by Rachel Aaron
I wasn’t entirely sure I hadn’t. He was still blinking drunkenly, head going from side to side like a baby’s. His eyes followed my hand when I passed it over his face, but he couldn’t respond to basic commands, which struck me as a very bad sign.
“Sibyl,” I said, frantically using my ruined shirt to clean the blood off Nik’s face so he wouldn’t look so much like he was dying. “What’s our chances of getting an ambulance up here?
“Slim to none,” my AI replied despairingly. “I called the moment you blasted yourself, but dispatch is demanding payment upfront plus a nonrefundable security deposit for driving this close to Rentfree, and there’s not enough money in your bank account to cover any of it.”
I closed my eyes with a hiss. Nonrefundable security deposit for an ambulance. Sometimes I really hated this city.
Muttering under my breath about stupid capitalist dystopias, I gave Nik’s face one last swipe before peeling off my ruined shirt and tossing it away. This left me in only my bralette, but while the pink fabric was obviously underwear, it covered all the important bits and wasn’t soaked in blood. It was a sad commentary on my life that that was a step up, but here we were.
“Don’t worry,” I told Nik. “I’m going to get us out of here. You just stay put and rest. I’ve got this.”
He was already lying still as a statue, so that last part was only for me, but saying it still made me feel better as I reached into his pockets to start searching for his keys.
It was a hairy procedure. In addition to his gun, which the big guy had dropped on the ground when he’d gone down, Nik carried a lot of other dangerous stuff. His pockets were always full of knives, cutting wire, and antipickpocket snap traps. Reaching into them felt like sticking my hand into a badger’s den, but I didn’t have a choice. Thanks to Nik’s near-religious aversion to trusting AIs, his car was completely analogue, which meant no remote unlock. It was keys or nothing.
After a very cautious pat down, I found the ring in his front jeans pocket. Clutching the metal keys in my fist, I stood up and ran over to his car, unlocking the door and plopping myself down in the driver’s seat. I was looking for the start button when I realized there wasn’t one. This stupid antique still had a key crank. It also had three pedals and a manual gearshift in the center console, none of which I knew how to use.
“Oh, for the love of—”
“I’m on it,” Sibyl said. “Get your goggles.”
I did as she said, thanking my few remaining lucky stars that I hadn’t blasted my goggles along with everything else. Unlike the lamps, though, my headset had been made for mages, and the quality showed. The moment I slid them over my eyes, a video called “How to Drive Stick” popped up in my AR with the player already skipped past the intro to the point where the actual instructions began.
“Bless you,” I told my AI.
“I know, I know, I’m amazing,” Sibyl said. “Just watch it quick. The big guy’s starting to stir.”
The guy who’d been trying to pound Nik into the pavement still looked flattened to me, but his eyes were open and looking around, which was a good sign for him and a terrible one for me. Shaking with nerves, I swept my hand through the air to activate the video, watching it at double speed to save time. When I felt reasonably sure I had the basic concept of shifting gears down, I hopped out again and ran back over to Nik, who was now awake enough to curl himself into a miserable ball.
“Hey,” I said, picking his gun up off the ground and tucking it back into his holster before kneeling beside him. “I know you probably don’t want to move, but we really need to go.”
“Go where?” he asked, slurring the words so badly I could hardly understand.
“Just grab on to me,” I said.
That command at least he had no problem with. He wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug, dragging me to the ground beside him.
This turned out to be an unexpectedly serious complication. I moved furniture for a living, so I was a lot stronger than I looked, but Nik was heavy. I suppose that was only to be expected of someone who was at least half metal, but even after I got my feet back under me, I couldn’t lift him more than a few inches off the pavement.
“Nik, buddy,” I panted. “You’re going to have to work with me here.”
He did not want to cooperate, but I was persistent, and eventually I got him to his feet. The walk to the car was even hairier. He kept stumbling, and I wasn’t strong enough to catch him, but somehow we made it without falling. The big guy was starting to push himself up by the time I got Nik into the passenger seat and buckled in, so I didn’t waste any more time. As soon as I was sure Nik wasn’t going to fall out of the car, I closed the door on him and raced back to the driver’s side, cranking the key in the ignition as I’d seen Nik do dozens of times before. I must have gotten the motion right, because the car started with a throaty roar that was both thrilling and intimidating.
“Okay,” I said nervously, putting my feet on the clutch and the brake and my hands on the wheel and the stick shift. “Let’s do this.”
“You’ll be fine,” Sibyl assured me. “People used to do this all the time.”
I nodded, lifting my foot off the clutch while tapping the gas pedal just as I’d seen the guy do in the video…
And instantly stalled.
“Dammit!” I cried, turning the car off so I could start it again. “Whose idea was it to design a car like this?!”
“Not to put more pressure on you,” Sibyl said as she rewound the video to the part about first gear. “But you need to move a little faster.”
She put an indicator on my vision, and I turned to see the leader pushing himself to his feet, wiping the blood from his face in angry swipes as he looked around for Nik.
