by Jerry Boyd
“Don’t tell me you did this wonderful paint? I thought the original was pretty, but this is just gorgeous!”
“I did almost no work at all on this. The boys did everything. Straighter and stronger than Chevy ever thought about. Topper did the paint.”
“Where is Topper?”
“Who do you think is in the band?”
I guess the music just then struck her. “They made up a song, and everything? Damn, Bob! You and your boys know how to show a girl a good time!”
She put the shell back in the shotgun and put it away. “So I’m guessing it’s a little different under the hood, too?”
“I went the lazy way, put in an LS instead of your old Big Block. It’s still a 427, though. Gave you a couple extra gears, and the suspension you’ll have to feel to believe. It handles.”
“So does it have any power?”
“Look at the floor.”
She looked at the rubber I had laid the other day. “You laid this without getting pushed out of shape? I didn’t know you were that good a driver, Bob.”
“I’m not. It’s that suspension I was talking about.”
She looked down, “Okay, I see plates, does she have insurance?”
“Sure does.”, I threw her the ZZ top keyring with her keys on. Suddenly, the bassline of the song cut out. Ozzie came across the floor full tilt. He stopped in front of Dee, and said, “Ma’am, please do us a favor?”
“What’s that, Ozzie?”
“Drive her hard! She’s built to run. If you can break her, we can fix her better. Drive her hard!”
Dee hugged Ozzie, “I’ll do my best, Ozzie.”
Topper stood beside Ozzie. “Ma’am, is the paint acceptable?”
“No, Topper, it is not just ‘acceptable’. It is fan-frikkin-tastic!, you silly bot!”
She hugged him too. Taz wandered over and got a hug also.”Who wants a ride?”
The chorus of “ME!” must have rattled windows miles away.
Dee said, “Let’s see. Tina, you and Mike are going to have to get back to base soon, right?”
Tina replied, “Yes, we are.”
“Okay, you two get the back seat, and Joanna gets shotgun. Load up people, we don’t have all night!”
She worked her way through everyone. Some returned with a perma-grin, and some looked a little shaky when they crawled out. Nikki and I hung back, since we had driven it already. Dingus figured he’d have plenty of chances, so he hung back too. Dee finished up with everybody else, and went to talk to Tina. Tina must have agreed to take people back to John’s, because they all left in Proud Mary. Dee closed the barn and came back down to the shop. “You bunch ready for your ride?”
Dingus said, “Where we headed, D-lightful?”
“I know a barbecue place up the road a ways. My friend Barb runs it.” I looked at Nikki and smiled. Nikki said, “No wonder she asked about the Chevelle we were hauling home. Small world!”
“I thought you said the boys built it from scratch, Bob?”
“They did. I bought that pile of rust over there in the corner for a clean title. We stopped at your friend’s place on the way back.”
Dee studied on that a minute. “Bought a whole car just to get good paperwork. Money has made you a dangerous man, Bob Wilson.”
“Then why did you let the Guide throw a bunch more at me?”
“We did talk them out of the statue, Bob. Be thankful for what you’ve got. Dingus has shotgun, you two in the back.”
“Can we drop Snitz with Max?”
Ozzie ran over. “Boss, we can care for the canine while you are gone. He will get plenty of exercise.”
“Okay, Ozzie, remember to put him out some water. I’ll feed him when I get back.”
“No problem, Boss.”
We all piled in, and Dee showed us the power of sideways. She said, “The old setup was fast, but with two more gears, this thing is ridiculous. How many horses has it got, Bob?”
“Right at 700. Figured that was good enough for starters. If you decide you need more, Ozzie will figure something out.”
“I think I’m good for a while, Bob. You put all the keys and papers back where they were?”
“The boys put things away, but I’d surely be surprised if they got something out of pocket. Are you missing something?”
“Haven’t had time to look. Just trying to get used to the idea having my ride back. How much trouble did you go to for this old girl?”
“Got shot at once, but we were in a saucer, nobody got hurt.”
“Shot at? Who has my old car?”
“Carl Jackson. Joanna said he was a friend of William’s.”
“That no account bum. If he’s got it, it’s because William told him to keep it.”
“He sure wants to. Priced it to me for a hundred thousand, and acted like he wanted to go for his shotgun when that didn’t immediately run me off. Can’t say he’s one of my favorite people.”
Dingus spoke up. “Bob Wilson, friend to all, met someone he didn’t like? I didn’t know that could happen.”
“He did dislike me first, Dingus. Kinda like Major Rottum and his nephew.”
“You did have another go around with the Major, didn’t you?”
“We did. This time he sent his flunky, though. Some Captain, didn’t get his name. Named him Torky in my head, but not out loud.”
Nikki asked, “Torky?”
“He reminded me of Torquemada.”
She went to her watch, and the front seat answered in unison. “The Spanish Inquisition, the Grand Inquisitor.”
Then Dee said, “I can see how you didn’t get it. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.”
I replied, “Spam for supper, you say?”
Dingus asked, “What now?”
I answered, “In the culture pack, under Monty Python.”
Dingus looked it up. “Oh! I see. I missed a lot snoozing in the backyard. D-lightful, sweetie, I have a question. If Barb knows you, and knows your car, isn’t she going to notice you’re not quite as old as you should be?”
“Oh crap! I hadn’t thought about that, Space Ranger. I was so excited about having wheels under me again, I didn’t think.”
