by Abigail Agar
Why was she so impossible to understand?
“You have a duty, yes?” she asked.
“Of course,” he said.
“And you must question all suspects, correct?” she asked.
“Precisely,” he agreed, nodding.
“Therefore, I was a suspect. You believed that I could be guilty of sending Rachel away, of harbouring some secret,” Georgiana said.
“No! I know that you had nothing at all to do with it,” he said.
“I do not believe you. You have made it very clear that you believed I was, somehow, responsible. But I shall not allow you to make such suggestions. No, Inspector, because I know that I am innocent,” she said.
“Miss Reid, if I may offer another perspective?” he asked.
Her wounded eyes met his and she nodded while biting her lip in anticipation of his words.
“I understand that I have hurt you in all of this, but may we also acknowledge that whomever is guilty of having sent Miss Smithfield away is no criminal? Honestly, we are looking at this case as though it is…well, a case. But no crime had been committed so far as I can tell. So, in reality, all I did was question you about why your maid left,” he said.
It was a reasonable enough thing to say, Hamish thought. It was certainly true. She was upset about his investigation into something so small as her maid leaving. Why had it all become such a dramatic situation?
“Is that what you think?” she asked. “You think that this case means nothing at all, anyway?”
“I did not say that. But I do believe that we are putting more effort into it than it may warrant. Miss Smithfield has been found and that was the most important thing,” he said.
“But what about the rest? What about the fact that she has been threatened? And you say there is nothing criminal at hand, but why else would anyone have sent Rachel away?” she asked.
Hamish grew quiet at that question. It had been something he had been asking himself quite a bit of late as well.
“You do not know? Well, neither do I. You see, I cannot understand it in the least. I do not know why anyone would send her off for something small. I can think only that it would be something big that would cause them to send her off like that,” she said.
“Yes, perhaps,” he said.
“Perhaps? No, not perhaps. I have no doubt in my mind. There has to be something criminal at the bottom of this. I may not be a grand inspector like yourself, but I am intelligent enough to know when secrets are more than just secrets and men and women are really trying to hide something vicious, she said.
“Then, please. Do tell me what you think it is. What is the reason behind all of this? If you have some idea, I would truly love to know,” Hamish said.
“I am not an inspector, as I just said. I cannot begin to guess what the crime may be. Only I am sure that there must be one at hand,” Georgiana said.
“If that is so, I am deeply sorry for whatever reason you are so upset with me for having acted. But, if you believe that there is a crime taking place, you must know more than ever the importance of my questioning you,” Hamish said, turning it on her.
“I beg your pardon?” she asked.
He could see in her eyes that she did not wish to speak with him. No matter what he said, no matter how he tried to plead his case, she had nothing kind in her face when she looked at him.
Hamish believed that he had already ruined everything and it was too far beyond repair.
Nevertheless, he would try.
She was worth that much. She was important enough to him that he wanted to do all that you could to make things right.
“Miss Reid, I am sorry for having hurt and offended you. But if you believe that a crime took place, it is my duty—as you said—to ask questions and get to the bottom of it. Now, you may wish to be victimised by me, but I only did what I must. I did my duty, my job. I have a responsibility to keep this city safe. A part of that requires that I ask questions,” he said.
Hamish’s skin was beginning to grow hot with frustration. He realised that his fists were clenched and he slowly, gently released them.
It was infuriating to be so misunderstood. He just wanted her to listen and to forgive him. Of course, maybe he was just making it worse still.
Hamish was certain that he had done just that. How was he going to fix it now?
He would have to take a gentler approach, one of honesty and compassion. Miss Reid deserved those things and he was certain that they were needed if they were going to move forward.
“I really am sorry, Miss Reid, for having hurt you,” Hamish said.
But Miss Reid scoffed and shook her head before looking at him with a bitter amusement.
“Hurt? You believe that you have hurt me? Oh, dear. I do feel quite silly. It would seem that I have done a very poor job of explaining what I feel,” she said.
