“Bastards,” Jax whispered, still stroking the now purring kitten, but Alessia could feel him staring at her.
Silence settled between them, only accompanied by the constant purring coming from her hands. She told herself to stay strong and not meet his gaze. Seconds passed like years, and her resolve crumbled. Looking up, her chest tightened at the dark waiting expression.
“Don’t leave.” There was a glint of hopeful need in his black eyes. “I’m an asshole who has obviously been alone too long and I know that, but I still don’t want you to leave. Not like this, not how we—I—left it yesterday.”
Alessia wanted to pace back and forth at his confession, to sit down to do anything as her hard-earned composure threatened to break. Pressing her lips together, she begged herself not to give in. It was an overwhelming relief to hear him say those things, it felt so good to know that he hadn’t reached his limit with her as the others had. But just because he said the words that she desperately wanted to hear didn’t mean she could give in.
“A minute ago, you thought I was committing suicide,” she gave him a sidelong look with a smirk.
Grinning, he ran his hand over his head, pushing off his cap with idle restlessness. "That is your fault. Your note was cryptic as fuck and yesterday I spent the evening staring up at your back in the loft."
“Whose fault was that?” She argued back. “Everything I do lately makes you angry. I figured leaving would be best, I don’t want to make you miserable in your own house.”
He stopped her with a shake of his head. "You don't make me miserable," he looked away as he shifted on his feet and rolled his shoulders. "You just drive me crazy," he said, turning back to her.
Her heart was beating so fast all of a sudden. “What does that mean?”
“It means what I said before, that I’m the asshole in this and I’m sorry,” he gave a heavy sigh. “And by no means do I want you to leave just because I have turned into an unsociable hermit.”
Alessia couldn't help but smile. When she realized it was Jax on the bridge yelling her name, a guilty hope flared to life in the back of her mind; be here for me, tell me to come back. It felt wrong and even a little illogical to wish for that from this man. There was nothing between them but awkward silence and a sense of obligation, how could she reasonably expect him to willingly want to keep her around. But here he was, standing right in front of her with his long hair wild and naturally severe countenance asking her to come back.
Looking away, she stared down at the sleeping kitten purring in her hands. “I don’t know…”
"Alessia, where are you going to go?" He cut her off sternly. "You're not thinking of going back to Yakima, are you?"
Shocked, she couldn’t get the words out fast enough. “No. I would never go back there!” Frowning, she was angry he even thought she would. “I was going to try living in Eugene, it’s a college town and I should be able to find a job and a roommate.”
His shoulders tensed and she knew he was going to argue, so she rushed to finish, forcing herself to say the next words. Words that said she was leaving despite everything inside of herself, screaming for her to stay.
“Thank you Jax, thank you for everything. I would’ve never made it without you.”
Stepping back, Jax put his hands in his pockets as he looked up and beyond her at the sky. His expression was as hard as stone as if he was counting down from ten inside of his head. Looking back at her directly, Alessia was surprised to see the flash of wild need in his expression. As if there was so much he wanted to say but warred with himself not to.
Please just say it, she thought. She wasn't completely sure with herself as to why, but it physically pained her to know there could be more to Jax's feelings.
“Fine,” he muttered. “If you really want to leave, I’ll take you to Eugene myself.”
The stab of pain to her heart was as painful as it was irrational. She was the only one arguing to leave, she had no logical right to feel so hurt at his agreement.
“Just stay with me tonight,” he countered.
Surprised, she looked back up at him to see him nodding in a gesture to the sky.
"It's going to rain today, I don't want you looking for someplace to sleep in Eugene in the rain," his voice was deceivingly calm while his eyes felt like she was drowning in a sea of suspense.
If she went back with him, she wasn’t entirely sure she would have the urge to ever leave again.
“Alessia,” he urged, sensing her hesitation.
“Okay,” she whispered, feeling relieved and worried at the same time.
The tension in his broad shoulders dissipated at her agreement. Grabbing her bag before she could say anything else, Jax walked to the truck and opened the door. Waiting for her to get inside, he shut the door and jogged to the driver's side and jumped in.
The kitten who awakened began letting out soft meows.
“You know,” he said. “It’s going to be even harder finding a roommate that accepts pets, right?”
Lifting the kitty to her face until they were eye to eye, she nuzzled its soft face before smiling at Jax. “I don’t care. I found her and I’m keeping her at all cost.”
Giving her a broad grin that made her heart skip a beat, Jax put the truck in gear, reversing it into a two-part turn back in the direction of the cabin.
“I can completely understand that feeling.”
Chapter 11
Warm and comfortable, Alessia felt her muscles relax deeper into the velvet-like fabric of the truck's seat. Heat from the floorboard pumped out in gentle waves, relaxing her further into the contours of the seat. Looking up from the sleeping black kitten, which made itself comfortable in the seam of her legs, Alessia watched tiny raindrops begin to hit the windshield. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Jax's arm lift to turn on his windshield wipers.
