“Quiet, just walk right now.” He said, with irritation in his voice.
We walk through the door and as Kallem slams it behind us.
“Wait, what do you mean consequences? I didn't do any…” I mumble, both with concern and frustration, as I'm interrupted by Kallem.
“Are you insane? I know you can't keep your mouth shut… I understand your ideas, but if you had said anything like that to anyone as a servant, you would have been sold to another village or taken away from me. The only thing that just saved your ass is the fact that I am the only doctor they have here. Which does allow me to have the ability to hold that over them; not that I ever have or should ever have needed to threaten anyone. This puts me in the worst fucking position Raelia, because I don't like to hold my skills as a bargaining chip.” Kallem declared as he stood there with his hand holding his hair tightly back with anger while glaring at me.
“I wasn't doing anything wrong, all I did was try to get the stupid fish that you asked me to pick up. He was the one that was being rude to me; he attacked me. I was just trying to defend myself, but I'm aware that what I said was way out of line for a servant.” I confessed, because I knew I took it too far.
“Think! If your gone, who will you go to? Where will they trade you? What about Bella… or as you prefer to call her, ‘your’ Chaos…? You are like a mother to her, what will she do without you Raelia if they make you leave?” Kallem lets go of his hair and rubs his hand across my jaw line as he pushes my hair out of my face.
My mouth open slightly I stand there staring at him, before I can even find a response to what he said.
“…I'm sorry, I don't know how to do this, and it's hard. I don't fit in, and I feel very torn right now. I love Chaos and I know that I don't want to ever be away from her or leave her unprotected. That still doesn't stop me from feeling lost at times.”
“Your behaviors have consequences, regardless how you feel in the moment that you act out like that. You can't leave this house for a week and I am sorry that I have to punish you, but if I don't then it could cause even more problems for the both of us.” Kallem voiced as he turns his head down towards the floor and turns to walk away.
“Now you're the one that's insane… I apologized to him and to you. Don't be angry with me; I won't stay here for a week without fresh air and I corrected my actions.” My voice quivers. I stand there with uncertainty while I watch him walk away from me.
“You have to stay inside a week, if I don't punish you for your actions then the village will talk, and I think you need time to reflect; If you need air, open a window. Also, you shouldn't leave this house to go into the market for two weeks either. That way everyone has time to calm down and stop gossiping about what happened today. Something else will come around for all of them to gossip about by that time, I hope.”
“I can't stay inside this house for a week, that's just cruel. You might as well say two weeks inside the house if you won't let me go to the market for that long either. That isn't fair Kallem!”
“Enough Raelia, I am not changing my mind. I'm sorry but you can blame this on yourself and not on me. People here expect me to correct you or they will question us and that's going to make this even more of a mess.” Kallem piers back as I find that anger inside that I once had when I first arrived, and the last few weeks I have found myself compliant, trained like a puppy.
“No Kallem! I refuse to be here then… I can't see Bella if I can't leave. This is ridiculous.” I screamed, with frustration and march towards the door as Kallem steps in front of it.
I stand there just looking at him, my face red because I am somewhere between anger and tears. This is not what I expected for Kallem treat me like this after everything I have been doing to help him, and I thought maybe we had a connection or a mutual respect at this point.
“Kallem, please, I can't go back to this again. I said that I was sorry, what else do you want from me?” I plead with him.
He proceeds to grab my arm with no words and drag me to chain my leg as I continue to beg and reason with him to not let things go back to the way that they were.
“Don't do this to me again Kallem. It nearly killed me; I can't live like this again.” I sobbed, then busted into tears.
“This hurts me too Raelia, you have no idea… How could you? You, as always are concerned with just how you feel.” Kallem disclosed with sadness as he locks the chain.
“What's that supposed to mean Kallem?”
Kallem doesn't even bother to respond. He just walks away, leaving the house as I sit in absolute dissolution about the entire situation. I feel completely devastated, alone, and isolated; sitting here as I continue to sob as I feel my heart literally break in half. There is this realization that it may be more than my freedom that my heart is breaking about this time around. Even considering the possibility that I may have grown an attachment to Kallem seems to hurt even more than I remember. The fact that Kallem was able to walk away me… that's the most painful part, I think. I know it was wrong to speak out like that. I should have walked away from that fight, and for that I am regretful. Kallem seems so cold sometimes, he always follows the rules and is more worried about what the villagers think then how either of us feel sometimes. I am so sick of being torn inside between my feelings, being treated as nothing more than a servant, and missing my parents and my freedom. If Kallem had any feelings for me, then he shouldn't be able to walk away like he just did.
CHAPTER 10
ANGER MY OLD FRIEND
K
allem has been gone for hours and doesn't return home until after it is already dark outside. I laid on the floor trying to sleep when I hear him come in the door. Kallem does unchain me to use the bathroom, then I go back to laying down without us talking and eventually I manage to fall asleep. The next morning, I awake to him gone once again but with food and water beside me. I eat and shortly after Coven comes to check on me and he has the key to unlock the chain so I can clean up.
