“Wherever you are, at any moment, try and find something beautiful. A face,
a line out of a poem, the clouds out of a window, some graffiti, a wind farm.
Beauty cleans the mind.”
~Matt Haig, Author - Reasons to Stay Alive
When I would feel the anxiety creeping in, I tried a stress-relieving technique I read about in Matt Haig’s book on dealing with depression, Reasons to Stay Alive. It was simple: sitting on the floor and following my breath while holding my hand on the stomach. It would calm me down every time.
After a while, I became more optimistic about life, even if nothing had physically changed with my professional situation. I continued applying for jobs, but I still felt I was drowning in the metaphorical sea of opportunities.
Until one day.
It was the end of spring, and I came across this advertisement for a co-working retreat in Bali. The idea appealed to me immediately. The program was called “Unsettled,” and it consisted of spending 30 days in Bali while working and sharing knowledge and experience with others. This retreat was aimed at people who wanted to try out the remote working lifestyle or people who were finding themselves at a crossroads and needed some time and inspiration to decide where their lives were going. I actually fit into both groups, so I applied and got accepted to be a part of the October program.
The time I spent in Bali proved to be one of the most rewarding and enlightening experiences of my life, and it came at the right moment. Bali was a haven of healthy food, yoga, beautiful nature, and beautiful people. I felt I had finally reached a mental and physical balance. I returned from Bali bursting with ideas and confidence about the future. I later quit a job that felt like a dead end, and a flourishing period began for me on both a professional and a personal level.
“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”
~ Carl Jung
It was a beautiful sunny summer or beginning of the autumn afternoon. I was sitting on a bench in the nearest park from my first workplace since I’d returned to Romania, eating lunch. My break was over, but the weather was so lovely that I mentally agreed with myself to enjoy the delicious shadow of a beautiful walnut tree for five more minutes.
Meanwhile, an old lady wearing a kerchief with rose patterns appeared and limped towards me with the use of a cane, sitting on my right at half an arm’s length. The park was small, but all the other benches were free. She could have sat anywhere; for some reason, she chose to sit next to me. I can’t remember how the conversation began and what she first said to me, but I recall she was talking about her life, about her son, who was a software developer in the States, and asking me questions about what I did, how many languages I spoke. It sounded like the type of small talk that you enjoy for a short while, after which you feel the need to step out of the conversation and move on with your life.
Out of nowhere, she turned towards me and looked at me with the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen. She commanded me to lay the hand I use most on the bench. After I did that, she put her hand on top of mine and closed her eyes. I felt something unusual was about to happen. She then started enumerating some health problems I had—and that I knew about—and when I tried to confirm, she told me, “I am the one talking now. Just shut up and listen.”
She seemed to be in a sort of a trance, and I definitely did not wish to snap her out of it. She then told me that she could feel bad energy from my lower belly area, which was eating me, and that I should get it checked most urgently. She told me that one of my teeth was aching and pulsating at that very time, which I swear to the Universe it did—bum, bum, bum it went, every two seconds. She went on and told me many other things: to leave what is freshly dead behind me; otherwise, it was going to harm me. (I want to believe she was referring to a relationship I had ended recently.)
She also told me that if I did not marry until a certain age (I honestly forgot the number), the “old ladies are going to marry you.” At that time, I had no clue what that expression meant, but I recently found out that, in the past, in Romania, if a young person died before getting married, then he or she would have been married to a living person at their funeral so that they would not go to the other side alone. How revealing traditions are about the culture of people! Anyhow, marriage was and is my last concern, so I did not put too much emphasis on that. What worried me was the bad energy she felt coming from my belly.
It turned out the old lady was right. I think she found me because I was scared there was something wrong with my body and subconsciously cried for help. That day, I booked a doctor’s appointment and found out I had a cervical lesion caused by human papilloma virus (HPV) which needed to be surgically removed as soon as possible.
It is interesting how little we know or talk about this virus, even though research shows that most sexually active people are infected with it at some point in their lifetimes and that more than 70% of Americans, for example, are infected with the virus, according to an article published by Live Science. How come we are more afraid of contracting HIV—a virus which there is such a small probability of contracting—than HPV? I would assume it works the same way as terrorism does: the more negatively advertised, the more people are going to be afraid of it, even though it is not an imminent threat.
Opening up about this subject was definitely challenging. I was afraid of being judged and being pointed at, but the need for healing myself and helping others is bigger than me. I find it sad and concerning that, in spite of the commonness of HPV, we still do not speak openly about it, and therefore some are not even aware of the risk of contracting it. A scary fact is that it does not usually show symptoms. What is more, if your knowledge on the subject is poor, when you find out you are sick, you immediately think you are going to die, or you believe that your life is never going to be normal anymore.
