Me and … “No. Harmon and I are friends. He’s in love with Thomas and … Wait … Are you jealous?”
His stony façade cracked as he tucked in his chin and closed his eyes. “Just go back to the lounge, Indigo.” The hard edge to his tone was frayed now.
Indigo … not Justice. “Hyde … Look at me.”
He opened his eyes, and a tornado of emotion stared back at me. My chest tightened, and my breath twisted in my throat. I reached for him on instinct. His eyelids fluttered closed, and then he sucked in a sharp breath and took a deliberate step away from me before turning his back on me.
His action was like a punch to the gut and the resulting question an explosion of pained air. “Why? Can’t we just wait until I graduate?”
His shoulders tensed, and when he turned my way, his expression was fierce and filled with a torment I struggled to understand.
“Because I don’t want you, Indigo.” The clipped tone cut at my senses. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want to feel anything for you. I don’t want to be with you. Ever.”
He slammed his palm against the release button, and as the door began to trundle open, my cracked heart shattered into a kazillion pieces.
He strode out into the night without a second glance, taking my tenuous hope with him.
Two
The pit was buzzing with excitement as I stepped out of the ring, fists still throbbing from all the action. Adrenaline, my familiar friend, thumped its way through my system.
“Got a pressie for ya,” Ned called after me.
Déjà vu assaulted me as I wove my way through the crowd, my feet taking me inexorably in the direction of the crimson booths on the opposite side of the floor.
No. I didn’t want to go there.
Something bad would happen there.
I should just leave and go home to my tiny one-bedroom flat above the local seven-eleven.
But my body had other ideas, and there he was, dark-haired and wide-eyed, looking up at me in awe. Oh, God. It was him, the human. My victim.
This was a dream. The dream. But it had been weeks since I’d had it. Why now? I needed to wake up.
He smiled as I approached. “Hello, killer,” he said. “Fancy a bite?”
I shook my head. “No. Go. Leave now. I don’t want to hurt you.”
He looked perplexed. “Of course you do. You’re toxic, remember? Unlovable. Unwanted by everyone …” His face morphed into something sly. “Everyone except me. You know I want you. I want you to bite me. To drink me dry. To be who you are. A killer.”
But I wasn’t. And instead of guilt this time there was only anger. “Fuck you. Fuck you, dream human.”
He stood and walked toward me, his body growing, face changing until it wasn’t the dark-haired human looking down on me any longer but Hyde.
“I’m sorry, Indigo. But I can’t love you. You’re toxic. A killer.” He shook his head. “Accept it and move on.”
His words were a sledgehammer to my chest, and for a moment I couldn’t breathe, and then a wave of heat brought tears.
“Why? Why can’t you love me? Why? Why can’t anyone love me?”
The words came from that deep, dark place. The one kept under lock and key. The place of whispers that I studiously ignored but seeped into my psyche regardless.
“Justice?”
“Why, why can’t you … Why…”
“Justice, wake the fuck up.”
“Love me …” The dream rushed away, and Brady’s stern face materialized through my tears.
“Get up,” Brady said, his voice low. “Lounge. Now.”
He walked away, leaving me reeling from the dream—chest wound tight and sobs trapped in my throat. I dashed away the tears and glanced about. Thank God, everyone was still asleep. Thank God, they were all heavy sleepers. But not Brady, it seemed.
Shit.
I took a deep breath and swung my legs out of bed. Time to apologize for my sleep fit.
I found him in the kitchenette area, his back to me. He was in his joggers and vest, his feet bare.
His tight curls rarely looked mussed, and the short back and sides meant minimal style time, but he’d gone to bed before me, so I must have woken him with my wailing. My neck heated with embarrassment.
I hugged myself and gnawed on my bottom lip for a moment. “Look, I’m sorry I woke you. I must have eaten some bad cheese or something.”
He turned and offered me a mug.
“What?”
