Cowboy Summer

by Joanne Kennedy

  She stared sightless toward the horizon, blinking fast. “We went for a ride. And then he… It went wrong, that’s all. I had no idea he was this bad.” She suppressed a sob. “Molly told me he had heart trouble, but I figured like a blood pressure problem or maybe high cholesterol. I had no idea…” Nodding toward the pills in his pocket, she pointed. “What are those again?”

  He handed them over, and she glanced at the label.

  “His name’s on the bottle. How come you had it?”

  Shoving his hands in his pockets, he stared down at the ground. “In case he had another heart attack. He forgets to carry his meds, so Molly made sure I had some, and we gave him that whistle…”

  Jess interrupted. “Another heart attack?”

  Heck propped himself up on his elbows. “Don’t worry, hon,” he said. “It was just a little one.”

  “Don’t worry?” Tears tumbled out like a flash flood filling a canyon. “I didn’t. Not one bit. Because I didn’t know.” She broke off on a sob, mastered herself, and swatted the tears from her eyes with one hand. Jutting her chin, she turned her fury on Cade. “I had no idea anything was wrong. And he’s my father.”

  Cade splayed his hands, feeling helpless. “It was his decision to keep it quiet.”

  “And you thought it was a good one?”

  Cade felt a hot wind blow through his heart. “I didn’t hide anything, Jess. Nobody did. If you’d been here…”

  She collapsed like a punctured balloon, the fight leaking out of her. He wished he could somehow gather it up and stuff it back in, straightening her backbone and reconstructing the strong Jess who stood up for herself.

  “I was busy,” she said. “Working hard, trying to make him proud.”

  “He doesn’t care about that stuff. He just wants to see you.”

  “I know, but…” She tugged her hair back from her face. “I guess I was mostly trying to make my mother proud. As if she gives a damn.” She sat down hard, covering her face with her hands. “I don’t know why I even tried.”

  Cade knelt beside her, wishing he could soften the blow. But maybe it was time for her to face the consequences of walking away from the people she loved—the ones who loved her back.

  “This was my fault,” she mumbled.

  “He’s sick, Jess. You didn’t do that.”

  “No. You don’t understand.” She shook her head, curls whisking wildly from side to side. “I made him mad, and he ran off, tried to race me to stop what I was saying. You know how he is.”

  Cade nodded. Heck hated conflict of any kind.

  “I didn’t stop him. I should have tried harder.”

  The roar of rotor blades saved him from having to agree.

  “Wait!” Jess rose and stumbled toward the machine. “I’m going with him. Wait!”

  With its expressionless staring eyes, the helicopter tilted onto one runner, then rose into the sky. Jess took off her dad’s huge hat and watched it go.

  Cade reached out and touched her arm, and the past faded away in the glance that passed between them.

  “Oh, Cade.” She sounded helpless, and that broke his heart.

  “Come on,” he said. “I’ll take you to the hospital.”

  Chapter 13

  With its shiny white floors, fluorescent lights, and antiseptic stench, the Grigsby Hospital was the opposite of a barn. And a barn was where Heck belonged. Hadn’t Molly told him so a hundred times?

  He opened one eye, hoping his wife would be there, but found Cade instead, slouched in a plastic chair with his arms folded and his ankles crossed. He looked bored, like he’d been there a while. Beside him, Jess was faking absorption in a decorating magazine, which made Heck want to laugh. There wasn’t a domestic bone in that girl’s body. She was still his cowgirl. Might not be able to rope worth a dang, but she had the spirit, and that was what mattered.

  He could see her true self flowering, the layers of city sophistication falling away. After her mother had left, she’d taken to watching Sex and the City like she was studying a foreign culture. He’d been afraid she’d take off and join the Kardashian family the way other kids ran away to join the circus, and when he’d gone to see her in Denver and found a sharp-dressed professional woman, he’d worried his little tomboy was gone for good.

  But Molly said all Jess needed was a nudge, a little warning that she might have a lot to lose, and a reminder of who she was. Sure enough, his cowgirl had come riding home.

