As much attention as he paid to her, it was also divided between watching the door and the other patrons. As a matter of fact, he always ordered beer but rarely finished them. This was the first time she’d ever witnessed him blitzed, and Lord knows, he was.
January sat there for another twenty minutes or so, just watching him sleep and thinking about everything he said. She hated to admit it, but she cried. Not something she did often, not for real people, anyway.
“What am I going to do with you?” she whispered into the dated room. Shit, if I’m not saying that a lot lately.
She was doing a lot of shit lately she wasn’t used to doing. She wanted to blame it all on coming here and meeting Logan, but the truth probably was just she needed to feel like a normal fucking person…for a little while, anyway.
She hadn’t realized how abnormal her life was until she spent time with the Reids. Stripping was the most normal thing she had done to date, and that was sad.
With that last thought, she exhaled, put her phone away, and crawled back into bed. Logan immediately rolled over and enveloped her in his embrace. Neither had their feet on the edge, and neither seemed to care.
Speaking directly into her ear, Logan’s voice was raspy and threaded with proof he had slept soundly for the short period of time. “Did you hear me? I was sure you were awake for at least some of it.”
January considered lying but quickly discarded the idea, opting for honesty instead. She tightened her grip on him and nodded against his chest. She felt words would be overkill at this point.
“Hmmm, good,” he mumbled. They both seemed content to let silence reign, breaking it only with lazy kisses. January wanted, no needed, to connect with him on a deeper level. Maybe it was their shared fucked-up experience that fueled her, or perhaps it was seeing him so raw and finding peace with that.
It didn’t matter what it was, she needed to show him tenderness. Something he had obviously never received in a non-sexual capacity and judging by how he was in bed, she doubted he had ever experienced it sexually either.
Slowly, she rotated their positions until she was sprawled on top of him. In the dimly lit room, he met her gaze with questioning interest. January refused to let his dominating presence intimidate her into letting him control their activities this night. Not breaking eye contact, she rolled her hips against his with no sense of urgency. “When is the last time someone made love to you? Cared more about your pleasure than what you could bring her?”
The dull flash of a distant neon sign lit the room with a hazy glow every few seconds through the area between the curtains. It was enough to show her Logan’s shocked face. Had any of the women he’d been with ever cared at all? She suspected he’d had an endless string of meaningless one-night stands, never really connecting to anyone.
That thought shot a thrill up her spine. Last night had been as different for her as it had been for him. She was sure of it. Then she remembered, she had decided to be with him for the same reason all those other women probably had. She was using him, too.
That self-reminder saddened her; he deserved better. So for tonight, she would let down her walls and let it mean something more, knowing she would pay the price later with her heart, but it would be worth it.
“Never.” He cleared his throat and answered again, “Never, because I wouldn’t allow it.”
Tenderly, she cupped his scruffy cheeks and kissed him. A sweet kiss, the kind two people in love might share. She pulled away to ask, “Then let me be the first. Allow me to take care of you.”
Without waiting for a response, January reached between them and helped him enter her slowly. It was delicious and controlled at the same time. This was new territory for her, as well as Logan. Neither had allowed anyone too close, no matter how heated things got.
They both let go of whatever they’d clung to in an effort to keep people out and let each other in.
Logan’s thrusts remained measured and controlled even when he shifted their positions to him on top. When he caught her knee on his shoulder, she thought their sweet, tender lovemaking would come to an end and it would turn to a frenzied fucking, but it didn’t.
Logan was giving her everything he had in a slow, gentle way. Magical. Neither of them were rushing toward that goal that seemed to consume them the night before. They were both content to enjoy the journey this time instead of the destination.
The sounds that filled the room were different, wholly unexpected. They were of two people with their souls exposed. They continued this way for what felt like hours. Amazingly fulfilling hours, but still. When January could no longer resist the lure of the bliss he offered, she succumbed to one of the most amazing aspects of human existence. Logan followed her.
With their bodies spent, but still humming from the undeniable ecstasy they shared, Logan spoke words that expressed what she was feeling. “That was…I never knew it could be like that.”
To hear she wasn’t the only one made her spirits soar but also, her heart break. Break for what they had both been missing in life, what they would both never get to experience again once they moved on with the paths lain out before them. Her heart shattered more for him than herself, not that she knew before tonight exactly what she was potentially giving up, but she had been preparing for a disappointing and unfulfilling decade for a while now.
Just imagine if we were in love. It would have been cataclysmic. That contemplation gave her pause. After letting her defenses down and opening her body, she had let him creep into her heart a little, and it already hurt. Even if he didn’t know it was coming to an end, and soon, she did.
And she was already missing him. Shit.
They both seemed content to lie there in the silence as the sun came up. Logan was the first to pop their little bubble they created. He kissed her on the cheek and held her just a bit tighter. The sound of regret that escaped him was what did it. She knew this night was over. “I hate to be the one to do it, but I have got to get up and get to the airfield. I promised Michael I’d be there early.”
