“I’ll get a lawyer!” a man threatened.
“Feel free,” Heart snapped. “But I have a feeling any lawyer in this town is in the same boat as you. Now, get lost or I’ll have the sheriff lock you all up.”
“For what?” one man shouted. “It’s still legal to protest in this county.”
“Then I’ll have you locked up for being ugly. Now, scram!”
The people filed out slowly, muttering threats at the mayor until she and the Grimm family were left alone. Heart looked at them and let out a little laugh. She took out a key and unlocked the door to the tax assessor’s office, snatching the little note off the door as she stepped inside.
Granny Relda and the girls followed her through the door. They found themselves in a small, windowless office lined with big gray file cabinets. There was a single well-worn counter separating the room into an office area and a waiting area. Heart stepped behind the counter and set a bell down on top of it.
“Good morning, Mayor Heart,” Granny said as she stepped up to the counter.
The mayor said nothing. In fact, she opened up a drawer, took out a newspaper, and started reading the day’s headlines.
“Hello?” Sabrina said.
Daphne tugged on her grandmother’s sleeve and pointed to a sign on the wall. It read RING BELL FOR SERVICE.
Granny looked as if she might leap over the counter and strangle Mayor Heart, but she took a deep breath, reached over, and lightly tapped the bell. The mayor looked up from her paper and flashed the family a forced smile filled with crooked yellow teeth. “Can I help you?”
“Mayor Heart, I didn’t realize that you were required to collect taxes personally,” Granny said.
“Oh, I’m not,” the mayor said with a twisted giggle. “But this job is just too much fun to let someone else do it. I suppose you’re here to see if you can talk your way out of your debt too?”
“Not at all,” Granny said as she fished in her handbag and took out a stack of money. “I’m here to pay the bill.”
The mayor’s face turned bright red even through her white pancake makeup. She tried to speak but fell into a coughing fit for several moments before she managed to squeak out, “You what?”
“I said we’ve come to pay our taxes. This is the correct office?”
The mayor stammered and looked as if she might lapse into another fit. “Yes, it is.”
“Very well,” the old woman said as she placed the stack of cash in the mayor’s hand. “One hundred and fifty thousand dollars.”
Ms. Heart reached underneath the counter and snatched her megaphone. She lifted it to her mouth, pushed the button, and bellowed, “NOTTINGHAM!” The feedback rattled Sabrina’s ears.
A moment later, the foul sheriff hobbled into the office. “I hear you, woman! If you haven’t noticed, I’m a little busy. There’s a mob outside, and some fool on Mount Taurus swears he’s seen a dinosaur running around up there. Can you believe that? A dinosaur! I put him in a cell for being intoxicated.”
“Who cares?” the mayor bellowed into her megaphone. “The Grimms have arrived to pay their taxes.”
Nottingham laughed long and hard, but then seemed to realize his boss was not joking. He slammed his fist down on the counter, cursed, and spit on the floor.
“Why, the two of you act as if you’re disappointed that we can pay,” Granny said, obviously enjoying the change in mood. Sabrina could have sworn she heard sarcasm in her grandmother’s voice.
Nottingham snatched the money out of the mayor’s hand, flipped through it as if he suspected it were counterfeit, and then slammed it on the table.
“We’re going to need a receipt,” Granny said sweetly.
Mayor Heart snarled. Then she snatched a book of receipts off a nearby desk, scribbled onto one of them, and ripped it out of the book.
“This isn’t over,” Heart said, dangling the receipt out of the reach of Granny Relda.
“Oh, we never doubted that for a second,” the old woman replied, grabbing the receipt. She placed it safely into her handbag, took the girls by the hand, and escorted them out of the office.
“Have a nice day,” Daphne said just before they closed the door.
Sabrina heard the mayor and the sheriff scream in frustration as the family walked back down the hallway. They stepped outside, and for a moment the three Grimms gazed down at the throngs of desperate citizens.
“These poor people,” Granny Relda said. “If we had enough I’d give them all the money they need.”
