by Tom Shepherd
Oh, shit. It’s working like a sex dream.
From deep within the reptilian vestige of his brain, Tyler hatched one of those quasi-evil plans that usually landed him in a barrel of snakes. This time he channeled a raunchy St. Patrick, poised to drive the she-serpent out of the Kingdom.
For the next half hour, Tyler added a new chapter to the Canterbury Tales, and it was bawdy enough to make Chaucer blush. He graphically narrated a dusk-to-dawn season of mad passion between Queen Leola and the humble but hardy alien from Terra. All male-viewpoint fantasy, of course, based on his pre-Suzie life as an avid consumer of porn videos. As he rattled off one erotic encounter after another, Leola writhed and shrieked like a sex-starved banshee, and swallowed every delicious syllable of the wicked tales.
Tyler considered ordering her to confess to the murder of King Bandu tomorrow in court, but even lawyers have some ethical standards. So, he settled for requiring her to tell the whole truth and nothing but—as she believed it to be.
Then he gathered the specimens in Julieta’s plastic bags. But instead of the original plan, he creatively applied the tools at hand—jumbo veggie stalks, which Leola allowed into her mouth and more intimate spaces as if receiving a well-endowed lover. To complete the research, he rolled her over and carefully scraped the royal ass with the carving knife she expected him to plunge into Veraposta. Tyler wiped skin and a tiny stain of green blood from the blade onto one of the exquisite napkins on the bed stand, folded and tucked it into another specimen bag.
Just as Julieta predicted, she loved it.
Twenty-Five
After leaving Leola’s quarters, Tyler spent most of the night drinking coffee and chattering into the Apexcom with his brother as they worked up the courtroom strategy for the next day. He drank two more cups of Mrs. Dorla León’s strong black coffee, flew down to Annistyn on the Hub-to-Surface shuttle, and miraculously found his seat next to Lovey Frost and Erkinood Atbarasoo —A.K.A. Sash—with time to spare.
Court Police brought Mr. Blue and First Wife Yumiko to the defense table and uncuffed them. Yumiko deferentially took her seat in the row behind the attorneys; Mr. Blue wiggled between Lovey Frost and Sash. Lovey gave Zenna a quick kiss and he smiled in thanks. Tyler checked the courtroom. Esteban stood at the rear of the gallery, where he swept the audience with his psionic gifts to identify hostile players. Demarcus Platte was still missing, but Tyler knew where he was.
Judge Felizool entered and directed the Kolovite bailiff to call the previous witness back to the well. Once again, Second Queen Leola Rhautina strode confidently to her chosen place below the Judge’s seat and on the prosecution side of the courtroom. As before, she nodded with apparent satisfaction at the cameras and crowd.
“Chief Prosecutor, do you have any further questions?” Felizool said.
“Only a few, Your Honor.” Yerzail smoothed his dark green robe and approached the Second Queen deferentially. “Highness, may I say you look especially lovely this morning?”
“You may,” Leola replied matter-of-factly.
Yerzail continued. “In summary of your testimony from yesterday, did you declare that you saw the defendant, Prince Zenna-Zenn, and his Terran consort, Yumiko Matsuda, escape the palace by stolen skimmer?”
“I did.”
“And did you testify that, sharing your mutual grief, you comforted Sister Queen, Veraposta at the scene of the murder?”
“I did.”
“Do you harbor any ill feelings toward the defendant, my Queen?”
“Sweet little Zenna-Zenn? He is an innocent dupe.”
Yerzail appeared startled. “By ‘innocent’ don’t you mean naïve?”
“Yes. He makes poor choices,” Leola said. “Look at his companions. Both Terran wives are pitiful. A yellow mercenary and a black slut.”
“Stay with the game plan.” Tyler put a hand on Lovey Frost’s clenched fist on the tabletop.
She nodded stiffly, poised to attack but under control. Mr. Blue wordlessly slipped an arm around her waist.
“No further questions.” The Chief Prosecutor bowed to Queen and Judge. “The People of the Quirt-Thymean Empire have concluded their case against the treacherous regicide, Prince Zenna-Zenn.”
Felizool tapped his fingers on the judicial desktop. “Counselor Matthews, I suppose the defense will demand the right to question our Second Queen?”
