by R Corona
Jacknell was the last of the members to present me with a gift. “This was entrusted onto me by someone very special. The time has come for it to be in the hands of its rightful owner.” A small dagger encased in its sheath, glowed before his hands. The precious, ornate markings and embedded stones were visible as he removed it from its case. A pleasing, golden, metallic ringing rested in my ears for a few seconds. “As your father proclaimed, for the one who carries hope.” Jacknell bowed his head, then smiled graciously. The words were printed on the blade as a reminder but further into the future, looking upon those words would lead me to believe that I had failed a part of my mission. They had been unrecognizable.
Receiving the gifts made me feel important. I had never received gifts as precious as these, for that matter, I couldn’t remember ever having received gifts. But it wasn’t the only thing I couldn’t remember, because my life was no longer mine.
***
“After your body’s energy was drained by one of the Doors, the strings did not put all of that energy back into your body. Instead, I created a space for it. We were told that by the time Dez made his appearance, he would need to feed off your energy. Later the members came to the discovery that the container I had created for your energy had not only stored energy, it had stored other parts of you, including that part which you are missing right now; your memories. Everything you knew before you arrived at the House is now gone, well not gone,” Jacknell corrected himself, “but in another being. In truth,” he explained, “that’s not an accurate description. When your energy was divided, it created another you; the one with your memories.
Dez fed off that being. But Dez only needed a taste of energy, preferably yours for reasons I’m not in a position to speak of. Once your energy was absorbed into his body, Dez was able to awaken from the state. He is currently recuperating. What concerns us now is you. There is a process to bind you and your memories back together, but it’s a very risky and complicated procedure in which, ultimately, you can die...forever I mean. It is also complicated for those performing the operation because we are not aware of the condition of the being processing your memories.
There is another solution. In time, your memories are bound to come back by nature and the being will disintegrate. The processes can be very slow. Some memories can become distorted or, simply, disappear. However, I suggest this method, despite the waiting.” Jacknell forced himself not to look at me throughout his speech. We sat next to each other in the silence of his wood-crafting studio.
Memories were nothing; they only served as, either, a reminder of how happy I once was, or as the nightmarish evidence of my current, miserable life. A life before the House was not of interest to me; the members were my family now. My duty was to serve Dez and his cause. How could my memories assist me in his quest? They would only blur my goals. Yet, these pesky illusions of time make up the core of life itself.
“I’m sorry,” Jacknell grabbed my hands. “It’s a shame having to live this life. Fate is an unkind stalker, especially to those born like us. Even if you attempt to run from it, like your parents did, it finds you and those around us.”
“My parents?” I shot him a questioning look, not being able to help myself.
Like one who says something he shouldn’t have, Jacknell answered, “Your parents were brave people who managed to bring you to a safe place to live. The only thing that made them stronger was you, you gave them hope. Len once said to me you were his carrier of hope. Sadly the Council of Lord Seb Creat sent the Patrol to find them and took them back to Fexorrous. It is because of Edda and Len that you are here, in this house, to save them. For similar reasons all the members are here, but mainly because life at Fexorrous became unbearable after Dez was dethroned.”
The mention of my parents had lit only a small spark of curiosity, but no emotion. My emotions towards them had also been taken and perhaps towards everything else. They had been dropped into a bottomless hole, which walls made of emptiness stood as tall as the hole was deep. I could see my emotions struggling to climb back up the hole; uselessly, however, as there was nothing to hold on to.
“It is to remind you of your purpose that I tell you about them. Never deviate from them and those you love. The House can be a prison; it tricks our minds into believing that our needs collide with Dez’ and become one. It is fine and admirable if you wish to help him, we all do, but never forget that you come first. Your goals and those whom you wish to save should be your priority, no matter what the others say.” As he finished speaking, I looked around the room for a fresh thought but could not come up with one. To the corner of the room, on top of an old armoire, a potted plant spread its leaves proudly. Sunlight expanded though the small window on the uppermost part of the wall behind us. A glance back at his face and Jacknell had become a different man, one I had never seen before. The expression on his face was to be feared; reminiscent and nostalgic.
Wishing to uncover what troubled him I asked, “Are you ever going to tell me why you are here, at the House?” The members all had a purpose which made them feel worthy and content with the life Dez had created for them.
Jacknell was in his late thirties, around Netania’s age, maybe a few years older. Of all the members, he was the one that fit in the least. Even Gilcome was more accustomed to being a prisoner of the wonderfulness of the House. Jacknell had never been able to show a genuine smile, at least not around me. The joy on his face was always forced and excruciating to watch, like a man who walks the streets after being beaten, bloody but still standing because he doesn’t want others to know what terrible things makeup part of his being. “Long story, huh?” I took the words from his lips.
