Holding Britt has always been better than any sex I’ve had with any other woman. I don’t know why I fucked around on her. I really don’t.
Brittany always was the whole package and now that she’s grown and has managed to make something great out of herself, well, she’s even more of a fantastic package.
She’s making me so hard for her as she runs her hand over my chest. I can feel her breasts smash into my side and her breathing is rhythmically making them move against me.
Maybe she’ll stop this silly notion of giving me tonight or a week with her. Maybe I can have both. She seems to be getting back into me. Her angry demeanor seems to have gone away.
I’ll test the waters a little. “Baby?”
“Hmm?” she moans.
My insides go all shaky with the sound. I want to hear her moan for the next few hours. But I want to hear her do that every night for a really long time. My patience has never been good.
“Can we start the week right now?” I close my eyes and cross my fingers.
She moves her body up mine and looks down at me. “Jason, do you really think you can do this?”
She has every reason not to trust me. I’ve never done one single thing to earn that trust. Her green eyes are wide and seem to be searching mine for the truth.
I can say all the words I want to, but it’s my actions that will make her believe in me. I have to have her believe in me. For reasons I cannot understand, it’s essential.
Running my hands through her hair to push it back out of her face, I lean up and kiss her cheek. “Baby, I’m going to try harder than I’ve ever tried to do anything.”
She sighs and sits all the way up. I see this as a bad sign. “Jason, you shouldn’t have to try. It should come naturally to you. This isn’t going to work. I tell you what. Let’s just have sex, because the truth is I want you really bad. I’ll pretend you’re someone else. Anyone else but who you really are. The man who has a hold on my heart. Then in the morning, I’ll go and pretend I never saw you again.”
I sit up and shake my head. “No fucking way! I never want you to make love to me and pretend I’m anyone but me. That’s fucked up, Britt! Really, what the fuck has happened to that girl who could forgive and forget and go right back to being the sweet, loving, adorable, trusting person she was?”
“You killed that girl.”
And just like that, she’s cut me to the quick. I have no idea of what to say to that. She’s not exactly lying, but she’s giving me too damn much credit for what she’s become.
So I level my eyes on her and say, “You need to tell me about some of the other guys you dated right after we broke up. Because, baby, this can’t all come from only me.”
“What do you want to hear, Jason? That six months after I went to college I found a guy who I thought was going to be a good guy, and he turned out to be a damn cheater too? Because that happened, I stayed the hell away from men for a whole year after that. When I decided to give another guy who seemed to be sweet and honest a chance, he cheated on me too.”
“I knew it! I knew it couldn’t just have been me to make you this fucked up. So, why do I get the entire blame, Britt? That’s not fair.” I glare at her, as I’m pretty fucking pissed she left this shit out before.
“I suppose because you started the trend,” she says. Then she pulls the T-shirt off. “So fuck me and let’s get this over with.”
“Ha!” I get out of the bed and pull the pillow and the top blanket off and walk away.
“What the hell are you doing?” she shouts as she climbs out of the bed stark naked.
I stop and turn around and fight myself not to look at her gorgeous body. “Get back in the bed, Brittany. Just get back in that bed and sleep alone tonight. Start thinking about why it is you need to blame me for all of your problems. It has to be a real cop-out never taking responsibility for your own actions.”
“Jason, you don’t know a thing about me!”
I drop the pillow and blanket and pick her up and toss her over my shoulder and take her back to the bed. Tossing her on it, I throw the blanket over her and tuck it in tight.
With her body covered, I can think again. “Brittany, I will not ever be fucking you. Not ever. If that’s all you want from me, forget it. I want something real with you. But I only want that with the old you. This new you who blames someone else for your apparent misery isn’t an attractive person on the inside.”
“How dare you. I’m going home!” She tries to get out of the bed, but I sit on the side and hold her down.
“You are not going anywhere, Missy. You’re going to stay right here and you’re going to think about what it is you’ve become and how in the hell you think that’s going to work out for you in the future. No family will be there in your future if this is how you plan to live.”
Sparks shoot from her eyes as she hisses, “What do you care?”
“I love your fucked-up ass.” I kiss her forehead and she thrashes around, trying to get me to let her go. “Tell me, Britt. When was the last time you went to see your family?”
The way she stops moving and starts thinking lets me know it’s been some time. “I can’t really remember.”
“When’s the last time you talked to any of them?”
“I got a text from my sister, I think, about a month ago. What does that matter?” Confusion radiates off her.
“You, my used-to-be sweet girl, are cutting yourself off from life. This will not end well for you if you continue down this path. Now, I accept my role in your downfall, but I won’t take the entire rap for it. You need to look inside of yourself and figure out why you want to take things so damn personally. I can tell you about myself that it wasn’t you who made me do the things I did. It was me and only me.”
She looks into my eyes and one tear falls over her cheek that’s turned red from her being so pissed. “It has to be me, Jason. Why would I have three boyfriends who all found the need to be with other women?”