“Cocoa. It’ll help.” His voice was rough from sleep.
I looked from the mug back up to his face. “For me.”
His nostrils flared slightly. “No, I woke myself up, made cocoa, and now I’m holding the mug out to you because I thought it would be fun to tease. Take the damn thing.”
There was a lump in my throat and fucking tears blurring my vision as I took the mug.
“Th-thank you.” My voice cracked.
“Shit, Justice, it’s just cocoa. You’re acting like no one’s ever made you cocoa after a bad dream before.”
I blinked away the tears and met his gaze. “That’s exactly right.”
He puffed out his cheeks. “Fuck.”
Not wanting to see the look of pity on his face, I carried the cocoa to the sofa set and curled up in a corner, nursing the mug.
Brady watched me from the kitchen area for a moment longer before padding over to join me. His huge body ate up the rest of the sofa as he angled himself toward me.
“Do you want to talk about it? The dream?” he asked.
Did I? I’d tormented Minnie with my nightmare but never revealed the details. She’d been so sweet about it, though. But it had been so raw, and now … It was like a canker that needed to be removed. Maybe talking about it would help. Maybe I was just making excuses because I was finally ready to get it off my chest.
“I dream about him … The human I killed. He says stuff. Stuff I already know, but … it hurts more when it comes from him.”
“What kind of stuff?”
I took a shuddering breath. “He calls me a killer, usually. Tells me it’s who I am. Tonight, he reminded me that I was unlovable … Toxic.” I took a sip of the cocoa to hide the tremble of my lip. “General shit like that.” I let out a strained laugh. “I don’t even know why I get so upset in the dream. I mean, I don’t actually give a shit what anyone thinks of me.”
“Lie,” Brady said. “You care. The dream is a manifestation of your fears.” He studied me for a long beat, his dark gaze so intense I was forced to drop mine. “The human you killed … How’d it happen?”
Panic curled a fist around my lungs. “I don’t want to talk about it. There’s no point rehashing it.”
“If that were the case, you wouldn’t be having nightmares. Trust me on this.”
His words connected with what I knew deep down to be true. It was time to share this burden, my truth. I filled him in on that night. On the sudden loss of control, on the bitter taste on my tongue that warned me of a drug in the blood, and my theory that my father was responsible.
Brady’s lip curled. “Your father sounds like an asshole. No, scratch that. He is an asshole, and you need to stop blaming yourself for what happened. Stop punishing yourself for not being more aware, for ignoring your instincts, because it won’t change what happened. Nothing can bring that human back. Nothing you do will make your parents love you the way you deserve to be loved. But you can make a difference here. That one human life has set you on a path to save thousands.” He leaned forward and placed a hand on my thigh, his palm warm through the fabric of my joggers. “Let it go. You’re one of us now. This is your home. We’re your family, and you’ll never be alone again.”
Heat bloomed in my chest and trickled through my veins. I was one of them. This was my home. My family.
I locked gazes with him, marveling at the flecks of silver floating in the obsidian depths of his eyes. This was a side of Brady I’d never seen. Could the prickly bear have a
softer side? “Thank you for just … being here.”
His jaw flexed, and he took a deep breath as if mulling something over, as if trying to decide whether to say something.
“What is it? Say it.”
He pouted slightly, then met my gaze. “I overheard you with Hyde earlier.”
It was as if someone had dumped a bucket of cold water over my head. “Oh.”
“You deserve better,” he growled. “Let it go.” He stood and stretched, so his tee rode up to expose his smooth, hard abs and tight Adonis belt. “Drink up, suit up. Patrol in thirty.”
And just like that, he was back to his usual man-of-little-words self.
* * *
Being back at the Academy was weird after almost two weeks solid at barracks, but Vince’s orders were clear. We were to spend the next week at the shadow cadet dorms – a mini-break, he called it—before moving up to the fortress in sector two.
