by Katee Robert
As if they’d walk down a thousand more streets in the future.
Knock it off. You told him you didn’t want to talk about that until you’re back in New York, and so there’s no point in obsessing over it.
No point, but that had never stopped her before.
She was enjoying this far too much to successfully categorize it as a fling. Not that Trish had much experience with that sort of thing, but it just seemed wrong to enjoy her time out of bed with Cameron as much as she enjoyed her time in bed.
“Hungry?”
She glanced at him and smiled. “Always.”
He led her into a tiny restaurant. “This place comes highly recommended.”
They took a little table near the window so they could see the street. It was so...normal. She fiddled with her fork. Talking about work seemed like a cop-out at this point. They were past that. She wanted them to be past that. Maybe it’s time I stop fighting it and admit the truth? Trish opened her mouth to break all their rules and broach the subject of them, but the distracted look on his face had her chickening out. “Have you been to London before?”
“A few times.” He refocused on her and nudged over the menu. “How’d the day go?”
Guess we’re talking about work, after all. “It was good. The time difference means a slight lag in emails, but nothing too dramatic has hit since we’ve been gone. I set up two meetings with potential new clients for the week after next. I figured a little cushion time wasn’t a bad idea in case complications arose with the current job.”
“Trish.”
She dragged her gaze up to his. God, he was gorgeous. The square jaw that she’d spent plenty of time dragging her mouth along, and the sensuous lips and deep, dark eyes. She pressed her own lips together, sure she could still taste him there if she concentrated. “Yeah?”
“I didn’t ask how work went. I asked how your day went. Did you manage to get out and see anything or were you locked up with a computer the entire time I was gone?”
“It’s my job to be locked up with a computer during the day.” When he just stared, she sighed and relented. “I took an extra-long lunch break and went to see the Tower of London. The weather was kind of dreary, but it just set the tone.” She smiled a little.
Cameron leaned forward, a small smile tugging at his lips. “For someone who’s the personification of a ray of sunshine, you sure as hell have a lot of obsessions with dark shit.”
“I like it. It’s good to try and focus on the positive in life, but that doesn’t mean you ignore all the stuff that goes bump in the night. It’s entirely possible that Richard III had his nephews murdered in that tower. If that’s not a horror story for the ages, I don’t know what is.” She made a face. “Though, to be honest, a lot of the Tudors could have starred in their own horror show. They were pretty freaking terrible.” And she loved it. If ever there was a family that acted as a cautionary tale for the corruption of power, it was that one.
“It’s a shame we don’t have time to visit Amsterdam after we’re finished here. There’s all sorts of macabre museums and things to see there.” He picked up his menu. “Maybe next time.”
Next time.
The two innocent little words rang through her like a gong. He’d thrown them out so casually, too. As if they were a given, as if they wouldn’t rock her right down to her core. “Cameron.” She waited for him to set the menu down and give her his full attention. “What are we doing?”
“Trying to get dinner.” He frowned. “Ah, I see. You mean what are we doing.” The slightest of hesitations, so slight she wouldn’t have seen it if she wasn’t watching him so closely. “I thought you didn’t want to talk about that yet.”
“I changed my mind.” She’d gone too far to backtrack now. They’d gone too far. “I like you,” she blurted out. “I know that’s inconvenient and you were very clear about boundaries and limits, but I’ve never been all that good about following the rules, and I like you, okay? I can’t help it.”
“There are more than a few people who’d think you were crazy for that.”
She glared. “Can you be serious, please?”
“I am being serious. Are you sure it’s not the intimacy of sex that’s clouding your judgment?”
For the love of God. She sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you seriously trying to talk me out of liking you? Who does that?” But she knew who did that—Cameron O’Clery. The man was nothing if not obstinate.
“No. Definitely not.” He reached out and grabbed her hand. “I’m saying this wrong... Which shouldn’t surprise you. I’m simply trying to understand the change of heart.”
It would be so easy to retreat, to agree that, yeah, she’d let the sex go to her head, and no, she wasn’t really falling for him. It wouldn’t be the truth, though. The truth was that she liked Cameron despite the fact she couldn’t see an outcome where this wouldn’t blow up in their faces. One way or another, it would end in tears. She wouldn’t stay with Tandem forever, and if she pursued the job she’d gotten a degree for, she’d be traveling. Between that kind of work and the number of hours Cameron put into the company, she didn’t see how it could possibly work.
If he even wanted it to work.
He still hadn’t said anything in response.
Maybe because he still waited for an explanation from her.
She cleared her throat. “I have always had a very clear idea of where I want my life to go and what I want it to look like. It hasn’t worked out. Not once. This is the first time where the plan falling apart might not be the end of the world. I didn’t plan on enjoying spending time with you so much, but I do. I don’t know if I can go back to not being with you once we go home.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CAMERON WATCHED TRISH try and fail to dredge up her sunny smile. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Fake it.” She was sunny normally, but she also used it to retreat when she felt awkward or exposed. The fact that it was sometimes genuine had confused him at first, but now he had a better read on her. He wouldn’t let her take back what she’d just put out there between them. Cameron squeezed her hand and ran his thumb over her knuckles. “You don’t have to hide from me.”