“It seems you go for a certain type. Do you know that I never seriously dated anyone until you? I was twenty-one when you and I started hanging out. I’d been messing with girls since I was fifteen and not one of them had caught my attention enough to call them my girlfriend.”
“I knew that,” she says as she seems to be thinking about things. “The truth is, I knew you were a wild boy. I was surprised that you said yes when I asked you to come over for dinner with my family.”
“You seemed cool and all chill with everything. I found it really easy to be around you because you didn’t make me feel like you were as demanding as other females.” I stop holding her down, as she seems to be calmer now.
“Do you think you messed around because you thought I’d eventually calm down and get back to our normal life?” Her lower lip is between her teeth and she’s chewing it. It’s a nervous thing I’ve never seen her do before.
So much about her shows me she’s become a nervous person. The way she’s eating to keep herself so skinny. The way she’s so untrusting of others.
“If I knew why I messed around, I’d tell you. The truth is, my head did not compute that my actions might really cause me to lose you one day. Once I did lose you, I knew I never wanted to try to have a normal relationship again. I felt like I was different and unable to be monogamous. That’s why I came up with that app. So I didn’t hurt anyone again.” I run my hand over her cheek that’s beginning to go from red to pink.
Her head cocks to the side. “So, since you and I ended you’ve been commitment-free?”
“Not exactly. You see, most of the women I’m seeing do think we’re in a committed relationship.” I watch her face go pale.
Her voice is soft and has no hint of judgment. It’s just truth flowing from her as she says, “Jason, that’s awful.”
“I haven’t thought it was awful. I thought it was a way of giving them something they needed while I still get what I need. But you saying that just made my heart ache. So it must really
be awful. I’ve just masked that little fact from myself.”
Turning away from her, I find myself feeling like a real asshole. That’s a thing I let go of a long time ago. I was shameless in my actions. This woman can actually make me feel shame for what I’ve done.
No one else has managed to do that. Not even my mother.
Her hand on my shoulder makes me turn back around to look at her. “Jason, I’m sorry. Your life is your life, and I certainly shouldn’t judge you. You, at the very least, are giving these women something they want. I’m honest, but I don’t give the men in my life anything to hold onto, real or not.”
“Britt, the fact is we’re both messed up and I think we need each other more than either of us has ever needed anything or anyone. I know I said this before, but it bears repeating: we aren’t getting any younger.” I run my hands over her shoulders. “We can help one another. I know we can.”
“How can I help you, Jason? As you’ve just pointed out, I’m fucked up real good.” Her eyes cut away from mine and she looks sad.
I hate anyone to look sad. It’s part of why I am the way I am. But when Brittany’s sad it turns me up to another level. I take her chin in my hand to make her look at me. “Come on, baby. I think we’ve been harsh enough with each other for one night. Let’s just hold each other and sleep and tomorrow we can figure things out.”
She nods and settles in as I go get my pillow and blanket and get back into the bed with her. Cradling her close to me again, I feel strange. Like I’m on the cusp of a great change.
It’s almost like waiting for an earthquake. There will be massive destruction, but you get some awesome cliffs out of it and, sometimes, hidden treasure comes to the surface.
I hope she and I both find some strands of gold inside of us. We both need to find the good in us. And I’ve never felt more needed by anyone than I do with her.
Whether she realizes she needs me or not, she does!
Chapter 8
BRITTANY
His arms around my body feel better than any arms that have ever held me. Granted, I don’t allow much cuddling with my other men.
That kind of thing leads to real feelings and I don’t like anything real to come up between me and anyone. I like to keep my business mine alone.
In turn, I stay out of other’s personal affairs as well. No need to be jumping into other people’s goings on. I haven’t had the slightest interest in anyone’s business in forever.
Well, since I caught Jason the last time, anyway. Six years ago.
Damn, that’s a long time to have been closed off!
I haven’t thought a thing was wrong with me. Not once!
Then here comes my old flame, and he makes me see myself in a way I never have. I kind of hate that.
I’ve been thinking of myself as a strong woman. A woman who knows how to give as good as she gets. Sex-wise, I am ruthless in all ways, giving pleasure and accepting it.
My men are well taken care of in the physical needs department. And they take good care of me. Although, I do have to admit to myself that none hold a candle to how Jason made me feel when we made love.
Maybe it’s because I don’t make love with any of my men. We merely have sex. And that was good enough for me. Until Jason Brennan came back into my life.
His damp, warm breath is on the back of my neck. Where his arm is laid over my side, the weight of it reminds me of the handful of times I managed to get to spend nights with him when I was younger.
My heart aches as I remember thinking most of those nights how one day he and I would have our own house. I’d be his little wifey, and we’d have some kids and a few pets.
When I tried to discuss what kind of plans he had for the future, he’d blow me off. He’d tell me that I was going to college and would forget all about him.
Maybe that’s why he sought attention from other females. Maybe he honestly thought I was going to college and get smart and dump him. I never thought about it like that before.
The messing around may have been more of a self-defense mechanism. It’s a thing I do as well. To make sure none of the men I see get the idea they’re important to me, I never see any of them more than once a week.