January noticed he didn’t say brother, but she wouldn’t push it… for now. “Yeah, I should get Precious back to Ruger before he sends out SWAT to rescue her.” January pulled her clothes on and gathered her stuff. As she finger-combed her hair she asked, “Do you want me to drop you? I need to head out that way, anyway.”
Logan deposited a kiss on her forehead and wiggled his scruff into her temple while making a sound of familiarity and affection. It was one of the strange little things he did that seemed odd but also perfectly…coupley. She let out a sad sigh when he covered the most amazing gazillion pack from her view.
“Sure, it beats calling for a ride, but on the plus side, I got the new alternator and plan to drop it in later today so no more playing hitchhiker.”
“I told you I could’ve had it up and running in under an hour.”
Logan wouldn’t let her do it, though. Even though he made it clear how much he loved hearing her talk about engines, he was a mechanic himself and wanted to get his own hands dirty.
“I know babe, but having it out of commission means,” he spread his legs and hunched down a little, bringing him closer to her eye level and embraced her. He’d left enough space between their faces she was able to study his features, his eyes held a hint of sincerity and mirth. “I get to spend more time with my girl.” Before she had time to think about what he said, his lips were making speech the last thing on her mind. Not that she was of a mind to deny his claim, anyway.
Logan lifted her straight off the ground and started walking toward the door. His lips never left hers, even as he opened the door and stepped outside. When his intention became apparent, she reluctantly pulled her tongue from his throat. “Keys.”
A groan was the only verbal response she got. He began walking backward, her legs swinging back and forth with each step. January was grooving this teenage-esque playful side to Logan. Raising one eyelid to scan for the dresser, she scooped the keys
up and jingled them.
After she secured the keys, she let her mono-vision drift to center and noticed Logan staring at her while they made out like their ship was going down. As a rule, she would find that creepy, but for some reason, it stole a piece of her heart…another piece. If she weren’t careful, she would have none left by the time she returned home.
Logan headed back to the door while she wrapped her legs around his waist, crossing her feet just over his awesome ass. He groaned as he grabbed two handfuls of hers and squeezed. When they reached the car, Logan smoothly reached around with one hand and took the keys. How he managed to unlock the door without ever missing a beat with his talented tongue, she’d never know.
When her back hit the vinyl and Logan came down on top of her, their mouths finally broke apart and they started laughing. Each time she thought they were done, the peals would start again. It was almost as raw as the night they shared as far as souls exposed.
She palmed his dark, lightly bearded cheeks and stared into his amber-ringed whisky eyes that were sparkling with humor. “I knew you were heartbreak in a leather jacket the minute I saw you.” It wasn’t her intention to turn the mood they created, it just kind of popped in her head so it came out of her mouth.
“Are you saying I have an impact of your heart, Little Rabbit?” His question shocked her, not the words, but the tone. He didn’t sound as much horrified as he did hopeful.
“Like any woman could resist the amazing Logan Chapman?”
She tried to thread sarcasm into her words to lessen the truth of them, but she was afraid she had failed miserable until Logan booped her nose with a finger and haughtily said, “Of course not. Can I drive?” Logan levered up, and January swung her legs around to sit in the middle of the seat.
“Only if you are crazy careful. If you hurt this car, Ruger will have your nuts. Then he’ll make me grow a pair just so he can have mine too.”
“Awwww, you care about my nuts.” Logan slid into the driver’s seat, pressed his powerful thigh to hers, and fired up the engine. The rumble of a classic beast always gave January a tingle. What made her tingle even more was the fact this man didn’t look at the pair of keys in differing shapes like they were aliens. A man who knows which key is door and which is ignition and can fuck like a dream. That’s a keeper.
January blushed at her thoughts and scolded herself at the same time. Before any more analysis took place, Logan grabbed her neck and pulled her in for a quick, passionate kiss. “For the record, you’re not just any woman.”
Eight
Regret flooded Logan’s bloodstream as he had pulled from the gravel lot earlier. It wasn’t the words he had said that caused his reflection, but January’s reaction to them. The color had drained from her face, and he’d thought she might pass out. After that, the ride had been fairly silent and their parting kiss strained.
He watched January drive away before turning toward the hangar. “Fuck,” he grated out loud. Inside him, emotions were warring. Not just a small offensive either. It was an all-out world war. No matter how much he stroked the stone in his pocket, he couldn’t find that inner calm he sought.
Logan was still in disbelief that he’d let the words pass his lips, but even more so at her look of horror. There was obviously something he was missing or he was just plain oblivious. January had seemed like the hearts and flowers type to him, always had. She had a dirty side, but she was also your typical good girl. She wanted to be loved and have a steady man in her life, maybe even a yappy purse dog.
“How could I have been so wrong?” he muttered to himself as he ran into another person.
“Omph.” The wind was knocked out of him.
“Whoa, wrong about what?” Looking up into the eyes of the speaker, he discovered John and Michael had beat him to work.
“Uh, nothing. Just in my own head a bit.”
John clapped him on the back and led him to the table where his brother sat, sipping coffee and reading the paper. Who reads the paper anymore?
Throwing his leg over the chair, he answered John’s silent inquiry with an affirmative nod. John responded with a steaming cup of joe and sat at the table, too. It was a regular…regular thing.
