by Rachel Leigh
“It all makes sense now. The reason you went crazy-ass on me in the parking lot. The hesitation with the bet. You’re fucking her aren’t you?”
“Do you just sit around all day and make this shit up in your head. Get a life. I’m not fucking our art teacher.” I tear my shirt off and toss it to the ground. Grabbing the wrap tape from Axel, I begin rolling it onto my hands. “Now, let's get this over with. I have shit to do.”
“Oh yeah? Like what?” His arms cross over his chest, and he blocks my entrance to the mat.
“Jerking it to a picture of your sister. Now, move dammit.” It’s a semi-lie. I have no intentions of doing that, but that’s not to say that I haven’t done that. Axel’s sister is the Blakely of the junior class, and she’s hot as hell.
“Stay the hell away from my sister.” He gives me a shove. I don’t take it personally. We are all used to it. All of the guys crack jokes about Marni, just to get a rise out of him. Axel doesn’t love much, but he loves his sister and is extremely protective over her. He’s literally poked a guy’s eye out, just for looking at her wrong. I don’t think he meant to, but he was all up in his face with his finger pointing at him and he got shoved from behind, finger meet eyeball.
“She’s my neighbor. She doesn’t have many friends around here, so I’ve given her a helping hand a few times.” It’s the truth. Where those hands were is nobody's business.
Shane motions me to the corner of the mat. A few other groups are scattered around the room. A couple kickboxing, a few throwing punches at bags.
“We don't’ have time to waste, boy. You have your work cut out for you if you plan to take this fight tomorrow.” Shane gets serious. “These guys are well-trained and well-endowed.”
“About that, I need to get a little background info here. I’m not too keen on getting my ass handed to me by a bunch of sumo wrestlers.”
“This isn’t wrestling,” Axel laughs, “and all stats are matched accordingly.”
“This isn’t funny. I never signed up for the switch up.” I throw the tape to Axel and stick out my left hand, so he can wrap it for me.
Axel throws the tape to the corner of the mat, then drops himself down, getting comfortable. Lying flat on his back with his arms positioned under his head. “It’s business. Don’t take it personally.”
“Oh yeah, does your dad know you’ve turned his building into an actual business?”
“Dad doesn’t care what the hell I do, you know that. I could tell him I wanna burn this bitch down, and he’d help me pour the gasoline.”
He has a point. His dad is the most absent father I’ve ever known. Aside from my own, who skipped out on us years ago.
“Knox is right, though,” Shane interrupts, “you better hope you know what you’re doing here. I mean, as long as I’m getting paid well, I’ll keep training you guys, but one bad fight, and this place could go to hell real fast. You better hope that your new partner knows what he’s doing.”
Axel leans forward, propping himself up on his elbows. “We’re golden. I’ve got this all under control. My partner has the connections to take this place to the next level. I never would have agreed to this arrangement, if I thought otherwise.”
I know he feels like he has his dreams in the palm of his hands, but one squeeze, and everything he has ever wanted will go down in flames. This unsettling feeling inside me tells me that we are not golden, and he does not have this under control.
I pop my bite piece in, and Shane holds up his hands, and I begin taking swings at the pads. Right, one-two. Left, one-two.
“Harder. C’mon, Knox,” he bellows. I punch again. “Harder.” He repeats himself louder.
I watch his hands jerk with each punch, but it’s not enough.
A solid right-hand punch, then a left-hand punch. I bite down hard, sweat rolling past my eyes. I slouch down and hammer into the pad.
“Get pissed,” he screeches.
I keep throwing them. Bouncing with each hit to the pad.
“I’m gonna fuck her, too,” I hear Axel behind me.
My hands anchor to my sides, as I spin around, the shit eating grin on his face does it. I bend my arms, slouch and turn around quickly, plunging my fist hard into the pad. Then my right, an uppercut to the left, and a rapid jab at both sides.
“Yes,” Shane beams, “that’s it. Get mad. Think of Axel fucking whoever he plans to fuck.”
They are just getting a rise out of me. That’s all. Don’t take it personally, Knox. Just get the pads. The image pops in my head and rage consumes me. I need it out of my head. Fuck. Get out. My heart rate accelerates, and I take it out on Shane’s covered hands.
“Woah, woah. Break.” Shane steps back. “Damn boy, whatever was on your mind just now, use that next Saturday.” He claps the pad to my shoulder. I bend over, hands on knees, trying to catch my breath and get a hold of myself. I turn my head to Axel who is still sporting that grin.
“Wait until it happens. Let’s see how pissed off you get then.” He laughs.
