by Martina Cole
He only hoped that, this time, they actually listened to him and implemented his recommendations about Lorna’s mental well-being.
Chapter Ninety-two
Lorna was feeling a lot better, and she was well aware that it was due to the medication she was on.
She wasn’t a fool, and she knew when she had gone too far – that was something she had always sussed after the fact. Unfortunately, before the fact she wasn’t always thinking straight. It was when she was overwhelmed, when she couldn’t distinguish what was real in her own life any more, when she would feel that everything was getting away from her. That was the worst of this really, when she couldn’t understand anything except her own anger or her own thoughts.
Angus had to have known that she wasn’t the full ten bob, because he had taken precautions. This time, though, he seemed to have abandoned her, and that rankled. It hurt.
She depended on him to take care of her, as he always had – that was why they were such a great couple. She had warned him that she knew about that girl and that should have been enough to rein him in.
She remembered attacking Jenny, and she still didn’t feel bad about it. She was well within her rights. That girl had humiliated her, because she was getting a name as her husband’s fucking mistress. As if she would ever allow that! She would not be made out to be a mug by anyone. She had her pride, and that pride was worth everything to her.
Yes, she had been out of order, but she had been the victim of another psychotic episode, and she put the blame for that squarely on Angus’s shoulders.
She was happy putting everything that had happened down to Angus and his need to look for enjoyment outside of his family. He knew that she would do anything to keep her family safe from harm – after all, she had learned from the best, and that was her husband. When it came to violence, he couldn’t really criticise her. He wasn’t what you would call without sin himself.
She carefully applied her make-up and fixed her hair because she knew that Angus was coming to see her. She had always made sure that he saw her looking good whatever was going on between them. She didn’t need him using the excuse that she’d let herself go as a free pass to pursue other women. This was all his fault. She swallowed his girls but she wouldn’t ever swallow a regular one. That was a pact between them, and he had broken it.
She could feel the anger rising up inside her, once again, and she forced herself to calm down. This was the time for being humble, for looking vulnerable and shocked, and in need of his help. Oh, she knew just what was needed at a time like this. She was a fucking expert.
Angus popped his head around the door with a huge smile, and she couldn’t help but smile back at him.
‘Oh, darling, you look beautiful. How are you feeling?’
She could hear the worry in his voice, and that bothered her, because she knew it meant he was still unsure of her state of mind.
‘I’m fine, Angus, I promise you that.’
He came into the room and shut the door behind him. He went to the bed and sat beside her, taking her hands in his. She smiled once more. He knew that she didn’t like too big a display of affection, that wasn’t her style.
She squeezed his hands, and said sadly, ‘I’m so sorry, Angus, I promise I will take the tablets religiously this time.’
Angus sighed gently. She knew this was the Lorna he loved – the quiet, ladylike Lorna who had her head together and who he trusted with his life.
‘Jeffrey says you must this time, darling. Once they are in your system, they can do their job. It’s dangerous to just stop taking them. Honestly, Lorna, you have to swear to me on the kids’ lives that you will keep taking them this time.’
Lorna wasn’t impressed at being asked to swear her children’s lives away but she knew she was not in a position to bargain, so she smiled widely and said, ‘I swear, Angus. This time I will do what I am told. I know that my temper can sometimes get the better of me, and that is something I have had to face up to. But in my defence, you didn’t exactly help the situation, did you, darling?’
Angus didn’t answer her. Instead, he kissed her hands gently, over and over again, as he knew she liked that. Then, with an underlying warning that wasn’t lost on either of them, he said, ‘Look, Lorna, whatever I might have done with that Jenny, nothing can excuse what you did to her. You have to understand that, darling. You destroyed her face, her whole life – she’s only twenty. I was the one you should have taken it out on, not her. She didn’t understand what she was doing, she’s a kid, and I should never have brought her into our life. But I did, and now I have to make amends.
‘But you also threatened our Sean with a knife, and that worries me. It scared him, Lorna, surely you can understand that? You are his mum, and you pulled a knife on your own child.’
Lorna knew better than to argue that Sean had been rude and disrespectful to her, that she had warned him on more than one occasion about arguing with her constantly, about anything and everything. That she had been in a bad place because of his father’s fucking antics. Instead, she nodded her agreement and held her arms out in a gesture of supplication.
‘I know that I need to take my meds, Angus. You know that I love you and those children with all my heart and soul.’ She felt tearful suddenly. ‘I just want to be the best I can be, as a mother and a wife, but it’s difficult when you are out, night after night, and the kids are argumentative and disrespectful because you aren’t there enough. It’s so hard for me at times. I try, but they are like you, Angus. There’s no talking to them, especially Angus Junior. Did you know he got into the safe? He saw the guns you keep there? He guessed the code was my birthday and he opened it.
‘And, as for Sean – he attacked a boy at school, broke his nose in a fight over an item in the paper about you and one of the clubs. If you only knew the half of it, Angus, and what I have to put up with.’
