by Amy Marie
The drive into town was mostly spent in silence, not counting the squeaks of the truck and the Chris Stapleton music that played in the background.
“I think your dad was trying to get rid of us,” she said with a smile. “He seeing somebody?”
Ryder’s laugh filled the cab. She didn’t realize how much she’d missed the sound until it happened. He had a great laugh, and the way his face lit up with it was almost criminal.
“Was it the, ‘don’t rush on my account’ that caused you to question?”
His grin didn’t diminish, and she smiled back at him easily, letting a laugh escape her own lips. “I guess so.”
“Not that I know of,” he answered finally. With that, his smile faded, and she felt bad for asking the question.
“What’s been happening in Jackson?” She switched gears to something she hoped wouldn’t be too painful. Truthfully, there weren’t many conversations that could be deemed “safe.” She may have not grown up here, but four years of high school meant she knew a lot of the people, and the place itself was full of memories.
“Not a lot has changed, I suppose. Derek and Natalie broke up.”
Her jaw dropped open in mock surprise. They were still very much a couple when they graduated high school, but they were the type that broke up and got back together at least twice a month.
“Annnddd got back together,” he finished after a moment.
They both laughed at that.
“They did end up getting married. They have…” He paused briefly, his eyes looking up slightly as if in thought, “two kids now?”
Her eyes widened. It was hard to believe that someone she graduated with was already married with two kids.
“I haven’t really kept in touch with anyone.” She nervously played with the hem of her dress.
He let out a half-laugh, half-scoff at her comment, and she decided to ignore it. There was something about being in his truck with him that pulled her back to her youth. Back to the days when they belonged to no one but each other.
“That something you care to explain?” he asked as they pulled into a parking spot.
She felt his gaze on her, and it seared her skin. She couldn’t face him. Looking into his eyes would be her undoing, and despite their impromptu trip to the festival, she needed to remember why she was here.
“Come on.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to him as he opened his door.
Surprised, she followed his lead but had to force away the memories that attacked her with the movement. This was the same truck he had when they were in high school, and it had become a habit that she always got out on his side. During those days, she sat in the middle snuggled up next to him, and when she got out, he’d pull her body to his and lift her down from the truck.
She should have told him to stop. Should have gotten out on her own damn side. But, she didn’t. Instead, she allowed him to tug her body closer to his, assuming that they’d just skip the part where he grabbed her around the waist and let her body slide down his until her feet touched the pavement. He didn’t skip it. Instead, her hands landed on his hard chest. and she held her breath as he held her, her dress pulling up slightly as her body moved against his.
What’s wrong with you brain? she yelled at herself once her feet finally met the ground and she was capable of conscious thought again. He knew what he was doing, too, looking into her eyes like he had.
“Wait!” She dug her heels into the ground when he started to pull her toward the festival that was in full force just feet away.
“I—” Her eyes darted around, looking for the public lynching she was sure was waiting just on the other side of the tents. “I don’t know that I want to see anyone.”
She absolutely hated the fact that she was revealing such a weakness to him. She should hold her head high. So what? She left for college and didn’t come back. People did that all the time. Hell, she lived in a city full of people who did exactly that.
He didn’t let go of her hand and took a step closer to her, his long legs easily closing the distance. “I won’t let anyone say anything to hurt you.”
He meant the words, and she could see it in his earnest expression. Still, facing Ryder and his dad had taken all the gumption she had left in her body. She was all out. “I could wait for you here,” she said instead.
He took a step back and looked at her strangely.
“What are you doing?” she huffed as his eyes quickly looked her over for her boots to the top of her head.
“Just wondering what happened to the girl I used to know.” He dropped her hand and turned to walk away, but not before looking over his shoulder at her. “That girl was fearless.”
“Wait just a minute.” She stomped after him, having to resort to a quick jog to catch him. Reaching for his hand, she pulled him hard. Hard enough for him to whip around. “You know I’m the same person I was then. Just because I may decide against dealing with unnecessary bullshit doesn’t mean I’ve turned into a coward.” She was fuming. She hadn’t talked to the man in six years. He had no idea who she was.
“Okay.” His words were dismissive as he turned, again and started to walk away.
She could feel her face redden. God, he was infuriating! “It wasn’t exactly easy to leave behind everyone I knew to move on to bigger—”
She’d been trailing behind him so closely that when he stopped and turned abruptly at her words, she ran right into his chest. His eyes tightened but his hand went to her waist, holding her there.
“Bigger and better things?” he finished for her, gritting the words out through closed teeth.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” She exhaled into his chest, immediately feeling bad at her choice of words.
She couldn’t handle the way his big hand felt against her skin, and she squirmed. He only held her firmer, moving his hand around her waist to her lower back.
Chancing a look at him, she tipped her head up and met his eyes.
Mistake. Big, big mistake. He was looking at her like he was going to kiss her, and God, did she want it. Quite possibly more than she’d ever wanted any other thing, or any other person. In her entire life.
