by Stacy Borel
“Well, my goodness, aren’t you just a sight.”
I heard a sweet southern voice coming up beside me that I recognized. It was my grandmother. She was the epitome of southern class. Being that she was born and bred to be a Georgia peach, and refined, she is the person that taught me which silverware to use and when, and she’s the woman that taught me how to put someone in their place. A lady used her words, and her quick wit. She was a viper with a sharp tongue even at her older age. I loved her, and she was my favorite person.
I turned to look at her, plastering on a fake smile. “Grandmother, so good to see you.”
“You look stunning.” Her eyes traveled down the length of me. I wanted her approval.
“Thank you. I feel amazing.”
She approached me and brought me in for a gentle hug. The scent of her perfume she hasn’t changed since I was a little girl washed over me.
“Cut the crap, Macie Rae. I’m neither stupid, nor was I born yesterday.”
As she stepped back, that familiar knowing grin slid into place. This time I smiled genuinely at her.
“Oh, you mean I can tell you that being pregnant sucks worse than sweaty balls in the middle of one-hundred-degree weather?”
“Now, Macie.”
I brushed an errant hair out of my eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I know.”
She clucked her tongue. “You may think so behind closed doors, my dear, but while you are here, you will be kind and thankful for what you’re given.”
I knew what she was getting at. She told me once when I was young that you should never air your dirty laundry for all to see. Hold your emotions close, and don’t let others read you. Your stature in life was everything.
“Give me a little bit, Grandma. Did you feel this awful while you carried Daddy?”
She was holding a clear plastic up full of iced tea. She brought it to her lips and sipped before answering me. “Probably worse. Your daddy was over ten pounds when he was born, and I thought he was going to be the death of me.”
My eyes grew wide. “I’m sorry, did you say ten pounds? Since when did doctors let you get that far?”
“Doctor said he was the biggest baby he’d ever seen. But honestly, I think he was out of his mind when he said I’d be fine going another week. Back then nothing was as accurate as it is today. Either way, I had him the next day, thank heavens.”
I coughed. “Jesus Christ, how was your vagina still intact after that?”
She jerked back. “Macie Rosewood, that has got the be the most unladylike thing you’ve ever said to me.”
Right. Fuck.
“Sorry, Grandma, I just didn’t know Daddy was that large. Someone will have to knock me out if this little man grew that much before delivery. I wouldn’t survive it.” My hands went to my stomach.
“Let’s hope not,” Dodger said, as he came up beside me.
I knew what I said hadn’t actually offended her. She was easy on me because I was her only grandchild.
“Did you find your mom?” I asked him.
“Yes. She’s headed over to the gift table so we can get this opening business started.”
“Perfect.”
“Mrs. Rosewood, may I help you to your seat?” Dodger, always the gentleman.
“Thank you for the offer, but I can manage.”
He nodded and kissed her cheek. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“Okay, Dear.” As she walked passed us, she patted Dodger on the butt.
Dodger’s eyes grew wide and I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled from my throat.
“Lordy, some things will never change.”
“Yeah, well I see where you get it from,” he said sarcastically.
I shrugged. “She taught me well. Can’t help an old feisty woman for sneaking a feel.”
We both made our way to the front of the very large banquet room. People that we passed briefly said their hello’s, rubbed my belly like I was Buddha, and, of course, offered advice about parenting. Didn’t I say this is exactly what I didn’t want happening?
I finally caught sight of Donna tirelessly organizing presents according to what I’d be opening first. She was dressed beautifully in a pair of dark jeans and a black blazer with a white blouse underneath. Her brown hair was pinned to the top of her head, with no strands out of place. When she tipped her head up and saw me walking toward her she smiled a blinding smile, and came toward me. She was holding in her hand a pin that had ribbons hanging from the bottom of it. Southern people had this tradition that stemmed from high school homecoming. Special occasions such as baby showers and wedding showers, the guest of honor wore a pin called a Mum. Not to be confused with the flower.
“My goodness, you are simply glowing today.”
Donna was beaming. I don’t think much else could make this woman happier than knowing her first grandchild was going to be arriving in two months.
