by Pam Howes
‘That’s what I said last night.’ Edie grinned. ‘And of course you will,’ she added as a soft knock sounded on the door. ‘Here he is, slip your warm coat and your scarf on and good luck.’
Bella let Bobby take her hand as he hurried them away from the Nissan hut towards a wooden bench seat on the other side of the shower block. She shivered as they sat side by side. He put his arms around her and kissed her passionately and held her tight as though he’d never let her go. He kissed her again and she melted into him, realising just how much she’d missed him.
‘I should have worn my big coat over my uniform,’ he said breathlessly, as they broke apart. ‘Then we could have slipped it over your shoulders.’
‘I’m fine, really.’ She didn’t know if the shivering was from being in his arms again or from feeling cold. She smiled.
‘Look,’ he began. ‘This engagement to Alicia, it means nothing and should never have happened. That sounds awful, I know, but the night after her father’s wake, when we were with my parents, my mother said that what Alicia needed was stability and some hope for the future. It was her suggestion that as I was no longer involved with you, I was free to marry Alicia, just as they’d always hoped I would do.’
He sighed. ‘Alicia jumped on that as a proposal and accepted. What was I supposed to do? I honestly thought you’d left me; with no letters coming from you what else was I to think? It’s all such a mess. What should I do, Bella? Now I know you didn’t let me down, I just want to be with you. I’m starting to have my suspicions as to why we didn’t get each other’s letters. Without proof I can’t make accusations, but I think you know what I’m implying here.’
Bella nodded. ‘Yes, I do, but you need to be careful. I was surprised to see her actually working here.’
‘My father put in a good word as he thought it would be best for her to get some real-life experience and skills rather than hanging around with Mother and her friends all day.’
‘She seems to enjoy her job.’
He shrugged. ‘She says she does. And she’s made some friends of a similar age, so that’s something. I’m going to have to sit her down and tell her it’s all been a mistake, the, er, engagement, I mean. Singing with you again tonight was just wonderful, it made my heart soar. I haven’t felt as good as that for a long time, not since I left Liverpool. I really do love you, Bella, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.’
A snapping noise, like someone standing on fallen twigs, and a nearby strangled cry stopped Bella from responding as Alicia, white-faced except for two angry red spots high on her cheeks, appeared in front of them.
‘Oh, you do, do you?’ she began in her high, piping voice. ‘And what about me, Robert? You’re supposed to be marrying me, or had you forgotten?’
Bella chewed her lip as Bobby leapt to his feet. ‘Alicia, what do you think you’re doing? Sneaking up like that and listening to a private conversation.’
Alicia folded her arms and glared at him. ‘I saw you from the window of my billet, sneaking round here. I had a feeling you were meeting her,’ she snapped, glaring at Bella. ‘You haven’t taken your eye off her all night.’
‘Well you might as well as know,’ Bobby began. ‘Our engagement, for what it’s worth, is off. Somehow or other Bella hasn’t been receiving my letters, and for some strange reason I haven’t been getting hers. We have no reason not to be together. It’s what we want, what we always wanted.’
‘Yes, well, there’s a war on,’ Alicia snapped. ‘It’s affecting everything, including the post.’
‘Really?’ Bobby raised an ironical eyebrow. ‘Other airmen billeted here get post regularly. Makes you think.’
‘Nothing to do with me.’ Alicia shrugged. ‘So what you are telling me is that our engagement is off? Is that right?’
He nodded and Bella frowned, surprised that the girl wasn’t screaming at him as she’d seemed so angry at first.
Alicia let her arms fall to her sides, but she kept her head upright and stared at them both, a sly smile spreading across her face. She nodded slowly. ‘Then it’s a good job I’ve got your parents to look out for me, isn’t it. Because when I tell them tomorrow over the Christmas Day lunch we’re both supposed to be attending that I’m expecting their first grandchild, I hope they don’t turn their backs on me like their son just did.’
And with that she flounced away, leaving Bobby staring after her with a look of horror on his face and his hand clamped to his mouth. He turned to stare at Bella, who was shaking her head.
