“What if this doesn’t work?” I ask.
And for the first time tonight, I see a flash of worry in his eyes. “Isn’t that a risk any time you act on an interest with someone?”
“It is,” I admit quietly.
“Look,” he says, giving a tug on my hand so I step in closer to him. His other hand goes to the nape of my neck, and his head dips down a bit closer. “I have no clue what’s coming our way. I don’t know if this will work. It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date with a woman that I’m not even sure what to do.”
“Well,” I say coyly, “you’ve already kissed me so that awkward part is out of the way.”
Tacker laughs, pulling me all the way into his chest. I love the sound of it rumbling through his body. When his other arm snakes around my back to hold me to him in a platonic embrace, my belly warms.
“See, Nora,” he says softly as he hugs me. “I just want to banter with you. I’d like you to come to my games and watch me play. I want you to teach me how to ride a horse, and then we can go on a picnic together.”
I snuggle into him, wrapping my arms around his waist. A smile playing at my lips. He’s hooked me.
“And you’re really ready?” I ask, seeking a little more validation.
Tacker leans back so he can look into my eyes. They are turbulent but determined. “I’m scared shitless, Nora. As miserable as I was in the dark, I was comfortable there. Now I don’t know what to expect. Everything is new. But deep down, I need to keep pushing forward. And I’m fairly sure it’s you I’m supposed to do that with.”
“As a couple?”
“As a couple,” he replies with a smile. “Or as friends if that’s all it’s supposed to be. But I’d prefer more than friends.”
So would I, I think. But I’m too afraid to say the words out loud.
CHAPTER 22
Tacker
We’re ending the team practice with battle drills. From the end zone face-off spot to either the left or right of the goalie, we pair up and battle for a goal. One on offense, the other on defense, we shoulder, bump, and juke our way across the short distance to the net. It’s a four-to-five second drill that will make us sweat, then it’s over. We skate to the end of the line, where we wait to do it again. I got my cast off this morning, so my battle partner, Aaron, has been taking it a bit easy on me.
“Want to grab some dinner tonight?” Aaron asks, then taps his stick against my leg. “You know… since you stood me up last night.”
It’s true. I was supposed to grab dinner with him last night, my new efforts to try to repair my friendship with him. But then things changed, and it was just more important for me to go back to Nora’s ranch to talk things out with her. I knew damn well she wasn’t going to go out on a date with me until we had a chance for her to get her worries off her chest.
So last night, after Nora listened to my reasoning and admitted she wanted to give it a try with me—friends, dating, whatever—we went out to a local taco truck and ate at a sun-blistered picnic table. Nora drank a beer, and I splurged on a Topo Sabores orange soda. It led into a discussion about our favorite childhood sweets—hot tamales for me. For Nora, it was discovering Snickers when she came to America.
I’d learned that sweets were not a part of Nora’s younger childhood when she lived in Albania or later in Kosovo. They simply couldn’t afford the treats, which is why Besjana baking a cake for Nora’s birthday was such a big deal.
Nora asked more about my family, and the tone of the conversation was different. She wasn’t in counselor mode. She was in “I’m interested in you, Tacker, and I want to get to know you better” mode.
I asked more about hers, and I wasn’t hesitant in doing so.
“What happened to everyone after the massacre?” I’d queried.
“Helen told me they were all thrown in a mass grave,” Nora said. There was an underlying tone of sadness, but she was also matter of fact about it. “Later, NATO went in and exhumed them. Identified those with DNA. Helen sent mine in, and everyone was found. They’re all buried in a cemetery in Drenica.”
“Have you ever been back?” I asked.
She shook her head, grimacing slightly. “I don’t know if I want to go back there. It’s probably bad, not to wanting to, but I left that life behind. I’m an American now. Even after all these years, the memories of what happened there are painful. I don’t know if I really want to subject myself to it.”
It hit me hard when she’d said that. It was a potent reminder that although I’ve sort of awakened from the daze of depression I’d been operating in, that no matter how much time passes, the crash and MJ’s death will always stick with me.
“But you don’t want to hear about all that,” Nora said with a nervous laugh. “It’s depressing and—”
Impulsively, I reached out and took her hand. “I want to talk to you about what happened to your family. I want you to be able to confide in me if you want. One day… maybe not now… I want to talk about your sister and how helpless you felt, because I felt the same way watching MJ die. It’s something we share, Nora, so I don’t want to ignore it. I want you to know that you have someone who truly understands.”
“I don’t want to burden you,” she told me, running her thumb over the back of my hand.
I can’t ever recall a woman’s touch affecting me so deeply. It’s like all the nerve endings in my entire body were congregated right there in my hand. It was the most peaceful, calm experience I’ve ever had.
“Does it burden you if I tell you that on the day MJ and I were supposed to be married, I hiked to the plane wreckage?”
Nora’s eyes widened with shock, then filled up with sympathy.
I nodded, a sad smile playing at the corners of my mouth. “I don’t know if it was to punish myself or to have some connection to the last place MJ and I talked, but I sat out at the crash site for hours and just mulled over how it all happened and what I could have done to have prevented it. The plane was still there. The area was too remote for them to bother with removing it.”