Chapter Ninety-three
Angus knew that Lorna was over-egging the situation, but he didn’t mind, because that was to be expected.
When she was like this, it was always the same. She justified everything, and with good reason, because he did believe that he was the cause of it all. As his old mum always said about his wife, if you went to Tenerife she went to Elevenerife. But this time, he couldn’t just pretend that it wasn’t really that fucking serious. Because this time, it was.
This time his Lorna had shown him what his mother had been trying to tell him for years, that she was a fucking Looney Tunes. He had always made excuses for her, and he had even kept everyone away – because Lorna didn’t like too much company, unless she invited them – and he had happily gone along with that, because he loved her and he trusted her. It had also suited him; he had allowed her to be rude and controlling because it had made his life so much easier.
His mother had to practically beg Lorna to see her grandchildren, and those kids loved his mum and Gabriel. His mum had really had to swallow her natural inclinations – and he had known how hard that had been for her – but he saw that his mother had known that he would always take his wife’s side, if challenged.
Now the kids were older, his wife couldn’t control them any more, because they wouldn’t allow her to. They resented her and her complete say over every part of their lives. They wanted to pursue their own lives, and that was healthy and normal. They were growing up, but as far as she was concerned, she would never let them be out of her orbit or out of her control. That was what he had to try and address before it was too late. He had to finally step in for his kids, so that they had a chance in life.
He looked at his wife, and he felt the usual love and affection that he had always felt for her. She was the love of his life, and she always would be, no matter what. She was the mother of his children. They had married in a church, and they would stay married, until one of them died. That was the contract they had made before God and, like his wife, he didn’t take it lightly. She had always relied on him to look after her, and he had prom
ised her that he would.
From now on, that was exactly what he was going to do.
Chapter Ninety-four
‘So what are you going to do this time, Angus? Are you just going to overlook it like you usually do?’
Angus stared at his mother and knew that he could not lose his temper, no matter how embarrassed he was about his wife and her behaviour. His mother was more than aware of what he was thinking and feeling. He was tired out, and he really didn’t want to discuss any of this now. But his mother would want to catch him off guard, because that was the only way she would get the truth.
Sometimes her knack of finding the exact right moment to demand answers to her questions could grate. But she was within her rights, because she had really helped him sort this whole fucking mess out, and he couldn’t fault her on that. She had been straight in there with what she called ‘damage limitation’; she had been the voice of reason, in more ways than one.
‘No, I won’t, Mum. And I have to hold my hand up, because I should have seen this coming.’
Diana shook her head in genuine despair. Lorna’s reaction had been over the top in every way. What she had done to that girl was vicious and wicked, it was evil. Nothing could justify that kind of violence and hatred.
‘Look, son, I get it. You love her. I love her, even though she is two tea bags short of a box. But this time, you have to know that she needs proper policing.’
Angus poured himself a large whiskey and, after gulping it down, he replenished his glass once more. ‘I know that, Mum, and I will make sure that it’s sorted.’
Diana laughed nastily. ‘No you won’t, son. She will come home and everything will be back to normal, and you will do what you always do. You will all pretend that nothing happened. She will run herself into the ground again, and she will act like nothing untoward occurred, and you will let her, because it’s easier than facing the truth. But that can’t happen this time, Angus. She threatened your own son with a fucking knife! She was out of control, and you can’t pretend that it’s fucking normal any more.
‘I’ve spent years keeping my mouth shut, because I didn’t want us to fall out over her. She has goaded me, time and again, but I never gave her the chance to push me out of your life or the children’s. I knew that you would choose her over me, which was what she wanted. So I didn’t bite, even when I really wanted to. But she’s gone too far with this latest debacle.’
Angus sank down heavily on the sofa that Lorna had bought and that no one had ever actually sat on. The house was a show home, and only the family rooms were actually used on a daily basis. The other rooms were only opened when they had visitors. He lay back on the comfortable sofa and closed his eyes for a few moments. That had been one of the things he had loved about being with Jenny. She wouldn’t have given a fuck about keeping the cushions on a sofa straight – she would have been like him, lying on it and enjoying the experience.
‘Look, Mum, I know you are right. But it’s been a long few days . . .’
Diana laughed again hollowly, and he opened his eyes and looked at her properly. She was getting old, and that wasn’t escaping any of them. But she had always had his best interests at heart, and that would never change.
‘You’re a fucking coward, Angus. You always have been where she’s concerned. She’s treated me like shit and you fucking let her, boy. I kept my trap shut for you, and now I am warning you that I won’t be so fucking amenable in the future. I’m sorry that I didn’t say my piece years ago, and be done with it. But you need to listen to me now, son. We need to all work together on this and stop pretending that she is the full fucking ten euros.’
Angus didn’t answer his mother for long moments, and she shook her head wearily.
‘I mean it, Angus, you have to listen to me this time. Or I will step away completely from both of you. But I tell you now, I will not walk away from my grandkids. So think on.’