Silence drew on to the point where Logan almost started singing just to cut through it.
Silence had never been Logan’s friend; he would go as far as to call it his enemy. When it was quiet, the voices in his head…his sperm donor, uncle…his voice, screamed at him. Their hurtled insults and bullshit assaulted him in the silence.
Logan loathed the absence of sound. The only time it didn’t seem to attack him was when January was there. It was like her very presence resonated on a sound wave and drowned out all the negativity in his heart and head.
The desire to scream into the hangar and hear it echo off the walls was almost overwhelming and being overwhelmed was not where he needed to be right now. When feeling that sense of microscopic outward existence, was when he spilled his secrets.
He was a cunt hair away from opening his mouth and telling Michael everything when John finally spoke.
“So, what is it you were so wrong about?” John asked casually before he sipped from his snarky mug. Logan figured he must have swiped someone else’s since John wasn’t loaded in the snark game.
For the second time, Logan thought to deny it was anything, but his fuck it meter pegged out at one hundred and he decided to tell the truth. Partial as it may be and without the colorful language that would get his ass handed to him.
“January and I have been kind of—”
“Fucking?” Michael supplied with an asshole grin and a ravenous bite to his bear claw.
“Michael.” John growled a warning to his friend. “Go ahead Logan, but mind the descriptions, for my sake, please?”
“I didn’t plan to put it like that, but yes we’ve been…seeing each other.” Logan stalled, searching for the correct words to convey exactly what he wanted and nothing more. Just because he was about to step outside his comfort zone and—gulp—share, didn’t mean he was about to tell his life story and bond over a shitty cup of coffee in a chipped mug.
Apparently, John wasn’t a fan of silence either or he just wanted me to get on with it. That was more likely. “Yes, we know you’ve been seeing each other. So, what you were wrong about is her?” John’s visage darkened, and he looked like he could chew nails. Logan was at a loss. He had thought John semi-approved, but maybe he was wrong.
John stood and walked over to the coffee machine, his gait aggressive and his body tense. What the fuck? He turned and his eyes held murderous intent. His voice shook with rage as he spoke. “So, we treat you like family and you sleep with my wife’s little sister and plan to dump her now that you’ve gotten what you want, and you have the balls to walk in here this morning like I’d be okay with that?” John spun, tossing the coffee into the sink followed directly by the mug. The sound of it shattering echoed through the hangar.
Logan was so stunned, it took him a few seconds for John’s words and actions to register. Logan did the mental math and added it all up. “Oh, shit, no man. No!” Logan leapt to his feet, raising his hands in surrender, and if he were honest, in an attempt to hold John back in case he charged.
Stunned stupid. That’s the only way to describe Logan’s status as Michael leapt to his feet and directly in front of Logan. Protectively? Well, shit. “John, back down. Give him a chance to explain.”
I’ll be a monkey’s fucking uncle. Michael is siding with me…over John. And he is doing it blindly. Something shifted in Logan, something he couldn’t comprehend, but he knew it was huge.
“Why should I? You heard him. Why are you defending him?” John was not normally hot-headed and angry. To hear everyone else speak about John, he was control personified. Logan damn sure had never seen him like this.
“Because, he’s my brother, your brother. He deserves the benefit of the doubt or at the very least, a chance to say something stupid and run. It�
�s what we do for everyone, and Logan is one of us.”
Fuck. Logan clutched his chest, at the pain of being reborn or maybe he was having an infarction; he wasn’t sure which, but they were labeling him a Reid, just as much as any of them. He was a part of a family, and his brother was the one to say it.
Michael turned his head to the side and stage-whispered over his shoulder. “You better make it good, because I have never seen this side of him and frankly, I’m fucking pissing in my boxers over here.” John shook with rage.
“I haven’t either, but before I speak, can we take a picture or something, use it as blackmail?” Logan knew it was wrong to joke, but he had no reference point on how to act when someone was playing the hero while someone else wanted to castrate him. And for once, he didn’t deserve it.
The look Michael gifted him with was almost as scary as John’s…almost.
Logan had planned to just casually mention that he may want to make it a semi-regular thing with January. He wasn’t ready to get married or go steady or whatever other people did. He just meant, he enjoyed spending time with her when he wasn’t balls deep too. Like talking and eating and shit. Mostly the reason he was even bringing it up was a matter of pride, and he wanted to know what her hang-ups were.
Liar. Luckily Logan caught himself before he responded, “Shut up Kip,” out loud.
“Okay, can we just sit back down with everyone’s balls still attached, and I’ll explain. I promise, it’s not what you’re thinking.” Logan tried to defuse the situation as best he could. He’d learned growing up that he could bullshit his way out of one scrape or another by acting like the aggressor had no reason to be mad. You could explain if they wanted, rather than trying to butt heads with them and tell them they were wrong.
It put them in control, and that seemed to soothe their ire…sometimes. Logan figured since John wasn’t a natural bully or aggressive person, he would respond better to Logan’s calm rather than a defensive posture or anger.
Unmistakably Us (Imagine Ink Book 5) Page 9