“I’m so sorry,” Nora whispered.
“Don’t be,” I told her, my eyes locking onto hers. “I’m glad I can tell you these things. No one else knows I did that.”
“Then I’m glad I can offer you that.” Her voice had been so sweet and sincere. “And no matter what happens with us… whether this progresses or we stay just friends… you can always talk to me about these things.”
It was a promise I knew she’d keep, and it gave me a level of security I had not felt in an exceedingly long time.
Nora and I sat on that picnic table for almost three hours as we simply talked. Some of it was heavy.
Some of it was not.
What struck me the most as I was driving her to her house was there wasn’t one single lull in the conversation, no matter if we were talking about death and grief or laughing over our shared love of The Office.
It was a great first date.
“Dude,” Aaron says, smacking me a bit harder with his stick. “Dinner tonight?”
“Um… I can’t,” I say, willing the line we’re in to go faster. As it is, there are four pairs of skaters in front of us, but there’s an equal number on the other side. We’re alternating.
“Why not?” he asks suspiciously.
Erik and Bishop take off, Bishop with the puck. They ram their shoulders into each other, legs braced and skates digging hard all the way to the net.
“Why not?” Aaron demands, stepping into my line of vision. I reluctantly meet his worried gaze. “You okay?”
I feel horrible. He’s worried something is wrong with me when, in fact, everything is right.
Clearing my throat, I lean in toward him and whisper, “I had a date last night.”
“You had a date?” he exclaims so loudly that every head turns our way. He gives me a shit-eating grin.
“You asshole,” I mutter, giving him a slight push not meant to do anything but convey irrita
tion.
Play continues, the next set of skaters in our line taking off. Aaron looks slightly abashed, shrugging apologetically. “Sorry. But I’m just so shocked and stoked at the same time for you. Where did you meet her and—”
Coach Perron shrilly blows on his whistle, stopping the drills. “All right, guys… that will do for drills today. Team meeting tomorrow at ten with a light skate to follow.”
The men start dispersing, chatting along the way.
All except my line. Bishop, Erik, Legend, and Dax skate up to me, forming a circle.
“You’re dating someone?” Bishop asks.
“Who?” Dax demands.
“Where did you meet her?” Erik inquires.
“Or if it’s a he… that’s cool, too,” Legend adds.
Rolling my eyes, I turn from the group, half irritated and half slightly charmed they care. They follow along, poking at me.
“Come on, dude… cough it up,” Aaron says. “We’re just going to nag the hell out of you until you tell us.”
I spin on them. With a huff, I admit, “If you must be nosy bastards and need to know, then fine… it’s Nora.”
They stare back blankly as other players file by us, exiting the ice.
Finally, Bishops asks, “Isn’t that like against the rules?”
“It would be if she was my therapist, but I fired her first, then asked her out on a date.”
Bishop’s eyes darken with worry. “Tacker… you have to go to counseling. It’s a requirement to stay on the team.”
Some would be offended by the reminder, but really… I’m touched they all care so much. I hold a hand up. “Relax. I got in with another counselor. Even had an appointment with him first thing this morning. It’s all good. I also reported it to Christian so management knows what I did.”
All appearing relieved, Erik nudges me with a sly grin. “So, Nora, huh?”
Shrugging, I try to play it off. “We have a connection.”
“Just how much of a connection?” Erik croons, waggling his eyebrows.
“Oh, fuck off and grow up,” I growl. “We just had dinner last night for our first date. And we’re going out again tonight.”
“So I guess that’s a no to dinner with me then, huh?” Aaron says in an exaggeratedly glum tone.
“Nora’s way prettier than you,” I reply blandly.
The guys laugh, but then Dax asks a sobering question. “Are you ready for this, man?”
I should feel lame for divulging what is a very personal and deep insight with these guys, but I decide to brave it. “She turned on a fucking light in my dark room. She’s the one who flipped the switch. I don’t care if it’s as my therapist or just as a beautiful woman I’m interested in, but she caused this change within me you guys have seen. So yes… I’m ready to move forward and see where this thing between us goes.”
“All I needed to hear,” Aaron says with a slap on my back. “Except… I would like to book some time with my best friend in the near future, if it’s not too much trouble.”
“We’re going on a four-day road trip,” I mutter. “I’ll snuggle with you then.”
Aaron sidles up to me, lays his head on my shoulder, and bats his eyelashes. “Ooohhhh… I can’t wait.”
I shove him off with a chuckle.
“Actually,” Legend says. By the hesitant tone in that one word, we all go silent. His cheeks are slightly red. “I have some news of my own.”
“Pepper’s pregnant,” Erik guesses.
“No… not pregnant,” he replies with a dismissive wave. I’m not sure who knows it or not, but Pepper can’t have kids. Legend had told me when I was at his house for Christmas Eve dinner last year, although I don’t think that matters to them. They are both raising Charlie together, and they have talked about adoption in the future. “But… well… we sort of got married a few days ago.”
Dead silence.
We all stare at Legend, unsure if we heard him right, and, if so, unsure of how to respond.
Until Dax hollers, “Holy shit, dude. That’s huge!”