“How did you find me so fast?” There was no radio on in the truck, just the quiet murmur of the engine and the back-and-forth of the wipers. “I mean,” she hurried to clarify when she saw him glance at her. “How did you know to go back the way I came instead of going towards Gaulding?”
Giving her a gentle smirk, Jax leaned back in his own seat and relaxed, keeping one firm grip on the steering wheel. "It was pure dumb luck actually. Initially, I was going to go that way, but just as I prepared to take the turn, something in my gut said go east."
Alessia warmed to that. She was glad he did, and she hated herself for feeling that way. But this is only for tonight, she reminded herself firmly.
“It was a good thing Garrett wasn’t out patrolling too,” Jax turned and gave her smirk. “Because I was haulin’ ass.”
“I admit, I am happy to be off my leg and not in the rain,” she said, gingerly massaging her stiff thigh muscles.
Slowing down, Jax waited for a car to pass before turning into the unmarked cut in through the forest.
“Is it bleeding again?” He gave her leg a worried look.
"No…well, I don't think so," she added, at least as far as she could tell, there was no blood seeping through her jeans. She was thankful for that, she couldn't afford another pair to get ruined since her other pair had a huge rip along with various bloodstains.
“I’ll take a look at it when we get inside.”
Slowly, the break and trees came to view, and Alessia could see the cabin in the distance. It was hard to deny the flutter of excitement and longing at seeing the structure, knowing that only a few hours ago she was taking one last look at the place.
Pulling the truck close to the front door, Jax put it in park. “Stay there,” he ordered.
Curiously, she watched him jump out and come around to her side, all the while squinting from the rain. Opening her door for her, Alessia jumped when she felt him slide his hand behind her back and one underneath both of her knees.
“Wait!” She squealed, unsure what to do as she felt him pull and lift her out of the truck. “You don’t have to carry me! I only have a l
imp; I can still walk!”
Rain pelted them both as he turned with her in his arms, walking easily to the porch.
“There’s a bunch of mud all the way to the door, I’m just saving the kitten and myself the trouble of you slipping and falling,” he answered matter-of-factly.
Shooting him a furious glare, Alessia considered pinching him on the arm. Grinning, he sat her down on the porch and ran both hands over his hair, wicking away the water. More raindrops clung to the long dark hair of his beard. He needed to shave, she mused. It was getting harder to see the fine structure of his cheekbones beneath all the hair, which was a shame, really.
Instead, she said. “Whatever, you’re just a mean old man who lives in the woods.”
Shocked, he took a step back as if hit. “Old?!”
Alessia laughed at his reaction as she adjusted the squirming kitten in her hands.
“I am not old,” he grumbled as he reached past her and opened the door for her, letting her walk ahead of him into the cabin. “You are just young and naïve and confusing my wisdom and expertise with old age. A rookie mistake.”
Grabbing some towels out of the bathroom, she sat them down on the table and sat the kitten on top of it. “Ha!” She gave a sarcastic laugh over her shoulder as she dried off the kitten’s soft fur.
Stoking the fire in the wood furnace until it blazed with renewed heat, Jax shut the grate and replaced the poker on the holder before walking to the kitchen and grabbing a small can from the cabinet. Pulling out a chair on the opposite side of the table, he held out his arms as barriers along the table as the kitten curiously walked across the table towards him.
“Yeah, you laugh,” he arched one brow at her. “But I seem to recall you measuring things in a series of “blips” not too long ago.”
Heat rushed to her face as she quickly turned her focus to the kitten.
“Bastard,” she grumbled under her breath, trying her best not to smile and give him the satisfaction.
Jax opened the tiny can, and the pungent smell of tuna wafted in the air.
“Meow”
The once soft little meows quickly turned loud and needy as Jax sat down the can.
“Aww,” Alessia’s heart constricted at the sight of the kitten’s desperate hunger.
“Go take a shower, you can ooh and awe over Mr. Whiskers when you get out,” he ordered while stroking the feasting kitten’s fur.
Reaching over the table, she couldn't resist touching the tip of the kitten's tail. Smiling, she gave Jax a puzzled look. "Is Whiskers his name now?"
“I don’t see why not, you got something different in mind?” One of his severe eyebrows arched in question at her.
Smiling, she shook her head. "No, Whiskers sounds perfect," getting up from the table, she paused as she thought of something. "There is an empty crate on the porch; we can use that tonight for a bed.”
Once the words were spoken, Alessia realized her mistake. Since getting into the truck with him, there had been no mention of the status of her temporary stay. It felt odd even bringing it up, like a reminder neither one wanted to hear.
But if Jax was affected by the reminder she would never know; his face was expressionless as he stood up. “I will get the crate, you go shower.”
“I can do it,” she walked to the door just as a loud crack of thunder shook the entire house, making her heart jump.
