhere else but far from that place.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid," I said to myself loudly as I strode ahead.
I cannot believe what have just happened. Somehow, I wanted him to hear all of what I've said because it was a pretty good speech, and the time when I was going to tell him this for real it wouldn't have sounded that well, but at the same time I wish he would never heard what I've said 'cause I have never seemed that weak in front of him. I have never let him see me weak, vulnerable. I never got exposed in front of him 'cause I know that he would have taken advantage of it and made me suffer somehow. I didn't want him to know my weaknesses. But now he knows them all.
I tried to choke back my tears but all I managed was exactly the opposite.
I don't want to cry because I know that everytime I cry I feel so damn feeble, wimp and ruined in my inside.
I stride to that part of the camp less illuminated in order to not get seen by anyone. I just want Tate to be here so that I can punch him in the face for giving me courage to do that.
And, fuck, I should have known.
Theo is still a bastard, so he pretended to be asleep just to listen to what I had to say. He was conscious all the time and listened to every single goddamn word I said.
Somehow, I'm happy. I've released everything I kept inside and he heard everything. Now he knows everything.
Fuck. Shit.
I step into a little lightened area and cross my arms to the chest, now all my tears dried.
I hear a rustle of branches right from behind my back and I startle, turning around suddenly.
"Davina?" he callsed my name.
I make a step backwards.
"Dav. Just..."
"I'm sorry, " I muttered again, feeling that tears wet my cheeks again.
"You haven't said anything wrong. "
I see him standing there in front of me, triyng to put a smile on his face, and keep bitting his lower lip.
With that bandage covering a part of his forehead and the right temple...in others situations, he would have looked so so funny and I would probably have bursted into laughter. 'Cause we were always laughing when one of us had troubles. We were always making fun of each other.
We couldn't have been at least just half happy when we were beside each other.
And I smile when I remember all of these and he smiles at my smile.
And this is the best and the most amazing thing I could ever see.
He gets closer and I jump into his arms. He pulls me so close and wraps his hands around my waist.
He groans in pain because of my tight hug but then let loose a laughter. That divine sound of him.
"I'm sorry," I muttered again.
"I'm sorry too. I just..."
"You just what?" I said.
I make a step backwards so that I can look at his face.
He brushes some strands of hair from my face behind my ear and gazes right into my eyes.
"I just keep doing wrong things because I think I'm right. And I'm not. "
"Theo, how are we now?"
"We're just fine. I think so. But what are we now?"
"What we have always been."
He grins and grasp my wrist, pulling me after him.
"Let's go home now. I'm tired and I have an annoying headache and I feel I need to sleep. "
We intertwine our fingers and pace along back to our cabin, without saying anything else. We're just smiling and looking at the ground.
And I just feel releaved. And healed.
Like this is the best thing that ever happened. To regain my boy back.
I still feel overwhelmed. But in the good way.
And this thing we do, holding hands, walking and our shoulders touching, smiling but without looking at each other...
We just know we're there and we don't need anything else.
We have it all when we have us.
ds
