by J. Nathan
***
I checked my phone too many times as I sat alone in the conference room. Seven o’clock had come and gone and no one had shown up for study group—not even Professor Raymond. With a sigh of relief, I packed my things into my backpack.
The conference room doorknob rattled. I swallowed hard. Nothing in this world could’ve made me look at that door. My heart sped and my hands began to shake.
“Is he here?”
My eyes flashed up. The guy Kason had paid not to attend study group stood in the open doorway. “Nope. It’s just you and me.”
He closed the door behind him and sat down. We spent the next hour talking about science. It was refreshing to work with someone who could follow along as I explained physics. I could feel the old me coming to life when he grasped the material.
I returned to my dorm a little after eight. It had been a long day and I just needed to get in bed and sleep. Kendall had a pledge class event which meant I had the room to myself. I made my way up to my room, stopping at my door and punching in the door code.
“Shay?” Kason said.
I stilled.
“How are you?” he asked, his voice nearing me.
I tore my eyes away from my door to see him standing five feet away. “Great,” I lied.
“Be honest, Shay.”
“The way you were honest with me? How long were you and Cora planning it?”
His brows furrowed. “Planning what?”
“Oh, come on. You’ve got to give me more credit than that. Setting me up. She had to be laughing her head off when she saw us together. ‘Pathetic Shay actually thought you were dating.’” I shook my head, getting angrier now that I’d said it out loud. I’d been so blind. “Never mind. It’s not even worth it.”
“Shay, you’ve got it all wrong,” he said.
The handle on Cora’s door rattled. Kason’s eyes widened and I could see the fear in them. He spun away from me and hurried to her door, blocking her from stepping out into the hallway.
“There you are,” she said from inside her room. Her hand reached out of her door and she grabbed the front of his shirt. And without even a glance, he let her pull him into the room.
My stomach roiled at the sight of him going in there.
Flashes of what happened behind closed doors between the two of us played through my mind. Though we hadn’t done everything, we’d done enough for me to know what it felt like to be on the receiving end of what Kason could do. And the thought of him doing the same thing—and more—with Cora was more than I could stomach.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to hear the two of them through my wall that night. He was gracious enough to spare me that.
CHAPTER 35
Kason
“Oh my God. I so need a latte,” Cora said as we walked across campus. “It’s frickin’ freezing.”
“It’s December in Colorado,” I said, noting the snow covering everything but the shoveled sidewalks.
“Yeah, well, I need Daddy to send me some of his below zero gear or I’m gonna freeze my ass off this winter.”
“Speaking of your dad, have you guys decided what you’re gonna do yet?” I asked.
“About what, babe?” she asked, burrowing her body into me to keep warm as we walked through campus.
“Pressing charges.”
“Daddy wants to sue the bitch for all she’s got, but it turns out she’s got nothing. She’s even more white trash than I imagined. So, it’s probably jail time for her.”
“Listen, I know you’re not her biggest fan,” I began, treading lightly so not to send her off the handles. “But, you did kinda provoke her.”
“She broke my nose,” she snapped, moving away from me. “Whose side are you on?”
“Yours,” I said, trying to calm her. “But do you really think she’ll survive in prison?”
Cold laughter tumbled out of her. “It sure would be fun to find out.”
My gut churned. Cora was one cold bitch. There was no doubt about that.
We came upon the café and she took off, running over to some friends who clearly hadn’t seen her since her surgery. They all wrapped her in a big hug. You’d think she’d had some disease she’d just recovered from. She’d had a nose job because she provoked someone into punching her. Did they not know that?
“I’m heading to the mountain,” I called to her.
“Okay, babe. See you tonight.”
***
I heard the front door open as I lay on my bed after dinner. I listened for footsteps, figuring it was Thayer who currently wasn’t speaking to me, but wishing like hell it was Shay. She clearly had a lot she needed to say to me before Cora interrupted us in the hallway. I considered calling her to let her know what was going on, but there was no way she’d even answer. I didn’t even blame her. I’d done a complete one-eighty when it came to us—or at least that’s what she assumed. But, I thought of all people, she knew me better than that. I thought she’d chew me out because at least that showed she still cared. But to not say anything—to just let me move on without a fight—made me question everything I thought we had.
A kitchen cabinet opened downstairs, telling me it was Thayer. I knew I’d disappointed him by trying to get out of my contract, but even more so for holding a fake video over Shay’s head. Shit hit the fan once he learned Cora had hurt Shay. Thayer was a better guy than I’d ever be and him snubbing me lately, told me he hated who I’d become. I just wished he saw the guy Shay once saw. The one who wanted to be better.
My phone vibrated. I snatched it from my nightstand. Has my brother returned yet?
Giselle. Unlike Thayer, she at least let me know exactly what she was thinking.
I tossed my phone down, not bothering with a response. She’d heard what happened to Shay. And she blamed me for it. The irony was I blamed me, too. If I’d never barged my way into Shay’s life, Cora never would’ve targeted her.