I was still too upset to even speak to Coven as he mutters about how he will let me use the bathroom quickly, but then he has to put the cuff back on me until he can come check on me again later in the day. As I go to the restroom, I find myself filled with such a surge of hopelessness and anger inside. I don't know what happened, but I found myself running out of the bathroom and straight out the front door so quickly that Coven didn't even have time to react. I was gone, with tears in my eyes as I was running with my old friend anger and fear guiding me to freedom. Strangely it takes Coven a while to catch up as I hear him trying to yell at me and not make it look obvious enough to draw attention to the fact, I am running from him.
Never have I had such a passion to get free like I did in this moment as I make it to the tree in the north corner and to my devastation it has been cut down. I stand there in shock as I hear Coven quickly gaining ground behind me. Immediately I dart off to find somewhere to hide as I dodge behind a crate behind a house as I see Coven run past shortly after. I stay bent down and hidden trying to figure out what to do now, then I hear the front gates open. What luck!
I take off sprinting towards the front gates without a second thought. My adrenaline kicks in and I have only one goal, getting out that gate and into freedom. As I make it to the gates, I see coven running from the right side with Kallem not far behind. The gates are wide open and I know I have a real opportunity of getting out, so I look at them catching up and somehow still manage to gear up to an even faster pace. I glance back at Coven as he stops before I reach the gates because he can't leave since he is a slave, but I still have to outrun Kallem as I can hear him screaming as loud as he can for me to stop.
A man at the gate tries to jump me and as he grabs me, I instantly elbow him in the face and keep going, causing me to slow down a little. This is my chance, there is no going back. Kallem starts to catch up, but I manage to run outside of the gate and straight into the woods.
Finally, we get so far into the woods that I have t
o catch my breath, I slide behind a bush and try to breath as I listen to Kallem approaching, I try breathing shallower. The branches snapping on the ground and leaves crunching as he tries to figure out which direction I went. Quietly I listen to his footsteps get distant, I take a sigh of relief.
Relaxing my body, I set down behind the bush for a second, realizing what I just accomplished. After a couple of minutes, I finally catch my breath enough to get up and start walking slowly in the opposite direction as I am approached by someone in the distance … it's a Will'er.
“Oh shit, seriously, this is not my fucking day!” I say to myself as I realize I have nothing on me to protect myself. As he approaches it becomes evident that he is in the later stages of the virus with poor hygiene and aggressive behaviors. More running it is, as I start to back up since he looks like a bit of a physical challenge for me. Off again, into the woods back towards the opposite direction. Will'er fast behind but I feel confident I can outrun or out smart him.
It doesn't take too long before I can't see him behind me anymore, thankfully, because at this point, I am exhausted and out of adrenaline to keep pushing myself. I find a safe spot to sit down behind a huge oak tree and try to catch my breath once again. Suddenly, I find myself being tackled onto the ground and I begin to scream as my immediate response is to fight. I'm shocked to see its Kallem as I reach up to hit him in the face, but I don't follow through, instead I kick him off of me as I take off running again.
“Raelia stop right now!” Kallem demands as he is closely following.
“Go home!” Only thing I could get out amidst my exhaustion and lack of air.
Eventually I lose steam as so does he, and I have no choice but to stop as I feel him getting close and I brace myself for him to slam into me as he grabs my clothing on my back and I fall onto the ground into the leaves. I just lay on my stomach for a moment too tired to even try to continue fighting. Laying there with the side of my face using the leaves as a pillow and staring at a mushroom a short distance from my face.
Kallem sits on his knees beside me with a firm grip on my clothing as he also catches his breath. Eventually I tug on my shirt as he grips it tighter and we both are still beside each other in awkward silence. In a few moments we both calm ourselves and I take a deep breath.
“I won't go back Kallem.” I say to him rolling over onto my back as he lets go of my clothes and grabs my arm.
“You're going back if it kills me to get you there.” He falls off his knees and onto his butt.
“I won't ever stop fighting this, and you will learn to hate me, so just let me go.”
“I can't, and I know you don't understand.”
“You left me again, being like that… it's like death for me…” I say to him as I sit up, tears building in my eyes.
“When I left, it hurt me more than you know…I hate to see you like that, but you won't see it from my view.”
“Hurt you?!?! You chose to do that; you chose to entrap me… and to walk away. Force me to be something I don't know how to be. Someone I don't want to be…”
“I'm not, that's not what I am trying to do. You need to grow up and realize this is it… You have safety in a group or continuously fight a never-ending battle in solitude. There isn't time to look for your parents, you may never find them, there is no freedom left for anyone in this world. It's a false hope and you need to realize that your moments of freedom are nothing more than a warrior in battle before his inevitable death that's to follow.”
“Wait, are you admitting your freedom is false as well?” With a change of my tone, trying to understand why Kallem is fighting for me to participate in a false life with him.
“Were never free, freedom is something we believe we have to make us feel like we are in control. There is always something above us, rules, laws, society, structure, and even in chaos. We still fight our fears, mother nature, human nature, the need for food and water. Raelia, you're a slave to anything you need to stay alive. Wither it's the master that feeds you or the deer you hunt that you just can't catch.” Kallem warns, as he sighs with frustration.