“Oh, yes, Your Honor. But first, would the court indulge me a procedural variant?”
Felizool growled. “I am nearing the end of my legal career. My limited patience, Counselor, is extraordinarily thin this morning. I missed breakfast.” The crowd inhaled in horror. “What do you want now, Mr. Matthews?”
“To excuse the Queen, but require her to remain in the courtroom for cross-examination after I call one quick witness.”
The Judge turned to Leola. “Highness, will you remain available for Mr. Matthews?”
She nodded. “I have been quite available for him.”
Lovey snorted but said nothing.
The Second Queen moved to the Prosecutor’s table and sat beside Yerzail, who dislodged an assistant to make space for the royal witness.
“The defense calls Yumiko Matsuda,” Tyler said. The green Kolovite bailiff echoed his summons in Pharmaadoodil.
Yumiko moved to the far left of the well, deep into the territory of Zenna-Zenn’s defense team, and stood rock steady in the violet kimono of a Buddhist mourner.
“Your Honor,” Tyler said, “for the record, this witness is an employee of Star Lawyers, a Matthews Corporation subsidiary. However, she appears today in her capacity as the First Wife of the defendant and participant in the events surrounding King Bandu’s death.”
“Proceed,” Judge Felizool said.
“Inspector Matsuda, are you fluent in Pharmaadoodil?”
“Hai, Tyler-san. I live on Annistyn five years as bodyguard to His Royal Highness Sub-Prince Admiral Kiloon Tazool’kaloz.”
“What relationship exists between Admiral Kiloon and your First Husband, Prince Zenna-Zenn?”
“The Admiral is maternal Uncle to my Lord.”
“When Prince Zenna fled the Empire, you traveled with him to the Terran colony at Sedalia-3, correct?”
“Hai, Tyler-san. Admiral Kiloon deployed with fleet. He ordered me to protect Prince Zenna-Zenn in his absence.”
“And is Sedalia-3 the planet where I met Zenna and you, although I did not know you were husband and wife at the time?”
She nodded. “We did not marry until Sedalia-3, after I receive permission from Admiral Kiloon.”
“What happened the night King Bandu died?” Tyler said.
“I wait in corridor while my First Husband pillowed his beloved Third Wife. Instead of joy, my Lord Zenna shouted in pain. Queen Veraposta, loud screaming. I deploy katana, rush into bed chamber. King Bandu was beating my husband. Very savagely.”
Tyler crossed to the prosecution table and stood before Queen Leola.
“Yumiko-san, tell this court—who killed the Blue King?”
“I kill.”
“How did you kill him?”
“With katana.”
“Let the record indicate katana is the traditional Japanese sword,” Tyler said. “The Japanese are a proud and ancient people on my homeworld.”
Yerzail stood. “Your Honor, does this witness actually confess in the sacred space of your courtroom to the murder of our King?”
“Sounds like it to me,” Felizool said with a sigh.
Tyler turned to his samurai friend. “Be specific, Yumi-san. How did you kill Bandu-Jeewan?”
“One thrust into heart. Much green blood flowed, then he fell, dead.” When she repeated her testimony in perfect Pharmaadoodil, Tyler could hear the audience breathing.
“What happened to all that green blood?” Tyler said.
“I do not understand your question,” Yumiko said.
“Why was there no blood at the crime scene?”
“I…I do not kno
w, Tyler-san.”
“Did you leave the bedroom with your sword?”
“Hai.”
“Was the katana smeared with green blood?”
“I do not remember.”
“Isn’t that odd? You remember blood gushing from the fatal wound, but you don’t remember green stains on your blade.”
“Hai. As detective, I think it very odd. But still true.”
“So, you really, really believe you killed Bandu?” Tyler said.
“Not belief. Memory. I remember killing High King. He was very bad man, very drunk that night. He attempted to strangle my husband. Killing the akunin who assaulted my liege Lord was required by bushido.”
“Bushido. The traditional Japanese samurai code of honor?
“Hai, Tyler-san.”
He gestured to the Prosecutor. “Your witness.”
“No questions,” Yerzail said without rising. “She is obviously lying to protect her lover.”