‘Did she just tell me she’s pregnant?’ he gasped.
Bella blew out her cheeks and nodded. ‘I think so.’ Suddenly she felt totally numb, like her heart had just fallen out of her chest.
‘Shit! How the hell did that happen? We only, well you know, just once, a few weeks ago. It shouldn’t have happened, it wasn’t what I wanted,’ he garbled, running his hands through his hair.
Bella raised an ironical eyebrow and got to her feet. She was too shocked to feel angry with him right now. ‘Bobby. You’d better go after her. For some reason we’re not meant to be. We can’t. You’ll have to do right by her. Your mother will go mad if you don’t. I’m sorry.’
He grabbed her by the hand. ‘It’s me that’s sorry. I can’t believe this. I love you, so much.’
She nodded. ‘And I love you too. But we can’t do anything about it. I’m going back inside now.’ She needed to get away before she begged him to stay when she knew that was impossible. ‘Stay safe, Bobby. And good luck. It’s been really nice to see you again.’
She walked away back to the Nissan hut and let herself in. Fran and Edie were flat out. She took off her clothes and hurried into bed, tears running freely down her cheeks. She cried herself to sleep, sobbing heartbrokenly into her pillow and feeling numb. From being on cloud nine and hoping once more that she might have a wonderful and happy future with Bobby, she now felt at rock bottom and back to square one.
18
Wavertree, May 1941
Mary smoothed the pink candlewick bedspread straight and looked around the room with pride. To give herself something to do on long nights when she was feeling fed up and lonely, she’d decided to decorate the second bedroom. After the old double bed had been dismantled and taken across the road to her new neighbour, Violet Perkins’, house, she’d bought some brushes and repainted the walls herself in white distemper. It had taken hours but she was really pleased with how fresh the room looked now. She’d also picked up a pair of pink flowery curtains from Paddy’s Market, which thankfully was still open, and shortened them to fit the window. And her friend Ethel Hardy had given her a nice single bed and the pink bedspread from her spare room.
Mary had been planning to wait until the war was over and Harry safely home before refurnishing the bedroom so that Molly and Bella could have new single beds instead of sharing the old double, but Bella was on her way home for a week’s break before travelling to Scotland with the regular troupe of ENSA entertainers.
She hadn’t seen her daughter since the beginning of the year when she’d had a couple of days break from touring, and the visit had been a bit of a gloomy one. Bella had seemed upset by the fact that Bobby Harrison was going to marry his parents’ god-daughter, Alicia. Bella hadn’t elaborated on the news. Just said she’d seen him at RAF Brize Norton on Christmas Eve and he’d sung onstage with the Bryant Sisters.
Mary had a feeling there was more to it than met the eye, but her daughter didn’t want to talk or go into details so they’d left it at that and just enjoyed the time they had together. She was really looking forward to her visit and all being well Bella was being dropped off later this afternoon.
Mary hurried downstairs and put on her lightweight jacket. She picked up the shopping list she’d written and her purse and ration book from the table, slung her gas mask over her shoulder and her shopping bag over her arm and set off for the shops. There was that much to remember to take with you before nipping out these
days, it was like planning for a day trip. Gone were the days when you could just pick up your purse and nip round the corner.
It was a pleasant day, bright sunshine and blue skies, which had put people in a good mood after a few days of drizzle last week. The queue at the butcher’s shop was out the door and past the window. But there was no choice other than to wait or there’d be nothing for their tea tonight. She hoped the bakery had some cakes as it would be a nice treat. With everything like sugar and butter being scarce and not many fresh eggs around, Mrs Edwards, who owned the bakery, had a first-come-first-served policy on cakes. She did her best but once they’d gone, that was it until she had time to make more. There had been talk of adapting a bread recipe and creating a National Loaf to save money, which would be mainly brown flour as white flour was becoming harder to get. It didn’t appeal to Mary, and some said it would be like eating cardboard, but if it happened it’d be better than no bread at all, she supposed.