“Shit, shit, shit,” I muttered, getting all my limbs back into the ridiculous starting positions this stupid car demanded. “Don’t mess up. Don’t mess—”
I didn’t. There were some alarming grinding noises, but the engine didn’t stall this time as I let up on the clutch and hit the gas, shifting into second gear as I jerked us forward. And nearly hit the wall.
“Shit!” I cried again, cranking the wheel to the left. The resulting hard turn sent us squealing across the lot and nearly caused another stall, but I saved it at the last second, straightening out and hitting the gas to send us scooting down the ramp into the lower decks, leaving the cyber asshole screaming threats at my taillights.
Getting out of the deck was an adventure. I swear I almost hit every single support pole, but all those years of driving games must have been good for something, because I made it to the front gate without actually putting a dent in Nik’s car. I stalled again when I had to stop for the turn onto the actual street outside, but thankfully all the other cars were self-driving, so no one crashed into us before I got the engine going again, scraping the transmission with a horrible sound as I frantically tried to get back into the right gear.
“I am so glad you’re not conscious for this,” I told Nik as we started down the street in fits and jerks.
“Just try not to grind the gears so hard,” Sibyl suggested. “Remember: gentle touches.”
I was way too panicked for gentle. The only good thing I could say about the drive was that at least I was too busy trying not to run into things to worry about my magic, which still wasn’t responding. Fortunately, while it was farther than I would have liked, the drive to Nik’s new apartment wasn’t complicated. There were a lot of streetlights to get through, causing me to stall three more times, but I didn’t have to deal with any on-ramps, roundabouts, or left turns before I arrived at his towering gray apartment complex.
I went straight to the empty spaces at the back of his lot. Given Nik’s lack of coordination, I probably should have tried for something closer, but I didn’t trust myself to slide between two cars without wrecking all three of us. The distance would be annoying, but I didn’t want to draw more attention by causing a scene, and I really didn’t want
to dent Nik’s car. He was going to be mad enough already over the backlash. If I damaged his baby, he might never forgive me.
“He’s not going to be mad,” Sibyl said as I cut the engine. “You just saved his life. Not that I approve of your methods, but that big guy was almost certainly going to blow his brains out if you hadn’t intervened.”
“I don’t think it counts as saving if I’m the one who put him in that situation,” I told her grimly. “He was doing fine before I got caught.”
Sibyl wisely kept her comments to herself after that. Nodding approvingly, I walked around to the passenger side, opening the door very carefully. Nik had been leaning on it pretty hard, and seatbelt or no, I didn’t want to risk dumping him on the ground. When I got it open, though, he was awake and looking around, which was a huge relief.
“Hey,” I said, pushing my goggles up onto my head so I could see him without my interfaces. “You okay?”
He blinked at me in confusion, then his face split into the goofiest expression I’d ever seen him make. “Heyopal,” he slurred. “What are we doing at my place?”
I winced. Definitely not okay.
“Let’s just go slow,” I said in a soothing voice, leaning down to slide my arm under his. “Stand on three. One—”
He shot straight up, knocking me off my feet. The resulting imbalance sent us both careening, but while Nik definitely wasn’t firing on all cylinders yet, there was nothing wrong with his reflexes. I’d barely started to fall before he caught me, wrapping one arm around my waist while his other hand grabbed the top of his car door. The fiasco ended with my body pressed flush against Nik’s. I was trying to extricate myself when the arm he’d thrown around my waist tightened.
“Wait,” he said, his goofy expression transforming into one of amazed wonder. “Did I take you home?”
The excitement that crept into his voice at that prospect made my whole face burn. Even my still-pumping adrenaline wasn’t enough to stop me from noticing the intimacy of our position. I’d never seen Nik smile like that before, either. He was beaming down at me like our current entanglement was the best thing that had ever happened to him, making me forget everything I’d been about to say. I actually started to smile back at him before I remembered this was all my fault.
“Actually,” I replied with maximum professionalism, gently but firmly pushing myself out of his arms. “I’m taking you home. You need—”
“I’m so glad,” Nik said over me, letting go of the car to slide his fingers into my hair. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do this?”
I frowned. “Wanted to do wha—”
Nik moved like a shot, bending down before I realized what was happening to press his lips to mine. The sudden contact shocked me so much I jumped, but he had both hands on me now, and he held me still. Then he pulled me closer, curving his shoulders to enclose me against his chest as he kissed me with a gentle, hungry thoroughness.
I’m ashamed to say I let him. Sibyl was squawking all kinds of very appropriate-sounding warnings in my ear, but I was too distracted to pay attention. It had been a long time since I’d been kissed. Nik was doing a damn good job of it, too. His metal chest was a wall against mine, hard and immovable, but his hands were gentle on my waist and hair, and his lips were earnest, teasing mine with the promise of better things to come.
Things I absolutely could not have.
“Whoa,” I said, wrenching myself away.
Nik looked at me like I’d just dumped him out of paradise. “Whoa?”
“We can’t do this,” I said firmly. As much for me as for him, because whoa was my suddenly lust-addled brain coming up with some bad suggestions. Hot, but bad. “I hit you with a lot of magic and you’re not in your right mind. I’m very sorry about that, by the way, but we really need to get you to bed.”
