She nodded.
“Fair enough. I just want this child to have everything I can’t give it. And, Alec, you are a very caring man. You’d be a great dad.”
“You’d be a great mom, and I don’t want to do it on my own. Won’t you please consider doing this with me?” he asked. “Together I think we make a great team.”
She didn’t say anything and he realized that he had read her wrong. That whatever it was she’d been doing with him the last six weeks, it hadn’t been establishing a relationship so that they could raise a family together. He was the person she saw as taking care of the child while she went back to New York, back to her social-media-driven life and away from him.
He didn’t blame her for thinking that at first but they’d gotten to know each other. She had to realize that he wasn’t going to be okay with that. Or maybe she didn’t?
“I want us to try living together,” he said. “I know you weren’t thinking in those terms so I’m not in any hurry for your answer.”
“I can’t.”
He was starting to get angry. “Make me understand this. I know you’re not the kind of woman who would just walk away.”
“I can’t trust myself,” she said at last. “What if I’m like my dad?”
“What if you’re not?” he asked.
“I won’t take a chance with our baby,” she said.
Fourteen
“What do you mean? Alec, I’m not going to be this woman,” she said, gesturing around the patio. “Our lives are very different. I came here because I needed to know if the father of my baby was a decent guy—”
“You keep saying that. But we’ve moved beyond that. You’ve become an important part of my life and I think you feel the same about me. We aren’t two strangers figuring out a problem. We are two people who care deeply about each other.”
Care deeply... The words echoed in her head and for once Tara’s sarcastic voice was silent. And the panic that she’d mostly managed to forestall since the moment she’d found out she was pregnant started to rise inside her. A tsunami of doubt was swelling and making her aware of how ill prepared she was to have this conversation with Alec.
“I can’t. I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I’ll be in touch in a few days. I need you to think about whether you want to raise this child without me or if we should look for another option,” she said.
She walked around him and toward the house. Again, the smell of roses and jasmine surrounded her but this time it made her sad. This patio had been the place that had cemented their relationship and it was probably fitting that it was here that she was ending it. She had never been good at relationships and she wasn’t truly sure why she’d stayed here so long.
The novelty of it?
Don’t be daft, Tara’s voice whispered through her mind. You liked it and you love him.
Love.
No way. She didn’t love him. She wouldn’t allow herself to. Everyone she’d ever loved had died.
“Scarlet!”
She glanced over her shoulder and she saw the agony and pain and anger in his eyes. In the way he stood there with his hands clenched in fists just watching her. There was a knot in her stomach and she just wanted to get far enough away from him that she could stop feeling this. She hated this.
“Don’t go. Not like this,” he said.
“I have to. You want something from me that I can’t give you and I should never have allowed myself to let this happen.”
“You didn’t allow it,” he said. “There’s a bond between us whether you want to admit it or not, and no matter where you go and what decisions you think you’re making that bond will still be there.”
She shook her head. That couldn’t be true. She’d never been in that position before and she highly doubted that once she got back to New York and her old life that she wouldn’t be able to move on from him.
She’d been playing a game while she was here. Pretending all along that she was someone like Mia in The Princess Diaries but knowing it was a fantasy she’d never be able to have in real life. This Eden wasn’t for her. Not really. It was for some woman Alec thought she was.
“Thank you, Alec,” she said at last. “Our time together was unexpected, and I enjoyed this while it lasted.”
“Yeah, whatever,” he said. “I’ll drive you home.”
“You don’t have to,” she said. She didn’t know what she’d do if they were in the car together. She needed to get away. To be alone.
“Sorry, but you’re pregnant with my baby and I’m not going to let you walk back to your house alone,” he said. “I can call someone to pick you up if you’d prefer.”
She debated it. If she stayed any longer, it was only going to make this worse on both of them. The car ride would be over in minutes. She nodded.
“I’d appreciate the ride,” she said.
“No problem. I was raised to be a gentleman,” he said through clenched teeth as he walked past her and held open the French doors that led to his living room. She walked into his house and straight to the front door. She heard his footsteps behind her and then the rattle of his keys as he took them from the bowl on the foyer table. He reached around her to open the door and his arm brushed her shoulder.
She felt that delicious shiver of desire go through her and she turned to step away at the same time as he did. They bumped into each other, and when their eyes met, her heart broke. She knew that she was making the right choice for the baby but also for Alec. Everyone in her family had a major self-destruct mode when it came to love, and she knew she wasn’t any different. She hated to see the pain on his face, hated to feel this heaviness in her own heart, but there was no other way.
This was bigger than herself. This was the only thing she could do to make sure her child didn’t grow up like her. And that was the important thing. The pain would pass and fade despite what Alec had said.
“I hope...” She trailed off. What could she say? There weren’t words to express what she wanted to say because the truth was, she hoped he could find happiness without her and she was pretty sure he would.
“Yeah, whatever,” he said.