By the time it was her turn at the butcher’s counter she’d almost given up hope of getting any lamb to make a pan of scouse that would do them for two days, but as luck would have it there was a bit of neck fillet left on the tray and Jim the butcher cut it into chunky pieces for her.
‘Anything else, Mary?’ he asked, wrapping the lamb in greaseproof and popping it into a paper bag.
‘A couple of bacon rashers please, and I don’t suppose you’ve any eggs hiding under the counter? Our Bella’s coming home later and it would be nice to give her a cooked breakfast in the morning.’
Jim winked at her and slipped two brown eggs into another bag and handed them over.
‘That’s my lot now. Hopefully the hens will have laid more by the time I close here today. I’ve a nice bit of cheese in this morning. Might as well as get your rations while I’ve got it. I can do you an ounce of Cheshire.’
Mary nodded. That was two meals each from the lamb, breakfast in the morning, and cheese on toast for dinnertime. They’d be dining like royalty at this rate. Although Bella had told her the troupe was well looked after at all the barracks they visited, which was good to know. She handed her ration book over and a ten-shilling note. There’d be enough change left to get her loaf of bread and a cake if possible. Mary pocketed her money and left the butcher’s with a smile on her face.
In the bakery she was lucky enough to get a Victoria sponge cake and a white crusty loaf. She consulted her shopping list and hurried to the greengrocer’s at the end of the road, praying they’d got the vegetables she needed. She’d already got an onion and some potatoes at home, so only needed carrots, and she liked to chop up a swede for her particular recipe if she could get one. And she was in luck again, as there were two swedes in the basket, along with a handful of carrots.
Mary hurried home, her mouth salivating at the thoughts of a decent pan of scouse. She’d hardly cooked at all for herself since she’d been on her own. She’d lost her appetite as well as weight, which was no bad thing as she’d piled it on when she was carrying little Betty and hadn’t lost it all after her birth.
She felt fitter for the weight loss, but today she actually felt hungry for once. It would be good to sit down at the table with company rather than by herself. As she slotted the key into the lock a voice yoo-hooed from across the street and she turned to see her neighbour waving something at her. ‘Oh, good morning, Violet. How are you, queen and how’s your mam today?’
‘Not so bad, Mary,’ Violet said, hurrying across the street. ‘Settling a lot better than I thought she would. She’s not as confused as she was at first, now she’s getting used to where everything is. Best thing ever, this house coming up for grabs.’
‘It’s nice to see it lived in again,’ Mary said. ‘Good to see nice fresh nets at the windows instead of a wooden board.’
‘It was good of your mate Ethel to give me those. In fact, everyone has been so kind to us, I could cry. But I won’t, because I’d rather give them a smile. Anyway, I’ve just been clearing some stuff that’s been left outside in the back in sacks. There was some old post that John must have shoved in the sacks when he did the painting. But there’s a couple of letters here that look like your surname’s on them, except because they’re damp it’s hard to tell because the ink’s all smudged. Your name is Rogers though, isn’t it?’
‘It is,’ Mary replied. ‘This happened a while ago when the other family lived there. The same postman mistook twenty-eight for twenty-three.’ She took the letters and cards off Violet and stared at the names on the damp and dirty envelopes. She nodded; two had December postmarks on them so must be Christmas cards and the other two were letters addressed to Miss B. Rogers. She chewed her lip. It looked like Bobby’s handwriting. The letters that Bella had never received had been lying in the empty house all along. Mary felt a wave of sadness rush over her. Poor Bella. Too late now though, if Bobby had already married that girl Alicia. ‘Thanks very much, Vi.’
‘You’re welcome. I’ll let you get on. See you soon.’ Violet hurried back across the cobbles and into her own house.
Mary went indoors and dropped the letters on to the table while she put her shopping away. She made a pot of tea and poured herself a mug. Sitting at the table, she picked up one of Bobby’s letters and looked at the Oxfordshire postmark. The date just about fitted in to the time Bella had stopped hearing from him. Well as her own mam used to say, ‘what will be, will be,’ she thought. There’s a reason for everything and maybe Bella and Bobby weren’t meant to be together. Mary was a firm believer in what fate had in store for everyone, and maybe Bella hadn’t met her true love match yet.