He said in a chuckle, “Aren’t they always?” then paused and remained thoughtful. “Contrary to what other members say, House members come and go, sometimes they just find a way to be free. Maybe I should start by confessing that you weren’t the first one to lose your memories. Someone I knew became a victim of the House very quickly after we arrived. Defenseless, with no memories to compare against, the House that Dez built took advantage of her and destroyed much of who she was. I blame myself for her loss.” The light in his eyes diminished as he spoke of her. “That will not happen to you, I won’t let it. Never again will I perform that operation.” He said the last sentence with conviction. All that interested me, at the moment, was knowing who the woman he spoke of was and what had become of her. His jaws clenched and his head dropped. “Being young can prove disastrous for many, it sure was for me. Although, blaming the ignorance present in those early years isn’t very fair. I was selfish, repulsively selfish. Knowing that she didn’t remember me, us, was irritating and it burned my insides. Waiting for the unknown wasn’t something I wanted to do and fearing that she would forget me forever, I pretended to be a hero; because I could fix anything. Instead, the operation resulted in a disaster and the House took over her free will, to prevent her demise. The members want me to try the procedure again, this time on you. I will not do it.”
“That’s fine, Jacknell. I wouldn’t put you in that position.” Besides there was not much I wanted to remember and if I did, surely others could fill me in. “The members will have a blast telling me of my past.” I laughed to ease his mind, but it didn’t work.
“No, you don’t understand. Memories and emotions are linked together, June. It wouldn’t make a difference to tell you about your parents, or your grandmother, aunt, or cousin. None of them are here and those memories might only be triggered with their presence.”
“Don’t worry; I’ll be able to deal with it.” Dez could fix it, something told me he could. His awakening was fast approaching and all I hoped for was to be of use to him.
***
A late morning breeze swept across our faces as we watched Netania trim the tree branches of the side garden. Gilcome was crouched beside me on the ground, listening attentively. I had been telling him about a recent dream of mine. Every day, seconds before waking, I woul
d see myself running on a place where dry grasses grew high. Once, my room almost turned into the place, the grass began to grow around my bed and the sun heated my face. The illusion only lasted for an instant.
Gilcome theorized that some of my memories had been imprinted on my room. That place was from my past, maybe if I saw it again, more of my memories would be uncovered. Of course we both knew that visiting that place would be impossible because we couldn’t leave the House. The idea, however, had sparked Gilcome’s interest and all he could speak about was the world outside the House. It was interesting to hear him, because he had never stepped foot outside. Not being able to remember much, I filled in details with my imagination. The more we talked; I realized that I wanted to go as much as he did.
Ms. Baynes heard us talk about the Outside and shot us an ugly look as she brought Netania a pitcher of water. “Don’t you kids have better things to keep you entertained?”
“Mr. Zorga went wild and used up all we had left in the party. Then, he threw us out of the kitchen, so we’re taking the day off.” Gilcome squinted up towards her, smiling, knowing that his comment would irritate her.
“That man lost his marbles a long time ago. But today, I swear, he’ll find them. I’ll make those pastries burn hotter than a day in mid-August.” Ms. Baynes was still upset at Mr. Zorga. The night before he had forgotten a boiling pot on the stove and Ms. Baynes had, somehow, managed to spill it on her right arm.
“It’s best this way,” Gilcome explained, “when those two aren’t arguing, they are plotting to give me more work.”
Mr. Zorga had been tense during the last week, preparing pastries for the town’s bake sale. The bake sale was for charity but the winner received a special, one-page, recognition in the town’s newspaper. According to Gilcome, Mr. Zorga always entered and always won. The House’s messenger would deliver the pastries and a week later the press would interview him for fifteen minutes on the side garden.
Two hours later, the messenger arrived to pick up the goods from Mr. Zorga. He was the only member of the House I had yet to meet. It’d be nice to see a different face. Netania yelled for Gilcome’s help to pick up the tree trimmings and I took the chance to sneak in the living room while Ms. Baynes conversed with the messenger. From far, the man was tall and dark-haired. He laughed at something she said, then continued to speak. Suddenly the messenger paused, his body became stiff and his glance fixed on me. The disbelief in his eyes transformed into surprise, almost relief. He knew who I was. The man walked closer to me and muttered, “June, is that you?”
I studied him as my confused mind raced for answers, then I noticed the black glove on his left hand. “Kostas?”
Ms. Baynes almost doubled over when she realized that I had recognized him. How his name had come to my mind had surprised me as well. Suddenly, in a flash, I saw him. The Park’s wind felt light and cool. I saw the play area where the kids played and little Ette, my friend. I thought of her and missed her because she had been a genuine source of happiness in my past life. Then, the pit of despair inside me widened. There were others whom I missed but could not remember. They had been taken from me. What saddened me the most was, that perhaps, they missed me because they could remember me. Not being able to do the same tasted ungrateful.
“June, how I’ve needed you at the Park,” Kostas sighed. For a second he looked away and then hugged me. “You will never know how much I regret deceiving you. It was my job to make sure you were close to the House.” Kostas tried to justify his actions, maybe if he could convince me that he had a just reason for placing me in this house, one day he could forgive himself. “At the time I couldn’t tell you, as it would have defeated the purpose.”
