“Oh dear, you poor thing. That must have been horrendous to have to go through that, especially so publicly.”
“I want it to be a joint decision when I marry. For the man who I care for to want to marry me for who I am, not because we have been pushed together because of circumstance, or our parents. I don’t wish to upset my mother, or you, but I can’t live my life to anyone’s wishes other than my own. I realise that makes me sound a selfish chit, but I hope you understand my meaning,” Edith explained.
“You don’t have a tendre for my son. I am so sorry for babbling on in such a way. I realise a mother sees the best in her children and I apologise that I’ve caused you discomfort,” Lady Pensby said in earnest.
“Oh, it’s not that!” Edith said quickly. “Your son is everything anyone could wish for. I just can’t agree with schemes and plans, especially as he’s professed no wish to marry.”
Lady Pensby looked at Edith with an inscrutable expression. “When did he say that?”
“Oh, some time ago,” Edith admitted. “Please don’t tell him I’ve mentioned it. I can’t imagine he would be happy at us talking about him in such a personal way.”
“I imagine he would have expected it,” Lady Pensby said with a smile. “Don’t worry though, whatever we’ve said is between us. I won’t be mentioning any particulars to Ralph.” Although I will be finding out more from him, she thought to herself.
“Thank you. And now it is time I returned to Miles,” Edith said, knowing there would be no argument from her hostess about staying if she used her brother as the excuse for leaving.
“I do hope you can visit me tomorrow,” Lady Pensby said. “I have truly enjoyed your company.”
“As have I. I promise I will try my best,” Edith responded before taking her leave.
Chapter 21
Lady Pensby had retired to her chamber when her son returned home. As he always did, he visited her before anything else took his attention, concern for her came above all other demands on his time.
“How are you?” he asked, crossing to the bed and kissing her cheek.
“Tired, but glad I received a visit. I like Lady Edith.”
“That’s because she’s on her best behaviour with you,” Ralph said dryly.
Lady Pensby smiled. “She mentioned a little about her mother. She seems to be one of those women who is overly dependent on her family’s support and cosseting,” she said gently, feeling her way into the conversation she wished to have.
“Dreadful woman,” Ralph said without hesitation.
“She sounds like the type of woman to encourage unsuitable matches, just to be rid of her children and to be able to crow to others that her offspring are married.”
“Yes. I think Sage wouldn’t have got as close to the family as he did if it hadn’t been for the mother. She nearly helped deliver her daughter to a cad. Miles said he’d had to give his mother a dressing down after she’d torn a strip off Lady Edith for refusing Sage. It wouldn’t have been a happy match, even I could see that,” Ralph said, some of his inner feelings showing in his expression.
“I would imagine Lady Edith requiring someone who could challenge her, as well as indulge her after all she’s been through these last few years. I do hope she finds a suitable match,” Lady Pensby said airily.
“Mother,” Ralph warned.
“Oh, don’t look at me with such daggers! I didn’t mean you,” Lady Pensby countered.
“Good.”
“You don’t deserve someone like Lady Edith.”
“I beg your pardon?” Ralph spluttered.
“She deserves someone who wants her above everything else. You’ll marry some poor sap who’ll be afraid of you when you finally accept it’s time to continue the family name. That will not be for years to come, so I’ve no plans to pair you up with Lady Edith, I assure you,” Lady Pensby explained.
“Good grief, you make me sound a callow fellow!” Ralph said. “Your opinion of me could be worse, but it would be a struggle to see how, I think.”
“What? Have I misunderstood your feelings about the matrimonial state?” Lady Pensby asked, all mock wide-eyed-innocence.
Ralph narrowed his eyes at his mother. “You know full well I don’t want to marry. Ever. Continuing the title for future generations would be my only motivation.”
“I can’t understand why, though,” Lady Pensby said honestly. “It’s a sad way to view the future. Alone, which you will be, even in a marriage of convenience.”