When I found out, my world collapsed. The shock was like a slap on the face, even though I somehow knew something was not right in my body. When I read the doctor’s results, I could not breathe, a sharp whistling sound was screaming in my ears and my stomach hurt as if somebody had punched me in the guts. I was desperate, crying myself to sleep night after night.
In Romanian, we have a saying which literally translates as “An evil never comes unaccompanied.” This health problem was sadly not the only one. The stress caused by my post-grad depression, extreme working hours of physical labor I was undertaking in my spare time at a beach club in The Hague, and other energy-draining activities caused my immunity to lower considerably. I had noticed that I would catch any disease I was exposed to, be it skin conditions or the flu. My thyroid was not functioning correctly, and my glands were clogged. The news about the HPV was the last drop.
Obviously, I started visiting doctors and began treatment. I religiously took all the immunity-boosting cures I was prescribed and followed all doctor’s instructions, except for avoiding stress and getting enough sleep: how can you not get insomnia and be anxious when you don’t know for sure if you are going to recover when you’ve been told there is no real cure? The main recommendation I received was that I should just avoid stress, cigarettes, alcohol, and try to sleep early and take care of my overall health. This response would freak me out even more because I wanted a quick and certain fix. I wanted them to give me a cure that would fight the virus for me. Instead, it was ME who had to do it. MY body, and nothing else.
After a while, I started talking to some friends and acquaintances about it, and I realized how common this virus really is in society. I heard that some of them had it and got healthy again, and they described how they dealt with the sickness. It was so comforting to know I was not alone in this. If they did not die, perhaps it meant I wasn’t going to die either—not as soon as I’d believed, anyway. Another major fear I had which was related to this condition was the fact that I would never be able to lead a healthy life. I was imagining that I could never be in a relationship again, that nobody was going to accept
me, and that my days of fun were over at only 25. Mainly, I was scared that all these restrictions were going to impact my social life and the quality of my overall state of mind and that I would have to isolate myself from all the activities that a person my age normally undertakes.
I knew that key to my healing was finding my mental tranquility, beside the daily green smoothies and overall healthy diet aimed at boosting my immunity. I had to shoo away all those worst-case scenarios birthed by the darkest corners of my mind. I had to look at this struggle as an opportunity to make my mind and body healthy again and to find my lost balance. Therefore, I started exercising daily, be it yoga, jogging, or just some mat exercises at home.
I also added meditation into my routine. A helpful exercise I explored while meditating was to focus on a word which I felt my spirit needed at that time. For example, if I thought I needed to be stronger, I focused on STRENGTH, and at the end of a yoga meditation session, I would feel my legs were made of steel.
I discovered Kangen water (alkaline water), which totally changed my life: it cleared out some other problems caused by low immunity, such as clogged glands, recurrent pityriasis, and even venom from a sea animal bite from when I traveled to Egypt and which would not heal for months. I learned how to stimulate my lymphatic system, which is the main supporter of the immune system: by taking cold/hot showers alternatively and jumping.
I also came across a book called The Rejuvenation Enzyme: Reverse Aging, Revitalize Cells, Restore Vigor. In this book, Dr. Shinya Hiromi, a Japanese general surgeon who pioneered modern colonoscopy techniques, described how we can heal ourselves by “cooperating with our Ki,” meaning cooperating with our organism’s natural self-defense mechanism. Dr. Hiromi believes that the body will cleanse itself from the harmful residues if we help activate its natural immune system. So perhaps doctors were right all along?
From the same book, I found out about healing through visualization. I had never heard about it before, and what I found particularly intriguing was the fact that a doctor would recommend this kind of unconventional treatment. I do not know for sure if this exercise worked, but it definitely made me feel more connected with my disease, created the incentives for embracing and making peace with it, and I do believe this attitude was a significant step forward in the healing process.
When the shock was over and I learned to accept the illness, I tried to take it easy. I traveled here and there, and I explored Bucharest’s hidden corners of nature and graffiti. It was also a prolific period of writing, discovering new meditation techniques, listening to music, and absorbing any kind of inspiration I could find.
While listening to one of Vishen Lakhiani’s (founder of Mindvalley, a company educating in personal and spiritual development) guest talk, I learned that journaling can be beneficial when dealing with unhealthy thought patterns. According to many life coaches, journaling is a great way to put your life into perspective, discover trends and the elements that trigger those patterns; this way, you can rewire your brain if you eliminate the bits that cause you distress.
In my readings, I came across an interesting fact about the brain: it needs four different positive affirmations to annul one negative critique. On this note, one of my best friends suggested—or better said, commanded me—to think about three qualities I had every time I spoke or thought something negative about myself. Little by little, if you try it, you will notice a considerable improvement in your thought patterns.