“Then, please. Please, tell me how you feel,” he said.
“Inspector, I am not hurt. No, indeed, I was frustrated at your execution of the job, but that was not personal,” she said.
This was in direct contrast to everything that Hamish had thought she said before. Was she now trying to cover for her hurt? Was her pride too badly wounded?
“No, actually, I am not bothered. It is not as though I care anything for you. Honestly, the only opinions in London that matter to me are those of gentlemen who would actually be capable of providing for me,” she said, a nasty glare in her eye and a sharp snake of a tongue.
Her words struck him.
What a cruel thing to say. How could she be so harsh? Had she really thought so little of him that this was acceptable?
It was clear to Hamish what she was trying to say.
He would not be able to provide for a wife. He was not worth her sadness, her emotions. He was worth nothing to her.
And he would never be considered as a provider for her. He would never be the one with whom she made a family.
Chapter 29
Regret seeped into Georgiana’s stomach. She felt horrible. Her words had been brutal.
But it was too late for that now. Too late for the shame and the guilt and the regret.
Why had she said something so cruel? Why is she allowed herself to get so caught up in her anger that she would treat him that way?
There was nothing she could say to undo it. But she was feeling horrible and could not speak to him any further, not without feeling even worse.
She turned away from Inspector Brock and ran off, trying to make her way towards the shop where her mother was at.
Immediately upon arriving where her mother was, Georgiana made the decision that she would return to being the frivolous young woman that she had always been in the past.
She tried to get excited about ribbons and bows, lace and shoes.
Yet, somehow, these things were no longer interesting to her. She felt no joy in shopping, nor did she feel joy in talking about balls.
“Darling, what are you doing? You need to be trying on the shoes. I told you, you are in need of a new pair in ivory,” her mother said.
“And I told you that I am perfectly happy with the ivory shoes that I already have,” Georgiana said.
Her mother sighed and shook her head.
“Why are you arguing with me? Do you really not want to have something new and nice?” her mother asked.
“Not if it is something so silly as a new pair of shoes when I have so many already,” she mumbled under her breath.
But her mother did not hear, much to her relief.
It was not as though she could be honest about her true feelings as they wandered. Her mother would never understand the sudden lack of interest in the things corporeal.
“Please, Mother, I just want to enjoy my afternoon,” Georgiana said.
“And new shoes are just the perfect way to do that,” her mother said.
Still, Georgiana disagreed. She cared very little about these things now. She simply missed the way she had been befo
re.
She and her mother continued about their way, looking for a variety of different things that would be useful for them at the time.
As they were entering one shop, searching for buttons, Georgiana was surprised to see the mother of the Baron of Ayre.
She gasped upon walking into her, but instantly tried to make herself look at peace.
“Oh!” she exclaimed.
“Miss Reid? How lovely! What a pleasant surprise,” his mother said, greeting her.
“Yes, and a pleasant surprise to see you as well,” Georgiana said, although there was no warmth in her voice and she was certain that her mother could hear the lie.
“You know, I had hoped that you might come around to see us soon. Me and my son, that is,” she said.
“Oh…” Georgiana said.
“Or, perhaps he could pay you a visit at your home if that is more convenient. I know that he would be delighted by the opportunity to spend more time with you. He sees that you are such an amiable young woman, honestly I think I would hardly manage to separate him from you to return home if it came down to that,” she said, laughing.
Georgiana took in a sharp hiss of air, trying to steady the polite smile on her face. How was she meant to respond to that? It was quite a presumptuous thing to say and the truth was that she had no interest at all in the Baron of Ayre. Previously, she may have thought him a reasonable option, but that was before.
Before everything changed.
“You know, I do believe that we would love that,” her mother said, before Georgiana had a chance to say otherwise.
She turned her head, wide-eyed with objection, to her mother. But it was too late. Her mother had spoken and would not look at Georgiana, possibly sensing the fact that Georgiana was so opposed to this possible union.