Nikki said,”It’s okay, Dee. We’ve all been having trouble trying to keep things quiet. We need to come up with a better system.”
Dee replied, “I’ve got this wonderful ride the boys worked so hard on, and I can’t show it off without causing a fuss. As problems go, this is a good one to have, but it still sucks.”
I spoke up, “Dingus, what exactly are the regulations about using Galactic medical tech on ‘primitives’.”
He replied, “You’re sneaky, Bob Wilson, I’ll give you that. Yes, we could give Barb back a few years in return for not making a fuss. Would that suit you, D-lightful?”
“You boys take such good care of me! Of course that suits me.”
We got to the restaurant, looked like the supper crowd was thinning out. Dee tapped the horn, and when she got a regular sound, she turned to me and said, “You and the boys missed a trick, Bob. It’s supposed to play the first few notes of ‘Girls Just Wanna have Fun’.”
“Damn, Dee, we didn’t know. I’ll get Taz right on it. Anything else we missed?”
“Not that I’ve found yet.”
Nikki and I went in first. Barb looked from us to the car, and said, “You two didn’t tell me you knew Delilah! That car is great! Looks like you updated a few things, though.”
“Just a little more power, a couple more gears, and better handling.”
“How did you get it looking so good so fast? When you had it on the trailer, it was a rust bucket.”
“That one still is. I bought it for a clean title to put on this one my crew built from scratch. Wanna ride?”
“YES! What kind of stoopid question is that?”
She followed us out, where Dee and Dingus were waiting by the car. Barb went from stunned, to perplexed, to hugging Dee all in the space of ab
out ten seconds. “How? You’re so young! What’s going on?”
“Grab shotgun and I’ll tell you all about it while I show you what Bob had his boys build for me.”
“COOL!”
“Grab us a table. We’ll be back in a few minutes.”
The rest of us wandered inside, found a table, and ordered drinks. I called Taz and told him about the horn. He said, “Sorry, Boss. None of us thought to check that.”
“I didn’t either, Taz. Don’t feel bad.”
“Thank you, Boss. I’ll go over the scans and see what we can do.”
“Thanks, Taz.”
I hung up the comm, and said, “I wonder if the horn just slipped Joanna’s mind, or she set me up?”
Nikki said, “Taz will get it fixed, what does it matter?”
“How much crap Joanna deserves rides on the answer.”
There was a tire screech as Dee J-turned into the parking lot. They came through the door, Dee smiling, Barb with the perma-grin. They came over to the table. Barb said, “Dee ordered for everybody. I’ll go get it started.”
She left for the kitchen, and Dee sat down. She said, “We’re all good. I love that car, Bob. Sorry I gave you crap about the horn.”
“Not a problem. Taz is on the case, we’ll get it fixed for you. We just want it to be right. We just didn’t think to check the scans of the horn.”
“Come on, Bob, ease up. You boys built me my dream car, only twice as good, and all I can find to bitch about is the horn? I’d say your bunch did darn good. That paint is magnificent. You think Topper would do fingernails?”
“I imagine he would relish the challenge, knowing him.”
Our supper came, and it was great. Conversation died as everyone focused on eating. Barb brought out pie. I said, “I don’t know if I can get around that, Barb.”
Dee said, “Oh, come on, Bob, it’s waffer thin!”
“Mr. Creosote, now, am I?”
Dingus looked at me, curious.
I said, “Same place as the last one. Dee’s on a Python kick tonight.”
We finished our pie, and I went up to pay. Barb said, “Your money’s no good here, Bob Wilson. You go on now.”
“If you’re sure, Ma’am. Wouldn’t want to wrestle you over it. Nikki gets jealous, don’t you know.”
“Dee’s right, it’s a miracle your eyes ain’t brown.”
Barb followed us back to our place, and Dingus got her set up in an autodoc. My comm rang. “Yes Taz, what’s up?”
“Boss, could you bring Mrs. Slongum and the Chevelle to the shop? I think I have the horn right, but I’d like her opinion.”
“Sure Taz. Be right there.”
I hung up and said, “Dee, come on, your horn is ready.”
We drove around to the shop. Dee asked, “Where’s Joanna?”
“I dunno. Nikki’s ride is here, so her and Lyla must be around someplace. Probably went to bed early. I think Lyla’s headed back tomorrow.”
“Oh. That makes sense.”
Taz ran the door up for us. Topper and Ozzie were playing Frisbee with Snitz. After we got out, Taz said,”Please listen.” He had a small metal box, hooked to the refurbed horn from the junk Chevelle. He touched the power wire to a battery charger. The horn played the riff, with just enough cartoony ‘General Lee’ sound to make it right.
Dee hugged him, “Thank you, Taz. This makes the car complete.”
“You’re welcome, Ma’am. I’m just sorry we didn’t get it right the first time.”
“Don’t be a silly bot. You boys did a wonderful job! Nobody mentioned I had a custom horn.”
“If you have a little time, I will install it for you.”
“That would be very nice, Taz.”
He popped the hood, drilled two holes, mounted and wired the box in hardly any time at all. He closed the hood gently, and said, “All done, Boss. I think we need a new project.”
“Problem for another day, Taz. We’ll see what comes up tomorrow.”
Dee drove out and headed back to the house. I collected Snitz and headed to the house. On the way, the sound of Dee’s new horn drifted down over the hill. I smiled as I walked up the hill.