I tried to match her sweetness, but fell short. “Thank you very much, but it’s okay to say I look like I haven’t skipped a meal.”
She chortled. “Macie, I know that being pregnant isn’t the most glamorous feeling in the world. Remember, I carried four boys. But I promise you, you look pretty darn good. So stop thinking otherwise and sit and enjoy your party.” She was busy pinning me, and being the perfect party host. I loved her like my own mother. In fact, I wondered where my mom was sitting. Probably wherever my grandmother was. “I’ll be up here with you while you go through all of this, so let me know if you need anything at all. Okay?”
I nodded. “Okay. And before I forget,”—I reached out for her hands and grasped them—“Thank you. The venue, the decorations, everything . . . it’s all more than I could have ever asked for.”
I noted the small little crow’s feet crinkled in the corner of her eyes as she smiled. Donna was a stunning woman and looked much younger than her actual age. But her smile lines, and happiness in her eyes showed.
“Anytime, love. Now let’s get this going.” She looked out in the crowd. “Let me grab Keegan for you and she will take care of the gifts after you’ve opened them if you want to pass them off to her.”
I sat in my chair feeling awfully royal. Truly one of the other chairs that everyone else was sitting in would have been perfectly fine with me. Dodger came and sat next to me in the matching one. I giggled. He looked at me questioningly.
“Sorry, but don’t you feel regal? I wonder if this is what Queen Elizabeth the first felt like when she sat in one.”
He turned his head slightly back to look at what I meant. “Well, Mom, wouldn’t have it any other way. She wants all eyes on us. And Queen Elizabeth was known as ‘The Virgin Queen’, so let’s not delve any deeper.”
I chortled.
“I can’t believe the day is finally here. I swear this was about as crazy as planning my wedding.” Keegan practically sang as she came to my side. She bent and kissed me on my cheek. “What do you think?”
“I think you’re in the wrong business. Delivering babies should be a hobby. You and Donna should open your own event planning operation.”
She rolled her eyes. “Hush.”
I patted her arm. “It’s perfect, Keegan. Thank you, honestly, it’s all too much.”
She came to stand right in front of me. “Nothing is too much for my best friend. I wanted this day to be special. This is your first child, and it’s Donna’s first grandbaby. If anybody pushed for all of this, it was her. Let us spoil you.”
Her blue puppy dog eyes made me soft. “Ugh, you bitch. You’re lucky I love you and my hormones are making me all weepy and shit. You’d never be able to pull that one over on me normally.”
Keegan winked and grinned a devilish grin. “I know.”
I laughed.
Clapping her hands, she cheered, “Present time!”
I went through the first couple of boxes, which were filled with clothes, finger nail clippers, and bulb syringes. The amount of blues and greens that filled each present warmed my
heart. The generosity of some astonished me especially considering I didn’t know a lot of people here. Some of my favorite gifts were the handmade blankets that several of Donna’s church ladies had made. I was about halfway through gifts when I opened a box that had me chuckling. I held up the box of breast pads and nipple cream.
“Some seasoned moms in here,” I said.
“What on god’s green earth is that?” Dodger asked with his brows furrowed.
“Well, when I start breastfeeding, my nipples will get tender, swollen, cracked, bleed, and who knows what else. The cream will help them heal. And the pads are so I don’t leak everywhere in my bras when my milk comes in.”
“That’s nasty,” Camden chimed in from the front row. His face was that of disgust.
“Be quiet, peanut gallery,” Keegan scolded him.
Dodger leaned in. “You being serious?”
I smiled. “As a heart attack. Why?”
He paled. “Well, I didn’t realize that uh, well . . . I um, I didn’t know that those things could uh . . . Jesus, never mind.”
Donna slapped him on the chest. “Having babies isn’t always sunshine and roses and what’s shown on television. You just wait until that little boy of yours pukes on you or pees all over your shirt when you’re changing him.”
Dodger shook his head. “Yeah, I know those things, Mom. That stuff,”—he pointed to the cream like it was offensive—“That’s something I definitely didn’t know about.”