Ralph sighed and walked to the window. He looked blindly outside for a few moments before turning to his mother. “When I say what I have to say, I want no arguments, no discussions.”
“That’s a little unfair.”
“It’s the way it has to be. If you want my honesty, I don’t want you to attempt an argument against what I’ve decided. You have to respect my decisions as your son and the head of the family.”
“I can see I’m not going to like this,” Lady Pensby said, folding her arms in anticipation.
“I have no wish to marry at the moment,” Ralph started, pushing aside the inner feeling of heaviness when he uttered those words. If his mind wandered to picture Edith’s face, he shook it away and continued. “I refuse to put you at risk in any way and that includes introducing new people, new stresses on you. I want to keep you with me as long as I can and I will do everything in my power to ensure that is the case. You will never move to the Dower House, you will remain here where you can have the best care.”
“Oh, Ralph. My sickness is not a reason to stop yourself being happily married,” Lady Pensby said.
“I am happy. I have you and that’s all I need,” Ralph said, remaining at the window. He felt exposed and a little raw at voicing the words which would keep him from the life partner he would have wished to have had his circumstances been different.
“Oh, my poor boy, you are so wrong, but I see what it is costing you to speak so, so I won’t push you on it,” Lady Pensby said gently.
“Thank you,” Ralph said. “Please, let’s not mention it again. It’s been said and there is no need to go over it now, or in the future. Now I’ll leave you to rest. You’ve had a busy day.”
*
Edith almost barrelled into Ralph when he entered the parlour the following morning. “How is your mother?” she demanded.
Ralph had sent a note over to explain that Edith shouldn’t expect to visit that day due to Lady Pensby feeling exhausted. “She’s resting. The doctor has visited and increased the dosage of the new drugs he is trying, so she’s sleeping. He’s said that is to be expected as a perfectly normal result, so I took the opportunity to look in on Miles before sitting with her.”
“It was my visits, wasn’t it?” Edith asked, still mortified at the realisation.
“It will have put a strain on her, yes,” Ralph admitted. “As will a talk I had with her last night. Don’t trouble yourself though, last week I would have been angry at the thought of exertion causing her weakness, but not anymore. I had a long, hard look at her life after I’d spoken to her yesterday.”
“What’s changed?”
“Speaking to Miles, actually. He explained about the way he looks at life since his return from war and it made me look at my mother’s way of life,” Ralph said. “I realised that keeping her separate from everything means that she isn’t living, it is just an existence. If she lives a shorter life but that life is happier, then hers will have been a good life. I was being selfish in trying to keep her alive longer because I want her to live at any cost. For that cost to be her enjoyment of life is too high, so I won’t be so draconian in future.” He didn’t mention that he couldn’t change so much as to bring a wife and children into his home, for that would be too much for her to deal with.
Edith crossed to Ralph and put her arm through his. Resting her head on his shoulder for a moment in a show of sympathy and understanding, she pulled away. “No wonder your mother adores you, you really do have her
best interests at heart. I completely withdraw any reference to a gaoler I’ve made in the past.”
“I suppose that’s something,” Ralph said, his mouth twitching slightly. “I shall pop in to see your brother before I return home. Do you join me?”
“No. I’ll stay here,” Edith said. “I’ll not crowd you both whilst you exchange insults.”
“You are quite able to fight your own corner in that regard,” Ralph said with approval.
“Yes, but sometimes it’s nice to pretend I’m a true lady of quality,” Edith said primly.
“A deluded one,” Ralph said as he left the room to Edith’s laugh.
*
Edith entered Miles’ chamber long after Ralph had visited his friend. She was not surprised that her brother was seated in front of the fire, fully dressed, except for his frock coat.
“You’re looking well,” she said, sitting in the opposite seat to her brother.
“Yes. The only sickness I suffer from now is that I’m sick of kicking my heels here,” Miles admitted. “I think we should leave tomorrow.”
“Oh.”