Whisker's meows started again with a frantic pace, and Alessia couldn't blame him.
"It's okay Whiskers, I got you," Jax deep voice soothed at the kitten as he stroked its tiny neck. "If someone would hurry up and take a shower before lightning decides to hit my tin roof, we can all get warm and cozy in front of the heater and watch a movie." Though he was obviously talking to her, he kept his black gaze focused on the kitten in front of him.
“Fine, fine,” she grumbled, though picking up the pace this time as she grabbed her bag and darted to the bathroom. She never thought of the fact that the roof was metal. The idea of getting electrocuted was enough to send her obediently scurrying.
Alessia was turning off the shower when the short knock sounded at the door.
“Alessia,” Jax’s deep voice called out.
Wrapping the towel with suddenly nervous hands around herself, she stepped over the tile lip of the shower. "Yes?" She called back.
“When you come out, I’ll reapply your bandages.” The edict was given with such resolute authority, Alessia knew that trying to convince him she could do it herself was pointless.
Rolling her eyes, she swallowed the heavy sigh she wanted to give and replied, “thank you.”
Pulling out her clothes from her bag, Alessia paused when she pulled out her pajama pants. For a few seconds, she debated whether or not she should put them on. If she did, he was only going to make her pull them right back down to get to her thigh and hip. Although leaving them off would be beyond embarrassing.
Settling for leaving them off, she held the pants in front of her as a shield before grabbing the doorknob. Sticking her head out of the bathroom, she saw Jax sitting on the couch with his back towards her. He had both arms spread across the length of the sofa’s back. The cabin was quiet, there was no radio or TV on, just the heavy muted sound of the rain against the metal roof. Nervously, she walked forward her feet, barely making a sound across the wooden floorboards. Since the lights were off, the kitchen shadows surrounded the perimeter around the tiny island of light from the lamp next to the sofa. Coming around the sofa, she stopped near the armrest.
Too embarrassed by her bare legs to meet his eyes, she stared at the space above his head. "Did you want me to sit or…"
“No,” his voice sounded thicker than normal. “Just stand in front of me.”
Summoning the courage, she looked down at his face, but it didn’t help. Alessia couldn’t tell what he was thinking as she stepped closer, his eyes were hooded and his face was unreadable. Stopping just a few steps ahead of him, she remembered Whiskers.
Turning her head, she scanned the room. “Where is Whiskers?”
"Come closer," the warm hand on the back of her bare knee nearly caused her to rip the fabric of her pants; she was still gripping as a makeshift shield. Pulling her closer into the space between his thighs, Jax tugged at the flannel fabric of her pants until she reluctantly released them. "The cat is sleeping in a box behind you."
Alessia wanted to turn and look, but she didn't dare move. If she moved, the already too short hem of her pajama top would ride up, and he would be face-to-face with her underwear.
Alessia’s chest tightened as she felt the flat of his palm slide down to the rising curve of her calf and stop. Gently he lifted her leg as he grabbed her hand with his other hand. Silently, he guided her hand to his shoulder for support as he sat her barefoot on the bit of couch between his legs. Alessia forced herself to focus on the radiating heat between his jeaned legs instead of his face leaning closer to her naked thigh. Slowly, methodically, he tended to the cut. Dabbing the cotton swab into peroxide, Jax ran the cold, wet cotton across the wound. Slowly, each gentle pass of the swab brushed the tips of his fingers along her skin. Blessedly, his fingers finally stopped, and Alessia thought for a brief second, she was going to just deflate with exhaled relief.
“Now for the ointment,” the rock-salt burn to his voice sent shivers up her leg, unconsciously making her grip on his shoulder tighten.
As Jax leaned forward a bit to grab the ointment in the medicine box, Alessia could feel the soft hairs of his beard brush against her. Turning her head away from him, Alessia clenched her eyes closed while inwardly praying this would end soon.
Rubbing the oily substance on, he eventually let her stand back on to two feet. “Okay, and now for the one at your hip.”
Dear God! She wasn’t going to survive much more of this, her body already felt overheated. Every muscle felt like it was wound so tight she would soon burst.
“Jax,” she whispered, giving him a pleading look. “Can I p
lease sit down?”
Finally, his eyes met hers for the first time since she stepped out of the bathroom. The dark twin pools pulsated with a lambent fire she couldn’t identify.
“Here,” he clasped her hand on his shoulder and urged her forward as he stood up, trading spots with her until she was now sitting in his warm spot. “Lay down.”
She wanted to say there was no need, that she was fine, but she allowed herself to be gently pushed down until she was laying across the couch on her side just as she was the other night. Kneeling next to her, Jax reached for her shirt, pulling it up to expose her hip.
“Does it hurt?” He swiped the cold cotton swab across the length of the scar.
At All Cost: A Mountain Man Romance Page 9