  Sometimes Molly’s intuition made him a little nervous, but so far, she had used her powers only for good.

  The room was spinning, and as he watched Jess, it seemed to speed up. He felt like he was on a danged merry-go-round, and he hated that feeling. When he closed his eyes, memory flooded his senses.

  He’d been three, maybe four, and his folks had set him on one of those wooden horses with the pole through its belly. They had acted like it was a treat. He’d known what to do, of course, so he’d kicked his heels and clicked his tongue. They’d laughed while he’d scowled at the motionless horse with its stiff wooden mane, feeling cheated. Then the music had begun, wild and a little off-key, and the thing had started moving.

  It didn’t run like a real horse; it rose and fell with a sickening lurch, gliding faster and faster, out of control. He’d pulled the rope reins, but the critter wouldn’t stop. Glancing around in a panic, he’d realized his parents were gone. Just gone. The world beyond the platform was a spinning, streaking blur. Faces rushed past, none of them familiar.

  Good Lord, how he’d bawled. And he wanted to bawl now. The chimes and bells in the hospital hallway reminded him of the carousel’s crazy music, tinkling eerily as the world spun by, too fast, too far away, and fully out of control.

  If the world would buck like a rank horse, he could spur it and subdue it, but this spinning was making him sick. He fixed his gaze on his daughter, anchoring the world on her pretty face as she flashed dirty looks at poor Cade.

  It was hard not to just take her aside and tell her what to do. It seemed simple enough to him. Be nice to Cade. Remember, the boy’s loved you all his life. Marry him, take over the ranch, have beautiful babies, and be happy.

  But Molly said he had to let Jess figure things out for herself. Make her own mistakes.

  Well, she’d made ’em all right. Watching her rope calves this morning, with her face all flushed and her grin lighting up the land, it had been clear she didn’t belong in some stuffy office in Denver. She belonged on the Diamond Jack, same as she belonged with Cade. Heck wanted to jump up and tell the pair to stop wasting time, treasure what they had, and let themselves love each other, dang it.

  He tried to speak, but his heart stepped up and swung a hammer at his ribs. Bam, bam, bam. Maybe he’d better calm down. Didn’t want to blow the pump.

  He closed his eyes again, and the hospital sounds closed in. Bells rang, machines whirred, and nurses were everywhere, gabbling like chickens. He’d seen some of ’em on his way in, dressed in their baggy clothes, and wondered what had happened to the crisp uniforms he remembered from his rodeo days. Back then, the pain of a broken bone had been eased by pretty girls in crisp white dresses, with neat caps pinned in their hair. Nowadays, nurses dressed like Walmart customers. Might as well wear pajamas.

  Sure was loud in here. He wondered why his hearing was so good all of a sudden. He had hearing aids but never used the dang things. They felt like somebody was sticking their thumb in his ear, so he’d stuck ’em in a drawer and forgotten about ’em. But everything was loud and clear, like he was young again.

  Didn’t that happen just before you died?

  Aw, hell, he said silently, to God.

  He knew he shouldn’t go cussing at God, but he cussed at everybody. God probably knew that, so he wouldn’t take it personal.

  Don’t let me die now. I got things to do.

 
God didn’t answer, but Heck was used to that. He figured God was a lot like his own father had been—a good listener, but not much for answering questions. And strict. The kind of dad who was always saying, “Well, what do you think? Work it out for yourself.”

  But even thinking made his heart pick up the hammer again. Bam, bam, bam.

  He tried to relax and think of his old John Deere, with its low diesel throb. He imagined pulling the throttle out, letting the engine idle, and sure enough, his breathing slowed, his heartbeat, too. Calm flowed into his mind, easing out the worry, pushing out the pain. The tractor was his happy place.

  He heard Cade sigh. “I’m just glad you’re here this time.” He must be talking to Jess, ’cause surely he wasn’t glad Heck was in the hospital. “I should have called you the first time.”

  “It’s okay.” Jess heaved a heavy sigh, as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. “I know how he is. Stubborn as a mule. It’s not your fault.”

  Holy cats. Was Heck that bad?