“Excellent! I would be so happy to see the two of you spending more time together. You know, he does think you are lovely. Even if you are not from a titled family,” she said, the slight sounding nonchalant upon her lips.
Georgiana glanced at her mother, waiting for her to get upset. But the only sign that she was bothered was the terse smile she held, elegantly, as though it was nothing at all.
“Well, we do look forward to his visit, no matter the circumstances. He is welcome to send his card around whenever he so chooses,” her mother said.
“Very well. I shall tell him. You shall hear from him very soon, I am sure,” she said.
“How wonderful. Thank you, my lady. We look forward to it,” her mother said.
With that, the Baron’s mother walked away, moving onto whatever she needed to do. Georgiana and her mother were left behind, Georgiana having a bitter taste in her mouth.
“Well, that is a fine thing, is it not?” her mother asked, as if she was expecting Georgiana to be perfectly happy about it as well.
“A fine thing, Mother?” she asked.
“Yes. It is wonderful that the Baron of Ayre should be so eager to see you again. You know, he is certainly a catch. Just the sort of man that you ought to be looking to marry,” she said.
Georgiana said nothing. She was deeply frustrated by her mother’s lack of understanding. Had she not already said that she had no interest in marrying him?
“Mother, I do not wish to spend time with the Baron. I do not think he is the right sort of man for me,” she said.
“Oh, that is nonsense, my dear. Remember? You promised to give him another chance. Now is the time to do so. I promise you, just give him a chance and you will see that he is absolutely worth your time and attention,” her mother said.
Trying not to speak out of turn and anger her mother, Georgiana remained silent on the matter. Still, it was frustrating to her. After all, had her mother not already told her that she was free to make this decision? Had she not said that it was perfectly fine if Georgiana chose not to marry him?
“Please, my dear. Do not make this difficult. Just one more chance. After that, if you still dislike him, we may move on,” her mother said.
Georgiana nodded, unwilling to argue further.
“If I must. One more chance,” she said.
Georgiana was upset. Of course, her mother had to accept. It was her duty as a woman of society. However, it was not what Georgiana wanted.
As they continued on their way, she thought about how she was feeling in regards to marriage and the union she was expected to make.
She couldn’t help it. She no longer had any interest in the sort of men that she was supposed to care about.
Thankful that her mother was not forcing her to marry this man in particular, Georgiana knew that she was fortunate. So many women did not have the same chance that she had. There were so many girls who had been told to marry whomever their mother or father chose for them.
However, she was also anxious. She didn’t want to marry him, but she had just ruined every last thing about her friendship with Inspector Brock.
Why had she been such a fool? Why had she made such a terrible mistake in speaking to him that way?
Georgiana knew that she had feelings for him, she couldn’t deny that. And yet, she was selfish enough to say something hurtful to him. She was so brokenhearted about the fact that he had questioned her that she was willing to risk what little goodness could have been between them.
And now, she was going to have to spend time with the Baron even though she had no interest in him. She would have to entertain him and converse with him about things that did not interest her in the least.
It wasn’t that he was a bad man, it was simply that she had no interest in him. He had proven himself to be shallow and nothing at all what she would like.
He was someone with priorities that were quite different from hers.
Yes, she had once been able to indulge in this sort of life. She has been happy about society issues and was more than willing to enjoy herself as a happy, selfish young woman. But since all of that had changed, she could no longer pretend that she was content to live that life.
“Well, I do believe we have everything we need,” her mother said. “Are you ready to return home?”
“Yes, Mother. I should like to get some rest,” Georgiana said.
“Are you feeling ill?” her mother asked.
She shook her head.
“No. Just…tired,” she replied.
In truth, she found herself to be exhausted. Perhaps it was because of the thoughts barraging through her mind, but Georgiana could not seem to calm herself. She was overwhelmed by so many things and did not know how to steady herself.
There was too much to think about, too much at stake. Everything she had hoped for was no longer important to her.
“Well, we had best return then. You get a bit of sleep and we shall speak more about the Baron later this afternoon,” her mother said, to her great dismay.