The threat was there, and they both knew it. Angus was surprised – and also relieved, if he was honest – because he knew that he couldn’t cope with Lorna by himself.
He looked at his mother and felt a wave of sadness at what she had endured because of him and his selfishness. She had been treated badly in so many ways, and she had still made a point of being his wife’s advocate. No one else really gave Lorna the time of day; she wasn’t a woman who made friends, not real friends anyway. She didn’t know how to. The only people in her orbit were there because they could do something for her or get her something she wanted.
‘I know that I have let you down, Mum, especially where the kids are concerned. I have always known that, but Lorna gave me the opportunity to have the best of both worlds, be a married man who could live the single life and dress it up as work. I am so sorry, because I know that Lorna always had an issue with you; she had one with any woman in my life. But I should have nipped it in the bud, I see that now. I should have nipped a lot of things in the bud, but I didn’t.’
‘Look, son, she’s all right as long as she keeps on the medication. That is what needs to be sorted properly this time round. You know me, I have never seen the use of crying over spilt milk. It’s happened, so get over it. But this time I am going to stick my nose in, and you and Lorna had better be prepared for that. I love those children and I know Lorna does too. But she needs watching, and I will personally make sure that happens this time. You need to stop deluding yourself where she is concerned.’
Angus nodded his agreement. ‘I know you are right, Mum, and I promise that I’ll work with you on this.’
Diana sighed. ‘Do you know the worst of it all, son? She puts on a fabulous act. We will never know if she is really all right. We will always have to watch her like a fucking hawk.’
She sounded so sad and so resigned that Angus couldn’t help but grab her hand and hold it tightly between his own.
‘That’s the problem, Mum, because I never knew the whole truth of it either.’
Diana sat down beside her son, and for the first time in years she held him in her arms tightly.
And when he laid his head on her breast, she knew that she had finally gotten through to him.
Chapter Ninety-five
‘Oh, Dad, really?’
Angus Junior was laughing loudly. He had thrown his head back and was roaring, and his father was laughing with him. He had a really infectious laugh.
‘Yes, fucking really! Come on, you and I both know that is true. But like most things in life, no one wants to admit to it.’
‘I can just see Mr Allan admitting that he is a secret dope smoker! Dad, if he had a puff, he wouldn’t be such a hard arse.’
‘Well, I can only speculate, son. He’s a maths teacher, and they have a different take on the world; he sees everything as numbers.’
Angus Junior laughed again. ‘Well, he reckons I have an aptitude for them!’
Angus threw the end of his joint out of the window of the Range Rover. He didn’t pretend any more where his kids were concerned, and it seemed to be working. He had finally listened to his mum’s advice and he didn’t lie to his kids about anything. They knew he had a puff, and they knew that he wasn’t exactly kosher. He didn’t explain his businesses or his life in too much detail, but he didn’t deny them either.
His mum had always warned him that they would find it all out one day, and it would be so much better if the truth came from him and not from outside sources that he had no control over. The newspapers told them everything they needed to know and much more, but there wasn’t much he could do about that. Plus he knew that it gave the kids a certain kudos that they enjoyed. He was glad that he had listened to her, because it had made his life so much easier to be his real self with them and it brought him so much joy. He was closer to his children than he had ever been now he was finally in a position to get to know them properly.
Lorna had kept them away from him, and he hadn’t stopped her, because he had believed that she was absolutely within her rights. She had alway
s pointed out that he was not a good role model, that the life he lived would taint them somehow. He didn’t think he was a very good role model either, but he now knew that his kids needed him in their lives, no matter what.
He believed that Lorna had only had the children’s best interests at heart, and he had forgiven her because now they both knew that she had been wrong. His children had not been allowed to understand, or be a part of, his world, until recently. Now they had chosen to be with him and experience his life and, like him, they were enjoying it.
He had not believed that his kids would ever want to know the truth about his life. Lorna had long ago convinced him that it would be catastrophic for them, and he had gone along with that. He had been more than willing to do whatever was needed to give his children the best start in life that he possibly could. Even if that had meant that he had to step away from them and not let them become part of his real life. And, given that they only had rare weekends together, it had become normal for him to keep himself at a distance.
Yet his mother had told him, time and time again, that he needed to take more of a central role where his kids were concerned. He had fought her over it and he had insulted her, because he had believed that his Lorna had all the answers.
Even when he was home, he had never been allowed to spend any real time with his children, because Lorna had made sure that every minute of their day was full up with everything she thought was important. She had done a marvellous job education-wise – he couldn’t fault her where that was concerned – but she had made sure that he had never really been in a position to get to know them properly.
He had been amazed at just how great his children actually were when Lorna had been taken ill. He had also been made aware of his mother’s closeness with her grandchildren, especially Eilish. They not only adored her but they relied on her to talk to when things got too much for them. His mother had made sure she had a relationship with them against all the odds.