  “I sure do miss your brother,” Cade said. “You heard from him?”

  Good boy. Change the subject. Don’t be talkin’ about me, ’cause I’m listening. Kind of scared what I’m liable to hear.

  “Griff? Yeah. I found an app where I can text him,” Jess said. “He sounds okay. He’s a big tough soldier now.”

  Heck felt as if his eyelids were heating up on the inside and knew he’d better be careful or he’d cry like a girl. He wasn’t a crier—he was a rancher, for God’s sake, tough as nails—but he missed his son so much, it felt like he’d lost a limb. He’d heard amputees got phantom pains, and maybe fathers did, too, after their sons left home. Because thinking of Griff hurt, every blessed time.

  “Remember that time we broke up, and you tried to go out with Bill Hancock? Griff took care of that in a hurry,” Cade said.

  “Oh yeah. Bill took me down to the quarry instead of to the movies like he was supposed to, but Griff knew how he operated. He was right there waiting and popped out of the bushes in full Rambo gear—face paint, camo, the works.”

  Heck had been upset when Jess had gone out with Bill, who wasn’t one-tenth the man Cade was. Now he knew why their first date had been their only one.

  “Bill took off,” Jess continued. “Left me behind to get killed, I guess. He almost got hit by a car.” She giggled. “I think he messed himself.”

  Heck tried to hold back, but his laughter shot up like a geyser erupting at Yellowstone.

  “Dad!” Jess stood and stared down at him.

  Busted.

  Squeezing his eyes shut, he let his head flop to one side, hoping Jess would think his laugh had been some sort of spasm, but she bent down and lifted one eyelid. The white light was painful.

  “I know you’re awake, you big faker.”

  “Knock it off.” He pushed her hand away. “I can deal with my own darn eyeballs.”

  “We’ll see about that,” said a new voice.

  A girl stood in the doorway, dressed in all her Walmart glory in a green flour sack and a puffy hat that matched. Wrapping a cuff around his arm, she pumped it up ’til it hurt. She looked about twelve years old, but she was doing a danged good job playing nurse. Tucking a stethoscope into her ears, she squinted as the needle twitched its way down the scale.

  Removing the cuff, she wagged a finger at him. “No more steak and potatoes for you.”

  Heck harrumphed. “We’ll see what the doctor says ’bout that.”

  The twelve-year-old laughed. “I am the doctor.”

  “Sure you are. Now bring me a real one. Playtime’s over.”

  “Oh, Dad.”

  Jess rolled her eyes while the so-called doctor gave him a snake-eyed stare that told him she was older than he’d thought—and tougher, too. She’d be a worthy adversary.

  Because that’s what doctors were. Adversaries. They wanted to filter all the fun out of life until all you could do was sit around and drool in your soup. Hadn’t he seen that happen to half his friends? With a new young wife, Heck had to keep his strength up. That’s why he avoided the damn leeches and took care of himself. It took a lot of steak and potatoes to keep up with Molly.

  He closed his eyes, faking sleep so Doogette Howser would leave him alone.

  “What was going on when this happened?” the doctor asked.

  “We were out roping calves,” Jess said. “My dad’s a rancher.”

  “You didn’t know he had a bad heart?”

  “I should have, I guess. My stepmother told me, but I thought she was exaggerating.”

  “Molly doesn’t exaggerate,” Cade said.

  Heck wanted to cheer. Cade always defended Molly, and no wonder. If ever a boy was in need of mothering, that boy was Cade, and Molly made it her mission to fuss over him.

  “What was I supposed to think?” Jess said. “He calls to tell me he’s selling the ranch he’s loved all his life, and when I come home, his new wife’s got some ritzy retirement place picked out. Nobody told me he was this sick, so I figured she was trying to make a change in her lifestyle.” She lowered her voice. “I still think so. They took blood earlier, right?”

  “Yes,” the doctor said.

  “Will they check it for toxins?”

  She thought she was being sneaky, but Heck heard her just fine. He moved his lips, but something was stuck in his throat. It felt like his heart, hot and full, making him mute. Tearing away the chest strap, he jerked upright.

