“Come, sit, and I’ll rub this on your neck and back. It has a cool sensation at first and then as it soaks in, the stiffness will be reduced as the medicine works.” He patted the bed next to him.
Hesitation built up in me, and I had to take a deep breath before my feet would move. There was nothing wrong with this. He would help my muscles. My step-father was dead, I had to remind myself. I was seventeen. Almost an adult. I could be in a boy’s room. I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants and took the first step toward Jaime. My heart felt like it was in my throat. I had to swallow the lump it was causing. Tiffany's words came back to me at that exact moment. He will only want you until he has you. Even if that was true, I would take what I could in this new world. Down in the mine, I had made the decision to live without fear, to embrace this thing with Jaime. Did any of us really know how long we had with the terrors lurking to kill us outside? I would not miss out on an opportunity to experience life. I sat on the edge of the bed, neck to Jaime. He turned me facing away from him, and pushed my braid over my shoulder. I heard him open the cap of the tube, and then his hands brushed my neck. As he rubbed the cream in, the soothing began, and I closed my eyes relaxing a bit. Jaime adjusted his position, bringing a bent leg to rest on my tailbone. His warmth always set my blood on fire. His hands moved to my shoulders under the collar of my shirt. As much as I wanted to protest because I was nervous, his fingers worked my tight muscles. I was practically moaning by the time he pulled his hands from my shoulders and reached for the buttons holding up my overalls. I clasped his hands with mine.
“Relax, I don’t expect anything from you. I cannot reach your back with your overalls on. I promise to be a complete gentleman until you ask me not to be.” His husky words came as a breeze on my ear.
I held onto his hands a minute longer, and then helped him unsnap the clasps, bringing my overalls top to my waist. The click of the tube cap came again, and then his hands met my flesh at my waist under my shirt. My back went stiff at his touch. Slowly he brushed his fingers up my back, rubbing the cream into my sore back. He did as he said and didn’t try to do anything, I didn’t want him to. My stupid teenage hormones were off the charts. My head pumped blood so loudly in my ears. With each movement, my body relaxed into his hands. I leaned back into his touch, wanting him to touch me more but not knowing how to tell him.
All my dumb mind could think was, “Jaime.” That came out sounding like one of those girls form the books, who just before the scene cut to the bedroom scene. It embarrassed me, bringing heat to my face.
Right at my neck Jaime said, “Yes, Vi?”
His hands slid to my sides making circles. My skin betrayed me giving me away with goosebumps. I turned my head and met his face next to my shoulder. Our eyes locked, and I took a second to smell his breath on me. It smelt new and intoxicating. I brushed my lips on his, and his hands clenched my waist. Ever so slightly, he met my kiss. It was gentle and sweet. It felt as if hours had passed when we finally pulled back, breathing heavily. His hands stayed on my waist.
“I don't want to push you away again but if you stay, I don't know if I can control myself around you. I have wanted you forever. Now you are here in my arms, and you say you want to be just friends, then you kiss me as if that was a lie. It is confusing, and I am trying to give you space. Just tell me if there is a chance, Vi,” he said with such desperation in his voice.
“I know, and I am sorry.” I had to be honest with him. “I do like you, Jaime. I fear these feelings. They are new and confusing as well. I fear if I act upon what I am feeling, I will lose what little freedom I have gained. I don’t want to be foolish and get us killed because I’m not thinking clearly, but emotionally. I would like to try and be friends, but I also want to try and be more for real this time.”
“Truly? Not changing your mind in a day and shutting me out?” he asked hopefully.
I could hear the fear in his voice. I turned to face him, fully clasping his hands in mine.
“I am scared, but Jaime you awaken something inside me I have never felt. Take it slow and I should be good,” I told him as I let his hands go and pulled him close, our eyes meeting and I slipped my tongue inside his mouth.
