by JC Hawke
Slinging my towel over my shoulder, I leave our room and go in search of the girls. Mase was already up and gone when I woke this morning.
I have no idea what they have planned, but the secrecy is exciting. Lucy thinks it’s a boat trip around the island, and I hope she is right.
The girls are already out on the patio when I round the corner, and it’s the first time I’ve gotten the chance to have them all alone without prying ears, so I use it to my advantage.
“Hey!” I step up to them. “When we get home, we need to meet up. I’m going to buy a test. Put my mind at ease.” I say nonchalantly, pulling my hair into a high pony.
I can see the surprised looks on their faces, but none of them question me.
Lucy finds her tongue first. “We will come to you. Maybe before Mase finishes work one day?”
“He has a stag do on Saturday night, Elliot’s friend. You can come over then.”
“Good idea. I’ll bring wine.” Megan winks, trying to lighten the mood.
“I can’t wait that long.” Lucy panics.
“Well I’m not doing it when he is around!” I hiss.
“When who is around?” Mason’s arms wrap around my stomach, pulling me back into his hard chest.
I twist and look up at him, plastering a fake smile on my face.
“Hey, you.” I relax into him, the warmth of his large body soothing my inner turmoil.
He gives me a look, and I know he is up to something. “You girls ready for today?”
“What exactly are we doing?” I ask, nerves fluttering in my stomach.
“No fucking way.”
Lucy stands on the edge of the clifftop, her eyes wild as they flick towards the boys as if they have gone mad.
As much as I find her dramatics funny, I can’t help but agree with her. There is no way I am jumping off the edge of this thing.
“God, it’s been years. It never seemed so high as a child.” Scarlet smiles, chucking her towel to the side and rocking on her heels.
“You’ve done this before?” I ask her, just as she steps up to the ledge.
“Yeah! Come on.” She steps forward, and I hold my breath, watching as she jumps off and falls to the water.
“Yes, Scar!” Elliot yells.
The boys all shout and holla, Charlie and Lance taking a run-up and following Scarlet’s lead.
“No fucking way,” Lucy snorts, moving three steps back.
“I’m game.” Megan smiles, hands on hips as she bounces with excitement.
Elliot steps up next to her and points to the water. “Make sure you step out far enough to avoid the rocks. We checked it this morning, and it’s plenty deep enough. Aim for the others, and you’ll be fine.”
“Megs!” Lucy warns, panic in her voice.
“Shut up, princess,” Elliot tells her. “You’re next.”
Megan steps up to the edge, her hands curled into fists. Looking back at us, she screams. “Shit! Fucker! Fuck! Ahhhh.”
We all laugh as she lurches forward and jumps off. I count to five in my head before she hits the water.
It’s so high up.
“Coming, baby?” Mason takes my waist and pulls me to him.
He knows I’m nervous. Should I jump? What if…
“Nina, I don’t think you should be doing that. This is so dangerous.” Lucy stands and moves to the edge. “Jesus, it makes me feel sick just looking that far—” Elliot’s hand shoots out, pushing her from the edge. She screams, her arms and legs flailing ungracefully as she flies through the air.
He turns, grinning at us then dives in after her.
“Motherfucker!” Lucy shouts as she surfaces.
She starts to splash water at Elliot, but he only laughs harder than he already was as he tries to grasp her wrists.
“Your turn,” Mase whispers into my neck, his hands braced on my back.
Bollocks. How am I going to do this?
Is there a safe way to jump off a cliff when you know you’re not pregnant, but you might be?
“I’ve got you,” he tells me, probably sensing my hesitation.
Lifting me, he wraps my legs around his waist, locking them together behind his back.
“No frolicking on the rocks, thank you,” Lance shouts in a stupid voice.
I smile down at them all as they look up at us. Lucy looks pissed as hell, and it makes me chuckle.
“Ready?” I can feel Mason’s muscles tense as he steps up to the edge. His shoulders are strained from my weight, his muscles popping in all the right places.