  Immediately, the room filled with beeps and whoops while the yellow light outside the door spun and blinked.

  He wagged a finger at Jess. “You listen. Let me tell you ’bout Molly.”

  He’d worked up a stirring speech about his wife’s finer qualities, but before he could get started, he slid sideways off the gurney.

  “Look out!” The doctor raced for the gurney. “He’s going to fall!”

  Flailing his arms, Heck knocked a monitor to the floor while a dozen taped-on sensors tore from his chest and arms, along with half his body hair. He hadn’t noticed the IV in his arm, but he sure felt it now as it tore through his skin.

  He’d almost hit the ground before Cade hauled him back onto the cot, muscles bulging, face red with effort. Meanwhile, Jess had braced her feet against the wall and kept the bed from rolling out from under him.

  “Nice one, Jess,” Cade grunted. “Really nice.”

  “What?”

  “He heard you. So did I. You’ve got him all upset.”

  “Well, I’m upset, too. All of a sudden, she’s saying he’s too sick to run the ranch. He was fine when I left.” Her eyes were brimming with tears.

  “It wasn’t sudden at all,” Cade said. “This has been going on a long time. You just haven’t been here to see it.”

  “I’ll let you folks talk this out.” The doctor set a sheaf of wires across a steel cart. “Somebody’ll be right in to put these back on.”

  Jess and Cade were red-faced, facing off over the gurney. Anger simmered between them, so strong, Heck could feel it in the air.

  Molly complained sometimes that he was difficult, but he’d always been secretly proud of his cantankerous personality, as if it were a superpower. But look what he was doing to the people he loved.

  Staring up at the ceiling, he ignored the crew of nurses that came in and rewired him, closing his eyes. But deep inside, he made himself a silent vow.

  He’d turn over a new leaf, starting today. From now on, he’d think of his children and his wife before he thought of himself. He’d think before he spoke, too. That would be a new experience for him, one that was long overdue.

  “Jess, honey.” He opened his eyes and took a deep breath, swallowing his anger. “Molly’s my wife. She’s been by my side through this whole heart thing, and I can guaran-dang-tee she’s not trying to kill me. If she says I’m
sick, I’m sick, and that’s all there is to it.”

  The doctor loomed into sight, frowning as she checked his electrodes. “That’s right,” she said. “You should listen to his wife.”

  Heck nodded. Maybe this doctor wasn’t so bad after all.

  “His wife says he should sell the ranch and retire,” Jess said. “Quit doing what he loves and sit around and do nothing. That won’t help him get better.”

  “I’d say his wife knows him best.” The doctor touched Heck’s shoulder. “Isn’t that so?”

  He nodded, glad to hear someone support Molly.

  “So if she says you need to retire…” She splayed her hands as if the rest of the sentence was obvious.

  And damned if it wasn’t.

  Dang it, Heck had dug himself a hole, and Doogette had tossed him in and covered him up like a seed in the springtime.

  He’d felt faint earlier, when he’d thought life might be leaving him, but now he felt the desperate dizziness that comes with being cornered. Lying on the gurney, his chest aching, his heart pounding on his ribs like one of those heavy metal drummers, there was nothing he could do but take what the world dished out.

  The notion of selling the ranch had originally been a ruse, a way to get Jess back home. But this latest episode had him thinking he might be ready for Muddletime Manor after all. Maybe he should take another look at those brochures.

  Just the thought of giving up and going to one of those places made his heart pound so hard, it hurt, but he had to do what was best for Molly. And if Jess didn’t want to stay…

  Cade put a hand on his shoulder. “Easy, Heck. You can beat this, but you need to relax. Let us help, okay?”

  Heck gasped out a few shallow breaths. Everybody was staring at him, and he felt deeply, profoundly ashamed. He was nothing but a problem for the people he loved. “I know, Son. I know. I’ll get better, I promise.”

  He’d repair all the damage he’d done, smooth things out, and help his family understand what mattered. Jess was giving Cade the evil eye and suspecting Molly of terrible things, Cade was frustrated with Jess, and poor Molly was sinking fast under the pressure.