Chapter Forty-Two
The next few days Jaime, Gracie, and I would spend our days in the lab, and the evenings I would spend with Jaime. We had watched a movie one night, made dinner another, and tonight we would take a picnic to the attic that Jaime said had a view of the sky. Each time we were alone, we would get closer. It was mostly kissing and feeling each other’s bodies on top of our clothes. It was nice and slow for me because I had never been touched in a friendly way, let alone an intimate way. Brandi had tried to get the details out of me, but it felt too personal to share. She was helping me dress for tonight. I wanted to look beautiful.
“I think black tonight, even though you wear black all the time. I found the perfect sweater you can pair with leggings,” she said bringing the clothes out of the closet and setting them on the bed.
“Black is classic, don't hate on my favorite attire color,” I joked with her.
Being around others was getting easier. Brandi and I were growing closer. We could joke without worrying about the relationship being used against us.
“There is nothing wrong with black, but when ninety percent of your wardrobe is black you have issues.” She winked at me.
We both had issues. I peered at the clothes she laid on the bed. The black leggings were nothing new. I had worn a pair on rare occasions when I knew my step-father was out of town because showing my body off in tight clothes would only garnish a beating from him. Berating me about boys wanting only one thing, and he would not let a boy look at me in tight clothes. The sweater was black with a shimmer to it. I picked up the material and found the sweater soft to the touch.
“I like it,” I said giving her a smile.
“Girl, everyone loves cashmere. Annette has good taste. Now go put it on!” She shoved me toward the bathroom.
In the bathroom, I sat the bundle on the counter and stripped to my undergarments. Simple black bra and underwear. That part would not be changed by Brandi or anyone. My image didn’t look like me. Not that I had changed much in the last few days since the mine. I did not look hollow anymore. I had a flush to my skin that made me look happy. Staring at myself, I realized I was happy. It was not the future I planned so diligently, but it was a future without fear of being close to someone or fear of when my next beating would be. The feeling was surreal.
A knock on the door scared me out of my observation. “Come on, Vi. I don't have all night,” I heard her grumble. “Well, I do have all night with nothing much to do here.”
“Coming,” I called.
Slipping the pants and shirt on, I brushed back my hair and added some lip gloss to my face. Smoothing down the sweater with one last look, I left the room.
“Woot-whoo,” Brandi let out. “Not bad, not bad at all.” She paused before asking, “So, Vi, do you think Jaime is the One?”
“The one?” I asked, confused.
“You know the One. The One who gets to be your cherry picker?” she teased.
I could not help the blush that heated my cheeks. “Brandi, stop that! We are just getting to know each other. I haven't even thought about that.”
“Oh, you have thought about it.” She poked me in the side.
I had thought about it, but I did not have to tell her that. I knew all the technical things to having sex. The hymen would be broken, and pain would come. What I didn’t know was how it would feel. Brandi had said she was saving herself for marriage. Did I want to ask her? She was the only person I felt any type of comfort with discussing personal stuff.
“Brandi?” I whispered.
She turned from picking up the other clothes she had pulled out for me that I had rejected. “Yeah, Vi?”
“Have you thought about, you know?” I had a hard time saying the words.
“Have I what?” She studied
my face. “Oh, you mean that.” She took a minute to answer as she turned, sitting on the bed with the clothes in her arms.
“Vi, I have to admit something to you. I lied before when I said I was saving myself for marriage,” she trailed off. “I’m trying to be me, but I fell back on my old ways because it is hard to get over what he did to us. I didn’t want to tell you because I was scared, he would come beat me if I did. It’s stupid, I know. He’s dead. It’s just that we’ve lived with the fear of him for so long, I don’t know how to not worry and hide things.”
Tears ran down her face. I knew what she meant. With our step-father keeping us at odds with each other.
I rushed to her. “It’s okay. We never have to live that way again,” I said rubbing her back.
She blinked back tears. “Yes, you’re right. It will always be a part of me, you know.”
I knew that part of my life would never fully go away and some days it will creep up on me and catch me off guard, pulling me into the old person I was then. Can you forgive me?”
“There is nothing to forgive!” I said honestly. “So, you have had… sex?” The word was still taboo to me.