“Maybe you can rub some of that on Dodger’s nips. Maybe he’ll start lactating.” Camden barked a laugh that was so loud a few of the older ladies next to him startled.
Keegan marched over to him. “Would you be quiet. Nobody is lactating or rubbing cream on anybody else’s nipples, now cut it out.”
He grabbed her by the back of her neck and pulled her in for a quick kiss that I could tell curled her toes. She bit her lip and tried not to grin at him she whispered, “sneaky” before she came back to stand by me.
“Can we get back to the presents now?” Donna was speaking to Camden.
He waved his arm out in front of him as if to say go ahead. He was pleased with himself. It made me full belly laugh, and had thus far been the most entertaining part of the shower. See, inviting the guys wasn’t such a bad idea.
I opened the rest of the gifts with Dodger’s help. I had a few repeat items that would need to be exchanged at the stores, but all-in-all I felt entirely too fortunate. I wasn’t sure there was going to be much of anything that I’d have to get for the baby after he was born except maybe a box of diapers when he was older. People sure did love babies.
“Okay, thank y’all so much for such amazing and beautiful items for my new grandson. I know Macie and Dodger are thrilled and couldn’t be happier. I think what we will do now is go ahead and have some cake and then play some games. That includes the men,” Donna announced.
When the cake was cut, I was offered the first piece. I got exactly what I’d asked for and it hit the spot. Meanwhile, blenders and a pile of different foods were being set up on a table by one of the walls.
“Okay, for this one, Dodger, Paul, Camden, and any of you other men out there come up here and I’ll explain the rules.” She gave it a minute while the three Brooks men and one other came to the table. “So what you’re going to be doing is making your own version of baby food. All of these ingredients, you can mix and match and blend anything you want to make into a tasty combination. When you’re done, Macie is going to judge and pick a winner. You’ll have two minutes to make something appetizing for the baby.”
Keegan passed out four aprons, while the guys scoped out the stash of food. They talked amongst each other and trash talked how they were going to win. Donna stood in front of them all and placed two minutes on the clock.
“Begin!” she shouted.
Dodger grabbed a bag of Doritos, pinto beans, salsa, and jalapenos. He used his hands to crunch up the chips before he put it all in the blender. Camden had diced cooked cube steak, A1 Sauce, tater tots, and mustard that he put all together. I’d missed everything that Paul had put in his blender, but whatever it was it was bright green. The gentleman that I hadn’t met yet used vanilla ice cream, a cup of coffee, chocolate syrup, gummy bears, and sprinkles. The women that could see what they were combining were cracking up and yelling, “who would feed that to a baby?” I had to agree. But in all fairness there wasn’t really anything up there for a child. It was more out of fun. Blenders were roaring to life as all the of men made their concoctions. When they were done they had to pour each one into a cup and set them in front of their blender. The timer went off and I was presented each glass.
“Cup number one,” Keegan said as she handed it to me.
Ugh, could I hold my nose? It’s not that it smelled bad, but the color was disgusting. I tipped my head back as I took the tiniest of sips that I possibly could. Hmmm, Mexican. Jesus Christ, my mouth was on fire.
“How many jalapenos did you use?” I asked, drinking a glass of water.
“I don’t know.” He shrugged.
I set his cup down and moved on. I picked up Camden’s. I didn’t even want to try it. Tater tots mixed with mushed up steak was more than I could handle. I put the cup to my mouth and pretended to take a sip. I made a face.
“That’s awful.”
Camden puffed out his chest. “Eh, balls of steel right here. Just trying to make my nephew be a big man.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, don’t forget your wife is my best friend. You cried when Celine Dion did a live concert on pay-per-view, big man.”
He balked and looked at Keegan. She smiled like that would get her out of the dog house. Moving on. I picked up Paul’s cup. It smelled like fresh cut grass and oranges. His had kale, orange slices, apple chunks, vanilla ice cream, and spinach. To be honest, it wasn’t terrible, but it felt like I was drinking a protein shake, not baby food. When I got to the last guy I hadn’t met, I was more than happy to drink his concoction. It tasted sweet and just like something I’d have blended up at the ice cream shop.