“You’ve said something like that to me before.”
“It was true then. It’s true now.” He had to release her when the waitress finally approached, all apologies for the wait. They ordered food and drinks and as soon as the woman headed to plug the order in, Cameron turned back to Trish. “I like you, too.” More than like you. He knew her well enough to know he couldn’t push harder than he already had. “We’re in this together.”
“How is this even going to work?”
She always had a plan, and her plans didn’t always work out. He reclaimed her hand, wanting to touch her as much as he wanted to offer her a physical touchstone to back up his verbal one. “Occasionally, it’s okay to play things by ear.”
She snorted. “You don’t believe that any more than I do.”
It wasn’t how he normally lived his life—winging it. Cameron liked a plan as much as Trish seemed to. A plan created boundaries and expectations and efficient measuring sticks for progress. Plans worked great for school and co-running his own business.
One area he’d learned plans didn’t work for shit?
Relationships.
He brought her hand up and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “I enjoy the time I spend with you.”
She frowned. “I enjoy the time I spend with you, too.”
“There’s no reason to overthink it, then. We keep spending time together. We keep spending our nights together. We handle each new challenge as it develops, real time.” He ignored the unease that slithered through his stomach at the thought of no reassurances for a future with Trish. It didn’t matter if it made sense—if it was logic
al. He wanted guarantees that she’d be in his life for the long-term.
Demanding that would mean he’d lose her. She was barely considering extending their fling into something longer. Telling her he wanted something serious, something permanent, would spook her.
She pursed pink lips. “That sounds stressful.”
“And trying to plan every development of this thing between us down to the smallest detail sounds like a lesson in insanity.” He turned her hand in his grip and kissed her wrist.
“You do make me crazy.” But something in her relaxed a little and she gave him a genuine—if small—smile.
“Tell me about your parents.”
Instantly, the smile was gone. “You already know about my parents. You’ve known Aaron for ages.”
“Sure,” he agreed easily. “But his relationship with them is different from yours.”
“There’s nothing more to add. My dad is a good old boy who has lived his entire life knowing where his place is and being comfortable in it. He loves all of us, but he works a lot, even still. My mom...” She tensed slightly. “My mom is a worrier. I don’t know how much Aaron sees it, but she can work herself up into a panic attack over things outside her control. And no one worries her as much as I do.”
“Why’s that?” From what Aaron had said about his youngest sister, she was never anything that could be termed a problem child, and all evidence supported that reality.
A shrug, this one too tight to be as nonchalant as she pretended. “I didn’t have the same sense as my older sister to find a nice boy, get married and start a family close to home. First I went to college out of state, and now I’m working in the big, scary city—both things my mom is sure are choices I made solely to give her a heart attack. I don’t think she was happy to see me fail to land a job after I graduated, but she definitely liked having me home again while I figured out where I was going to land.”
Cameron considered that new information with what he already knew about Trish. The pieces fell into place with a satisfying click. “That’s how you learned to manage people so well.”
“Clients are no big deal when it comes to unruffling feathers. Really, compared to my mom, no one is that big of a deal.” She made a face. “I’m not being fair. She’s a good mom. She loves all of us to distraction, and she was one hell of a support system growing up. Something just...went a little strange when I graduated high school.”
Having her youngest leave the nest had to have been challenging, especially considering that her mother’s entire identity seemed to be wrapped up in her children. Or at least that was the impression Cameron got from Aaron. “She tried to clip your wings.”
“What? No. No way.” Trish used her free hand to take a sip of water. “It’s more like she didn’t exactly cry when I had setbacks that brought me home.”
Which was as good as clipping someone’s wings. Cameron’s parents had shown him nothing but support from the time he could remember. Even when they didn’t really understand his fascination with online security systems, they still sacrificed to ensure he could go to the school of his choosing. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She set her glass down. “Your parents sound pretty great.”
He let her change the subject without pressing the issue. Her feelings about her mother might be conflicting a bit, but it wasn’t something that Cameron could solve in a single conversation. He wasn’t sure he could solve it at all—or if he should even try. So he gave her a reprieve and more details about his own parents. “They are. They made sure I never went without while growing up, and they sacrificed a whole hell of a lot to ensure I got to attend my first choice college.” He’d known exactly the price required to give him that opportunity. They never doubted that he’d succeed, and he’d never doubted himself as a result. “I don’t get to see them as much as I’d like, but I fly over there a few weekends a year, and I fly them over here for Christmas and usually at least once more when they have some free time.”
“Aaron mentioned a vacation.”