She shook off a chill. “Yes. It is not all bad like he told us. The first time it does hurt badly. If it is with the right person, it can be magical. You are sharing yourself with someone who cares about you. The act is pleasurable after you adjust. The mental part gives it a whole new meaning. All I can say is only do it when you are ready, and with someone you care about and they care about you. Otherwise, you will regret it. You think you are ready for that step?”
“I don’t know.”
“Welp, Vi. You will know when you are.” She patted my leg and went to the closet.
She came out a few seconds later, composed. “It felt great to not put things away!” She laughed and skipped out the room.
Everything in its place—that was our step-father’s motto. I peeked in the closet and saw a mess of clothes all over the floor. Brandi must have tossed them all over. A smile came to my face. It was our step-father who ingrained in us to keep the house clean; I liked a clean space. Organization had rules. Gazing at the clock and back to the mess, I decided to pick it up later. I was still shocked Brandi had sex, but also it was weird talking about it with her. She was my sister still. Would our step-father haunt us for life? Closing him out of my mind, I went to meet Jaime by the attic steps.
***
In the woods, she watched the house. The glow of the lights. Food. Behind her, the kid slumped over. The other zombies crept closer to the meat. Turning she barred her teeth, “Baaaacckkk!”
The others moved away from the meat. The meat fresh and tender. Licking her lips. Shaking off the hunger, she saw more light come on in the house. The tastier meat was inside there. It was time to get the meat outside and feast. Limping back to the kid, grabbing it by the rope dragging it behind her, the zombies opening a path for her. Each one grinding their teeth at the meat.
***
Jaime stood at the end of the hallway, his hands behind his back. As I drew closer, he came to meet me and present me with an origami in the shape of a fox.
“A fox?” I took it gently.
“For the sly fox who will bring us a cure,” he said placing a kiss on my cheek. “Ready?”
“Yes.” I took his hand as he led me to the stairs to the attic.
At the stairs he focused on me. “Close your eyes. I will help you up the stairs.”
I did as he asked. My feet left the ground in the next instance, and I was folded into his arms. My eyes flew open, and Jaime laughed.
“Keep them closed,” he told me.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes again. Jaime jogged up the steps as if I weighed nothing. At the top, he set me on my feet.
“You can open them now.”
White Christmas lights lit the room; on the floor was what looked to be paper hearts leading to a small alcove, plush blankets strewn under the window that looked out into the night sky illuminating the stars. A picnic basket sat next to the blankets.
“How?” I asked, dumbfounded.
“I can’t tell you all my secrets. Come on.” He took my hand, leading me to the blankets.
Walking further into the room, I heard music playing softly. Violins, I thought. Jaime sat on the blanket, and I joined him. He opened the basket, placing sandwiches with the crust cut off in the shapes of triangles. Jaime placed a plastic tub of grapes next to the sandwiches. He pulled out two champagne glasses.
“I have juice or this.” He leaned behind the blankets and brought a bottle of Moscato wine out. “I know we are not old enough to drink, but we may never make it to that age, you know. This is a special occasion because I want you to know how much I care about you, Vi. I think I am falling in love with you.”
I sat there staring at him. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to tell him I felt the same, but the words were caught in my throat. I did the only thing I knew to show him I cared—I kissed him with all I had. He sat the bottle down and wrapped his arms around me. He turned me to lay me on the blankets, easing on top of me. He was heavier than he seemed; the weight felt oddly good. Jaime pulled his face from mine and stared at me.
“Vi, will you be mine?” he said, his words a whisper.
“Yours?” I replied, confused.
“I want you to be my girlfriend,” he told me. “Don’t make me ask a third time,” he teased.
“Oh.”
I had thought about that question a lot these past few days. Jaime had shown me he cared. He had killed my step-father when I froze as he attacked in his zombie state. He was gentle with Gracie, helping her understand the lab and all the workings. Tiffany was what had kept me from asking a burning question before now. I needed to iron out that issue.
“I want to… but—”
Jaime sat up straight next to me. “You can tell me anything, Vi. I will not judge you.”
