“You would never be that,” he said, and he kissed her like he meant it.
* * *
And she fell asleep in his arms, there and then. It was the first time Sammy Ruthven had fallen asleep next to a girl and it meant more to him than if they'd done anything else at all.
It was after that night that Sammy started to hold her hand in front of everyone. In front of his friends, strangers, Janet, his dad, Rochelle, everyone.
And if he'd been told he only had a few weeks to live he wouldn't have done any of it any differently.
Thirty-Eight
The Truth
When Magz got back to the present the first thing she did was check the yearbook to see if her shirt had changed in the picture.
She sat on the couch in the show home with Jack beside her and she opened up the book.
They both sat staring at the picture.
“What were you wearing before?” Jack asked.
“A plain sweater. Look, it’s changed,” she said, adrenaline coursing through her veins, this was proof, she could change it. “How do you remember this picture?” she asked Jack.
Jack shrugged. “I can’t remember. I remember seeing it, but I can’t remember what you were wearing.”
“OK, this is good,” Magz said. “If I can change a photo, I can change his future.”
“Sure,” said Jack, putting his feet up on the Martin's coffee table. “But in reality, this changes nothing. There’s no big consequence to the future because you wore a different shirt. Stopping someone from dying could create some kind of black hole vortex or something. Wearing a check shirt might not tear a hole in the space time continuum but saving a life could.”
Magz sighed, opened a bag of corn chips and offered them to him. The school trip had brought her and Sammy so close, he was actually holding her hand in front of people, like he didn’t even care if Rochelle was there or whatever. No boy had ever held her hand in front of anyone before. She needed to stop him dying no matter what.
“I know it sounds kind of selfish,” she began, “but I think I would risk a space time vortex paradox-y thing that was going to blow up the whole universe if it meant I could save him.”
“If the universe gets sucked into a black hole you haven’t really saved him though, have you Magz?”
“Well, I can’t just do nothing. Imagine if you knew that someone you loved was going to die, wouldn’t you do everything you could to try and save them?”
“Of course I would, but you don’t even know this guy. You could save him, and he turns out to be some drunk pervert living in someone’s mom’s basement watching the Gilmore Girls.”
“Gilmore Girls?”
Jack shrugged. “It’s just an example of the kind of weirdo he could become if you save him. Maybe he’s meant to die.” Jack ate a chip.
“He’s not meant to die, you’re being such an ass right now Jack.”
“How do you know that? You’re the one who’s always talking about how things are,” he made air quotes, “Meant to happen, and now you want to go around changing all the things that are meant to happen? You can’t have it both ways. There's either destiny or there isn’t.”
“Yeah well, maybe some destinies are worth trying to change,” Magz said. “Why are you being suck a jerk anyway?”
“I’m not being a jerk.”
“You are, you’re totally cutting me down, talking crap about the stuff I believe in, trying to make me feel about three feet tall.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” said Jack, taking another chip.
“You’re making it real easy for me to leave.”
“Sorry, you’re right,” Jack shook his head. “I am being a jerk. I’m just pissed that you have this great new life and I’m still here in Santolsa, gem of hell. And, really, what I’m trying to say is, please don't go.”
Magz stared at the packet of corn chips, mentally calculating the differences between this packet and what the packet in 1983 looked like.
“Do you have to decide?” asked Jack. “Like, can’t you just keep coming and going like you do now?”
“Janet says it’s bad for the soul or something, and that eventually it will just choose for you. I do get these pounding headaches every time I go through the door. It can’t be that good for you to live like that.”
“Time travel isn't good for your education either. This is your final year of school, what are you going to do? How are you going to get into colleges?”
“I’ve still been going to school, and I don't even want to go to college anyway.”
“You should keep your options open.”
“Jack, I'm not coming back.”
“What do you mean, you're not coming back? You keep coming back. You’re going to keep coming back.”
“I only came back to check the book, to see you and work out what to do about my parents, but I'm not coming back again after tomorrow. I’m going to live in the eighties now Jack.”
Jack's face darkened. “So, you're really leaving me?” he asked, considering the now nearly empty corn chip packet. “Even if this guy dies?”
“I have to,” she whispered. “And he's not going to die.”
“You don't have to go.”
“I do.”
“What about your parents? What are you going to tell them? I know you have your issues with them, but they are your family and they love you, despite what you think about that, it's true. They aren't perfect, but they are the only parents you have. You can’t just leave them thinking you’re a missing person, worried sick.”
“Janet has been more of a parent to me in a few short months than they ever have been.”
“Fine, whatever, but what about me then?” Jack's eyes were filled with sadness.
“I'll see you again,” she promised.
“See me again? Magz! If you spend the rest of your life in the past, I will never see you again!”
“I'll come find you, I'll be older than you, but I'll still be me.”
“This is insane.” He threw the chip packet onto the table and stood up.
“Jack, stop,” Magz stood up and grabbed at him.
