by Jill Mansell
“Er…yes. Fine.” Nerys was his daughter, and she had ended their phone call because she was anxious not to keep her elderly neighbor waiting. After she’d hung up, Richard had found himself feeling…well, rejected.
“Isn’t that great? I told you it’d be worth the effort—can you imagine how thrilled she must have been to hear from you?” Evidently delighted with herself, Lainey went on, “Now, one of the other letters was from a man in Edinburgh whose sister’s having her seventieth birthday next week. So I think I’m going to buy some cards, then you can send her one and wish her a happy birthday.”
“OK.”
“See?” She beamed at him as she hung up one of Harry’s school shirts. “It’s nice to be nice, isn’t it?”
“Oh, it’s the best.” Richard checked his watch; was it midday yet? He’d just spoken to someone who was either a genius hoaxer or his daughter, and his emotions were all over the place. He could really do with a drink.
One thing he did know, though: it was a good job Mickey the bastard Hartnett was no longer around. Because if the man hadn’t snorted that bucketful of cocaine and drowned in his mistress’s hot tub twenty years ago, Richard would definitely kill him.
Chapter 29
“OK, bit of an emergency. Who’s in the house right now? I need help and it needs to be fast.”
It was Seth at the other end of the phone. Lainey blinked, because he was in Bristol. She put down the bag of rice and did a quick mental check. “Kit’s driving Wyatt and Penny down to Saint Ives, Harry and Violet are both out with friends, Majella’s getting ready for someone’s birthday lunch at the Italian place on Silver Street and Richard’s drinking gin in the garden. India’s upstairs in the bath, and I’ve just started making a risotto.”
“Perfect. Now listen: get India out of the bath. The two of you need to head over to Bude in no time flat and break into a house. I’ll text you the address.”
It sounded horribly like the opening segment of an episode of CSI. “Why, what’s happened, has there been an accident? Oh God, is someone dead?” Alarmed, Lainey said, “Shouldn’t you call the police?”
“It’s not that kind of emergency. My clients drove down from Bude to Southampton this morning to set out on their cruise, and they’ve forgotten their passports.”
“Oh no.”
“Tell me about it. I even made them stick a Post-it Note to the front door, but it still happened. When you get to the address, you’re going to have to smash the window of the downstairs bathroom and climb in that way, because everything else is double-glazed. Then as soon as you’ve found the passports, you need to drive down to Southampton, so the Gardners can get on board before the ship sets sail for New York at four thirty.”
Was it even possible, time-wise? Just about. “And why do I need India with me?”
“The broken window will be visible from the road, so she’ll have to stay at the house until a glazier can get there and make it secure. Because on top of everything else, they don’t need a burglary.”
“Um…actually, I think India might be busy.”
“This is an emergency. Tell her she has to do it.”
Lainey’s mind was racing. “Maybe I could ask a neighbor to wait there until it’s fixed.”
“And what if they can’t? Just take India, OK? You need to get a move on; there’s no time to waste.”
As Lainey hung up, India wandered into the kitchen carrying a magazine, a packet of Jaffa Cakes, and a Diet Coke. “You’re looking a bit panicky. Problem?”
“No problem at all.” Lainey switched off the heat beneath the diced onions gently sizzling in the pan.
“That smells fantastic! What’s for lunch?”
“Toast.”
* * *
As they raced along narrow, twisting country lanes, Lainey said, “Look, I’m really sorry about this.”
“Well, I can’t say it’s how I was expecting to spend my Saturday afternoon. But never mind, can’t be helped. These things happen.”
“I don’t think you should be doing that, though.”
“Doing what? Waaah!” Majella let out a yelp as the car hit a pothole.
“Plucking your eyebrows at thirty miles an hour. It’s asking for trouble.”
“I’m only plucking one eyebrow. I’d just finished the first one when you dragged me downstairs. I can’t go out with uneven eyebrows,” Majella protested. “It’s embarrassing.”