He smiled. “Yeah, they won’t take money from me, so I take them on some ridiculously fancy vacation every July. My mom is too damn proud to pick the places she really wants to go, so my dad slips me a wish list every few years and I make sure we get there.” She had a strange look on her face and he glanced down. “What? Do I have something on my face?”
“No.” Trish shook her head. “That’s just...really, really sweet that you do that for them.”
“Don’t get any funny ideas. I’m still an asshole most of the time. I’m just not an ungrateful asshole. Every opportunity I’ve had in life is because they helped ensure I was in a place to take advantage of it. It’s right that I can take care of them now that I’m in a good place.” He was still working on his mom about moving them out to the East Coast when she retired, but that was a long argument that would be years before it reached completion. Cameron got his stubbornness from her, and she wasn’t going to agree to move their life without him pulling some serious moves. After moving so much when his father was still in the army, his parents had embraced living in one place and weren’t eager to uproot again.
Grandkids might help sway her.
He shut down that thought real fast. Too much, too soon.
Trish sat back as the waitress appeared with their food. “Cameron O’Clery, you don’t fool me. For all your snarling, you’re a good man.”
I want to be your man.
* * *
Trish turned the conversation to lighter topics as they ate, but she kept thinking about the look on Cameron’s face when he talked about his parents. Love. He loved them without reservation, without caveats, without complications. She wished things were that simple with her parents. There was plenty of blame for that to go around, though. They might have held too tightly to her, but she’d been so damn determined to put miles between herself and her childhood home. To be free.
She still wanted that.
The thought soured her stomach and she pushed her food around on her plate, conscious of the way Cameron watched her. Faking her way out of her melancholy mood wouldn’t work with him—he’d more than proven that—and she didn’t have any backup plan. A sweet smile and soft tone had always worked as deflection up to this point.
She was stripped bare for this man, and it wasn’t comfortable in the least. How could she have barriers in place to keep herself safe when he saw through every defensive measure she took? “Stop that.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop looking at me like you want to crawl around inside my brain.”
Cameron didn’t look away. “Would you like to fight with me over nothing? Or would you rather talk about what’s bothering you?”
Lord, even in this, he somehow managed to cut through all the bullshit she’d thrown in his way, right to the heart of her.
Maybe... Maybe it would be a good thing to talk about the soul-crushing realities she carried around with her. If that wasn’t enough to scare him off, maybe this could actually work. The thought made her snort.
“Trish?”
“Okay, fine. I was just thinking about how all I want is freedom—and how it’s the one thing that I seem to miss by a mile no matter what I do.”
Cameron leaned back, giving her his full attention. “Explain.”
“I’d like to pretend I’m free right now. I have my own apartment. I have a job I actually enjoy. I’m in London.”
“You’re saying you don’t feel free.”
It was as if his words opened the floodgates. She couldn’t hold back the barrage of words that poured from her lips. “Because I’m not free. My awesome apartment? My brother paid for me to get into it, because my bank account was dangerously close to red before I got this job. The same job that Aaron set up for me, despite my qualifications being totally not up to par. Am I really any freer now than when I was l
iving in my old bedroom in my parent’s house?”
“Yes.” Cameron frowned. “Aaron must know you well enough that you’ve set up some kind of payment plan to repay him for the money he fronted you.”
“Well...yeah. He did do that. But—”
Except Cameron wasn’t done. “And I’ll admit I had my doubts when he suggested you for the position, but you’ve proven to be more qualified than I could have dreamed. You’re an asset, Trish. It strikes me that everyone around you can see it, even if you can’t.”
He meant it. Sincerity practically radiated from him, and even if it hadn’t, Cameron wasn’t in a habit of saying things he didn’t mean.
She just wished she could believe it, too. Trish had run so far and so fast, but she kept falling back on the safety net her family represented. She hadn’t truly stood on her own two feet...ever.
Cameron might not understand that, but she did.
Trish took a hasty sip of her water. Better to change the subject than keep trying to convince him she was a continuous disappointment. And, truth be told, it felt kind of nice to have one person look at her like she was this amazingly accomplished woman...even if she hadn’t actually accomplished any of her goals.
Focus. Subject change. You can do this. She leaned forward. “If you’re so into fantasy, have you thought about traveling to New Zealand and seeing The Lord of the Rings stuff they have set up there?”
“You’re trying to change the subject.”
“Correction, I am changing the subject.” When a stubborn look settled over his features, she sighed. “Look, I’m feeling raw and angsty, and I would greatly appreciate it if you’d throw me this bone and talk about your geeky love of all things hobbits and wizards and dwarves.” She met his gaze. “Please, Cameron.”
“Okay.” He gave a surprisingly soft smile. “And yeah, I’ve thought about visiting New Zealand. My mom is a fan of the series, too, so the summer after this one, we’re going. I’ll probably strong-arm them into a longer vacation for that one so we can visit Australia as well.”
