I reach for her hand. She looks at it hesitantly before placing hers in mine. I stand up, bringing her with me. I tuck a curl behind her ear so I can rub my thumb over her cheek. She closes her eyes and leans into the gesture.
When she opens them again, I speak. “You astound me. Every day.”
A blush spreads over her cheeks and I rub a thumb over her parted lips. Her whole body shivers.
“You’re one of the most talented, intelligent people I’ve met. Your beauty on the outside is only outmatched by the person on the inside. You make me laugh. So much.” I smile as she does. “And I think your abilities are beautiful. I think everything about you is incredible.”
“Oh. Okay.” She shudders another breath in. “Thank you.”
“I just thought you should know.”
“Okay.” She licks her lips.
It feels amazing to tell her. I want to tell her everything. I move to close the distance between us.
She is a breath away when she sighs and pulls back.
“It’s too risky. I-I want to, but I can’t.” Her voice is tight with frustration. “Not until I can be sure I won’t hurt you.”
I smile, making sure all my feelings are clear in my gaze. “There’s no rush.”
21
Julia
Something has changed in me. I am fixated on wanting what I cannot have.
After his declaration to me in the lab—I think you’re incredible—I haven’t stopped wanting Nathaniel. I already wanted him, but now I feel like I’ve been given lady Viagra and every time my thighs brush I’m close to having an orgasm. It’s desire like nothing else I’ve ever felt, literally to the point of distraction. Like right now. Sitting in a meeting discussing metrics—the world’s least sexy topic—and the sight of his forearms have my thighs squeezing together under the table. I’m embarrassing myself. But why do his arms have to be so muscular? Why does his voice have to rumble so deeply that every laugh feels like it brushes against my nipples?
There’s no relief. Nothing I can do at night under my sheets comes close to quenching the thirst. Until I can be sure that I won’t hurt them, I cannot touch him. I lose all thought when he kisses me, so how can I possibly focus on holding my powers back? It’s just not safe yet. But God, I want him.
The fact that he doesn’t see himself as I see him makes no sense. How could somebody so accomplished, so beloved by all, possibly see themselves so low? It makes me want to shake him, to kiss him until he gets how desirable he is.
“Julia?” His voice breaks through my thoughts.
The room is empty except Nathaniel.
“Is the meeting over?” I ask.
A slow grin spreads over his mouth. “Yeah. Where did you go just now?”
“Just thinking about dates.”
He squints skeptically. His tongue comes out to lick his lips. “Dates? Because you looked like you were in pain.”
Lordy, if he even knew. I collect my notebook and pen. I can’t be alone with him. It’s hard enough in the labs at night when we have tests and experiments to run. When it’s just us and this palpable tension. During the days, having this secret between us only adds a level of perv to my already pervy thoughts.
“Are you okay?” he asks, a little more concerned when I don’t say anything.
I want to smile and say of course. Instead, I glance to the door and swallow. “Not really.”
“What’s wrong?” His face falls as he leans forward. “Do you need to talk?” He shifts to close the door. To close us in. And I’m too close to a total loss of control to allow that to happen.
“No,” I say so fast his hand freezes mid-action. “I just wish …” My palms tingle with nerves. “I just really wish I was normal right now.”
He must see something in my eyes. My desire for him must be visible. I feel like it’s sloshing off me onto him, like waves crashing against rocks.
“What would you want—”
“Hey Big Cheese?” Jared’s question from the door stops him short. Jared glances between us and I can only hope my horniness isn’t written all over my face.
I stand up instantly.
“Sorry. I can come back?” he says with an easy smile. He doesn’t seem to notice the heat in the room. Meanwhile, my hands glow behind my back. So much for all the control I’ve been gaining.
“No. You’re good. I have to get this doc done. Talk to you guys later.” I sneak out of the room.
I’m heading back to my office but decide to make a detour to go outside for some fresh air and sun. I pace around the building until my work shoes start to cramp my arches. As I round the corner to go back to my office, I slam into somebody coming from the direction of the testing facility.
“Oh, sorry,” I say, stepping back to put more space between me and the person. I’m a live wire right now; the last thing I want to do is hurt someone.
“Julia,” Ken says, and I shrink back even farther.
“Ken.” I match his chilly tone.
He stuffs his hands deep in his pockets. “How goes Lite-Brite?”
“Fine. Good. Right on track.” I glance away, scrambling for an excuse to leave. It’s midday but we are behind the classified building with nobody else around. Why is he walking around the testing facility? Alone?
“You know …” he starts to say, before stopping himself.
“Were you in the lab?” I ask. I can’t think of why he’d be walking around this building.
“No. Not that it’s any of your business,” he adds smoothly.
What was this guy’s deal? From the moment I started, he’s been weird with me. He doesn’t even know that I heard him talking to that William guy. Unless … maybe he saw me that day? Is he worried I’ll tell Nathaniel? I haven’t thought about that conversation at all since I started, but I’m wondering if I should. Especially since Nathaniel and I are much closer now.