She realized that was his way of hiding his hurt. She also noticed as they walked to his car in the driveway that he’d never lashed out at her. He’d been angry but the meanest thing he’d ever said was that their bond was strong, and she might not get over it. Which was hardly mean. He was a great guy. The kind of man she wanted for her own but was too afraid to claim.
That just made her love him more.
Damn. She did love him.
Which made it all the more important that she get away from him. For both of their sakes. Whenever she wanted something she turned destructive. He drove her home in silence and when he pulled up to her house, she opened her car door herself, putting her hand on his arm to stop him from coming around to help her out.
“Goodbye, then,” she said.
“Yeah, goodbye,” he replied. She closed the car door as she got out and then stepped away as he gunned the engine and disappeared into the night.
* * *
Alec knew he wasn’t in the best shape to be attending a family dinner. It had been six weeks since Scarlet had left Cole’s Hill. She’d instructed her attorney to contact his attorney, Ethan Caruthers, to keep him informed of the baby’s progress. She had also conveyed via letter that she hoped he’d reconsider and raise the baby on his own, or she’d have to consider other options like adoption. Ethan had counseled him to think of the child but Alec was convinced. He wasn’t the kind of man who could raise a child on his own. Other options worried him and he didn’t want to give up his child any more than he thought that Scarlet did.
But his mom wasn’t happy with that decision and so he wasn’t surprised that his dad was waiting for him on the front porch in one of the rockers when he arrived at his childho
od home. His father had a bottle of tequila sitting on the table between the two chairs on a bar tray that also had salt, wedges of lime and shot glasses.
“Dad,” Alec said by way of greeting.
“Son, take a seat.”
“I really don’t want to,” he said. In fact, he should leave. He wasn’t ready to talk to his family or anyone else. He wished he could say he was mad because that at least would make sense. But instead he was hurt and he still woke up every night reaching for Scarlet even knowing she’d never be next to him in his bed again.
“Tough shit,” his father said. “Take a seat, Alejandro.”
“Dad—”
“I’m not asking,” he replied.
Alec sat down in the empty chair and refused to look at his father. Over the course of his life, he’d had exactly five conversations with his father on this porch. Three of them had occurred when he was under the age of eighteen. One of them took place after he’d screwed up royally in college, and then there was this one today. He knew his father saved the porch talks for stuff that he didn’t want to bring into the house. The messy stuff that needed to be said.
“I’m not ready to talk about this,” Alec said.
“That’s fine. You just need to listen. But first, pour us both a shot,” his father said.
Alec opened the bottle of tequila and poured two shots. His father licked his hand at the same time that Alec did. They took turns with the saltshaker, then picked up a wedge of lime each and then their shots. Alec licked the salt off his hand, downed his shot and then chased it with the lime. He put his glass down and then sat back in the Kennedy rocker.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you and Scarlet,” his father said. “But your mom told me she’s pregnant and you told me you were going to ask her to marry you. And she’s gone so I’m guessing something happened.”
“Yeah, she doesn’t want this. She said she’s not cut out for this kind of life and she wants me to raise the child on my own. That’s why she came here.”
“To check you out?” his father asked.
“Yes,” he said, turning to face his father. He felt overcome with emotions and blinked because he really didn’t want to lose it. Not now. “And we passed her test. She thinks our extended family would be great to raise the child. Yay for us. But I didn’t pass her test.”
His dad reached across the table and put his hand on Alec’s shoulder. “What makes you think you didn’t?”
“She left. She made it clear that she’s not into me,” he said. “I sound like a complete dumbass, right? I should be able to say I’ve moved on. It’s been six weeks, Dad, and I’m still not over her.”
“Love’s not like that. You don’t get over it,” he said. “Especially if it’s real. Look at your brother and Hadley.”
“I can’t. Dad, I’m turning into a really nasty person on the inside. I hate that everyone else seems to be able to find happiness and I can’t.”
His father nodded. “You will find it.”
“Not with her,” he said at last.
“Not with her. Your mom told me a little bit about her family and it seems like she has her own issues to sort out,” his dad said. “And you’ll figure out how to move on. But your mom and I think you should raise the baby. We will help you. Your brothers will help you. And that child will probably help you, too.”
Alec leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees and then his face in his hands. Raise the baby? That’s what Scarlet wanted and he honestly had been so consumed by her rejection he hadn’t spent much time allowing himself to think about the baby. But now that his father said it like that, he hated the thought of a Velasquez being raised by anyone else. He wasn’t sure what he was doing but he’d figure it out.
“Okay,” he said at last. “I’m not going to pretend I know what I’m doing but I’ll let Ethan know I want custody.”
“Good. Now about the girl,” his father said, pouring two more shots of tequila. “What can we do there?”
“I don’t know, Dad,” Alec said. “She said she’s not good at relationships. Hell, I’m not a poster boy for them, either.”