“I can't lose you Magz!” Jack shouted. His dark thoughtful eyes began to water. She’d never seen him cry before. It stopped her in her tracks.
“How can I stay here just for you?” she asked, putting her hands out for him to take, but he didn’t. “You can't ask me to do that!” She began to cry herself, tears of frustration. How could Jack do this to her? How could he stand here and yell at her when she was making a decision that would change the course of her destiny, her future, everything for the better. Her years of being miserable and hating herself and her life were finally over. Now she liked getting up in the morning and looking into the mirror. She had a reason to exist. She had a reason to keep going. Here, all she had was Jack. And although she cared about him deeply, he just wasn’t enough.
“I'm asking you,” he said, grabbing her shoulders firmly, forcing her to look at him. “Stay for me.”
“I can't stay here and spend the rest of my life sitting on this couch waiting for my parents to get home while we share a plate of spring rolls and watch old movies when I could be living my life.”
“I can be your life,” he said, pulling her into his arms and holding her like he'd done so many times before.
“I can never have the life with you that I want,” she sobbed into his chest.
“Magz,” he said, looking up at the ceiling while he held her head against his chest. “I'm not gay.”
She laughed through her tears and looked up at him. “Nice try Jack.”
He held her shoulders tight and pushed her back to look him in the eyes. They were filled with seriousness. Jack was never serious, and even when he was serious, he was always kind of half sarcastic with it, so you were never totally sure if he was serious, or joking, or joking about being serious.
“I'm not gay,” he said again.
She took a step back,
shaking her head. He had that look on his face that he had when she told him the stories about her family never being around, or when she told him about the latest prank she was the victim of. He was sincere. He was so seriously sincere right now. But if this was the truth, that meant so much was a lie.
“Magz,” he said.
“What do you mean, you're not gay?” she whispered
“I'm in love with you,” he said.
Magz eyes grew to the size of moons. Stumbling backwards she fell into a lounge chair. He knelt down next to her and taking her face in his hands he kissed her, and she was too shocked to pull away.
His lips were soft, and he tasted like corn chips and soda. He kissed her gently and sweetly, and nervously, and sweaty. He was shaking.
* * *
Jack couldn't believe it was happening. Ever since the first day he met her he'd thought about doing this. And now that she was a time traveler and about to leave him for some loser motor-head in the eighties with a sting haircut he'd finally found the courage. All those years of pretending, well, not pretending, just not offering up all the facts, were over in an instant. He’d never actually said he was gay. Not even once. People just assumed, and he’d gotten tired of having to defend and explain himself. He really had done nothing wrong here.
Magz swore at him and pushed him away.
“Sorry, this is a mess,” he said, standing up, running his hand through his hair and then shoving his hands in his pockets.
“What am I supposed to do with this? Seriously?” she stood up and moved away from him. “I told you I love Sammy. I’m going back to 1983 to try and save his life so we can be together, and you suddenly turn straight and want me to stay?”
“Yeah, sorry about that. I wish I could've told you sooner.” He started to walk backwards towards the door, it was inevitable that she was going to kick him out or kick him in the balls and he knew which one he'd prefer.
“You’re just a few years too late,” she said, shaking her head.
Jack felt a snap from somewhere deep inside him. Something that had been slowly cracking for all these years had finally broken. Too late. If only he’d told her sooner. If only he hadn’t gotten hung up on this stupid lie. If only he’d told the truth, if only he’d been himself. His life was fast becoming full of if only.
“I think you need to go now,” she said, shaking her head, “I can’t deal with this right now.”
“Can I call you tomorrow?”
“I won’t be here,” she said, staring at the wall behind him.
It could've been worse. At least she was still talking to him. He hoped with everything he had that she would sleep on it and realize that they were meant to be together and that in the morning she would be knocking on his door ready to give herself to him.
“God damnit!” he yelled as he closed the front door behind him. Then he screamed a deep heart-breaking scream out into the night that would wake the dead, wake Sammy Ruthven if he really was dead. Then he thought something for a split second that he wished he could un-think. He wanted Sammy to die. He wanted him to die so that she’d come back to him. Unable to live with the pain, Jack would be there to fix her, make her happy again, wipe her tears, be her shoulder to cry on, the arms that held her when she needed a hug, the one who sat next to her on the couch when she needed company. Then she'd see they were meant to be.
* * *
The boy she loved in 1983 was going to be dead in a few short weeks and now Jack was in love with her. No, he’d always been in love with her. She couldn’t comprehend it.
“When am I going to catch a break?” she said to herself, suddenly feeling very sad to have given Tux away to Jack.
She fell back down on the couch, phone in hand she tapped on the Google icon and she Googled Sammy Ruthven for the hundredth time, but the results were still the same.