My room felt empty without the many odors that were the guys. Lloyd and his troop had already gone up to the fortress, so it was just the first years back in dorms and it felt … wrong.
There was a knock on my door, and then Harmon popped his head in. “Hey, this just came for you.” Harmon passed me a folded note.
I plucked it from his fingers. “What does it say?”
He shrugged.
I rolled my eyes. “I know you read it.”
He grinned. “Fine. Payne’s summoned you to the lab.” He frowned. “You think he found something?”
Excitement fizzed in my veins. “I hope so.” I scanned the short note, which said pretty much what Harmon had reiterated.
After we’d failed to find any answers about my shadow phasing ability by examining and testing it, Payne had decided it was time to do some deeper research. He’d taken portal leave and gained a pass to Nightwatch headquarters’ vast library. He and the head weaver there were old acquaintances, and he was confident that with his help, we’d find an answer to where my ability came from.
I tucked the note into my cargo pants pocket and arched a brow at Harmon. “You want to come with?”
He looked torn. “If I hadn’t already promised Thomas we’d fuck like rabbits …”
I swallowed a laugh. “Shit, Harmon, too much information.”
He smiled slyly. “You should get some too, you know. Forget bionic man. I’m sure there are plenty of cadets who’d kill to get closer to you. Heck, even a one-night stand to dust off the cobwebs.”
My amusement croaked and died. “I can’t even think about that right now. I need time.”
“Well, it looks like you’ll have at least a week of Hyde-free time.”
My pulse thudded hard in my throat. “What do you mean?”
Harmon’s eyes dimmed. “Larkin just told me Hyde’s gone. He’s taken portal leave. Won’t be back till sometime next term. Vince has taken over his duties until he returns. Apparently, he had a lot of unused leave. He took it all.”
To get away from me. He took it all to get away from me. My throat closed, and heat burned the back of my eyes.
I turned away to hide the hurt. “Good. That’s … maybe that’s exactly what I need.”
And then anger flared in my chest, not at Hyde, but at myself. Nothing had happened between us, not really. A couple of kisses, weeks of skirting attraction. So what? No promises had been made. Infatuation, attraction. Nothing. Fuck him. Brady was right. Harmon was right.
It was time to move on.
I grabbed a hoodie and shrugged it on. “Enjoy the sex. You guys want to watch a movie later?”
“Sure,” Harmon said. But his gaze was probing, searching to see if I was okay.
“And tell Thomas we are not watching a rom-com this time. I need blood and guts.” I widened my eyes. “A slasher movie.”
Harmon chuckled. “As long as he has a pillow to hide behind, he’ll be fine.”
Thomas was a nightblood who drank blood to survive but couldn’t watch a horror or slasher movie without cringing and hiding behind Harmon’s bicep.
“Oh, he’ll be totally relaxed by the time I’m done with him.” Harmon winked. “I intend to fuck the tension out of him.”
“Once again, too much information.”
He offered me a mock salute and backed out of the room. “Catch you later.”
Truth was, I was glad they were getting on again. The last few weeks away from the Academy had helped them regroup and reevaluate their relationship. After Lloyd had delivered the news that the head weaver at Nightwatch had found no solution to the memory loss the morphs had induced in Lottie and Minnie, Harmon seemed to have accepted that things would never be the same.
He’d stopped waiting for his sister to remember him and started building a new relationship with her. Lloyd was doing the same with Minnie, but me … I couldn’t go back.
I didn’t know how to find my way to Minnie, not with Harper and the fluffy pink bats circling. In the beginning, Minnie had come to me. She’d found me. But back then, she’d been unhappy and looking for a way out. Now, she was free of that burden. She didn’t need me.
“You should go see her.” Larkin appeared in the doorway.
I stood hands on hips and glared at him. “Well, I certainly haven’t missed having my thoughts invaded.”
He leaned against the doorjamb and peered at me with his cat eyes. “You miss her. There’s no reason you can’t build a friendship with her.”