Never one to play games, I decide to put it all out there. “Listen, if you’re upset with my work that’s one thing—”
“Your work is fine. Just … just know that I’m watching you.”
“Excuse me? You’re watching me?”
He leans forward, pointing a finger in my face. “You can flirt with Jared and Nathaniel but you better—”
My eyebrows shoot up. Is that what this is about? He thinks I’m a flirt? What a sexist asshat.
“I’m going to stop you right there.” I hold up my hand. “You do not talk to me like that.”
I walk away, done with this conversation, when he grabs my wrist. But I’m too on edge. A small electric shock causes him to wince and drop my arm.
His eyes are wide as he studies his hand. I want to explain it away but I also don’t want to bring any more attention to myself. Besides, I’m not in the wrong here. He’s the one shooting accusations and touching me.
“Do not touch me again,” I say carefully.
Ken’s nostrils flare as his mouth works like he’s fighting something. In the end, he shakes his head, deciding I’m not worth it.
“Women,” he mutters and walks away.
I so badly want to shout at him. I take a deep breath and hear my grandma’s soothing voice. Some people are just unhappy in their lives and they want to bring others down.
I decide to let it go. Tell myself he’s lashing out at me because I represent another woman in his life who doesn’t want him. Maybe I’m generalizing to give myself the high horse to ride out on, but regardless, I don’t want to rise to his bait. I don’t want him to take his frustrations out on Nathaniel and the team.
Just before he’s out of sight, he says, “Don’t screw this up.”
I bite my tongue and he’s gone before I can say anything else. Oh, the irony. Me screw this up? What the hell was that about? Does he think I’m going to sabotage the project with my “womanly wiles” or some BS?
I don’t want to hurt Nathaniel. That’s the last thing I want to do. It’s why I keep walking away when I want to stay. It’s why I’m mo
re sensitive than radioactive material. I’m trying to protect him. I don’t want to hurt him, but a deep voice inside of me says that I have already set the course. That my hurting him is as inevitable as the setting sun.
I close my eyes to take a steadying breath before going back to my office.
* * *
Nathaniel
Jared walks in and shuts the conference room door. Jesus, my life is a series of closed-door conversations these days.
I don’t want to talk to Jared—no offense to him—because I want to follow Julia. She was looking at me like she wanted to unwrap me like a piece of candy before running away. I’m not the savviest guy, but the look on her face could have burned through my clothes. Probably literally.
“What’s up, bud?” I ask.
He tongues his lip piercing and squints one eye. “So, this is a bit awkward …”
My foot taps rapidly on the floor. “Okay?”
He tilts his head back and forth, all the while still playing with the hoop in his lip.
“Tell me. It’s just me. You know I can take it,” I say.
“You and Julia aren’t being as discreet as you think.”
A hot ball of dread burns up my esophagus. “What do you mean?” I ask coolly. But not coolly at all. I think I may have squeaked like I just hit puberty.
Jared grins. “Well, besides the fact that I just walked in on you two looking at each other like you were about to go at it on this table …”
“Easy,” I warn but my foot taps uncontrollably under the table.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean it disrespectfully. I think she’s amazing. Cool and smart and funny. I get it,” Jared says. “I sort of hoped—” He shakes his head. “But you two make sense. I’m just warning you. Kate came back to get her purse really late one night and both your cars were here. We all feel the tension.” He smooths back his dark hair. “Yesterday, Ken told me he saw you two here late.”
“Shit,” I say not bothering to lie to him. I could try and explain our late nights, but I won’t insult Jared that way.
“I’m happy for you guys. And I’ve seen how you look at each other. You can’t force that sort of chemistry. But I just wanted you to know there’s talk. I don’t think the team cares. I just don’t think anybody is used to you keeping things from us.”
Guilt shoots through me. I’ve been so preoccupied by Julia. She consumes my every waking thought, more than projects and deadlines or new ideas. I’ve been neglecting the team.
“I’m not trying to keep anything from you guys. Julia and I … we aren’t really anything, technically. There’s nothing really to share at this point.”
“You don’t owe us an explanation. I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted to let you know.” He shrugs. “But we aren’t mad or anything.”
“I’ll be careful,” I say. “Thank you.” I feel myself blushing.
“Is there anything else we should know?” he asks. “Is something going on with the project? Like—” He shakes his head before pinching the area between his eyebrows. “No. Never mind. It’s just the long days. I’m getting paranoid.”
I can’t speak. My Adam’s apple sits painfully high in my throat and my heart thumps loudly in my ears.
“Okay. Better get back to it.” He looks at me one last time. “She really is a catch.”
I rub a hand over my mouth. “Yeah, I know.”
After he leaves, I take a moment to collect myself. I never keep anything from the team, but obviously my personal life is a different story. But my relationship with Julia is more than that. It affects our work in the lab, her powers, everything. But those aren’t my secrets to share. Guilts twists my stomach.
Shit. Things are getting more complicated than either of us intended. I need to talk to her.