A few of the other guys still skating glance our way with interest, but no one approaches.
“That’s awesome,” Bishop says, holding his hand out to Legend. They shake and do a half hug, then the rest of us move in for similar congratulations.
“Why the rush?” Erik asks. “Or rather, why the distinct lack of a big fancy wedding with good food and alcohol for all of us?”
“No rush,” Legend says, starting toward the gate that will lead us off the ice toward the locker room. We all skate slowly along with him. “But as we were talking about it after we got engaged, we quickly realized we didn’t want a wedding. It wasn’t important to us.”
“Lucky,” Bishop mutters with a hint of envy. He and Brooke are having a huge, lavish destination wedding this summer as befits the only daughter of the Vengeance coach. But even as Bishop says that, I know there’s nothing he’d deny Brooke. Besides, he’s looking forward to getting shackled for life.
I distinctly remember what that felt like, although I’m not quite sure I want to go there again. That might be one of those things the bad memories keep me from.
“Well, I just wanted you dudes to know,” Legend goes on. “I’ll announce it at some point to the team, of course.”
“Fuck that,” Erik says as he reaches the gate and unlatches it. The ice has already been cleared. “We’re having a party at my house to celebrate your nuptials. You cannot do something this momentous without at least giving Pepper a grand wedding reception.”
“I don’t think—” Legend starts to say, but he’s cut off.
“You two are absolutely getting a party,” Bishop affirms with his “captain” tone—the one that says he’s not to be messed with.
“Damn right,” Aaron pipes up. “It’s bad luck not to celebrate a wedding.”
“But low key?” Legend asks with worried eyes. Erik has thrown some legendary parties since we’ve come to the Vengeance, and they can get out of control.
“I promise,” he says, even crossing his finger over his heart. I don’t believe him for a second.
“Okay, then,” Legend says with a grateful smile. “We accept.”
“This will be epic,” Erik says with a little too much glee.
“No strippers,” Bishop warns.
Erik appears genuinely hurt. “Dude… I’m a taken man. No need for strippers when I have Blue, but regardless… it will be a family affair. We’ll have Billy there, of course. Strippers were so last year for me.”
That’s probably true. Erik’s partying, playboy ways have been completely curtailed since falling in love with Blue.
Which is fine. Aaron coming to the team fills the shoes of the resident bad boy who likes to party and screw as many chicks as he can. The puck bunnies around here won’t go neglected, that’s for sure.
All of us are laughing and joking as if we don’t have a care in the world as we head back into the locker rooms. It’s just another testament to how good I’m feeling about my life lately… and how thankful I am that Nora came into it.
CHAPTER 23
Nora
My nerves have settled, and I’m actually enjoying myself at Erik and Blue’s house where we’d gathered to celebrate Pepper and Legend’s nuptials. It’s the first event Tacker and I have come to as an official couple, since I would definitely have to classify us as that now.
It’s been ten days since he fired me, and we started “dating”. In that time period, he was gone on a road trip for four days. On the other six, we saw each other. Sometimes, he’d just come out to the ranch for a few hours to help Raul out with physical labor. After, he’d join me on the porch for conversation. One night, he stayed for dinner with me and Raul. Sometimes, he took me out to dinner, giving me a chance to get prettied up for an actual date. Night before last, I went to a Vengeance game. Afterward, we went out for a private late dinner by ourselves.
He hasn’t brought more flowers, but
one of the days he worked on the ranch with Raul, he brought me a Snickers bar and gourmet coffee beans, along with a case of Raul’s favorite beer. Tacker is a genuinely thoughtful man, and he’s not trying to be flashy with his attentions.
It’s just who he is.
When we weren’t together, there was texting and calls. It seems the floodgates of conversation have been opened, and it’s a two-way street. Like any normal couple, we are in the beginning stages of a relationship where we are parched to learn all we can about the other person because we find them so fascinating.
Conversations started naturally moving away from MJ’s death and my family’s massacre toward the good things in our lives. The one thing that gave me true peace of mind was that, true to his word, Tacker continued counseling with Dr. Dumfries, which meant he was still getting professional help to deal with his issues.
And make no mistake… Tacker still has them. As one could imagine, there are still insecurities and lingering doubts. Guilt. I know from personal experience that just doesn’t melt away without continued hard work. Thankfully, Tacker has remained transparent with me when he’s having a tough time. He doesn’t try to hide his sadness, nor does he try to temper his frustration if he’s having a bad moment.
But we talk it out. I’m not his therapist anymore, but that doesn’t stop me from listening and advising. Being there for him.
Yes, in ten days, the relationship has progressed.
Deepened for sure.
So when Tacker asked me to come to this party with him, there shouldn’t have been any hesitation on my part. It was a natural step… him bringing me into his Vengeance fold and showing his team that we were a couple.
And yet, I can’t help thinking people will look down on me for dating my patient. My credibility as a counselor will be questioned for even letting this occur. It shows me that perhaps I’m still not fully comfortable with how things turned out between us, but on the flip side, I really like Tacker.
A lot.
He’s ultimately a risk I am willing to take because I think he’s just that special.
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