He always had the ability to turn her all rubbery, and right now, he’d turned her into both concrete and rubber. She was weak to him, yet she couldn’t move an inch. Couldn’t so much as look away. She wanted to trace his strong jawline with her fingers and tip his chin down while she went to her tippy toes to kiss him. It worked like a charm every single time they’d argued. Those days she could erase any wrong doing or settle any argument just by touching him. They’d given each other lots of practice in that regard. “I didn’t mean it.” Her voice was strong despite its decreased volume.
“Hey, Ryder!” someone shouted, and his eyes finally lifted from hers, looking over her head at whoever had spoken.
He looked to her again before walking toward the person, never letting go of her hand in the process.
Scott Murphy only glanced her way before he looking back to Ryder and starting to speak, “Are you coming to Jay’s tonight?” He stopped abruptly and looked back at Emma, his eyes widening in shock when he finally recognized her.
“Holy shit, Lil bit! I barely recognized you!”
Before she could respond, he was lifting her into a bear hug. She didn’t look that different, she thought. Sure, her hair was different, forgoing her natural wave and straightening it every day instead.
He’d spun her around at least twice before Ryder’s deep voice stopped their momentum.
“Alright, alright,” he said in an easy warning.
Scott set her back down but didn’t look away from her. “What are you doing here after all this time?”
Emma froze. Why exactly hadn’t she come up with a plan for what she would say to people? In a town this small, these interactions were unavoidable. Even worse was the fact that not only had she not come up with a plan for something so simple, she still had no idea what she was going
to tell Ryder and Bill.
“She just came for a quick visit, Scott.” Ryder wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to his side, his hand staying across the small of her back.
Relieved that Ryder took off the pressure by answering for her, she gave Scott a small smile before looking up to Ryder in a silent thank you.
“We’re actually in a bit of a rush,” Ryder continued, “just picking up something for Dad.”
Scott’s eyes narrowed slightly as he looked them over. “Sure,” he said with a sly smile. “It was good seeing you, Emma.” His arm reached out to hers, which was resting at her side, his fingertips lightly brushing against hers. “Don’t be a stranger.”
Emma didn’t need to look at Ryder to know his reaction. His body tensed at their contact, and she felt his arm tighten against her waist.
She nodded, but before she got a chance to respond, Ryder was pulling them in the opposite direction toward the main throws of the festival.
“Take care.” She looked over her shoulder, giving Scott a small smile and wave.
“Ryder!” she admonished.
“He always did have a thing for you.” He shook his head but didn’t turn to her as they continued through the growing crowd.
Letting out an exacerbated laugh, she looked up at him. “No, he didn’t. He just liked getting under your skin.”
She’d known Scott since her first year of high school, and unlike Ryder, he was an instant friend to her. They’d shared a few classes, but it wasn’t until she and Ryder started dating that she’d really gotten to know him. He’d been a good buddy and that was all, something the brooding man next to her knew darn well.
Abruptly, they came to a stop, and she felt Ryder’s eyes on her. Instead of looking at him, her gaze took in the various booths of carnival food and the crowds of people milling around them happily. Finally, looking up, she realized he’d pulled her into a small line for the Ferris wheel. Confused, she finally met his gaze.
“He had a thing for you. Still does,” he deadpanned.
“I’m not getting on this deathtrap,” she said, digging her feet in.
The line was moving, and being that Ryder was nearly twice her size, when he stepped forward her attempt at standing her ground was futile.
“Ryder!”
“For old time’s sake?”
Lord that smile. How was she supposed to say no to the man when he looked at her like that, all reminiscent and hopeful.
Before she had a chance to protest, he was handing the attendant money and ushering her to the awaiting passenger car. Moving her in front of him he helped her into the seat before sitting next to her and pulling the bar against their waists. Actually, since he was much bigger than her, the bar touched his waist but left a few inches of open space in front of hers.
Awkwardly, she tried to adjust herself, resting her hands first on the bar in front of her, and then holding on to the side of the car. It was way too easy for her to fall out of the thing if it rocked forward just a bit.
With a jerk of the car they swung backward, the abrupt movement startling her. She grabbed on to Ryder’s biceps in reaction, her mind, despite being fear-laden, immediately noticed the firm muscles beneath her fingers.
“Emma.”
She was looking down at the couple boarding beneath them and trying to determine how you were supposed to breathe when you felt a panic attack coming on. The only thing that came to mind was Lamaze, and she didn’t think that worked for panic.
“Emma.”
She’d heard him the first time but forgot to respond. This time, she looked up at him. His gaze was mostly amused, but there was something else there. Maybe she was imagining it. He was looking at her with kind, confident eyes. The kind that said, “I’ve got you.” Residual effects of their previous long-term relationship, she tried to tell herself. It made sense. When you’d spent so long with someone it went without saying that you didn’t lose that comfort you had with them, the trust.
“You’re okay.” He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her against him protectively.