“I like bed,” Nik purred, closing the distance I’d just made.
He stopped when I put a hand on his chest. “Nik, no,” I said in my firmest voice. “I’m not taking advantage of you while you’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk,” he said, mortally offended. “I have a poison scrubber. I can’t get drunk anymore.”
I stared at him in horror. Unable to get drunk? Why would anyone do that to themselves?! I was dying to ask him, but Nik was already bending back down to nuzzle his face in my hair. Clearly, curiosity would have to wait until he could focus for more than five seconds.
“You’re magic drunk,” I specified, pushing him away again. “It’s called backlash. I overloaded your brain, and you’re going to be scrambled for a while until it can recover. Again, really sorry about that, but what you need most right now is rest. And water. Lots of water.”
Nik didn’t look pleased with this assessment, but he let me slide my shoulder back under his and steer him across the parking lot toward his apartment building.
The stairs down to his basement unit were tricky. He’d handled the flat pavement okay, but steps were another matter, and as I’d discovered earlier, dude was heavy. He was also surprisingly tall. Nik always kept such a low profile, walking with a slouch and keeping his arms close to his body and wearing that bulky jacket that hid his shape, it was easy to forget he was actually a pretty big guy. I didn’t know why he’d want to hide that. As someone who’d been five-foot-four since she was twelve, being big seemed like an advantage you’d want to show off. Right now, though, his size was working against us.
I went down first, staying one step below him at all times with my hand firmly on the metal railing so I could—not catch him; there was no way I could manage that without one of us breaking something—but at least help control his fall. Thankfully, there was no need. Despite some wobbly moments, we made it to the bottom without serious incident.
“Here we go,” I said, digging his keys out of my bag and trying them one at a time until I found the one that opened his vault of a front door. “Let’s get you inside.”
Just like everything else in our lives, Nik’s apartment had changed a lot in the last week. It was still a barren bunker when I switched on the light but not quite as bad as it had been the first time I’d walked in. There were two plates in the drying rack by the sink now, and two folding chairs at the card table, both hard-won concessions he’d finally deemed necessary given how often I ate with him these days. I’d also gotten him a floor lamp since I couldn’t stand his harsh overhead lighting, but the biggest change was the ugly orange couch pushed up against his previously bare living room wall.
“Is that the couch from the slug shop?”
Nik nodded, and I stared at him in shock. “I thought you didn’t want it.”
“I didn’t,” he said, leaning harder on my shoulder. “I hate furniture. It’s just more junk to move. But you wanted somewhere to sit, so I kept it.”
I went still. “You kept a couch for me?”
He shrugged and lurched forward, forcing me to scramble as we landed in a semicontrolled collapse on the couch’s hideous but soft cushions. When I was sure he wasn’t going to fall off onto the floor, I ran into the kitchen and grabbed one of his two glasses, filling it with water from the sink before hurrying back.
“Here,” I said, pressing the cup of water into his hands. “You might not actually be drunk, but hydration will still help with the backlash hangover.”
He was in for a brutal one. This was by far the worst reaction I’d ever seen to magical overload. I didn’t know if that was due to some complication with Nik’s cyberware or if I’d just hit him harder than I was giving myself credit for, but I felt guilty as hell about it. Whether it had saved his life or not, Nik didn’t deserve this. He’d done nothing but help me tonight, but I’d been too much of a fail mage to help him in return when he needed it. He deserved so much better in a partner, but I was the one who was here now, and I was determined to do right by him in this at least.
“Drink,” I ordered. “And then you need to sleep. You’ll feel a lot better tomorrow.”
“Will you
stay with me?” he asked after he’d drained the glass dry.
I froze, unsure how to respond. Given how he’d been acting earlier, that might have been a proposition, but it didn’t sound like one. Nik was no longer acting romantic. He mostly looked tired, sick, and scared, and no wonder. Backlash was terrifying even when you knew what was going on, but this was Nik’s first time. He wasn’t even a mage, and I’d hit him with a tidal wave.
As much as I wanted to stay by his side until the damage I’d caused was over, though, I didn’t know if I could. My broken magic was still hanging loose inside me, rattling every time I moved. It still didn’t hurt, but there was a growing feeling of wrongness in my gut, a sense of impending doom I couldn’t ignore.
But I couldn’t leave him like this.
“I’ll stay until you fall asleep,” I compromised. “Is that okay?”
He nodded and lay back on the couch. I was stepping away to go get him a blanket from his bedroom when Nik grabbed my hand.
“Don’t leave.”
I nodded and sank down on the floor instead, clutching his hand in both of mine. The pressure seemed to calm him, because he relaxed into the cushions. A few moments later, his breathing had evened out into sleep.
I kept hold of his hand anyway, clinging as hard as I dared, because I was scared, too. I’d really messed up this time, so much so that I didn’t even know all of the consequences yet. Now that I had no more disasters to distract me, the feeling that something was incredibly, horribly, terminally wrong with me was getting more urgent by the minute. Even so, I couldn’t leave yet. So long as Nik looked afraid, I stayed at his side, sitting on the cement floor until my legs were frozen and my feet were asleep.