“Not as embarrassing as losing an eye and having to spend the rest of your life telling people how it happened. Please, put the tweezers down.”
Her phone beeped with a text from Seth, and Majella looked at it. “He’s sent the address of the house. I’ll put it into the GPS. God, I hope you can get the passports down there in time.”
“So do I.” Still feeling guilty about dragging Majella away from the birthday lunch she’d been so looking forward to, Lainey said, “If the window’s fixed quickly, maybe you’ll be able to get back in time to catch up.”
“Except look at me. What a mess.” Ruefully Majella indicated her barely combed hair, makeup-free face, asymmetrical eyebrows, and denim button-down dress with two buttons missing. “I thought I had another hour to get ready. Never mind, I’ll survive.”
“But weren’t you being set up to meet someone? Violet mentioned it last night.”
“I was. One of my friend Judi’s cousins. His name’s Oliver and he’s supposed to be lovely. Here, I’ll show you, she sent me a pic.” Skimming through the texts on her own phone, Majella found what she was looking for and briefly waved the photo in front of Lainey so she could get the gist.
“Oh, handsome.”
“I know!”
“Sorry.” Would this guilt never end?
“It’s OK. Can’t have the Gardners getting home from their cruise of a lifetime to find a ransacked house.”
They reached Bude twenty minutes later and found the address. Lainey screeched to a halt half-on and half-off the pavement, then they leaped out of the car together like cops in a movie and raced to the right-hand side of the smartly decorated detached house. There was the narrow window, as promised. Lainey took off her cardigan and wrapped it around her right hand, then closed her eyes and punched the glass as hard as she could. “I’ve always wanted to do that!” she said with satisfaction.
Luckily there was no burglar alarm to contend with. Having knocked the remaining shards of glass out from around the window frame, she clambered up onto the ledge and squeezed her way through, sending soap dispensers, jars, and aerosol cans flying as she stepped over the shelf and into the sink.
“The spare key to the front door is in the kitchen, in the cookie tin in the left-hand cupboard above the dishwasher,” Majella called out as Lainey lowered herself to the floor and crunched over the broken glass.
“Right.” She made her way through the house to the kitchen and found the key in the tin, hidden beneath the chocolate cookies. Although really, what if a burglar saw the tin and fancied a few cookies? Surely it would make more sense to hide the key in among the dusters and tins of polish.
She turned and surveyed the kitchen, scanning the counters for the forgotten passports. Not in here. She checked the hallway—no sign of them—then unlocked the front door and let Majella in.
“Found them?”
“Not yet.”
“Bugger.”
They split up. Lainey searched the rest of the ground floor while Majella ran upstairs. After five minutes, they switched in case all that was needed was a fresh pair of eyes.
“Oh for God’s sake,” Majella cried out in frustration from the living room. “This is ridiculous. According to Seth, Mrs. Gardner had the passports in her hand; all she did was put them down somewhere and forget to pick them back up again.”
“How can they just disappear?” Lainey yelled back, throwing aside the d
uvet in the Gardners’ bedroom and checking the pillows. “What if we can’t find them?”
“Well, on the bright side, you can stay here and deal with the glazier, and I’ll be able to get home in time to make myself beautiful and persuade Judi’s handsome cousin that I’m the woman of his dreams.”
“You might not like him. He might be awful.”
“Come on, you saw the photo. He looks like Pierce Brosnan.” Emerging from the living room as Lainey gave up on the search upstairs, Majella said, “I’ll make allowances.”
“One of us is going to have to call Seth and tell him we can’t find them.” Lainey couldn’t bear it; more than anything, she’d longed to be able to rise to the occasion, solve the problem, and earn Seth’s undying gratitude, because…well, because as she’d told Richard this morning, it was nice to be nice. And it would make Seth happy, almost as happy as the Gardners would be when she arrived at the departure terminal at Southampton and presented them with the passports they’d so carelessly mislaid.