That’s when the email pops up. The sender’s name makes my blood go cold. The message is short.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Final Warning
Stay away from my family. You made your choice when you left. I will take everything from you.
Regards,
Will
I swallow back the bile that raises in my throat. The absolute gall. Only he could send such a bold threat with no fear of repercussions. He wants to remind me who’s boss. He’s panicking. Something isn’t going his way and he’s lashing out at me, taking power where he can. I don’t know what’s going on in his life that makes him think he can treat me like that but I’m not giving him any more power by reacting to his temper tantrum. I delete the email and then delete it from the deleted folder. I never want to come across it again.
I rub my eyes and feel the walls closing in around me. This threat and the conversation with Jared remind me of the important things at stake. Lincoln must be protected. This work needs to be done. I need to talk to Julia. As strong as my feelings are, I have to have some self-control. I have to focus on the project. I have to get Lincoln, and I can’t let anything screw this up.
22
Julia
I’m in my office without another backward glance. The walk didn’t help. I’m distracted and on edge. Ken’s warning made me feel icky, like my attraction to Nathaniel made me some vixen trying to take advantage of him. If there was any justice in the world, I could punch him in the face and call it a day.
The power hums just under my skin. Even though I know I can dispel the energy outward, it’s still unpredictable.
I close my office door behind me and take a deep steadying breath. I press my hand to my chest and stand in the middle of the small room, complaining to myself.
My hands hand glow and I ball them up and throw my head back to study the ceiling. “Get it together. Get it together.”
I’m embarrassed at the desire making my bones and breasts feel heavy. I’m at work. I am in an office building in the middle of a workday. Now is not the time for this level of horniness.
But it’s been weeks of wanting him. Even longer, if I’m honest with myself. That kiss feels like a lifetime ago. It made me want to push and test my limits, like I did with my dancing. But it won’t be a plant that dies if I lose control.
There’s a soft knock on my door. I grab the shawl from the back of my chair and wrap it around my shoulders to cover the glow.
“Come in.”
Nathaniel walks in, head bowed. He doesn’t say anything. He just closes the door behind him and leans against it. I don’t say anything either. The air is thick with all the unspent energy between us. My ears ring from all the words we aren’t saying.
His arms are clasped behind him on the door handle. His head remains lowered, brows furrowed as though he’s debating how he got here. As though he might leave any minute. My entire body is tingling. My knees feel like they’re going to give out as I step closer to him. He still doesn’t lift his head, but I know he feels me move closer. His chest rises and falls more quickly. I reach behind him and gently depress the lock.
My body hovers just in front of his as we breathe the same air. Our faces are so close I have to take in his features in pieces. His slightly parted mouth. His bright eyes burning with emotion. Eyebrows twisted with worry. The way his Adam’s apple bobs on a hard swallow.
His smell, his heat, surrounds me. I long to feel him everywhere. The longing is as demanding as hunger or exhaustion. My body is desperate for me to just give in. My core aches to feel his presence. I want his weight on top of me. I want his tongue exploring me. I shudder as a wave of heat pulses through me. He must feel the warmth too, as he tugs at his top button of his collared shirt. A red flush spreads up his neck.
I step back suddenly, separating us by three solid steps. The heat is so strong I won’t be able to fight it.
“I came here to tell you that we need to slow this thing between us.” He’s talking mostly to himself. He’s lifted his head a little so that he’s looking up at me through his dark lashes, torment on his face. “I shou
ldn’t have come here.”
“But you did,” I whisper.
“I really meant to lock myself in my office.”
I crumble at the honesty in his voice. We know the truth of it. He is giving me the space I need to learn more self-control, but it’s killing both of us. I wrap the shawl closer to my body, my fingers pulling it tightly.
“I understand,” I say.
He shakes his head. “You don’t. I think these things and then I come to you anyway. I’m drawn to you and I can’t seem to help myself.”
I know what he means. No matter how I warn myself away from the danger, deep down I know it won’t end until it’s too late to go back. And deep down I don’t know that I care. I don’t want to stop. But I don’t want to hurt him either.
It’s an impossible choice.
A part of me—the loneliest, most desperate piece of my soul—celebrates that we make each other weak. We push ourselves further and further into uncharted territory just because we want to. We are acting purely for ourselves. For once in our lives. Our desire runs the show and I long to give fully into that.
He makes me feel human. Base. Deliciously selfish.
“You can pretend you did,” I say. “Go back to your office, I mean.”
He looks fully at me. His burning gaze moves up and down my body. It’s like he’s slowly peeling back the layers of clothes.
“What do you mean?” he rasps.
He’s always so easy, so affable. So subtly confident that concerns never even seem to cross his mind. Now he seems … tortured.
I step back behind my desk. The back of my knees bump my office chair.
“You can pretend you went back to your office. You can pretend I’m not here.” I gesture to my extra chair across from my desk.
“It’s impossible for me to be in the same room as you and not look at you,” he says.
If I were a swooner, I’d have just fallen flat on my back. As it is, I fall ungracefully into my seat.
The Untouched: THE UNSEEN SERIES, #2 Page 17