“That's a rather dark way to look at life, from someone that thinks a child born during all this chaos is a blessing.” I question his views as I drop my shoulders as I untense my arms.
“It's not dark at all Raelia, it's the chain of life. This is chaos, for us…here today in this moment. Children are born into chaos all over the world every day, because you don't see the chaos you don't see the pain and the struggle for survival. You don't touch it; some are born to live and some to die. Freedom has nothing to do with survival. You are simply a product of the society, culture and environment you were born into. Some places never see freedom, they get killed for the very things you continue fighting for.”
“Well if you don't fight then you become part of something that never changes. If you sit down and wait for change it will never come Kallem. Some of us are born to fight for change, I want to be part of that change. You may be right, and I know this is just my life… in this place… right now, but I want more than this. Doesn't make me a bad person and I am no less deserving than you to be someone, other than labeled as a servant. I don't deserve less respect then you, and I have value.”
“I know you do Raelia, and I don't want you to be a servant. I didn't invite you to the village to make you a servant either. I asked you to come on your own free will, you refused and got caught by slave traders and it was too late to get you voted in. Now I can't change it, some of the villagers support your ideas, but I can't force everyone to understand. There is always going to be someone opposed to change, and it takes time, but those outbursts of anger are going to get you taken away from me… from the village and then your simply gone. I don't even want to think about what could happen…” Kallem said, as he puts his hand on top of mine.
“I wish we could have met before all of this, then you wouldn't see me as this monster you make me feel like I am. I'm sorry. My intentions are good, and I just want to keep you safe, but you make it so hard.” Kallem apologized.
“Kallem, it's hard to feel for someone that chains me down, literally. You could come with me; we could get accepted somewhere without servants or into a village that accepts us both as villagers.” I ask, glaring at his warm hand touching mine.
Kallem pulls his hand away, “I can't leave, and maybe I am not ready for change either. This is all I know since the war and I am attached to the people in the village and they are like my family. They could be yours one day if you let them in.” Kallem fretted, as he realizes he does not want to leave his home.
“I have a family, the one that I lost, and you won't allow me to leave so that I can find them. It hurts every single day to be without my parents. I miss them so much; I just can't stop worrying about them. I keep it to myself, so you won't see how weak I am inside. I feel like I'm literally dying on the inside Kallem and I have no one.” I grieved, wishing he would understand.
“I'm sorry, I lost my family too. I feel the same pain. However, Raelia if you leave, I can't go with you. You'll be all on your own. No food, no supplies, and the nearest village is the one that my brother resides in. That village is not safe…if you think my brother was bad you should see some of the other characters living there. If you stop there, then you don't have a chance and that's the only way you can get supplies.” Kallem cautioned, keeping his distance.
“Kallem, you have to let me try. This isn't how I want to live, and I need to find my parents. You could go anywhere and get voted in, since you're a doctor. Please, let me go and come with me. We can have a life as equals somewhere else I think.” I pleaded with him.
“No, Raelia. I won't leave the people I care about behind. Just go, before I change my mind. You have no idea what's really out there and I hope you can survive alone.” Kallem conceded, with hesitance.
“I'll come back Kallem when I find my parents. I have to come back to check on chaos before too long. Let's say before the first s
now. Maybe if I come back with something valuable, I can exchange it to become a villager and by the time I return maybe people will have calmed down.”
“You ran away Raelia, you will be punished if you return. I won't stop you… they are already looking for you, so move fast and I will tell them I lost you into the woods. Take this…” Kallem hands Raelia the gun from his pants. As you can hear voices in the distance as a search team comes looking for Kallem and Raelia.
“Run…now.”
Looking back at the voices far off in the distance. I look at Kallem and grab the gun from his hand and take off as fast as my legs will take me into the deep woods. I slow as I gain enough ground to no longer hear the search party, they sent for Kallem and myself. I keep quickly walking as I gain my breath and try to figure out my surroundings. I realize that I am just south of the stream that I lost my items, so I decide to go continue towards the stream knowing that there is a village on the other side where Kallem's brother lives. It may sound insane and I know it isn't safe, but I will need more than a gun with a couple of bullets in it. I know it didn't take Kallem long to get to get his brother back to our village so it should just be a few hours of walking and I still have daylight left to burn.
I may find that I regret this decision, but I can't afford to feel for Kallem. Chaos will be fine without me for a while if she has Steph who she adores watching over her. Her father will always protect her and keep her safe. I honestly think I need Chaos more than she needs me sometimes. She will be fine; I know she will.
The more I continue to dwell on my thoughts and my ability to think with a clear mind, I worry for them both. I know I was angry with Kallem, but I do care so much for him and I want to be there to watch over Chaos. If I can find my parents, then maybe I could bring them back to the village. If I do, then they may end up being traded as servants as well. What if that's not what they want to do, what if they want to return to their home? I don't think I want to return home, because I can't keep them safe there. Maybe Kallem is right, it's easier to live inside the gates then outside, and I could protect them if they are inside the village with me. I am going to have a hard time trying to convince them to return with me to a village where I am considered nothing more than a servant.
Revelation of Raelia: Book One Page 14