“No, you’re not. Maybe you need to show her what it would mean, being in a relationship with you.”
His father had a cagey look on his face and Alec wasn’t sure what his father had in mind.
“How?”
“Your mom’s going to kill me for suggesting this, but why don’t you move to New York and make sure she knows you’re there.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to seem like a desperate loser,” Alec said.
“Don’t, then. Be there for the pregnancy and the baby. That’s it. Once she sees you, she’ll change her mind.”
“I’m not so sure. I love her but is that enough to convince her?”
His dad smacked him on the back of the head. “Dammit, Alejandro. Love is the most powerful thing in the world. You just keep loving her until she realizes she loves you back.”
“You think that will work?” he asked his father. Though he had seen firsthand how Diego and Mauricio had both won the women they loved.
“How do you think I won your mom over? She wanted a city slicker, not a horse rancher. Not even one who played polo. But I wore her down. Just kept asking her to marry me until she said yes.”
Alec shook his head. It wasn’t a bad plan, he thought. If he’d learned anything in the last six weeks, it was that his feelings for Scarlet had grown, not disappeared.
So that was it, then. He had a plan and some hope for the future. His dad had been right about being closer to Scarlet, but not in New York. That was her turf. He’d agree to raise the child but only if she came back here until she delivered. That would give him the home-field advantage, and hopefully the remaining time in her pregnancy would be enough to convince her that they were stronger together. He didn’t allow himself to lose hope. He loved her too much for that.
* * *
Scarlet wasn’t feeling it today but her film crew was due to arrive any minute. Since the shows were all filmed six months before they aired, she’d asked the crew and the film company to keep her pregnancy under wraps. And they agreed. She needed to figure out the situation with her child, and she needed to keep her pregnancy private to do that. Alec still wanted them both to be involved in the baby’s life, and the longer she was carrying her child the harder it was to think of letting anyone raise the baby but Alec. In the middle of the night she sometimes pictured herself and Alec with the baby, but then the dreams twisted into that lifeless image of Tara when she’d died.
Her partners in the subscription box business loved the idea of a wedding/bride theme, but since she was pregnant they were pushing for her to do an expectant-mother-themed one, as well. The only problem was she didn’t want to concentrate on that. The almost seven weeks since she’d left Cole’s Hill hadn’t been easy. Each day she missed Alec—and how was that even possible?
She’d left friends and homes and family a million times in her life and just moved on without looking back. Now all of a sudden she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She had decided to communicate only through lawyers and by letter because she was afraid if she heard his voice she’d change her mind and run back to him.
And if it was just the two of them, she might risk it, but there was the baby to consider.
She put her hand on her stomach, which was definitely getting larger. She’d taken to wearing clothes in her apartment that showed off her baby bump. She liked the thought of the child, which was its own kind of torture. Billie had recommended that she reconsider giving the child to Alec. And the truth was she was reconsidering a lot. Life wasn’t any easier now that she was back in New York.
“The film crew is here. Do you want to go down and get them?” Billie asked. “I think they want to do some outside shots.”
“Will you go for me and
tell them I can’t do it today?”
“Sure, but you should probably leave the apartment. You’re going to have to at some point.”
“I know, but not yet,” she admitted. She’d been hiding away, trying to make sense of her feelings. She didn’t know what love should feel like but the way she longed for Alec, the way she missed him, made her believe this had to be something pretty close to it.
Scarlet bent down to scoop up Lulu, who was dancing around her feet. The little dog buried her face in the curve of Scarlet’s neck as Scarlet petted her.
“How about if we go for a walk in Central Park when I get back?” Billie asked. “The weather isn’t too bad today. It’s supposed to snow, which you love, and you can put a coat on so the baby bump won’t show if any paps snap a photo of you.”
She looked at her friend and assistant and saw the concern on Billie’s face. She’d also heard from Bianca, who had her baby—a little girl she’d named Aurora. Kinley, Hadley and Helena had all emailed and texted as well, just saying they missed her.
She missed them, as well.
You don’t have to miss anyone, Tara’s voice whispered through her mind. Go back to Texas.
Go back to Texas.
Was it that simple?
She stood there staring at Billie for a long minute and then nodded. She wasn’t happy here. She knew she was due to start shooting, but for once in her life she wasn’t going to share this with the world. Not until she won Alec back... If he’d still have her. She was in love with him and being apart wasn’t really making her feel any better. She had absolutely no idea how to raise a child but with Alec by her side she’d feel a lot better about trying.
“Uh, that’s a no on the park, Billie. How about if we go to Cole’s Hill instead?” Scarlet said.
“About damned time,” Billie said. “You have been miserable since you came home, and I think it’s because you love Alec.”
“I think I do, too,” Scarlet said. “Go and deal with whoever is downstairs while I call the film company to reschedule shooting and call the pilot—”
One Night, Two Secrets (One Night Book 2; Velasquez Brothers Book 3 Page 14