My phone vibrated again. Being the glutton for punishment that I was, I checked the screen. If I catch you with Cora, I cannot be held responsible for my actions. That goes for both of you.
Yeah, life pretty much sucked.
I checked the time, knowing I needed to get to Cora’s before she began blowing up my phone, but it was taking everything in me to get off my bed. I knew what needed to be done, but it was crushing me to do it. It was crushing me to hurt Shay.
Again.
CHAPTER 36
Kason
Jesse and I took the ski lift to the top of the slopestyle course. The sun shined bright, and I lowered my goggles over my eyes to block out the glare from the red glow.
I needed to get some good runs in. Not only would Jesse be trailing me with his camera to capture some footage for social media, but I needed to secure what I’d be doing for my final run at the Games. Some guys liked to come out swinging, showing everything they had in their first run. I was not that guy. I liked to see what everyone else did and then pull something off none of them had even considered. Sure, I’d get the normal backside triple and switch back twelve. But I’d been studying footage of what Amos and Ousterman had pulled off in Austria in their latest competition. Neither of them steered clear of taking risks. They went out there to crush it every time. I wondered if I needed to change my game plan. Wondered if what had worked for me in the past would work for me on this big of a stage against this caliber of competition.
Jesse and I moved to the top of the mountain and waited for the few amateurs in front of us to go down first. I remembered being like them and just snowboarding for fun. Not worrying about landing certain tricks or impressing judges, my competition, and the fans. And while it wasn’t always about those things at the forefront of my mind, the pressure to deliver was certainly on—not just from sponsors, fans, and haters, but also from myself. I needed to deliver for me. I needed the gold medal for me. Or else, all the hard work I’d put in over the years and all the time I’d spent trying to perfect my craft would’ve been for noth
ing.
“Ready?” I looked at Jesse with his camera on the end of a pole beside me.
“Whenever you are.”
I laughed before dropping in, moving to the right in a wide arc to gain more speed to give me peak height off the first jump. The rush of air in my face and the rumble of the snow beneath my board followed me up the first jump, disappearing as I reached down and grabbed the front of my board, flipping through the air as I did. I was a child summersaulting in midair as if nothing else in life mattered. The rumble returned once I landed my jump and made my way up the next ramp. This time I had the speed I needed to pull off a front quad 1800, grabbing the front of my board and flipping once…twice…three times…I just needed to make it around one more time. I gave it all I had, making the fourth rotation and landing on my board with the precision of a gold medal athlete. I punched the air as I raced down to the bottom of the hill, spraying snow as I slid to a stop.
“Dude! That was fucking amazing!” Jesse said as he switched off his camera.
“Don’t post that,” I said.
“Why the hell not?”
“I may use it in Aspen.”
He nodded. “You’d be a fool not to.”
I ticked my head toward the ski lift. “Come on. I wanna try something else.”
We hopped on the lift and before long we took our spots at the top of the slopestyle course. If I could pull off the front quad 1800 like it was nothing, I wanted to try something else I could add to my run that would get everyone talking. I pulled in a breath, letting the early morning air fill my lungs before dropping in.
I sped down the mountain once again, the rumble of snow beneath my board the only sound I could hear as I purposely veered toward the left, avoiding a couple of the jumps so I could catch the rail with more speed. I used my arms and hips to propel me up onto the metal rail and board-slid across it until I was backward. I twisted off the end, silence encompassed me as my body flipped off-axis in the air…once…twice…three times. I rotated a quarter more so I touched down facing forward, but I came down too hard and unbalanced. I needed to right myself quickly, so I threw my arms out to my sides and squared my hips to steady me. I stabilized myself enough and curved to stop upright at the bottom of the mountain. That’s when the silence was replaced with Jesse shouting from behind me.
“That was a backside double cork 1170!” he called as I came to a stop. “You killed that, bro!” He stopped beside me.
“I didn’t land it good enough. Let’s try again.”
“Dude, slow down. We have all day.”
“Let’s go,” I insisted, making my way to the ski lift.
The need to perfect every trick suddenly consumed me. Every other part of my life was fucked up. This was the one thing I could control. And, I’d be damned if anyone thought they’d stop me.
Time after time, I sped down the mountain, trying new tricks and pushing my body to the limit. I needed to be ready. I needed the gold medal. I needed something to go right in my life.
Around four, the sun began to set. I stood at the bottom of the mountain and stared up at the course.
“Bro, my camera’s not even catching all the footage anymore. If we go again, it’ll be dark by the time we’re coming down.”
“We’re going,” I said. I was a man on a fucking mission—a mission to prove to myself and the world that I didn’t mess everything up in my life. Just the things that mattered.
We reached the top of the mountain and, like Jesse had warned, it was just about dark.
“It’s now or never,” he warned.
I dropped in as Jesse trailed me down the mountain, capturing my run. I pulled a backside five, a switch backside nine, and a backside triple fourteen-forty nose grab. I braced myself for the final landing, but the nose of my board caught something in the snow and my body flipped over my board at full speed too many times to count. The last thing I remembered was landing on my head. Then, everything went black.