‘See you tomorrow,’ Bella called as the car carrying Fran and Edie drove away up Victory Street. She knocked on the front door and smiled as her mam yanked it open, beaming. Bella flung her arms around Mam and hugged her tight, tears running down her cheeks and mingling with her mam’s. ‘Oh it’s so good to see you, Mam,’ she cried as she was pulled inside and down the hall to the back sitting room. ‘I’ve really missed you.’
‘Not as much as I’ve missed you, love,’ Mam said, wiping her eyes on a hanky she took from her cardigan pocket. ‘Sit down and I’ll make you a nice cuppa.’
‘Something smells good,’ Bella said, sniffing the air with appreciation.
‘Lamb scouse. For our tea. Thought we’d push the boat out seeing as I’ve had no one to cook for lately. I intend to spoil you while you’re home.’
Bella sat back in her dad’s armchair and stretched out her legs. She looked around the spotlessly clean room that held so many family memories for her. It was so tidy. Too tidy. No books or jigsaw puzzles or dollies and boxes of bricks lying around, or copies of the Liverpool Echo stashed under the chair. It was as though the family she’d lived with was no more and it made her heart ache. God only knew how her mam must feel, night after night, sitting here all alone.
‘Bella.’ Mam’s voice broke her thoughts and she looked up and smiled. Mam rooted in her pocket and pulled out some envelopes. She handed them to Bella. ‘These had been posted through the empty house letterbox, chuck. Lord knows how long ago. The postmarks are a bit smudged but they’re from Oxfordshire, so no doubt written by Bobby. I wanted you to have them straight away.’
Bella felt her jaw drop. Bobby’s letters. So like he’d told her, he had written after all. But how come she’d got the first few and not these?
‘That older postman’s been back in our delivery area so he probably got the numbers mixed up again,’ Mam said, as though reading her mind. ‘He’s needed new glasses for years. It used to happen a lot, our post going over the road, and then they took him off this round and put a younger fellow on, but of course he’ll have joined up. We’ve been back to the old fellow for a while now.’
Bella sighed and her eyes filled. Alicia must have stolen the final few, and the letters Bella had sent to Bobby. There was no other explanation. What a mess. But it was too late now, anyway. He’d be married to the girl and their baby wouldn’t be long befor
e it arrived. She couldn’t even write to him to tell him she’d now got his missing letters in her possession. What was the point? If Alicia was still working she’d just do as she’d done before and steal them. Bobby was lost to her forever and it was time to move on. She knew she had plenty of admirers, but her heart wasn’t into getting involved with anyone at the moment. She slipped the letters into her handbag at the side of her chair. She couldn’t bear to read them today; maybe later in the week when she felt stronger.
‘Are you not going to look at them, chuck?’ Mam asked, her head on one side.
Bella half-smiled and shook her head. ‘Maybe later.’
Mam nodded. ‘Right, well I’ll get you that cuppa and then we’ll have a bite to eat.’
‘Is there anything you’d like to do this afternoon, love?’ Mary asked, clearing the plates and mugs from the table after their dinnertime cheese on toast.
‘Actually, Mam, yes there is. Can we get the tram into the city? I’ve promised to look for some Pan Stik foundation as we’re running out, and some nice red lippy and nail varnish. It’s not always easy to go shopping when we’re travelling up and down the country as the driver likes to stick to the main roads and most shops are in town centres and he always has a grumble if he has to break the journey. And a lot of places have been bombed and shops are closed. We could get a nice cup of coffee at the Kardomah.’
Mary nodded. ‘That’ll be nice, love. We haven’t been shopping for a long time. You can look in Lewis’s for the make-up. Pan Stik’s Max Factor make, isn’t it?’
‘It is. And they’ve got a counter in Lewis’s. I’ll just pop to the carsey and then nip upstairs and get ready. This will be funny. I’ve not been to a real outside toilet since leaving home. Most of the camps have them in shower blocks.’
‘Well at least it’s a nice day and it won’t be frozen,’ Mary said.
