Jess felt about an inch high. “I didn’t realize,” she said. “They seemed so—good.”
“They are good. They just need someone to believe in their goodness.”
Jess was beginning to wonder why she hadn’t believed in the goodness of her own stepmother when the woman seemed so willing to believe in everyone around her.
“They’re my kids, you know?” Molly said. “I never had any of my own, so I love them the way I would if…”
“Why didn’t you?”
The question had been lurking in the back of Jess’s mind, her inner witch brewing suspicion in a big iron cauldron. The contents of the cauldron said Molly had been waiting for a rich enough husband who could give her an easy life, so she wouldn’t have to trade up like Jess’s own mother had.
“It’s a medical thing. Endometriosis,” Molly said. “For a while, I was hoping you and Griff could be…” She waved her hands as if erasing her words. “I’m sorry. That’s not fair. You already have a mother. One who’s beautiful and successful, from what I’ve heard.”
Jess huffed out a sarcastic little laugh. “My mother left us like a litter of stray kittens once somebody richer than Dad came along. I rearranged my whole life to win her back, but I’ve finally figured out she doesn’t care.” She picked up her napkin and began cleaning a smudge off the table as if her life depended on it. It did, in a way. She just might die of shame if she had to look Molly in the eye.
“I’m sure she had her reasons,” Molly said gently. “But I think she’s made it hard for you to trust people with your heart.”
Jess shrugged. She’d obliterated the smudge and moved on to folding her napkin into a perfect square.
Molly reached over and placed her hand on Jess’s, stilling her. “It’s okay,” she said. “But think about it. What your mother did—I don’t want to criticize her, but it changed you. Maybe you need to think about that, see if it helps you open up a little.”
Jess finally met her stepmother’s eyes. “You’re not talking about opening up to you, are you?”
“No.” Molly gave her a coy, looking-up-while-looking-down smile that reminded Jess of Princess Di. “I’m talking about Cade. He loves you, you know. I think he could make you happy.”
“I know. Everybody thinks that. Sometimes I do, too.” She wondered if Molly was right. Maybe her mother was the reason handing over her heart felt like jumping across the Grand Canyon without a net. “I live in Denver, though, and he can’t leave here. So it’s impossible.”
“Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself? The future has a way of forming on its own. Wait and see what happens.” Molly took another bite of her cookie. “Love doesn’t have to be a big, momentous decision. Just enjoy it for what it is.”
Jess stared down at the table, her forehead creased. She felt like she’d been handed an impossible math problem, one so complicated she couldn’t even begin to solve it.
“I’ll try. But I do have to think about the future. I’m hoping for a promotion to a new location.” She frowned. She couldn’t bring herself to tell Molly how far away that location was. In the light of her stepmother’s smile, it seemed selfish to go so far away, just so she could live on a beach. Because truth be told, she was starting to think she shouldn’t leave her father that far behind.
Shoot. How was she supposed to decide?
Molly was wrong. Jess couldn’t let the future form on its own. She had duties. Obligations. But most importantly, she plain dang loved her dad.
Molly was still smiling, oblivious to the tempest raging in Jess’s heart.
“That’s great about the promotion, hon,” she said. “Just remember, though, money’s not everything. Sooner or later, you’re going to want a family. Don’t get so busy and ambitious you forget.”
Jess remembered what Molly had told her about being unable to have children. Then she remembered Cade’s mythical baby and the little Cades and Jesses that had danced through her mind at the thought.
“I don’t mean to tell you how to live your life,” Molly said. “I just want you to be happy.”
Once again, Jess could feel the stepmother she’d constructed in her mind shriveling in the light of truth. The sultry siren who’d seduced her father and fixed her evil eye on a life of leisure had been replaced by a sweet and dedicated schoolteacher who loved him. Who seemed to love everyone, even her suspicious stepdaughter.
They stood, as if by some prearranged signal, and began gathering their cups and napkins. As they took turns pitching them into the trash can, Molly gave Jess an impish grin.
“You thought I was cheating on him, didn’t you?”
“Shoot, you can never fool a teacher,” Jess said. “You guys can read minds.”
Molly chuckled. “I can’t read minds, but I’m glad you’re so protective of your dad. Lord knows, he needs protecting.”
Jess couldn’t help laughing.
“But I promise you I’m not the cheating kind,” Molly said. “That man is the love of my life. I feel lucky beyond words to have him.”
Jess pretended she had something in her eye. It seemed like she was always on the verge of tears these days. It was never like that at work, where she was always caught up in a whirlwind of accomplishment. She didn’t have time for pesky distractions like feelings. Love.
Or happiness, come to think of it.
“We should probably get back to him.” Molly glanced up at the ceiling as if she could see through the acoustic tile and all the floors between, clear up to Heck’s hospital bed. “I’d hate for him to wake up and find us gone.”
“I’ll go home, I think,” Jess said. “It’s you he wants to see.”
To her horror, a sob escaped. With it, all the emotions she’d been holding inside gushed out like water from a fire hydrant.
Molly turned with a little sob of her own. She opened her arms, and Jess walked into them, resting her head on Molly’s poufy hair. This woman might not be her mom, but she sure felt like one. And God knew, Jess could use one.