I also forced myself to see the positives in the struggle I was going through. With regards to the illness I was suffering, I came up with a few things to express gratitude for: my supporting family, having the financial resources to treat myself, having a good doctor, getting the illness diagnosed in its early stages, Kangen water, and so many others. When you are struggling, I believe it is very important to think about things that you can be grateful for and remember them constantly.
The healing process for me was an emotional rollercoaster. To best illustrate that, I will show you some excerpts from my diary:
“I lost my appetite. I cried shortly today, it feels like everything is upside down even though it isn’t. Everything seems so futile. I want the life I have now, but with the past year cut out of it. I question the meaning of it all - what do I have left? I need to become self-sufficient again and keep sickness away. But it’s so damn hard... I feel so alone. I need to find out the root of all these problems and act on them. I need to become the best version of myself.”
“This moment I feel grateful for everything I have. I still can’t feel grateful for all I am, but I am confident I will get there. I want to learn, to grow, to inhale myself and exhale art. I want to develop my intuition and creativity. I want to wake up at 6 am every morning, to read, to get inspired, to meditate, and move. When I think about this past year, I realize how strong I actually am, and that my body wishes to survive. I want to get to love my body again-to admire it, to appreciate it, to be grateful to it, to see it beautiful and attractive. What’s important is how I see myself, and I will fight to find my long-lost self-love.”
“You are so much stronger now. With every hardship, you are one step closer to becoming indestructible. You are invincible. Your experiences are a part of you, and you should be proud of them and not feel ashamed about or deny them. People go through terrible things every day. There are only two options: letting yourself get crashed by the difficulty of what you have been through, or power through it, grow and shine.”
“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.”
~Wayne Dyer
I firmly believe that any negative experience can be turned into a positive one. I trust that, if you do not give up, opportunities will stem from your struggles. For me, the living proof is in the very words you are reading at this moment: if I hadn’t been depressed, I would not have seen the opportunity to go to Bali. If I hadn’t gone to Bali, where I met John Spender, who offered me the chance to be a part of this book, I would never have written this chapter.
Sometimes, you have to leave aside your fears and just dive in courageously trusting that land lies beneath the water. In time you will get to master the art of free diving, but what’s essential is to jump and try holding your breath as much as you can handle. I believe it is crucial to talk or write about our hardships because it is the only way that we will understand the problem and thus take the first step in the process of solving it. It is a great way to get closure as well—as I am doing through writing this chapter. Sharing our stories helps people normalize their experiences and stop feeling that crippling fear of the unknown, because they find other people who can relate, who have been there and not only survived but were reborn from the ashes stronger than before.
I think that to evolve from our struggles we need to get some perspective, make peace with the thought that we cannot change the facts, and try to see even the most hidden silver linings. Unfortunately, we cannot turn back time, and we cannot stick broken things together the way they were. In the Japanese philosophy called wabi-sabi, a broken vase is considered even more beautiful than before it was broken, because it has a story. What we can do is change our attitude towards our struggles, accept them and work with what we have left.
Nothing lasts forever; things are continuously changing. Thank Universe for inertia! If you feel that you need salvation or you need a hero, just look in the mirror. If you feel like a victim, don’t forget that your mind is your one and only savior. You can count on yourself, now and always. You are stronger than you think; you just have to point that out to yourself, day after day continually, and never stop being your most trustworthy ally, your own Govinda.
And remember: “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
“Don’t let how you feel
make you forget what
you des
erve.”
~ Unknown
CHAPTER THREE
THE POWER OF HEALING – FINDING MYSELF
By Brian Wood
“I knew it!”
Maybe this was your reaction upon learning the identity of the killer in the mystery novel you’ve been reading. Perhaps that’s what you yelled when your favorite sports team snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. My I-knew-it moment was a little different. Despite realizing there was more to life, my unconscious strategy enabled me to avoid thinking about finding myself and pursuing my passion.
Greatness exists within each of us, but our gifts are often overlooked or ignored. It’s frequently easier to focus on the self-inflicted distractions as opposed to metacognition (thinking about thinking). We convince ourselves that we’re too busy, but the reality is that, without thinking deeply and intentionally, we don’t leverage our superpowers.
For almost 30 years, I spent most of my time chasing numbers in Corporate America. Now I’m a believer that regardless of our surroundings we all have an obligation to elevate each person we interact with. It’s not just a nice thing to do; it’s our responsibility. We are always surrounded by these opportunities, whether it’s the brief time shared with a waiter/waitress during lunch or a quick conversation with the office cleaning crew. We’re surrounded by opportunities to improve the room we enter, both in our personal and professional lives—including in the Corporate America arena.
Liberate your Struggles Page 4