“My husband,” Yumiko corrected. “Cowards lie to protect their misdeeds. I am samurai.”
The Kolovite bailiff excused the witness, who sat among the empty chairs behind the defense table again.
“Mr. Matthews, do you have any further witnesses?” the old Judge said. “Anyone else want to confess?”
“We’ll soon see,” Tyler said cheerily. “The defense recalls Second Queen Leola to the well of testimony.”
The bailiff did his duties, and Leola returned to her chosen spot. Tyler raised a hand to the Judge. “May I have a moment to confer with co-counsel, please?”
“A short moment, counselor. Holo-cams are rumbling, so is my stomach.” A light peal of laughter swept the gallery, which brought a smile to Felizool’s violet lips.
Tyler leaned toward Lovey, who was not smiling. “Our whole case turns on this testimony. Are you up for this?
Her eyes darkened. “Boss-man, I am tired of getting shot with metal arrows, and being called a terrorist, and having my personal life outed, like I should be ashamed of who I love.”
“Remember what I told you,” Tyler said softly.
“Yes.”
“Leola can’t lie. Not because she has a moral compass like Yumiko. She doesn’t. It’s biochemical karma.”
“Understood.”
“Got my notes?”
“Memorized.” Frost grasped the datacom pad tightly.
“Remember her testimony from yesterday?”
“Yes.”
“She called Yumiko a yellow mercenary, and you—”
“A black slut.”
“Your witness.” Tyler sat back. “Go get her, Lovey.”
She stood, oozing fury like a thunderstorm about to strike. “I will nail that purple bitch to the cross.”
“Counselor…” Felizool checked his datapad, “…Counselor Frost, you may proceed.”
“Your Honor, since the witness speaks fluent Terran, I beg the court’s indulgence to question her in my native tongue.”
“Certainly.” He invited all Quirt-Thymean spectators and the prosecution team to access the instant translation channel. Media outlets across the Empire flagged the dialogue with optional Pharmaadoodil captions or voice-dubbed translations.
Lovey glared at the witness. “So, Queen Number Two, did you get enough sleep, or did your fuck-a-thon with Tyler Matthews wear you out?”
“Counselor Frost…” the Judge growled.
“Let me re-phrase, your honor.” Lovey turned to the witness. “Queen Leola, did you or did you not make love to Mr. Matthews all night, last night?”
“I did,” she said, unflappable. “For the Closing Rites of Toorlazimbaa, I chose to share Momentary Fidelity with a Terran, to indicate I harbored no animosities toward your species.”
“Was it good for you?”
She smiled smugly. “Quite adequate.”
“How adequate?”
“Tyler has a male sexual organ twice the size of the average Quirt-Thymean, and he performed expertly.”
“Did you cum—excuse me—did you achieve orgasm?”
Yerzail leapt up. “Your Honor, why are you allowing these salacious, offensive inquiries about the sex life of our Second Queen?”
Felizool waved a hand dismissively. “Defense counsel asks her to describe activities enjoyed at our most sacred religious festival. Our Queen does not seem offended, but perfectly content to provide details.”
Leola nodded. “I have nothing to hide, Your Honor.”
“Well, that’s for damned sure,” Lovey muttered.
The Judge frowned. “Was that a question, Counselor?”
“No, Your Honor. An observation. Withdrawn.” She faced Leola. “How many times did you cum during the—uh—sacred religious festival last night?”
“Many, many times.” She laughed like a naughty adolescent. “I stopped counting after sixty-five.”
“Sixty-five? Apparently, Mr. Matthews found your happy spot. Did you reciprocate?”
“Oh, yes. I brought him to orgasm repeatedly.”
“Since you like to count during sex, please tell the court how many times he made love to you last night.”
“Eighteen,” she said, matter-of-factly.
Terran expatriates in the courtroom gallery—including Energy Consortium representatives Siona Kalos and Orson Brick—laughed raucously.
Frost crossed her arms. “Let me get this straight. Queen Leola, is it your testimony that, during your sacred religious festival, Tyler Matthews screwed you eighteen times in one night?”
“Yes.”
“Damn, Boss-man.” Lovey pivoted toward the defense table. More laughter from humans in the crowd.
Tyler shrugged.