“There’s not enough money in the world,” Sabrina replied. “Mayor Heart wants them out of Ferryport Landing. Anyway, we should be worried about us. What are we going to do if we’re the last human family left in the town?”
“I don’t know, liebling,” the old woman said as they stepped into the street. “But for now we should get back to our mystery. Who knows when Baba Yaga is going to lose her patience.”
Suddenly, Sheriff Nottingham rushed through the crowd, waving a paper over his head. “Oh, Mrs. Grimm . . .”
“Sheriff, is there a problem?” Granny asked.
“Indeed,” Nottingham said. Sabrina couldn’t help but stare at the horrible scar that ran down the man’s face. She wondered if that was what made him so ugly or if he had been grotesque before the knife had done its work. “It appears we’ve miscalculated the tax on your property.”
“Oh, a refund,” Granny said, clapping her hands.
“Bah!” the man said with a sick laugh. “The audit on your house failed to calculate the value of the land it is built on. You have nearly three acres of incredibly valuable property. I’m afraid we need to add to your tax liability.”
“How much more?” Sabrina said suspiciously.
“Oh, just another three hundred thousand dollars,” the sheriff replied.
“That’s outrageous!” Granny Relda cried.
“It is, isn’t it,” Nottingham said as a sinister grin crept across his face.
“And when we pay this, what are you going to tax next? The air around the house? You’re just trying to get rid of us!” Sabrina shouted.
“Well, Mrs. Grimm, your girls are a lot more clever than I was led to believe,” the sheriff said. “By the way, the taxes are still due on Friday.”
When they got home, Granny Relda was dazed and distant, talking to herself in German. She made some peanut-butter-and-rose-petal sandwiches for the girls and Puck and then asked Uncle Jake and Mr. Canis for a moment of their time. The three adults climbed the steps upstairs for some privacy.
“This is bad,” Daphne said.
“Don’t worry, marshmallow. You’ll get used to the cold,” Puck said as he slathered mustard all over his sandwich.
“Granny will come up with an answer,” Sabrina said angrily. She flashed the boy a look that said “shut your trap.”
Moments later, Uncle Jake returned. “Good news, girls. I’m going to help you with your case. Your grandmother is a little busy with the financials, but it’s nothing to worry about.”
“Granny said that yesterday when we only owed a hundred and fifty thousand dollars,” Daphne reminded him.
“It’s all details. Now, where are we on the case?”
“At a dead end,” Sabrina reminded him.
“Any suspects?”
“Too many to count,” Daphne said.
Uncle Jake scratched his head. “Well, let’s put our noggins together for a second. Both the victims had something magical stolen from them. Whoever or whatever stole the objects was pretty small. The victims were both Everafters. What else do they have in common?”
Daphne spoke up. “They’re both women.”
“They’re both very powerful,” Sabrina added.
“They were both here the other night,” Puck said without looking up from his fourth sandwich. Everyone turned to look at him. Sabrina was shocked that the boy fairy had even noticed.
“That’s a good point, Puck,” Uncle Jake said. “Both of our victims
visited us two nights ago.”
“Do you think there might be a connection?” Sabrina asked.
“Could be,” Uncle Jake said. “Let’s go ask some of the others that came by. Maybe they’ve got something missing too.”
“There were a lot of guests. Who should we see first?” Daphne asked.
Uncle Jake grinned. “Let’s go talk to Briar.”
Sabrina rolled her eyes.
As they drove through the town, Uncle Jake chattered on about how pretty Briar Rose was, how smart Briar Rose was, how he hoped Briar Rose wasn’t mixed up in the mystery. After a while, even Daphne got tired of hearing him sing the princess’s praises. Puck threatened to leap from the car several times to end his misery, and Sabrina was considering joining him.
Luckily, Briar’s place of business was not far. Ms. Rose owned a quaint little coffee shop three blocks from the courthouse. It bordered the Hudson River, not far from the train station and a tiny marina. Sacred Grounds, as it was called, was a favorite of coffee fanatics. The chalkboard outside promised dozens of different coffees, from espressos to something called a cafe macchiato. It also advertised a variety of muffins, scones, cookies, and donuts. Sabrina had passed the shop many times and noted that it was always jam-packed with customers. Coffee seemed to have the same effect on adults as magic did on her. She remembered her own mother waiting in line for an hour to buy a seven-dollar latte.