“No. But do it anyway.” I screw up my face and hide my head in his chest. He turns, putting his back to the sea, and then we are free-falling. I hear the slap on his back, and then I am submerged in cold water.
The temperature shocks me, and I fight to reach the surface.
Mason grabs onto me, and I cling to him, wrapping myself around him like a koala. “Oh my god! That was incredible!”
He beams at me with his megawatt smile, and it’s the most honest smile I’ve seen from him in weeks.
I lean in to kiss him, grinning back against his lips.
“What?” he asks in wonder.
“Seeing you happy makes me happy,” I tell him, not being able to take my eyes off him.
He shakes his head, fanning his hair across his face and spraying me with the water droplets and making me giggle.
“I am so fucking happy, angel.”
I’m sitting on my suitcase trying to get it closed when my phone starts ringing. Looking over at the screen I see that it’s my mum. She hasn’t called in weeks, and I can imagine the only reason she is calling now is for more money.
A smart person wouldn’t answer. I ignored it last time, and she eventually gave up, but in the time that she didn’t call, I found myself a little lost. It was as if she had given up. I’m not sure what on exactly because she only ever called for more money, but it hurt nonetheless. She is my mum, so to see her name flash on the screen now—even if it is for more money—it has hope blooming in my chest.
“Hi, Mum.”
“Nina. I haven’t heard from you in so long.”
My shoulders sag, and I slide from the bed. I never call her. My crappy childhood is on her—she wasn’t there for me, but maybe the way we treat each other now that I’m older is on me too. It’s a two-way street and right now it’s a ghost town.
“Yeah, I have been busy. I have had issues with the studio.”
“Oh, but you are still managing?” she queries.
Do you actually care, though, Mum? “Yeah. Maggie and John have covered a couple of bills this month, and the bank gave me a payment holiday on my loan.”
“I see. Well, I was calling ‘cause I’m a little short this month—” I close my eyes and zone out.
She doesn’t give a crap. I don’t know why I expect anything more from her.
“I’m sure you or your new man can help me out,” she sniggers.
What did she just say? “Excuse me?”
“I heard you have a rich new boyfriend.”
“From who?”
“Can you help me or not?” She sounds so uninterested, bored and calm, too calm.
She sounds high.
I see red.
“Sure, Mum, I will just wire across a couple grand from Mason’s account. He won’t even notice,” I say deadpan, ending the call and tossing my phone.
Why can’t she just be a mother? She doesn’t even have to be a really good one. But right now, she isn’t a bad mum. She is nonexistent. I look down at my stomach as bile rises in my throat.
Oh god.
I rub my hands down my face as I try to calm myself. I could yell at her until I am blue in the face, but it’s just not worth it.
Dropping my hands, I see Lance standing in the doorway, his brows pulled in as he hangs off the frame. “We are leaving in half an hour. Lowell is looking for you.”
“Yeah, I will be down in a minute,” I tell him, composing myself and returning to my suit
case. I don’t want Lance to see my hurt. I need the girls. Or my Mase.
35
Nina
I’m in the kitchen washing up when the girls arrive. They are later than I expected, and because of that, I’ve not been able to stop pottering around the penthouse—the need to get the test over and done with too much.
Mason texted me half an hour ago to check in, but I didn’t reply. He is out on a stag do and I don’t want to lie to him. He has had enough trauma this year. He doesn’t need to know that I am stressing over this.
Especially when I don’t know what this is.
“Sorry we are late,” Lucy sings as she dumps the bags of shopping on the counter. “We stopped in at Tesco’s, but I knew the cashier so I had to bail and go to the pharmacy instead.”
“What’s all this?” I open the bags she placed on the counter.
They are filled with junk.
“The stuff from Tesco’s. I couldn’t just buy a test, and I wedged it in the magazines when I spotted Annie on the checkout and just brought this. She totally knew I was being sketchy.”