CHAPTER 37
Shay
Professor Raymond had invited me to assist in the lab on a project he and some other professors were working on. I was finally in the lab. I wasn’t involved in their research, more like their garbage collector and errand-runner. My phone vibrated in my back pocket nonstop. But, since it was my first time assisting in the lab, I didn’t want to appear bored or uncommitted, so I left it alone.
I felt at home in the lab with all the professors using scientific language. It made my heart soar. I could see myself doing the work they were doing. I could see myself amongst all the cool lab technology making life-changing discoveries.
“You can head out, Shay,” Professor Raymond said as he washed his hands. “We’re just about done here.”
“You sure?” I asked, so happy to be lost in the world of science when the other part of my life was a mess.
“Yeah. You were a huge help,” he assured me.
“Thanks for the opportunity.” I gathered my things, slipping on my jacket and backpack. “Good night,” I called to the professors as I walked out of the room. Once in the hallway, I checked my phone. I had four missed calls from Giselle.
I returned her call, lifting the phone to my ear as I walked outside the building. Darkness blanketed campus since I’d been assisting the professors for hours.
Giselle answered on the first ring. “Shay?”
“Hey. What’s up? Are you okay?”
Her voice was rushed. “It’s Kason. He was in an accident.”
“What?”
“He was snowboarding and took a bad fall.”
Part of me wanted to rush to him. While the other part of me—the bitter part—wanted to tell her to call Cora. “Is he okay?”
“We don’t know,” she explained. “He was knocked unconscious for a couple of minutes. They’re checking for brain swelling right now. And, he’s got a fractured wrist.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, not sure how to feel. This was Kason. The guy who’d hurt me multiple times. The guy who’d moved on within seconds of me telling him I needed space.
“I just thought you should know he’s in the hospital,” she said.
“Thanks for letting me know.” Once she hung up, I sat down on a nearby bench, a mix of emotions swirling inside me. Of course, I didn’t want his injury to be serious, but everything between us had been such a rollercoaster. A relationship between two people should never be that difficult. And, now, I was being forced to distinguish how I was feeling.
My phone rang in my hand and Kendall’s name lit up my screen. “Hey,” I said as I answered it.
“Did you hear?”
“About Kason’s accident?”
“Yeah. It’s all over social media.”
“His sister called me.”
“Well, is he gonna be okay?”
“I don’t know.”
There was a long stretch of silence on her end before she spoke. “Shay?”
“Kendall?”
“I know you two aren’t speaking, but it’s okay to care. No one will think you’re weak.”
I sat on the bench thinking about her words long after we hung up. Did I care? Did I hate myself for caring?
***
I lay on my bed that night reading over my calculus notes, but unable to concentrate at all. I checked social media to see if there was any update, but nothing had been posted yet. I could have called Giselle. But then it would have confirmed I was worried. Confirmed I cared. And, I wasn’t ready to admit that.
One thing I did need to admit was the fact that I punched Cora. No one made me do it, especially not Kason. I’d done it all on my own. She may have provoked me, but it was my fist. Kason didn’t deserve the entire blame. And, I think down deep, that knowledge had been weighing on me.
There was a knock on the door. Kendall was at a sorority function with her pledge class, so I climbed to my feet and opened the door. Thayer stood there with bloodshot eyes and disheveled hair. “Can I come in?”
; I nodded, stepping back so he could enter. I had a sudden feeling that he came bearing bad news. I closed the door and gestured toward my desk chair.
He moved to the chair but just leaned against it as I sat down on my bed.
“Is he okay?” I asked, knowing it’s why he must’ve come by.
He nodded. “A concussion and a fractured wrist. He’s undergoing surgery for his wrist tomorrow. He’ll be getting a few pins in there.”
I cringed. “Sounds awful.”
He nodded, but he didn’t say anything more.
“Did you visit him?”
He shook his head. “He and I have been on the outs since what happened with you.”
I nodded, knowing Gisselle had mentioned that to me.
“I got tired of sitting back and watching him do things that hurt other people. That wasn’t the Kason I was friends with when we were kids.”
I knew he was right. Kason had hurt other people. But, he’d also tried to change. At least, he seemed like he had for a little while.
“But now I have this tremendous guilt that I wasn’t there when it happened. Like me being there could have somehow stopped his accident. Getting the gold is his dream, and he’s so damn close. I just hope this doesn’t spoil his chance. He deserves that medal.”
“You can’t think like that,” I said. “He’s a grown man who makes his own decisions. Good and bad.”
“I never thought he’d ever care about anyone more than he cares about himself, but then you walked into his life. He really cares about you, Shay.”
“How can you say that? He’s back with Cora.”
He cocked his head. “Come on, Shay. You can’t be that oblivious.”
My brows scrunched together. “What?”
“He’s trying to get her to stop hurting you.”
My eyes widened. “What?”
“You seriously didn’t realize that?”
I shook my head, completely blindsided by the information.
“He clearly couldn’t let her know that’s why he was hanging with her again, but he needed to get close to her to make sure she didn’t press charges against you.”
