by Anne Mercier
Son of a bitch.
He’s still smirking. “Give in, baby. You need this, and I’ll go with you.”
I grunt in reply, relaxing into him, into the pleasure.
“That’s it. Fuck you feel good,” he moans.
Precum floods the head of my cock, and Linc leans down to lick it.
“Holy fuck, Linc. You’re gonna kill me.”
“Nope. I’m just encouraging you to give me what I want, and that’s to see you so lost in pleasure you finally let go. Just let go, Ethan. Give yourself to me,” he coaxes.
“Faster.”
He accommodates, and I can think of nothing. My mind blank as sensations flood through me. My toes begin to curl. I grip the comforter between my fingers.
“Lincoln,” I whisper when the orgasm hits me, sending me flying, and when I hear him groan, I know he’s soaring with me.
He lays on top of me then kisses me softly, over and over, and I love him back in return. We hold one another close and the normal feeling of dirty isn’t anywhere near.
I wrap my arms around him and whisper, “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he responds, pushing up to look down at me. His eyes glitter with unshed tears matching mine. This is one of the times nothing has invaded our intimacy, and because these moments are rare, we both treasure them.
“Let’s go wash off the day,” I say softly.
He nods, sniffling softly. “You’re God’s present to me. I will always, always take care of you.”
I nod. “I know. I’ll do my best to let you.”
“Ethan, I…” his voice breaks.
I lift my hand, my palm against his cheek, as the first tear slides down my face.
“I know. Do you?” I ask.
He nods. “I know.”
I’m not sure what I did to deserve him, but I’m keeping him. And with that thought, I begin to plan.
7
LINC
“Fuck it. I’m looking,” I say to no one in particular as I stand in the kitchen. I’m going to regret this.
I open the internet on my phone and Google Ethan Ashcroft.
Jesus. He’s on here a lot… now I am too. I look at the photos first. We’re looking at one another like we always do—like we’re in love, and it’s easy to see. There’s another one where my hand is resting over Ethan’s, and another where Ethan’s following the hostess to our seats and you can see my hand on the small of his back.
All of these little things that mean so much, they’re exploiting.
IS ETHAN ASHCROFT FALLING DOWN?
By falling down I mean, down the rabbit hole of love?
Ethan Ashcroft, bass guitarist for the chart-setting metal band Falling Down, was spotted out and about with guy pal, Lincoln Ramirez. Lincoln “KO” Ramirez is well-known in New York circles for knocking out his opponents with one punch in the underground fighting ring.
Is there more than friendship going on here? From the looks of things, there is. I’ll be watching to see what happens next and you’ll be the first ones I tell!
~Margo Phelan, Announcements
ETHAN ASHCROFT SPOTTED WITH HIS FRIEND?
I don’t know, but it looks to me like Ethan and life-long friend Lincoln Ramirez are more than friends. I don’t gaze into any of my friend’s eyes like that nor do I put my hand atop theirs.
Could it be that the bass guitarist for the renowned metal band Falling Down prefers to date members of the male persuasion?
Your guess is as good as mine, but from where I’m sitting, I’m placing bets the answer is a rainbow-colored yes!
~Dave Richards, The Tattler
“You weren’t supposed to look,” Lucy scolds.
“I had to know,” I admit.
She nods. “I looked too. It’s not so bad, really.”
“Not yet, no. After today, it might be. We’re going out again, and I’m going to pretend no one’s watching. Just like I do here.”
Lucy nods, putting her hand on my forearm. She’s got such tiny hands. “You’re a good guy, Lincoln. I’m so glad you and Ethan have one another.”
“Me too.”
She pats my arm and turns to the four toddlers toddling into the kitchen. Jesus. That’s a lot of kids, a lot of energy, and a lot of responsibility. Fuck that.
The rest of the family starts filing in just as I finish making my protein shake. Ethan curls his lip at the sight of it, and I just laugh. You get used to it. I used to hate drinking water too, but now it’s habit and I actually like it.