Thirty-Nine
The Stables II
It was already getting late when Jack had the stupid idea to ride his bike out to The Stables. It was dark and cold and because he hadn’t been outside of town at night on his bike before, he was pretty nervous. A couple of trucks had come really close to him which had freaked him out, but by the time he decided he should probably just go back home he was more than halfway there, so he kept going.
He parked his bicycle between two Harleys, quickly switched his sweaty blue t-shirt for a fresh white one he had stashed in his satchel, sprayed some deodorant and ran his hands through his sweaty hair. It would have to do.
“Hey stranger,” said Jayne, greeting him from behind the bar as he walked in.
“Hey,” he said, trying his best to be cool.
“Didn’t think I’d see you around here again. Where’s your friend?”
“Gone,” he said, making it sound incredibly dramatic.
“Gone where?” she asked sympathetically, grabbing a beer, cracking the top and handing it to him.
“Canada,” Jack said, taking a swig. He went to get his wallet out to pay, but she held up her hand, her neatly polished black fingernails stopping him from handing over any cash.
“What’s in Canada?” she asked.
“Some guy.”
“Last time you were in here she outed you pretty bad.”
“Yeah, she was always doing stuff like that.”
“I guess she didn’t know what she had when she had it.” Jayne gave him a look and walked over to the other end of the bar to serve some old bikers.
He watched her, her denim shorts and Stables tank leaving little to the imagination. She was nice to watch. He drank his beer fast and she replaced it just as quickly.
“Better watch out,” she warned, looking at the door. “Jonas is here.”
“He doesn’t scare me,” said Jack, throwing back most of the second beer.
“Looks like you could do with something stronger,” she said, getting out the tequila tray.
“Damn right I do.”
“Hey trouble,” said Jonas, taking the bar stool next to him.
“Hey Jonas,” said Jayne, grabbing him a beer just like she had done for Jack, but taking his money.
“Hi Jonas,” said Jack, rolling his eyes.
“Where’s that girl?” Jonas asked.
“Who?”
“The girl you were with last time you were here breaking my balls and getting me kicked out of my bar.”
“What’s it to you? And you got yourself kicked out, and it's not your bar.”
“Bullshit,” said Jonas.
“You started it,” Jack said, cringing at how childish he sounded.
Jonas laughed, took his beer and headed towards the pool table.
“So, is it guy trouble or girl trouble?” Jayne asked.
“Both,” said Jack.
“You know it’s kind of my job to listen to people’s problems.”
Jack looked up into her dark eyes. Maybe it was the tequila’s idea, but his mouth was going along with it and his brain didn’t care and so he told her (mostly) everything.
* * *
At midnight, she took a half hour break and took him into the stock room out the back.
Jack had spent a lot of time imagining how he was going to lose his virginity but had not once thought it would be like this, in some back room of a bar, and he’d never really imagined it being with anyone other than Magz.
“Do you want to come to prom with me?” Jack asked, admiring her body as she shimmied back into her shorts when the deed was done.
“Prom? Jack, I'm twenty-one, I can’t go to prom.”
“Oh.”
“Did you just have sex with me, so I’d go to prom with you?” she asked with mock annoyance.
“No, I had sex with you because you’re really hot and I like you.”
“OK,” she smiled, shaking her head. “Sure, I’ll come to prom with you.”
* * *
Jack couldn’t decide what made him happier, that he’d just had sex, that he'd had sex with an incredibly hot older woman o
r that he actually had a date for prom.
And then he thought about Magz and he didn’t feel very happy at all.
Forty
Yearbooks
“Can you guys sign my yearbook?” Lacey asked as she threw her yearbook onto the pile in the middle of the cafeteria table.
“Only if you sign mine,” said Peggy, picking up the pile and, with Sammy’s help began distributing the books among the group.
“Yearbooks are so stupid,” said Rochelle, sitting on the edge of the group.
“You only get to do this once,” said Tricia in a rare moment of not being too cool for school.
“We do this every year,” Rochelle said, flicking open a cover, tossing her straw mane of hair, scribbling her name, closing it and pushing into the center of the table again.
“We don’t graduate every year,” Lacey said, looking over the messages on the page she was about to sign.
“And we have school dances every year,” said Leigh, yawning.
“I’ve never been to a school dance before,” Peggy said.
“Not even in Canada?” asked Nick, who was quickly put in his place by a dirty look from Rochelle. Apparently, Nick was now not allowed to talk to Peggy.
“We had them, I just never went.”
“Well Peggy, tonight you are going to be the belle of the ball,” Lacey said. “The dresses Janet made for us are so bitchin’ and everything is going to be perfect.” Lacey gave her a look and passed her another book. It was Sammy’s.
“I don't know about that,” Peggy said. The knot that had become a part of her these last few months had now consumed her. This was the day. This was the day she had to change destiny. It was a lot of pressure. She knew she could change her shirt in a photo, but she still wasn’t totally sure she could save Sammy, or if she was even meant to.
Class of 1983: A Young Adult Time Travel Romance Page 25