“You need to stop watching all those talk shows.”
“With all hands on deck the last few weeks, there’s been nothing to do but binge-watch Supe TV. But that little gem was from Episode 55 of Lunar Creek. The one where Brett Harley loses his memory.” He blinked up at me. “Have you seen it?”
I had. The incubus got zapped with a curse and was wiped from his friends’ memories. It was touch and go, like how could he ever get them back again? Why would they even let him into their group, and the curse put obstacles in his way at every turn, but he believed his friends were worth it and persevered. His determination broke the curse. His true love for his friends freed him.
“Yeah, you know it,” Larkin drawled.
“Will you stop with the mind diving! This isn’t fiction. This is real life. Besides, I’m off to the fortress in a week. There’s no point reconnecting just to leave.”
“Weak excuses.” He walked in and looked up at me. “You’re scared to make the first move. Scared of rejection.”
“And what episode of Lunar Creek is that line from?”
He huffed. “Talk show. But I’m right, and you know it.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He smirked at me in that annoying way he had. “Maybe not. Or maybe I’m exactly right. But ask yourself, what have you got to lose?”
He winked out, leaving me churning with indecision as his questions echoed in my head.
What did I have to lose?
Nothing that I hadn’t already lost.
Fuck. I headed out the door.
I knew Minnie was back. Lloyd had mentioned it. Apparently, she’d struggled with being at a home she didn’t recognize, with a family she didn’t know. So, she had to be here somewhere. But where?
There was no answer to my knock on her room door. The dining hall was practically empty, just a small group of feybloods huddled together in a corner, hatching whatever plan they could hatch.
The library was deserted, and so was the moonlit quad. Not many students were back yet; the influx would probably arrive the day before classes began.
There was only one other place she might be, and as much as it pained me to go there, I’d resolved to do this, so there was no choice.
Harper’s dorm door stared at me accusingly. I raised a hand to knock when a moan rose up from inside.
The kind of moan I recognized.
A happy moan.
My ears pricked up, auditory focus heightened.
“Oh, God. Oh, God, Harper, don’t stop.” Minnie squeezed out th
e words between breathy gasps. “Oh, Oh … I love you.”
“I love you more,” Harper said softly.
I backed away from the door.
Harper and Minnie were a thing, just like they’d both wanted.
The bubble of determination in my chest burst. I was happy for her, and maybe in a week or two, we’d bump into each other. Maybe we’d even become acquaintances, but right now was not the time.
I turned and walked away.
Payne was waiting for me. I needed to get to the lab, stat.
I hadn’t gotten far when a gargoyle blocked my path and practically threw a note at me. It sneered and then launched itself at a wall with a lightning-shaped crack running down it. Shadows materialized from nowhere, and then he was gone, taking the shadows with him.
The note was in neat cursive script.
Miss Justice, please make your way to the principal’s office immediately.
My scalp prickled. First Payne, then Brunner … Something was wrong.
Three
I hit the main foyer in less than five minutes and was heading toward the administration wing when the huge doors were flung open, letting in a gust of icy air and peals of feminine laughter.
The scent of jasmine filled the space as several figures breezed in. They were dressed in long winter coats, calf-high boots, and leather gloves. Travel bags dangled from the crooks of arms and smiles adorned faces.
The women brushed ice from their coats while two guys hurried to close the doors. A petite woman with a heart-shaped face and skin like cream led the group. I recognized her from the Revelation Ceremony—Fiona Payne, a weaver. Which meant the people with her were probably all weavers too. By the looks of their designer clothes, my assessment was spot-on.
Weaver legacy families were money.
Whatever, not my problem, except they were all suddenly looking at me as if I was an interesting object to be dissected. It was downright creepy.
I shook my head and made to pass but slammed into an invisible wall. It took a moment to process what was happening, and when it did, rage burst in my chest.
Shadow Weaver: The Nightwatch Academy book 2 Page 2