“Mama,” I croon when Mrs. M brings me a plate with a big-ass omelet on it. “This looks delicious.” I kiss her on the cheek, and she smiles.
“Dude,” Xan starts.
“What?”
“She makes you special breakfasts?”
I look over at him. “Yeah, so?”
He slouches. “She doesn’t do that for me.”
“That’s only because you want a pound of bacon a day!” Mrs. M scolds.
“True.”
“Clogged arteries for five-hundred, Alex,” Tera teases.
“Baby, my pipes are clean,” he flirts, wiggling his eyebrows.
“More than I needed to know,” I tell them.
Everyone’s at the table. Ethan next to me, and Kadi takes a seat across from me next to Summer and Jace. Cereal is the breakfast of choice for many. Others, like me, prefer a hot breakfast to get their energy up.
“Uncle Linc?” Kadi prompts.
“Yeah, darlin’?”
“You remember the other day I wanted to ask you a question, but you had to go training with Coach and Jabber Jaws?”
I laugh and hear snickers from around the breakfast table. Jamie “Jabs” Royal: he may be my buddy, but I’m not going to let him live this one down. His nickname will forever be, Jabber Jaws.
“I remember.”
“Can I ask them now?”
Them? She said a question. Here we go. “Sure. Do you want to go in another room?”
Kadi tilts her head, considering. “No. I think here is okay.”
She leans forward in her seat across from me at the breakfast table. The table is no more than a very long picnic table with long moveable benches.
“Ask away, Tiny Dancer.”
She smiles at that. The kid’s barely seven, and she’s so damn talented.
“The other day, I saw you and Uncle Ethan kissing.” She quickly turns to her dad, Jace, and says, “I swear I wasn’t spying.”
Jace nods an okay, trying not to laugh, and, holy fuck, just what has that girl all seen? More than a few of us shift uncomfortably.
“Mommy Summer says you’re only supposed kiss like that if you love someone a whole lot.”
Oh hell.
“Do you love Uncle Ethan a whole lot?”
Well, fuck me sideways. Except for Ethan choking on a bite of waffle, not a sound can be heard. We don’t discuss things like this in public. It’s ours and it’s private. I pat him on the back so he doesn’t choke. We’ve been in love with each other for most of our lives, though we didn’t say it much until I moved here. I don’t know why. Maybe just in case we’d never be together-together, in the same zip code.
I run a hand over my face and chuckle. “Nothing like putting your Uncle Linc on the spot, huh?”
She just stares at me. Waiting for an answer.
“Of course I love Ethan a whole lot.”
“Like, love like you love Jesse or love-love like Daddy loves Summer?”
I give Jace a glance, and he’s over there grinning like the tool he is. I point at him. He’s just been put on notice.
“Definitely love-love,” I tell her, looking at Ethan and giving him a wink. He’s next to me nervous as fuck, not knowing whether to laugh or crawl under the table. I hope the wink set him at ease. He hates being in the spotlight.
“So… how does that work? Can two boys get married?” she asks.
“Lord have mercy on my soul, this kid,” I mumble as I drop my f
orehead to the table and roll it back and forth.
She climbs up onto the table top then pushes my head up with her tiny hands, pulling my skin and hair back. Jace laughs out loud, and Summer coughs to cover hers. The rest of the family, well, they’re trying not to be loud, but I can hear them laughing.
I sit up and look down the table at them. “At least Summer had the decency to try to hide her laugh. Fuckers.”
I look again and there’s Kadi, sitting cross legged in front of me with dollar signs in her eyes. I point at her.
“No way, kid. That’s a freebie. You’re asking me some pretty personal questions here. I get some freebies,” I tell her.
She shrugs. “But you didn’t answer.”
The way she’s just staring at me—again—I know I better answer. Hell, I don’t want to know what’s coming next. This kid kinda scares me.