Except she’d failed. They hadn’t been able to find the damn things, which meant there were would be no ecstatic reunion for the Gardners and their lost passports…
Or for herself and Seth.
“Look, we’ve done our best,” said Majella. “And it’s a shame, but it’s really not our fault they left them somewhere ridiculous. You can tell Seth, and I’ll call the glazier. And I’ll take a cab back to St. Carys if you’re happy to stay here and get this place sorted out.” She waved an invisible magic wand around her own head and broke into a huge smile. “Looks like Cinderella is going to make it to the ball after all!”
Lainey nodded, because it was good news for Majella. “That’s fine. Of course I’ll stay here.” She took out her phone, mentally bracing herself for Seth’s disappointment, and scrolled to his name.
Bing-bong-bing-bong chimed the 1970s doorbell.
“Oh God, what now?” said Majella.
“Maybe someone heard us smash the window and called the police.”
“Great, so now they’ll arrest us and I’ll never get to meet my perfect man.”
Majella pulled open the front door. “Hi, hello. We’re not burglars, I absolutely promise.”
Lainey, behind her, saw a startled-looking man with sandy hair, sunglasses perched on top of his head, and a blue-and-white-striped beach bag slung over his shoulder. He was wearing a bright-purple T-shirt with a photo of a kitten on the front, red knee-length shorts, and bright-green espadrilles.
“Right, OK, I believe you. But I was actually looking for the Gardners.” His gaze flickered from Majella to Lainey. “And you aren’t them.”
“They’re not here,” said Majella. “But we can pass on a message if you want.”
“But this is their house?”
“It is.” It crossed Lainey’s mind that despite the outlandish outfit, this man could in fact be a burglar himself, disguised as a harmless tourist in order to break into a house whose owners were away. She added hastily, “They just popped out. They’ll be back soon.”
He hesitated. “Oh, OK. Well, don’t worry then. I’ll call back later.”
And now he was looking at Majella oddly, as if it had just occurred to him that her announcement that she wasn’t a burglar might in fact have been a clever double bluff.
For a couple of seconds, they stood there gazing at each other with mutual suspicion. At length, Lainey said, “Can I ask why you want to speak to them?”
The man hesitated, then reached into his beach bag. “Well, I was just walking up the hill and I found their passports lying in the gutter, so—”
“Oh my God!” Launching herself at him, Lainey grabbed the passports out of his hand and yelled, “You’re amazing! That’s what we’ve been looking for! I need to take them… What were they doing in the gutter?”
“It was three doors up from here, so I’m guessing one of the Gardners put them on the roof of their car as they were getting in, then forgot they were there and just drove off.”
Of course, of course that was how it had happened. Lainey said, “You’re a lifesaver and I could kiss you, but I really have to go.”
Chapter 30
“Wow,” said the man as they watched Lainey do an expert three-point turn and roar off up the road with a cheery wave out of the sunroof.
“You have no idea how grateful we are. You’ve saved the Gardners’ vacation.” Gratitude wasn’t exactly the emotion Majella was feeling, because now she was definitely going to miss the birthday lunch, but it was brilliant news for the Gardners. Having seen the hospital letters and appointments pinned up on the corkboard in the kitchen, she now knew that Mr. Gardner was suffering from Parkinson’s, so to have missed the cruise would have been a crushing disappointment for both him and his wife, who cared for him and had presumably been preoccupied with helping him into the car when she’d left the passports on the roof.
“Well, I’m glad I was able to help. Look, don’t panic, but can I just get something out of your hair?”
“What is it?”
“It’s OK, nothing bad…” He put down his bag and approached her, carefully gathering something into his cupped hands.
“Oh God!” She let out a yelp as he stepped back and swiftly threw the massive spider into the front yard. “It’s a monster! You said it was nothing bad.”
He grinned. “Sorry. It seemed safer than telling you what it was.”