“So, why did you stop?” Lovey asked the mauve Queen.
Leola shook her head, sadly. “He petered out.”
Intense, scattered laughter. Felizool warned Terrans in attendance to restrain themselves.
“I could have gone longer, but he was exhausted. So, I tried sucking his cock, which had worked earlier. But the mighty rod was beyond resuscitation.”
“So, Queen of his dreams, why isn’t Mr. Matthews dead, or recovering in the hospital?” More sniggers from Terran expats.
Leola’s smile drooped. “I do not understand the question.”
“Withdrawn.” Lovey paced around her like a panther stalking a stunned peacock. “You feel pretty proud of yourself this morning.”
“I am pretty,” she agreed, missing the Terran nuance. “Usually I am proud, yes. But not today. Now, like my whole Empire, I mourn our terrible loss.”
“What terrible loss?” Lovey said.
Leola turned to the bench. “Judge Felizool, I am astonished this court is in session. We should all weep for our loss.”
“What loss, my Queen?” the Judge said.
“Why, the High Queen, Veraposta.” The audience gasped. Leola continued, “Have you not received word? Of course not, or Tyler Matthews would be under custody for—”
Lovey interrupted. “Are you saying the First Queen is dead?”
“Yes,” Leola said. “Killed by Tyler Matthews, after he left my bed this morning. Tragic, brutal murder. He stabbed her repeatedly, and cut off her head, and hurled it into the corridor. I am fortunate he did not murder me as I slept. And I am amazed Veraposta’s guards did not kill him on the spot. But they let him get away.”
Cries of No, no! rang out across the gallery. Judge Felizool called for order, but the din of mourners grew steadily. Then, at the back of the courtroom, a Quirt woman stood and pulled back her hood.
“I am quite alive, Your Honor!” Queen Veraposta shouted above the clamor. “No thanks to my Sister Queen.”
Felizool finally calmed the crowd by inviting Veraposta down to the well. She paraded to the defense side of the bench, away from Leola, who scowled at her. Countless Quirt-Thymean spectators watching on distant worlds cried with relief.
Lovey took charge. “Your Honor, First Queen Veraposta is not dead, which means Tyler Matthews
could not have killed her.”
“Your logic is unassailable,” Felizool said dryly.
“But he did kill her!” Leola insisted. “Her guards wept in the corridor as I came to this courtroom.”
“No, they didn’t,” Veraposta said. “My guards saluted me cheerily.”
“This is obviously not my Sister Queen!” Leola said. “She is an imposter, a look-alike actress hired by Tyler Matthews to fool the court.”
“Your honor, not only is the High Queen alive,” Lovey Frost said, “but the story about Tyler’s all-night bingo-bango with little Queen hot-pants here? Also untrue.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Leola said.
Frost turned to the bench. They were back to the translator links now. She spoke in short bursts, so the Judge and spectators could follow the Pharmaadoodil translation.
“Earlier we heard Inspector Yumiko Masada. She confessed to a murder she did not commit. Yumiko is samurai. She cannot lie, even to protect her husband, for whom she would gladly die. Yumi-san actually believes she is the killer. She has false memories of killing the Blue King. There is only one way that could have happened.”
“High order pheromones,” Felizool said. “Very rare. And to use them to control others, very illegal.”
“Yes, Your Honor,” Frost said, “May I submit into evidence a certified report by Dr. Julieta Solorio, who heads our forensics department?”
Felizool received the report on his datapad, which logged the entry as a public document. “Give me a summary, Counselor.”
“This lab report—based on dermatological, hematological, and fluidic samples from Queen Leola’s body—presents bio-chemical findings consistent with a high order pheromonist,” Lovey said.
“When did Her Highness consent to such intrusive studies?” Yerzail demanded.
“Toorlabamba, last night,” Frost said. “Want the slippery specifics?”
Felizool beckoned Tyler, who joined Lovey in the well. Yerzail also approached the bench, but the Chief Prosecutor avoided eye contact with Leola or Veraposta.
Felizool signaled the bailiff to shut down the sound system and media feeds and erect a cone of silence around the bench. “Mr. Matthews, what is going on in my courtroom?” the Judge said in Terran Standard.