“I’m well enough to travel,” Miles insisted.
“Well enough for a letter to be sent to mother?” Edith teased.
“You are the worst sister sometimes,” Miles grimaced. “Could we not just pretend it didn’t happen?”
“And the hanging of a highwayman who attacked a cavalryman won’t be reported widely in the newspapers when it comes to court?” Edith asked.
“Good point. Damn it!” Miles cursed. “We’ll set off as planned and send the letter at the same time. She can travel home if she wishes or stay in London with her coven of witches.”
“That’s so ungentlemanly.”
“You sound just like Pensby. Talking of whom—”
“Which we weren’t,” Edith interrupted.
“Talking of Pensby,” Miles continued with a raised eyebrow. “I’m presuming you are still mooning over him?”
“Oh, that your wounds would have taught you some delicacy,” Edith said.
“How the devil would getting shot teach me delicacy?” Miles asked, dumbfounded.
“You were shot because you insisted on arguing and fighting when an apology and reasoning would have been more appropriate,” Edith said, trying to ignore the fact her brother was staring at her as if she’d gone mad.
“I’d rather dance with the devil than apologise to a damned cur!” Miles ground out. “Are you out of your senses, Edith? Is this what being smitten does to one? I’ll be sure to avoid it, if it is.”
“I am not smitten!” Edith defended herself.
“I see the way you gaze at him,” Miles shrugged. “I also see the way he looks at you.”
“For all the good it does either of us,” Edith responded.
“He’s not the marrying kind.”
“I know. I know. There’s no need to go on.”
“I wasn’t,” Miles said. “Come, Edith, I don’t think he would make you happy. Do you?”
“I’d like to think I’d be the better judge of what would make me happy, rather than you. But I don’t want to argue, so we shall change the subject,” Edith said. “There is no point in going over old ground. I tried and my foolish scheme failed. I’m astute enough to accept defeat when it stares me in the face.”
“I’m sorry,” Miles said, his tone gentle. “I would welcome him into the family if he was the one who you chose. I say that you wouldn’t suit not because I dislike him, just that he has never mentioned marrying for love, but you have. If he was of the same mind, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I feel it’s time to let go your hopes with regards to him.”
“I know. I will. I would like to call in and see Lady Pensby before we leave the area though. I promise it isn’t anything to do with Lord Pensby. I really like her and would hate just to send a note, rather than take my leave of her. Perhaps we could do it on our way through?” Edith asked.
“If you’re sure it’s not a bad idea,” Miles said unconvinced.
“I’m sure.”
Chapter 22
Lady Pensby greeted the brother and sister as if they were long lost friends. She was seated in the bright, large drawing room which Edith had admired on her first visit to Lymewood.
Passing tea around, Edith smiled at Lady Pensby as she questioned Miles about his career and travels.
Ralph accepted the cup offered to him by Edith and smiled up at her. “My mother has finished her interrogation of you it would seem. Now she has moved on to your brother. I worry his weakened state will prevent him from putting up much resistance.”
“Yes, if Wellington had known of her existence, he could have used her for any prisoners they took. All Napoleon’s secrets would have been quickly revealed,” Edith said, sitting herself on a chair next to Ralph. “She’s looking very well.”
“Yes, the increase in medication seems to have settled everything down again,” Ralph said with relief. “I long for the concoction the doctor has sent for to arrive and we can start to try that. The doctor assures us it has some good results, but it’s taking forever to reach these shores.”
“It must be hard on you both, never knowing when to expect the worst,” Edith sympathised.
“I suppose after a while, it becomes almost normal,” Ralph admitted. “Through necessity we’ve both become isolated, but especially Mother. She will miss you even though your acquaintance has been very recent.”
“I will miss her too,” Edith replied honestly. “I’m glad I have the opportunity to speak to you before we leave. I wanted to ask you something about the letters.”
Ralph flushed and looked warily in Miles’ direction.