“Yes, two men can get married. They just adjusted the law a few years ago,” I tell her.
“If you love Ethan a whole lot and he loves you a whole lot, why aren’t you married?” Kadi asks with a smile.
Ethan spits his juice out and it hits Jace in the face. Serves the fucker right for letting his girl keep on like she is.
“Aren’t you just full of questions today,” Lucy asks with a snicker.
Kadi nods, her gaze not wavering from mine; but, really, it wasn’t even a question.
“Kadi, we just haven’t talked about getting married yet.”
“Well, why not if you’re in love? Weddings are romantic. I could be your Best Girl—you know, instead of a Best Man.”
I can’t help but laugh. She’s relentless. “When the time comes, Tiny Dancer, you’ll be my Best Girl. I promise.”
Ethan’s still choking on the juice he swallowed wrong at the word “married” so I pat him on the back.
Who can blame him? We’re just starting to quote-come out-unquote. And honestly, I’ve been keeping some things to myself. Like, how I feel about the future. For instance, he doesn’t know that in my eyes we’re already married. He’s mine and I’m his. It’s been a life-long battle to get here, and I’m not ever letting him go. Looks like we’ll have to have a talk later.
Kadi looks at me with a twinkle in her eye.
“What about babies?”
“Fuck this. I’m outta here,” I mutter, getting up and handing my empty plate and glass to Mrs. M, and booking it the hell outta there. I hear everyone laughing behind me. I turn and meet Ethan’s gaze. He’s smirking in that sexy way he does, and I smile back.
“That’s a freebie, Kadi,” he tells her, and I send him a wink before I head to the gym to see what the construction guys are working on.
Holy fucking hell. Here, everyone’s worried about Kiki aka the She Devil. Not me. Hell no. I’m more worried about Kadi the Inquisitor. That kid. She’s going to be the death of me. I know it.
8
ETHAN
I wanted to laugh. I did. But Kadi caught me off guard. Talk about invasive, but kids don’t know any different. They’re innocent, curious. Just as I protected her when she felt threatened by Jesse, I think she’s protecting me. Lincoln’s not a threat, but she’ll see that in her own time.
“You’re smiling,” Joan notes. “That’s a good sign.”
My smile grows. “This morning, Kadi gave Linc the inquisition.”
“Oh?” she asks with a snicker.
“Yeah. It was about our relationship and does he love me, what about marriage, and what about kids,” I recount.
“Oh my. I bet the family had a good time with that.”
I nod. “They all kinda laughed silently, but some were louder than others. Like Xander.”
“Of course. Xander.”
There are a few moments of silence, not uncomfortable but retrospective.
“I saw you made all the gossip sites and headlines,” she notes.
“Yeah. We only went out to eat and there’s so much speculation.”
“Well, you weren’t trying to hide it. If you had been, it’s unlikely there’d be any talk at all.”
“That’s true, but it’s long past time. I’m ready and so is Linc. We want to get past the hurdle before Lucy’s premiere.”
She nods. “I’m positive things will have died down by then and the press will have moved on to invade someone else’s privacy.”
“Probably.”
“How did it go when you spoke with the family?”
“They already knew,” I admit with a chuckle.
“Hmm. That doesn’t surprise me. I knew before you told me, too. You and Lincoln are very physical people, meaning you share your love with actions often. Just a touch here and there, but it’s easy to see you love one another.”
I nod.
“How does it feel to be liberated from your prison?” she asks.
I look up, kind of shocked at the question, but when I think of her phrasing, I realize it’s true. We were locked in a prison. Granted it was one of our own making, but we were still hostages.
“It feels… good. Freeing. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s really fucking great to be able to touch Linc when I want without worrying who’s going to see. Kadi caught us kissing in the hall,” I tell Joan with a laugh.
“Did she. That sounds interesting.”
“It’s what prompted the inquisition,” I relay.
“Ah. She’s looking out for you.”