Once outside the store Uncle Jake ran his fingers through his hair, blew into his hand to make sure his breath was sweet, and straightened the collar of his shirt.
“How do I look?” he asked the children.
“Why do you care? She’s just a girl,” Puck said. “Girls are disgusting.”
“You won’t always feel like that,” Uncle Jake said.
“Want to bet?”
“You look mucho handsome-o,” Daphne said, straightening the cuff of her uncle’s coat.
Uncle Jake winked at the little girl, then led everyone into the shop. It was wall-to-wall with people: chatting, working on laptop computers, and sipping from tall, frothy cups of coffee. There were several little tables scattered about and a bright glass case in the front filled with pastries. There was also a long line of impatient, agitated people.
Sabrina spotted Briar Rose behind the counter. Even with her hair pulled back and an apron tied around her waist, she was a knockout. She worked the cash register, ringing up orders and keeping the line moving as quickly as possible, which wasn’t easy. Most of the customers wanted coffees with ridiculously long names and detailed preparation instructions.
“I want a large decaf nonfat soy iced latte with sugar-free hazelnut.”
“Give me a triple red-eye espresso, over lactose-free milk with canesugar.”
“One extra-large chai tea swirl with a dash of fresh cinnamon.”
The family got into the line and slowly worked their way to the counter.
“Jacob,” Ms. Rose said sweetly when it was their turn.
“Briar,” he replied. “You look amazing.”
The princess blushed. “You always say that.”
“It’s always true.”
“Don’t distract her,” said a little old woman at the end of the line. “I need my caffeine and I need it now!”
“Sorry, Mrs. Finnegan,” the princess said. “It’ll only take a second.”
“C’mon, pal,” a man shouted from the middle of the line. “We’ve been here a long time.”
Sabrina cringed. “They’re going to kill us all right here in the store.”
“Briar, what is the holdup?” Mallobarb asked as she approached from behind the counter, Buzzflower by her side. When the fairy godmothers spotted Uncle Jake, they scowled.
“Only paying customers,” Buzzflower said angrily.
“Hello, ladies, we’re happy to buy something,” Uncle Jake said. “In fact, we haven’t had lunch yet. I suppose we’ll take four of those blueberry muffins, and I’ll have a coffee.”
“What kind of coffee?” Mallobarb snapped.
“What kind? Coffee coffee,” he replied.
The line let out a collective groan, and Mrs. Finnegan could be heard muttering, “Amateurs.”
“Get him the African blend,” Briar said to her fairy godmothers. They gave her a suspicious look, but rushed to fill the order. This gave the two adults a rare moment together without the watchful eyes of the rotund fairy chaperones.
“Any chance you could take a break?” Uncle Jake said.
“NO!” Everyone in the line shouted.
“We’re in the middle of our lunchtime rush,” Briar explained.
“Just a second,” Uncle Jake pleaded, flashing a handsome grin at the princess.
Briar Rose laughed and then took off her apron. “Ladies, I’ll be right back,” she said as she tossed her apron on the counter.
The line turned on the Grimms. There was rage in their faces.
“People, try some decaf,” Uncle Jake said. He opened the door wide, ushered the children out, and then bowed deeply as Briar Rose passed.
“Sorry about that,” Briar said once they were outside. “Coffee is addictive, and people get angry when they need their fix.”
“I’ve gotten warmer receptions from banshees,” Uncle Jake said with a grin.
“At least Mallobarb and Buzzflower didn’t try to turn you into a dung beetle this time,” Briar replied.
“I told you I’d win them over.”
Briar laughed. “I had a nice time last night.”
“I’m still embarrassed about the meatball,” Jake said, blushing.
“I had no idea they were so aerodynamic,” Ms. Rose said with a giggle.