“For goodness’ sake. Only you.” I smile, shaking my head at her.
“We got the test. Four actually,” Megan tells me as she walks into the kitchen.
“Four?”
“We read up on false negatives and faulty pee.”
“Faulty pee? That’s not a thing.” I laugh out loud awkwardly, and they both turn to look at me.
“Well, no, I’m sure it’s not, but time of day and shit,” Megan says with a shrug. “It’s something to do with your hormones.”
“Right. Give it here.” I hold my hand out.
“You’re going to do it now?” Lucy asks.
“Yeah, pass it over. I want to get this over with, then sink a bottle of wine.”
I take the test Megan holds out to me and walk into the lounge and towards the stairs. I pause when I spot Scarlet sitting on the sofa.
“Scar? You okay?”
She spins, her phone clutched tight in her hand. “Uh, yeah. Sorry, just on the phone.”
I cringe. “Sorry!”
Spinning on my heel, I leave her to it and head for the bedroom with all four of my tests, hoping that I don’t have ‘faulty pee’.
Mase
The night has gone as expected. It’s trashy. Top shelf trashy, but still trashy. The music is blaring, the club alive with the thrumming atmosphere.
Greg has his arm thrown around a blonde as he sips his scotch, a cigar in his hand. He is a great bloke—as a friend. But I can’t help but feel sorry for his soon-to-be wife.
Pulling out my phone, I check my screen for the one hundredth time, noticing that Nina still hasn’t replied to my message. I know she is with the girls, so I don’t worry, but I hope she isn’t ignoring me because she’s pissed I’m not home yet. She doesn’t seem like that kind of girl, but I did say I wouldn’t be late.
“Hey, my man,” I greet Charlie as he approaches me.
“You good?” he asks, not waiting for an answer before he says. “Greg’s a piece of shit.”
I take a swig of my drink, smiling at him over my glass. “I have some things I need clearing up with Dad’s properties. Can you carve out some time?” I turn and rest my arm on the bar.
“Course. Send me the dates, and Kelsey will sort it.”
“Thanks mate. You all good now?” I ask, referring to everything that unfolded before the holiday.
“Yeah,” he answers quickly, dropping his head. “I think it needed to come to a head. I’ve been…”
“Fucking hard work.” I knock his shoulder with my own.
“Prick.” He laughs.
Charlie hasn’t been hard work at all, but his inability to sleep with a woman unless he is in an established relationship? That’s new. He changed his ways after Phoebe died, and I think it has a lot to do with the reasons behind that. Specifically, consent. It made him softer, more aware, and sensitive. It’s a tough pill for him to swallow, being the notorious hard-faced lawyer he is.
“Honestly, though, thank you. I can never repay you for what you did for me, for Phoebe.”
“You don’t need to. Prick got what he deserved.”
He nods his head, smiling. “You think El will ever change?” I follow his line of sight to Elliot, who has a curvy brunette writhing on his lap.
It’s been a while for him, and I know he will go hard tonight.
“Nope.” I laugh, turning back to the bar.
“You have, though. You and Nina seem pretty serious.”
A wide smile breaks out across my face, and I do nothing to hide it. “It happened fast. And fucking hard.” I smirk. “But we’ve been through so much already. I suppose we just always snap back to one another when shit hits the fan. I’m fucking obsessed, Charles.”
He chuckles, clapping me on the back. “So romantic, mate.”
“You know it.” I wink, lifting my hand and ordering another round of drinks.
Nina
Is there a protocol for how I should be feeling?
A wife would be excited, right? She would be elated that she even needs to do a test. But the girlfriend? How is she supposed to feel as she pees on the little white stick?
They don’t put that on the box.
I feel stupid for feeling the way I do. A small ball of energy in my gut rears its head and tells me everything will be okay, and we have got this.