“Your dad needs you, too, you know,” Molly said. “He told me you did real well with those calves. Said he was proud of you.” She pushed Jess away, holding onto her shoulders and looking into her eyes. “But that doesn’t mean you have to change your life for us, okay? Don’t even think about that. You’re young. Your life should be about you, not about old folks, okay?”
Jess nodded, a lump forming in her throat. Molly really could read her mind. Because she’d just been thinking that her life might actually need to change. That she might be concentrating on all the wrong things. Material things and accomplishments, rather than family and home. And thoughts of family and home invariably conjured up Cade.
As she left the hospital, her heart felt buoyed—which was surprising, because shouldn’t it be heavier? There was more in it, after all. Now that she understood who Molly was, she’d found herself a new person to love.
But the empty hole her mother had left behind ached a whole lot less, and she could feel a new kind of happiness hovering right above her as if angels held a magic wreath over her head and were just waiting for her to become a good enough person to wear it. It was a happiness that didn’t have a thing to do with promotions, money, or success. It didn’t depend on whether you lived by the ocean or in the mountains, in the city or the country.
It was the simple happiness of being loved and loving in return.
“I’m working on it,” she said aloud. “I’m doing my best.”
A stranger turned and stared, frowning, and she realized she ought to go home and get some sleep instead of talking to imaginary angels like a crazy lady.
Chapter 23
It was dark when Jess’s alarm clock shocked her from sleep. Moaning, she slammed the clock with one hand, then glanced out the window at the silver light of dawn.
It was Saturday, and she was
supposed to work with Cade. She’d been sulking because he wouldn’t let her do things on her own, but after her experience the other day, working together felt like a good idea.
Especially since she’d decided to open her life, to think less about work and success and more about life. Cade was a big part of that, and she’d decided Molly was right. Love was love, and there was no harm in letting it live.
Besides, it wasn’t like she had a choice. It was with her every day, growing bigger with every beat of her heart. She might as well take Molly’s advice and follow her heart straight to Cade Walker—at least for a while. Like Molly said, she’d let the future form itself, as long as it formed around her family and the things that really mattered.
Dressing hastily, she glanced at the clock. Five thirty was probably way too early, but darned if she could remember what time Cade wanted to meet.
She couldn’t remember where they were supposed to meet, either—at the Diamond Jack or at his place. But since she was up so early, maybe she could surprise him. If he was still in bed, she’d let him know her decision in the warmest way possible—under the covers.
She remembered the Christmas Eve she’d crossed the pasture and tapped at his window. That time, she’d been saying goodbye, but this would be a tentative hello. She didn’t know where it would lead, but every time she thought of their sweet union in the hayloft, she knew their love deserved a chance.
Saddling Buster with care, she enjoyed the way the golden light from the barn reflected off his shining coat. Every jingle of his bridle, every stroke of the brush, every coo of the doves in the rafters, was amplified by the near dark.
She mounted and nudged him with her heels, watching the sun cast searching fingers of light over the landscape, blessing every blade of grass. The dawn chorus had begun, small birds tuning up in the willows before the blackbirds chimed in like raucous electric guitars crashing a bluegrass jamboree.
Buster’s hooves swept the long grass, thudding on the dew-soft ground. When she reached Walker Ranch, Cade’s truck was parked beside the house, and no lights burned. She dismounted, leaving Buster at the gate and creeping to the bedroom window to tap gently on the glass.
She waited, holding her breath, trying to avoid the thorns on a rosebush that had always bloomed outside Cade’s window. The smell reminded her of times they’d spent in his room, of summer heat wafting the scent of the roses over their bodies. She tapped again.
Nothing. He must still be sleeping.
Biting her lower lip, she rapped harder, picturing him rubbing sleep-tousled hair and struggling to identify the sound, too drowsy to think.
The curtains shook as if he were clawing his way through them. Impishly, she put her face to the window, opening her eyes wide and sticking out her tongue.
That’ll wake him up.
Again, the curtains moved, and then a hand groped at them before jerking them open.
Jess started, banging her head on the window—and then she screamed. The quiet serenity of dawn was torn apart as a second voice ripped through the little house, joining Jess in frantic two-part harmony. Panic screamed across the plains, startling the birds from their perches and silencing their songs.
* * *
Amber Lynn Lyle was a screamer. Cade had known that since day one of their relationship—or, more accurately, night one.
The screaming had been welcome at first. Believing it was a rave review of his skills, he’d outdone himself night after night. But once the thrill of the new relationship faded, he realized she screamed for effect.
So when she started screaming that morning, he ignored her as long as he could. It was probably a spider or a mouse, or maybe Boogy had finally managed one of his toxic gas attacks. Whatever it was, running to her rescue would only encourage her.
He clutched a pillow over his head and tried to go back to sleep.
“Cade! Cade! Cade! Aaaaaieeeeeee!”
He heard the scrape of a window opening, then more screaming.
“No! Wait! It’s not what you think! Cade!”
Tossing the pillow to the floor, he strode to the bedroom, where she stood by the open window, her hands over her face.