I nod. “We’re close. She trusted me before anyone else, really—besides Jace and Summer. The day Jesse came down the stairs, bellowing at Xander about the dogs, she got so afraid and climbed onto my lap, wrapping herself around me so tightly. No one had ever yelled like that around her before, so we had to explain to her that’s just how Jesse is. He’s loud and forceful, but he’s not mean per se. Just… commanding.”
“That he is. And after you explained about Jesse, she still remained embraced with you?” she asks.
I nod. “Yeah. I tried my best to soothe her, you know? Rubbing her back and whispering calming words. Eventually she calmed down, and then Jace and Summer came in. We just do a lot of things together. If she dances, I’ll bring in my bass sometimes and try to work out some chords to her music. It’s easier with the classical than it is with the rap and hip-hop. Who’d have thought?”
“Ethan,” she begins, and I know she sees it, my avoidance; my impatience for this to all be over and done with.
I sigh and nod.
“The other night, when we were… together, the negative thoughts didn’t come. It was just Linc and me and none of the past that haunts me.”
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Joan asks.
“Yeah. It’s the best feeling in the world. Each time it happens, I’m so thankful. But that’s what’s wrong. While it’s not often, it does still happen. How can I get past this, Joan? I know it hurts Linc when it happens. Not so much because of what we do, but because it hurts me. The way my past haunts me. He was there the day I showed up at Xander’s like that. They all were. None of us ever discussed it. Ever,” I admit.
“Do you want to discuss it with them?”
“No, no. I don’t think so. I’m not sure I could handle the pity or sympathy the women would give me—especially Lucy.”
“You could talk it over with the guys. You don’t have to include everyone.”
“No, I can’t. Because then this, that’s already a secret, becomes an even larger one. Besides, I already talked it over with Linc and Kennedy. Those are the only ones I feel comfortable enough to just… blurt it out.”
She nods. “Do you want to talk about it here?”
“I-I’m not sure. I don’t want to talk about what happened. You know what happened without my having to say it, right?” I ask.
“I do. Would you like to talk about how you felt toward your mother afterward?”
I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees, looking down at the floor. “For the longest time, I didn’t understand how she could do what she did or how she could h
ave let it happen. She had to have known it was going to happen eventually. What she thought or felt toward me doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’m honestly okay with her not wanting a kid. I’m not okay with her using that kid the way she did, though. I know why she did it. For money. To feed her drug habit. It doesn’t make it right. I try not to think about it too much. Instead I look for the good in the world. The good mothers Lucy and Summer are. I see how Nicole loves those two kids even though they’re not her own. That’s how it’s supposed to be. I thought I’d be resentful. Why do they get all that love from parents? But there’s nothing but joy. I genuinely want those children to be happy and loved. I know Maria and Antonio have already been through so much, but I know they’ll come out the other side whole.”
“Is that what bothers you? That you don’t feel whole 100% of the time?”
“Yeah. I want to be rid of those memories, or at least be able to control them so I don’t dwell on it as often.”
“I see. We could try hypnotherapy.”
“Hypnosis?” Seriously? Does that even work?
“Yes, hypnosis. It works subconsciously, and your brain only accepts what it wants to, so if you’re resistant to the suggestions, they won’t take, so to speak.”
“What if that happens?”
“We can do it more than once and keep reinforcing those suggestions.”
“Let’s do it. It can’t hurt.”
“When would you like to start?” Joan asks.
“Right now?” I smirk.
“Works for me. I’m going to need you to relax so either lie down on the sofa or recline in the chair.”
I recline the chair and try to relax.
“I’m going to just talk you down so you relax. Then I’ll begin.”
“Okay.”
“Now, Ethan, close your eyes and relax. I want you to know you’re safe here. Nothing and no one can harm you. If you feel threatened or uncomfortable at any point, all you have to do is open your eyes and you’ll be here with me. You’ll be relaxed and the prompts your brain accepts will be instilled in your subconscious and belief system. Let’s begin…”