It’s ever-present in my mind that eventually, any man will cheat. So I’ve built this wall to keep them out. I am honest about things with them all. All seven of my men.
Each offers me something the others don’t. Josh is my great-looking boy toy that I like to take out when I have people I like to impress. The two of us make a fantastic looking couple, and he’s charming too.
The two of us evoke a lot of envy from other couples at social functions. It’s a thing I like. But it’s all an act. Josh and I know that. No one else does, though.
I have various circles of friends and acquaintances. There is a man for each one. Serious situations, like work, require a man who is impressive, mentally.
So I have Ugly Ryan for those times. He’s a total nerd and has scars on his face from a severe case of acne in his teen years. He attributes the acne to the fact he was so busy learning that he seldom bathed.
He bathes now, of course, or I’d have nothing to do with him. But he still has no idea how to dress, wearing jeans and T-shirts all the time as they’re the easiest thing for him to buy and put on, I assume.
When I take him to a business function, I buy him a nice suit and send him to my salon first, so they can get him as nice looking as one can get Ugly Ryan. They manage to make him presentable and that’s all I can ask.
Jason moves and his cock presses into the small of my back. I wiggle a little and feel it pulse.
I really, really want a taste of this stubborn man. No matter what he says, I know he can’t be faithful to me or anyone else. A little of the old feelings he used to give me will be enough for me.
I think.
Moving my hand behind me, I ease it over his cock and feel it pulse again. At this rate, it shouldn’t take any time to get him erect and he’ll wake up with such a need he won’t keep this crap up of waiting for tomorrow.
My body heats as I stroke him over his pajama bottoms and feel him grow with each one. I have to feel the actual appendage that shows up in my dreams from time to time, even though I’ve hated the man it belonged to.
He makes a little groan as my hand slips under the elastic waistband of his PJ bottoms and I find he still isn’t a fan of wearing underwear as my hand finds only the soft skin covering his already hard organ.
My mouth starts to water, as I’d love to run my tongue over that magnificent piece of man meat. Turning over, I face him and find him still sleeping, but a slight grin is on his lips.
Fuck it! I’m going to do it!
I slide down, slow and easy so as not to wake him. He’ll be very happy when he does wake up.
Easing his bottoms down just enough to let his erection free, I lick my lips in anticipation of having his huge cock in my mouth again after six, long-ass years.
Running my hands up and down the long, hard length, I press my lips to the top and kiss my old friend. And suddenly I’m young again and with the man I loved more than life itself.
His silky skin feels amazing on my lips as I slide them over the bulbous head and then the wide girth of his gift. He fills my mouth entirely and I love the familiar taste of him.
Making slow strokes, I take every bit of him in and suppress a gag as he moves into my throat. Now I hear a low groan and he moves a bit, stroking his cock into my mouth.
For a second, my mind goes to how this son of a bitch must be used to getting such attention in the middle of the night from his plethora of female companions who all think he’s their man and theirs alone. But then I shake that off as his hand flows through my hair.
“Baby, yes,” he moans.
His use of the vague term baby has my Spidey senses on high alert. But the way he moves my head with his large hand as he pumps his cock into me has me forgetting about that and thinking only about what I have going o
n right now.
It’s not very easy to go down on a man you both love and hate, but mostly distrust with every fiber of your being. Yet I can’t seem to stop.
The feeling this act invokes in me has my body bypassing my brain and it wants this man right now, no matter what he’s done to me in the past or will in the future.
He rolls onto his back to give me better access to him and I move my body in between his legs. One hand, I sneak under his shirt and run it all over those hilly abs he’s managed to build to perfection.
I moan and it makes him moan, “Yes, Britt. That feels so good.”
Yeah, he knew it was me!
At least I have that off my mind. He doesn’t think he’s with one of his other chicks.
It gives me a new confidence and I move my mouth over him a little faster as he makes those familiar noises that I didn’t even realize I had been longing to hear. If anyone had told me that I’d one day be sucking off this man of my own free will, I’d have told them to get the fuck out of here.
But here I am trying my best to please him. Fast and hard I move, running my tongue along the long underside of his hard cock as he pulls my hair.
A bit of pre-cum oozes out and I go crazy for more, but he yanks my hair hard and pulls my head up. I’m flipped around and on my back before I can even protest. His pajama bottoms and T-shirt are pulled off and flung away with a few quick swipes of material.
He slams into me as he looks into my eyes. His are full of a hunger I haven’t seen in far too long. A real desire for me. Not like the others. Not like any man I’ve been with since him.
Jason looks like the man I belong to. I always have, and now I think I just might always belong to him. He alone has the power to look at me and make my insides melt.
I shriek with the way his cock fills me, spreading me in only the way he can. “Jason!”
“Say it, baby,” he tells me as he thrusts into me again.
“Jason!”
My fingers press into his biceps as I hold them. Those masterpieces of human muscle alone could make me hot for him. His body has become some kind of sculpted masterpiece.
The Surgeon’s Secrets: A Bad Boy Billionaire Romance Page 64