“Winner winner, chicken dinner.” I giggled, grabbing the guys arm.
The Brooks men all scoffed and pouted.
“Let me know when you want a real winner,” Camden stated.
“Babe, you love Mexican. Why didn’t you pick mine?” Dodger whined.
“Mine was at least healthy,” Paul grumbled.
Their sore loser attitudes had me laughing even harder.
“Dodger, have you seen me eat a single ounce of Mexican food since I’ve gotten pregnant? Nope! Now can we start gathering the gifts and loading up the vehicles? I’m ready for a nap.”
The party had wound down, and it didn’t take long for the guys to get over their loser status and start cleaning. I stood near the door as people filed out with candy goodie bags in hand. Thanking each person individually, they all smiled at me and wished me luck. When the last person had left and the cars were packed to the brim, Camden and Keegan said they would meet us at the house and start unloading. I gave Donna the biggest hug, and told her I’d be sending her a thank you gift very soon. When Dodger and I got in the car, I looked at him.
“That was really nice.”
He clasped hands with me. “Yeah, it was.”
“Whoever said men shouldn’t be at baby showers should really try playing games with them. That was classic.”
He chuckled. “Still think you should’ve picked mine.”
“Awe.” I let go of his hand and scratched the hair at the back of his neck. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“Mace, I’m driving, cut that out.”
I glanced down. Sure enough he was getting hard. I loved that I could do that to him.
“Better keep your eyes on the road then, Mr. Brooks,” I taunted.
His mouth thinned. “When we get home, you’re going to pay for this.”
“Looking forward to it.” He looked at me and I winked. “After a nap though.”
> “Of course.” He took my hand and kissed the back of it.
We drove the rest of the way home in silence. And I’m pretty sure I dozed off part of the way.
Chapter Thirteen
WAKING UP BRIGHT AND EARLY, the fullness of my bladder was a reminder that I was getting closer to having this little boy. I think I’d gotten up no less than three times last night, only to sit down and release a tiny trickle. What kind of hoopla is that? Thankfully, every time I moved in the night, Dodger barely stirred. I may tease that he should be waking up just as much as I was, but I honestly felt like an asshole if he was losing sleep because of me. We both needed to be getting as much rest as we possibly could.
The sun was currently shining through the window, nearly blinding me as I sat at the small table in the breakfast nook. I sipped my decaf coffee, which only made me grumpy that I’d switched from caffeinated. Despite knowing better, I went along with Donna’s wishes and my own mother’s and cut the caffeine. They thought it would hurt the baby. Honestly, my single cup I drank every morning wouldn’t do any damage. I pacified them so they wouldn’t gripe at me. Meantime, I was busy in my own head, making mental check lists of things I still needed to get done.
Like the constant nagging feeling to clean.
This past week I’d cleaned every damn inch of this house like it was the most disgusting place I’d ever been in. Dodger and I, we weren’t slobs by any means. We typically kept the house pretty picked up, and we shared responsibilities with the scrubbing. But right now, my eagle eye swore it saw every particle of dust, speck of dirt, and item out of place. I bleached, and spot cleaned the place from top to bottom until I couldn’t hardly move anymore. Dodger thought I’d lost my mind, but I guess this was a fairly typical thing to happen. I just wanted the house to be perfect for the baby. I wanted to be able to come home to a house that I could sit and relax and enjoy my baby in. Hello nesting phase. Everything needed a place
As I sat and sipped my coffee, I kept looking at the wall that was across the kitchen. I had been staring at this particular wall every single morning for the better part of two weeks now. I hadn’t the slightest clue why, and then it hit me. Setting the steaming up of warm goodness down, I got up and went over to the wall. I checked it out from top to bottom and determined I needed to run an errand. Going back to my room, I quickly dressed in a raggedy old shirt that was Dodger’s, and a pair of yoga pants that fit comfortably below the belly. After locking up, I hopped in the car and drove straight to the hardware store.