“I have to admit, I’m a bit of a klutz. If you keep seeing me, I’m going to ruin your entire wardrobe.”
“Well, then you’re lucky I like to shop,” the princess said.
“Could someone kill me?” Puck begged. “If I have to hear one more word of this mushy love story, I’m going to throw myself off a bridge.”
“Uh, I hate to admit it, but he’s right. Aren’t we supposed to be solving a mystery?” Sabrina said.
“Well, hello!” a voice said from behind them. The group turned around to find Tom Baxter crossing the street. He was with three young men, all wearing glasses and sweaters. Each wore a button pinned to his clothes that read I CALLED THE DR. CINDY SHOW. “Nice to see you again,” the old man said with a smile.
“Nice to see you, too,” Daphne said. “Where’s Dr. Cindy?”
Tom pointed across the street to a tall building with a huge metal tower on its roof. Granny had once told Sabrina that it was the offices of Ferryport Landing’s radio station, WFPR.
“She’s busy preparing for tonight’s show,” Tom said. “It takes a lot of work and an awful lot of planning. But I’m being rude. Folks, these are some of my colleagues. Malcolm is our show’s producer, Alexander is our sound engineer, and Bradford fields phone calls. They also help me cross the street from time to time.”
Everyone introduced themselves and shook hands.
“I never miss a show,” Puck said.
Sabrina turned, half expecting to find the boy laughing, but he was deadly serious.
“What?” Puck said defensively. “You should hear the people that call Dr. Cindy. All of them are sad, depressed, and lonely. It’s one of the funniest shows on the radio.”
Malcolm frowned. “Well, we better get our coffee and get back.”
“He’s right,” Tom said. “Cindy can be a real bear when she doesn’t get her latte.”
The Grimms watched Tom and his coworkers enter the coffee shop, then they turned back to Ms. Rose.
“Briar, a few people at our party have had some things stolen from their homes,” Uncle Jake said. “I don’t want to pry, but if something were missing, we suspect it would be something magical. Have you or your fairy godmothers been robbed?”
“Mallobarb and Buzzflower don’t let their magic wands out of their sight, an
d all I have at home are a few magic seeds. Everything is accounted for.”
“Perhaps I should come over some evening and just make sure,” Uncle Jake said with a grin.
“You never quit, do you?” Ms. Rose said with a laugh. “Maybe you should ask Frau Pfefferkuchenhaus. Her office is right next door.”
“Good idea. Kids, do you want to go do that?” Uncle Jake said, winking at them. Sabrina didn’t have to be a mind reader to know he was trying to get a little alone time with the princess.
“Sure, we’ll go take a look,” Sabrina said, pulling her sister and Puck along. They walked next door and spotted a sign on the building that read DR. F. PFEFFERKUCHENHAUS—DENTIST. On the front door was a painting of several happy children with enormous, toothy smiles. All of them were saying, “Everyone smiles for Dr. P!” in a big cartoon balloon.
“What’s a dentist?” Puck asked.
Sabrina cringed, imagining the cavities the boy must have. “There’s a question you don’t ever want to hear someone ask you.”
The lobby was clean and neat, with paintings of dancing teeth all over the walls. A thin receptionist with eyeglasses that made her look like an owl sat at the desk filling out paperwork.
“Welcome to Dr. P’s,” she said when she looked up. Her glasses were so thick, Sabrina wondered if the woman might be able to see through her. “Do you have an appointment?”
“No, actually we were hoping we could talk to the doctor. Tell her that Sabrina and Daphne Grimm are here. She’ll see us.”
The receptionist picked up the phone and tapped a few buttons. “Dr. P, I’m sorry, I know you’re with a patient. There are three children out here who say they know you. They say their last name is Grimm . . . really? Of course.”
She hung up the phone and got up from her seat. “She’ll see you.”
She led the group through the hallway past several open doorways. As they walked past, Sabrina could see patients sitting in dental chairs getting their teeth cleaned. The high-pitched squeal of drills filled the air. Somewhere, a man let out a painful groan.
Magic and Other Misdemeanors Page 7