“Kostas,” Ms. Baynes interrupted. “Thank you so much for your time, you do so much for us and the House. I am sure Mr. Zorga will appreciate that his pastries get to the bake sale on time, as always.” She patted his shoulder.
“If it is alright I would like to stay a little while,” he removed her hand, “to catch up with June.” He turned to me and ignored Ms. Baynes' presence. “In my life, there are many things I regret doing, but nothing troubles me more than what I did to you.” Hearing his words, I believed him but could not understand why he felt as he did. I remembered Kostas; he was one of the people I could clearly remember and he had never even spoken about the House to me. Kostas had never lied to me. He couldn’t have because we did not have many conversations. “By now you know that the Park was a cover for the House and no one could have held that job position because it was destined for you and you only. Still, I remember the day when you walked in, it was the best day of my life; you had saved me.
Your fate did not concern me in the least. The members were going to entangle you into the worldly mess that is this House. Back then it was not my problem. But I have paid a high price for all of my mistakes and again my life has crumbled before my eyes, just after figuring out what it meant to be happy.” His mind and heart needed a rest. Kostas believed that by receiving my approval, my forgiveness, he would once again gain control of his life. I wanted that for him and so he spoke, uninterrupted.
“While still living at Fexorrous, I received an invitation from the House to work for Dez. The House was in contact with the rebellion group, which was still loyal to Dez’ leadership. For some reason they wanted me to join them and every year they appeared in my house with the same invitation. My life at Fexorrous was carefree and simple so I declined the House’s offer. It was not until about six years ago that I decided to join the members. I met my wife, she became pregnant and I did not want my child to grow up in such an extreme environment. The life of a child is difficult at Fexorrous. Children, especially girls, are taken from their parents to be raised by the Royal House. Their heads are shaven in a ritual that prepares them to become slaves of Lord Seb Creat. Once the energy is harnessed, they are officially owned by the new lord. Lord Seb Creat continues to monopolize Fexorrous’ energy power. It all began by an irrational fear that created the manifestation of disrespect for the Royal House. In the past, the Lord was afraid of the rebellion group and its ability to recruit energy fountains to overthrow him. So he began to enslave those with rare energies, to drain them.”
Kostas closed his eyes, “You have to understand, I was not going to let my child live as a prisoner. I moved to the House, having agreed to the terms left for me by Dez. He had prepared messages and notes for me long before he decided to enter his comatose state. I had never met him in person but I knew him as a ruler. Like all rulers, Dez had his priorities, some of which were not best for the people. He made mistakes and angered many men but he was my savior and my ticket out of that horrid land.
A house was provided for my wife and her mother, who had joined us since she had no one left at Fexorrous. Her husband had been captured by the Royal House and he had become their property. When a person becomes the property of the Lord, their interests and wishes are those of the Lord as well. Nothing but serving the Lord matters because their energy is no longer theirs. The decision to join Dez was a great decision for us but it had been mine, not my family’s. I did not allow them to be close to me because in the back of my mind I thought that this House was too good to be true.
There is always a catch, June, always. Training to become a member lasted months and for that period of time, I didn’t see my family, not even when my daughter was born. My wife raised our daughter while I committed myself to the House. Once my training had been complete I wished to resume my duties as a father and husband, but how could I? I didn’t deserve them. When you joined the members, we reconnected. My wife, Erin, little Ette and I were together as a family for the very first time. My job had been done, my debt to Dez had been paid and Fexorrous was finally in my past. I’m sorry my happiness was at your expense.” His head lowered and I felt the need to relieve him of the burden he, so heavily, carried.
“C’mon Kostas, don’t be so hard on yourself and don’t take all the credit either. I am
well aware that this wasn’t your idea and, besides, it isn’t like you threw me in here. Sometimes things just happen. In the end, it makes me glad that, if nothing else, I could bring happiness to you and your family. Still I cannot believe that Ette was right all along. She used to tell me that you were her father but were afraid to tell her so. Ette will grow to become a precious and smart girl.” Remembering her made me smile. “Would you give her my regards?”
His eyes fell to the ground, his glance was beaten. The semblance of a tired man consumed him. Kostas could not bring himself to speak. For a few seconds he made the effort to hold his eyes up. They were the eyes of someone who had faced the devil. His face had lost the glow it once radiated and his voice was of one who had given up. “I held her weak little body in my arms as her life slowly expired.” Kostas motioned his arms as if he were still holding her. Then, unable to contain himself, he sobbed. “My little Ette is gone, June.” A wave of shock knocked me off balance and onto the floor. I wished he would stop speaking but he continued to describe the incident. “They took her energy. Erin and I heard screams during the night and rushed to her but it was too late. She was left in her bed unable to breathe, dying. Motionless, paralyzed by fear, I remained on the edge of the bed, trembling by my wife's side. The world had turned dark in my eyes. We were a dammed specie.” Kostas sat beside me and said, “Life has become without meaning once again and though it’s hard to continue, I have to, for my wife.”