“Oh God, Cade, it was her!” She clutched his arm. “There was a knock at the window, and I was half asleep, so I…”
A knock at the window?
The past washed over him with the words, sweeping away the warmth of his favorite Christmas Eve memory in a cold flood of dread. He parted the still-swaying curtains to see nothing but a dark trail through the dew.
Jess. Oh, Jess.
Racing through the house, he flung the door open just in time to see the love of his life thundering off like Secretariat exploding from the starting gate. He raced out into the field with the crazy notion of chasing her down.
“Jess, wait!” he called. “Let me explain. It’s not…”
He stopped and stood there in the tall grass, watching her go. She couldn’t hear him, and she wouldn’t listen if she could. Maybe it was just as well, because he wasn’t sure she’d care why Amber Lynn was in his bed.
He’d been given a rare second chance with the woman he loved, and he’d thrown it away. Why?
Because he was saving a victim of domestic violence? Was that really the reason? Or was he just avoiding a fight with Amber Lynn? The truth was, even after all she’d done to him, it had been easier to let her stay. And she knew it.
Cold rage swept through him at the sight of her sitting at his kitchen table.
“Cade, I’m so sorry. I’ll go over there and tell her why I’m here. Honestly.” Her voice rose into the familiar whine that had cut through his life like a power saw, sending his sanity flying like sawdust from the blade. “She just scared me, okay? But I’ll fix it. I will.”
Grabbing her arm, he marched her to the bedroom and shoved her through the door.
“Pack,” he said as she stumbled inside. “Your dad’ll take you in.”
“But Mona…”
“Mona’s your problem, not mine.” He felt his fingers curling into fists, his jaw jutting. “Get your life straightened out on your own. I’ve done what I can for you. Now do this for me.” He grabbed her empty suitcase and hoisted it onto the bed. “You have to go.”
“But…”
“Pack. I’m not going anywhere until you’re out of here.”
Sniffling as if she was the wounded party, Amber Lynn began cramming clothes in her suitcase. In five days, she’d managed to throw enough stuff around the room to dress a Broadway chorus line. If Jess had looked past her and seen the condition of the room, she’d think Amber Lynn had been there for a month.
A few days ago, he’d won back the love of his life. The future he’d always dreamed of had unfurled like a banner that had been rolled up in the dark. Happiness had blared like trumpets in his mind; the light had been brighter, colors deeper, sunlight warmer.
Now love was gone on a galloping horse, while he stayed behind, trying to tame a life that had lurched out of control. A man could usually ride out a bucking horse. Even if he got tossed, he could catch it and saddle up one more time.
But Cade had blown his reride, and he had a feeling his chance was gone for good.
* * *
Climbing the porch steps, Jess felt like she was climbing a mountain. She’d been so sure this morning would change her life.
And it had. Just not in the way she’d expected.
She remembered herself and Cade as they’d been when they were kids, as sure of each other as the sun in summer. She saw him smiling, working, laughing with her, loving her, season after season, year following year.
She’d started to think they could bring that love back to life, find the future she’d so carelessly discarded. She’d started to think she had a second chance with him.
She’d been wrong.
His
marriage to Amber Lynn wasn’t just a blip on the radar, a problem that had passed them by. It was a stain, like blood, that would never wash out.
The screen door slammed, and she turned to see Molly, cute and comfy in a plush robe, carrying two steaming mugs of coffee.
“Thanks.”
She smiled at her stepmother as best she could, hoping Molly wouldn’t notice how her lower lip trembled. She wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened. Molly would probably make excuses for Cade. Maybe there was an excuse, but Jess knew she could never forgive this or forget. If her hopes had flown a little less high, if her heart had been a little less eager, she might have been able to withstand the shock. But the higher your emotions climbed, the further you had to fall—and the worse it hurt when you got dumped in the dirt.
Fortunately, Molly was oblivious to her mood. Unfortunately, her perkiness grated on Jess’s frayed nerves.
“Every night, I forget how beautiful this place is, and every morning, I’m surprised all over again. It’s so pretty.”
Jess stifled a snort. Pretty.
Molly was sweet, but she had no concept of what this land meant or how it mattered. The view was stupendous, momentous, a gift from God. Sunrise bathed the pasture in peach and ivory, azure and gold. Every blade of grass stood tall and straight as a soldier while the pond beside the barn reflected the flawless blue of the sky like a mirror. Sorrow had a way of intensifying light and color, so the rich red of the barn, the deep green of the pines, and the vibrant yellow of the sunflowers tumbling over the fence burned into her brain like a brand.
She wished she hadn’t come, hadn’t fallen in love all over again with the land, with Cade, with the horses and the work and the thousand little details that hit her heart at every turn.
A sob rose in her chest, aching with a truth she thought she’d smothered before she’d even arrived. She’d been fantasizing about staying—about accepting Cade’s love, moving back home, taking up the life she’d left behind. She loved her job, but she’d loved him more, and she’d realized Hawaii would never be home, any more than Denver had been. This was where she belonged, and that mattered more than the deepest ocean or the most pristine beach.
Cowboy Summer Page 15