“He doesn’t know that you have written,” Edith said. “No one does. I have to ask if you knew it was me you were writing to?”
Looking uncomfortable, Ralph nodded slightly. “Yes. I did.”
“How? I never told a soul until I received the first of your letters. Was it when Mama brought in that blasted parcel?” Edith asked, her cheeks still flushing with colour at the thought of that embarrassing experience.
“No. I knew prior to that,” Ralph admitted.
“How?” Edith pushed. “I must know the truth of the matter for it has puzzled me since I thought the writer knew who I was.”
Ralph sighed. “Please don’t criticise him for doing so, but your brother told me of your scheme.”
“Miles?” Edith gasped.
“Shh. You don’t want to let him know we have been corresponding, do you?” Ralph hissed at her.
“I-no. I don’t. But why would he tell you?” Edith asked, anger bubbling.
“He was worried about his sister. At that time I hadn’t been reacquainted with you, so I seemed like the perfect person to confide in,” Ralph shrugged. “I would never have told anyone else.”
“No. And neither should my brother,” Edith hissed.
“Sometimes we need someone to talk to,” Ralph admitted for the first time. “Miles needed me and I needed you.”
Edith was silent for a little while, trying to process what she’d heard and the implications of Ralph’s words. Eventually, she turned to look him fully in the eye. “You used me.”
“What? No! I turned to you in my hour of need,” Ralph said quickly.
“You knew from the start that I was looking for someone to love and yet you wrote me such words,” Edith said.
“I told you in the first letter that I wasn’t interested in marriage,” Ralph defended himself.
“Yet, your words were more than those of a friend. Especially after our ball. You sent a letter to expressly tell me that you thought I was beautiful. Why would you do that?”
Ralph dragged his hand through his hair in frustration. “You’d had a bad night, when it should have been your finest hour; the darling of the ball. Instead that cad upset you. I just wanted you to know that you looked magnificent. It was the truth, not false flattery,” Ralph said in frustration.<
br />
Edith glared at him. “You’ve been worse than Mr Sage.”
“How dare you compare me to that sly cheater!” Ralph almost exploded, vainly trying to keep his voice low.
“He didn’t try to bamboozle me. His actions from the start were that of a fortune hunter – shallow flattery and obsequious attentions. I saw what he was about and it didn’t fool me, or concern me, I was never going to develop any feelings for him,” Edith snapped. “You filled my days with your charm, wit and intelligence and filled my nights with your written words. It meant I completely and utterly fell in love with you whilst you were purely toying with me.”
“I wasn’t doing anything of the sort,” Ralph snapped in return, guilt at the words he’d heard making him respond harshly. “I was very clear with my intent, both by verbally expressing my feelings and putting it in writing that I wasn’t looking for a wife!”
“Yet, your actions showed otherwise. You were inconsistent at best and damned misleading at worst! I need to leave,” Edith stood on unsteady legs, which faltered even more when she turned to see the stunned expressions on both her brother and Lady Pensby’s faces. “Miles. We need to go home.”
“Yes, I think we do,” Miles said stiffly, glaring at Ralph. “My lady, please excuse us,” he said bowing slightly to Lady Pensby.
“Oh, don’t go like this,” Lady Pensby said quickly. “Stay and talk this through.”
“I think enough has been said,” Edith said. “I’m sorry to leave on such a sour note, but please forgive me. I need to go.”
“Please write and let me know you arrive home safely,” Lady Pensby begged. She received a reassuring nod from Edith.
“Pensby, I have much to say to you, but doubt I’ll get the chance to do so anytime soon. Know this, it’s a good thing I’m injured, or you’d receive the thrashing of your life,” Miles ground out as he passed his friend. “I don’t know what game you were playing but you are a damned cur for taking the information I gave you in confidence and using it for your own advantage!”
Lady Edith's Lonely Heart: A Regency Romance (Lonely Hearts Series Book 1) Page 17