The wife in me, the woman I want to be in ten years, once I have achieved my dreams, she is excited. But the girlfriend who will be seen as a money-hungry whore to anyone who doesn’t know me, she is shitting it. She wants to run and not do a test at all.
Taking all four tests, I put them into the packet and wash my shaking hands. I go to the landing and take a deep breath before taking the stairs one step at a time.
“We have to wait for Meg. Our takeout is here.” Lucy bounces on her toes, her excitement evident.
“Calm down, you’re stressing me out.”
I wipe my forehead, feeling hot.
This is torture. I need the alarm to sound. I won’t be able to wait for Meg.
“Come sit down, Nina.” Scarlet smiles warmly.
“I can’t.” I fiddle with the end of the white stick, flip it over in the packet.
I don’t look, but I know if I pull it out, I will see the result.
My heart starts to pound, and my chest grows warm. Adrenaline is pumping through me.
I try to control my breathing. “Shit!”
“Stop panicking.” Lucy catches hold of my wrist and squeezes it tight.
I nod my head and close my eyes, counting to ten.
One, two, three, four, five, six—
The elevator doors ping. Meg steps out, the takeout in one hand and an envelope in the other.
“Hurry up, will you!” Lucy hisses, letting my arm go.
“Sorry, there was this with the food at reception.”
She starts to pull open the envelope, and my timer chimes. I swallow thickly and pull out the test, looking down at the two lines that sit perfectly clear in the small square box.
“Oh my god,” Megan and I say in disbelief.
“No way!” Lucy jumps up and takes the test. “Fuck. Yes! Nina, oh my god, you’re pregnant!” She covers her face with her hands.
My gaze is fixed on Megan, though. Her face is pale, and her hands shake, the envelope clutched tight in her hand, and our takeout is spilling out of the bag at her feet.
I wonder when she dropped it. I never noticed.
“Megs?”
“I… I don’t know what to say.”
I step down from the last stair and walk to her, the test momentarily forgotten. “What’s the matter?”
“Nina, I’m so sorry.”
Reaching out, I take the glossy pieces of card from her, flipping them so I can see.
What I’m met with destroys me. My legs give out from under me, and I feel Megan reach for me, trying to take my weight, but I collapse t
o the floor despite her hold on me.
Please, no.
“Nina? Oh god, Nina?!” I hear Lucy shout. “What is it? Nina? Megs, she is pregnant.”
“Scarlet, call an ambulance,” Megan calls out.
“Nina?” I can hear their cries. I can feel tears on my face. But inside, I feel nothing.
Mase
My head spins, the room flashing.
My head feels foggy, heavy.
Fuck, I don’t feel right.
“Mason.”
My head connects with something hard, liquid rolling down my temple.
What’s wrong with my hands?
A rush of cold surges through my chest and spreads through my torso.
“I don’t fucking feel right.”
Darkness takes me.
36
Nina
I’m four months pregnant.
Four months.
I stare at the image in my hand, stare at the perfect life that is preparing itself for what? A perfect mother? A family? This isn’t how I wanted it to go.
The nurse told me the bleeding I experienced after the crash was most likely from the trauma and stress of the accident, but assured me the baby is healthy and that there was no need to be concerned.
Guilt fills me. The guilt that I missed it. The guilt for what I have put my body through these past few months. And the guilt to the life that I now have to guide when I have no clear path for us to go down.
The nurse told me they want to monitor me for the next forty-eight hours after I fainted, but I don’t want to leave. If I leave, I have to go to Lucy and Megan’s, and they are already fussing. Lucy is asleep in the corner, refusing to leave my side for a second, and I know the rest of them are in the corridor. I heard Elliot’s voice booming in the early hours, demanding he be let in. They eventually settled down, but it didn’t matter anyway because I haven’t slept a wink.
Mason isn’t here.
He hasn’t been here all night.
I hear a loud bang and then shouting outside the door, and I look across at Lucy as I jump but she doesn’t flinch. I close my eyes.