On instinct, she burrowed her face against his chest and prayed that her inhale would be silent. She was smelling him, so what? She was curious if he still wore the same cologne he had all those years ago. Cologne that she picked out and bought for him every Christmas. He did. It had nothing to do with her though. He was a man who knew what he liked and stuck with it. It certainly was not because she loved it.
She stayed like that, her face so close to his chest that one of her eyes stayed closed, resting against the cotton of his T-shirt. On occasion, she opened the other eye to see how high up they were. She considered herself to be a brave person, at least she was back then. She had no problem doing most things, but heights were certainly not her thing, never had been.
When they reached the top, she chanced a glance and sat up a little straighter, slowly releasing the death grip she had on him.
You could see most of the town from this height, and while it was small in comparison to, well, nearly every other town, there was something magical about looking at it from a bird’s eye view. The sun had set almost entirely, leaving a colorful line of pinks and oranges across the western horizon. She could see most everything from this angle, but her eyes lingered on a few places: the high school, the football stadium, and the drive-in movie theatre that was, believe it or not, still functional.
As much as she didn’t want to go back to those days, she wouldn’t mind living inside them for just a little while.
“There’s the ranch.” He pointed to the Seven Deuce Ranch which was too far away to make out much, still the gesture wasn’t necessary. The place had always been like a beacon to her, calling to her no matter how far away she got.
She nodded without looking at him. She couldn’t look at him, at least not right now. If she met his eyes, she wouldn’t be able to look away, she’d get lost in them like she always had, like she always would.
Her eyes searched out a specific part of the ranch, one of the farthest fields that, for as long as she’d known, had gone untouched. It had been a place that was special to them, the place where he’d taught her to ride horses, and eventually, to barrel race. There was a small shack there, a one-room cabin that had been there for longer than the main house that replaced the previous one after the fire. That was the place where they’d lost their virginity after junior prom.
As the Ferris wheel started its descent, she didn’t want to lose sight of the location, not that she could really see it, but she knew where it was. She sat up a bit straighter, keeping her eye on the spot until it was beyond her view.
She didn’t notice the exhale that left her lips until he spoke.
“That was really your place all along.”
She froze, her back rigid. Did he know? She couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t face the reason she was here even when he gave her an opening. How did he know that she’d inherited that piece of land from her mother? She hadn’t even known until days ago. Sure, she’d known that her mother had walked away from her marriage to Bill with far more than she deserved. Alimony, even despite the large sum of cash she received, stocks, and apparently, a large amount of their land. Land that had meant so much to not only the MacIntosh family, but also to Ryder—and her.
“Ryder,” she started, trying to relax her spine she moved her body back against his. She looked at him, “I—”
He placed the index finger of his free hand against her lips, stopping her words. “Not yet.”
She closed her eyes. She couldn’t keep them open when he was looking at her like that, like he was about to kiss her. All she wanted was to feel more of his touch against her skin; his big, rough fingers touching every part of her skin. Those hands were magic. She could feel them on her now, everywhere. He didn’t need to be touching her for her to feel them. Her memories of him where stored inside of her, so deep she could replay them at will. She did replay them at will; too many times to coun
t.
His finger moved across her lips with just enough pressure, and she wanted to take them inside her mouth and taste his skin. She didn’t. Too afraid to move, she stayed still and kept her eyes closed as his fingertips moved from her lips to her jaw, slowing tracing her skin.
“If we could just go back,” he started, and she moaned at his words.
God, if they could go back. “I should have never let her near him.” Her words were a whisper, spoken more to herself than to Ryder.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
He was closer, his words spoken nearly against her skin. Don’t open your eyes. Don’t look at him.
Her body craved him so much she knew she didn’t have the strength to fight it. He didn’t have to touch her in all the right places to provoke a reaction from her, from her body; he just needed to be close. His hand on the small of her back may as well have been the feel of his hands between her legs as he pulled down her panties. It left her throbbing with a painful want.
“Emma, look at me,” his deep voice commanded with a softness she wanted to burrow into.
Slowly, she opened her eyes and saw only him. The want in his darkened eyes was the only thing in the world that mattered, the only thing that she’d ever need.
“Ain’t no free rides!” The annoyed voice of the ride attendant bellowed next to them as he slapped the car, jolting them both from their trance.
Slightly embarrassed, Emma had to blink her eyes a few times as she looked around, realizing the ride was over. At least Ryder was right there with her, she realized as he, too, took a moment before pulling the bar from their laps and standing.
He held his hand out to her, and she took it, stepping out of the car and onto the small stairs. He didn’t let go as they exited, and as much as she knew she should, she didn’t let go. Instead, she allowed herself to move closer to him, her body pressed against his side.
They walked around the festival for another hour, making polite conversation with far too many people she’d known all those years ago. People looked older, children had grown into adults, but if it weren’t for that she could have pretended that nothing had changed. That her mother and Bill had never married, putting an end to her relationship with Ryder, and that they were still together. All the dreams they’d shared were either a reality, or something they were still reaching for together.