“I know that,” I said contemplating my words. “It’s just… how do I know that you will not treat me like Tiffany? She said once you get what you want, you no longer want what you have.” I looked at him through my lashes, embarrassed that I had reservations because of Tiffany’s words.
He let out a long sigh. “Vi, I can’t change what happened between me and Tiffany. We were never right for each other. I went out with her because I thought it was what was expected of me, but once I found out what type of person she was, I didn't want to be with her. She was always worried about appearances and what others thought about her. Cruel to the point, she would use others to make herself look good. Deep down I think she is a decent person. I knew she was not the one for me. That is why I broke it off with her. I know my words don't mean much. I am trying to show you how much I care about you. I know we haven't known each other long, but the little I have known the real you, I see what kind of person you are. You are what I want. I can’t say we won’t have disagreements, but in here” —he pointed to his chest— “that feeling of rightness is there.”
“She said she broke up with you, and you say you broke up with her. Which one is it?”
“I let her say she broke up with me. She is all about appearances and I didn’t care if people thought she broke it off with me,” he confessed.
Even not wanting Tiffany, he still cared if she got hurt. I knew a guarantee that we would not break up was stupid to ask for, but I still wanted an assurance I would not get hurt if I let him in.
“I am scared of being hurt,” I whispered.
“I can’t promise I won’t hurt you, but I will do my best to never hurt you intentionally.” He took my hands holding my gaze.
His words struck a chord in me. Why was I holding back again? I had told myself to live and let the what ifs go. Pulling my back straight, I observed Jaime, his all too kind face, and I knew without a doubt this was fate. I didn't believe in such preposterous things outside of science, but fate was one I had an inclination to lean toward because of too many
coincidences these past few weeks.
“Okay,” I replied softly.
“You mean it? Really, you’re my girlfriend?” he questioned happily.
“Yes,” I said, smiling.
Jaime jumped up doing a little dance in a circle.
“About time you came around to seeing how great I am,” he said sliding down back next to me. “Let’s celebrate!”
He picked up the wine, giving me the option to say yes or no. I nodded my head. It was the time to celebrate, and I wanted to let go of my hard-wired, logical brain. One time to enjoy being a teenager could not hurt. He handed me a glass half-full of wine, and we toasted taking a sip. The taste was good, sweet with an aftertaste of what I assumed was the alcohol content. My lips pulled together at the bitterness. Jaime laughed at me.
“First time trying wine?” he pointed out.
“Yes, and is this your first-time trying alcohol?”
“I have had beer at parties before and wine with my parents when we went to France last year. I am not much of a drinker. Coach would have killed us if he found out we were drinking.” Jaime sobered up at the mention of his coach. “I wonder if he has survived or anyone else from school.”
He twirled his glass. Since the start of all this craziness, I hadn’t even thought about others we went to school with. I had only been thinking of getting us all somewhere safe, and working on finding what created the abominations in the humans.
“I’m sorry. I bet some must have found a way to make it to safety.”
He took a sip of his wine and leaned back. “I am sure you’re right. Let’s not dwell on the negative. After all, this is supposed to be a celebration. Look at all those stars!”
We lay back on the blankets. I leaned back on his outstretched arm that wrapped me into his side, and we gazed out into the night sky. We sipped on our wine and enjoyed the view.
Chapter Forty-Three
My head throbbed when I woke up the next morning. I brought my hands up to my temples.
“Oh, that does not feel good.”
I rolled toward the middle of the blankets, hoping to get some warmth from Jaime as the attic was chilly in the morning. I was met with an empty spot. As I touched where Jaime had been last night, the blanket was cold I thought about all we had talked about, we chatted about our lives before the zombies changed it all. I found out Jaime liked poetry; that was why he had remembered the poem he recited to me in the forest. He told me that was when he knew I was different. He had always wanted to talk to me, but I would disappear after classes. He had asked about what Hale meant about my step-father. I told him a little about that, but he did not push. I talked about my love for biology. Jaime wanted to go to Old Dominion in Virginia.
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