Majella took steadying gulps of air and pressed her hand to her frantically thudding chest. “We were ransacking the house looking for the passports. It must have happened when I was searching the cupboard under the stairs. Well, thanks. I suppose I’d better call a glazier.” The man looked surprised, and she explained, “The Gardners are down at Southampton, waiting to get on their cruise ship. We had orders to break in and find the passports. But now I need to make sure the house is secure.”
“Of course. Am I allowed to ask another question?”
“Feel free.”
He pointed tentatively. “Why are your eyebrows like that?”
An hour later, they were sitting at the kitchen table, still talking. His name was Dan, Majella had discovered, and he was down here on vacation with his wife and two children. She’d called Seth to let him know that Lainey and the passports were on their way to Southampton. She’d also contacted the emergency glazier, who said he was busy on a couple of other calls but would get to her as soon as he could.
Having swept up the broken glass and tidied the house, they were now waiting for him to turn up. And since there was no milk in the house because the fridge had had a pre-vacation clear out, Dan had zipped back to the house he was renting farther up the hill and returned with two coffees.
Somehow the humiliating eyebrow situation had broken down any remaining barriers, and since then they’d been chatting nonstop.
“You don’t have to stay,” said Majella when the coffee had been drunk.
Dan shrugged easily. “If you’d rather be on your own, that’s fine. But if you’re happy for me to stay and keep you company…well, that’s good too. Like I said, Sara and the girls have gone off on a girlie shopping trip, so I don’t have anything else to do.” His eyes crinkled at the corners. “I’m banned from going along with them. Thank God.”
Majella laughed. “I have girls and my husband used to be banned too. Trust me, it’s the best way. How long have you been married?”
Dan sat back and counted on his fingers. “Well, we got married sixteen years ago. But we broke up five years ago and now we’re divorced.”
“Really? Oh sorry, I didn’t realize. But you called her your wife.”
He shrugged. “It’s not the first thing you tend to blurt out when you meet someone. We had an amicable divorce and we’ve stayed friends for the sake of the girls. We come down here every summer for a week’s vacation. En famille,” he added wryl
y. “Apart from those hours-long shopping expeditions.”
“Ah, but it’s nice that you can go away together.”
“How about you and your husband? All good?”
“Well, it was good. He died a few years ago.” There it was, the habitual stab of pain as she uttered the words. But it was lessening, and it was becoming easier to say.
“I’m so sorry. How awful for you.”
“It was. But we’re getting there.” To lighten the mood, Majella said, “I’ve just started dating again.”
“Oh, well done. And how’s that going?”
“Funny you should ask. Absolutely dreadful.” She laughed. “Diabolical, in fact. I was looking forward to meeting someone at a lunch party today, but all this happened instead. Which is why I’m stuck here with my wonky eyebrows, no makeup on, and terrible clothes. Instead of there, dolled up to the nines, and making a drop-dead-gorgeous man fall in love with me at first sight.”
“Well, that’s a shame. I mean, I’d offer to stay here and wait for the glazier so you can get to your party, but I’m a stranger…”
“Thank you.” Majella nodded, grateful to him for understanding. “I’ve met you, so I do trust you, but this is my responsibility.”
“If he does turn up soon, I can definitely drive you back to St. Carys, if that would help.”
“You’re so kind. I don’t think he’s going to get here in time, but thanks for the offer.”
“You should pluck your other eyebrow, though,” said Dan. “Just in case.”
“I shall. Can it be my turn to ask you another question now?”
“Anything you like.”
“The kitten T-shirt?”
“Ah, of course. A Father’s Day present from my daughters. They forced me to put it on this morning.” Mournfully he added, “I think it might be their way of ensuring I never get another girlfriend.”
Majella grinned. “It means you’re a great dad.”
“Either that or a soft touch.”
The next second, they both jumped as the doorbell did its bing-bong thing again.