“What the fuck, man? Aren’t we supposed to be friends?” I stalk toward him, that rage returning full force. I point a finger in his face. “Stay the fuck away from her.”
Another bout of laughter just pisses me off even more. This dude is a soulless robot. If I wasn’t sure before, I am now. “Best friends. Don’t you ever forget it.” He gets to his feet. “But, thanks for that reaction. Now I know you’re fucking her. Just admit it and I’ll back off. Bro code man. I’d never do that to you. Kip,” the corner of his lips curl, and he nods back and forth, “maybe. You, never.”
“You’d never do that to Kipper.” My tone softens.
“You’re right. I hate you fuckers, but damn do I love ya.” He hooks his arm around my neck and rubs his knuckles to the top of my drenched head. “Come on, Knox. I need to know. You can’t keep this shit from me.”
“Fine.” I blurt out, “Fine, it’s true.” I instantly regret it, but as much as I want to smash this robot most days, he’s a man of his word, and I trust him with my life.
“I fucking knew it.” He jumps around laughing. “I’m pissed, but I knew it all along. You little sneak, moving in on my plan.” He’s half-joking, half-serious.
“This is more than that, Axel. I really like this girl. So, keep your mouth shut. She can never know that I told you.”
He zips his fingers over his lips, sealing them shut. “Wait, a minute. The deal was that if I didn’t sleep with her, you got out of these fights. Obviously, I can’t do that now because you’ve already tainted her. So we just have to call the whole thing off. No bet. No quitting.”
“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll still fight, and we can call this whole thing off, but you have to give me your word, Axel. I mean it, you cannot tell a soul, not even Kip.”
“Deal.” He sticks his hand out to me.
“That’s not all. You also need to start showing her a little more respect.”
“You got it. Respect is my middle name.”
“Fucking liar.” I punch his shoulder. I feel some relief that this is out. I don’t have to worry about this douchebag trying to sleep with my girl.
My girl, I like the sounds of that.
If only.
21
Claire
I throw myself into the plush chair in the corridor, watching as Mr. Rossi’s staff moves all of my belongings from the west wing into his bedroom.
“Big day, huh?” Jorge stops in front of me.
My eyes find their way to his. “Why is he doing this? Why me? After what I did—the mess I made.”
“Isn’t it obvious.” He slouches down and holds my gaze, whispering, “he doesn’t want to share you.”
I lean forward. “Should I be worried?”
“I’m afraid I can’t answer that for you. This is a first for Mr. Rossi. He has never let a woman sleep in his bed, let alone call it hers.”
“The others are so much prettier, so much more confident. They follow instruction
s. I’ve rebelled against the rules since I got here. It doesn’t make sense.”
“I told you Ms. Goodwin. They all want you. Only you. It appears that includes Mr. Rossi.”
He was such a greedy bastard. Didn’t want to share. Once I was his, he hardly even shared my presence with his friends. If we had a party or an event, he’d allow me so much time then kindly asked that I go to the room for the night.
Then there is Knox, who wants to share me with the world. Show me off. His heart is so pure and I’m so afraid of what I am going to do to it. If I continue this, I could turn that pure heart black with just one simple truth. Whatever we have, it’s all built on lies—my lies.
“You’re saying that I’m not obligated to fulfil my duties anymore?”
Malcolm’s fingers gently stroked my cheek. “I’m telling you that your duties have changed. There are still requirements, but your duties are for me and me alone. No one else.” His fingers move to my chin, gripping it tightly. “Is that understood? There will be no other men.”
“Understood.” I choked out the word.
I can do this, I thought to myself. I can commit myself to Malcolm, if it means that I never have to be with another stranger again. He saved me. After what I did, he still wants me here. He cleaned up the mess I made and has given me the opportunity to never look back. Not that I want to, not that I have any regrets.
He’s offering me his palace, his heart—even if it's just a small part. This is what all the girls have always dreamt of. Malcolm is like an untouchable god who has taken care of us, provided for us, and protected us. This is a dream come true.
“God, I was so stupid,” I mutter under my breath.
I sold my soul to the devil for luxury and acceptance. When I thought he was saving me, he was actually saving himself. I thought it was love, but love isn’t a package deal, it's unconditional. This package was loaded with manipulation, and boy, does Malcolm know how to manipulate.
I didn’t learn this overnight. It took years for his true colors to shine, but when they did, the only one I saw was black. The deepest and darkest black in existence.
I curl up into a fetal position and listen to the swish of the blades, circulating from the ceiling fan. My wet hair lies carelessly and sticks to the skin of my cheeks. I don’t even brush it away. I think back to that night and what I did, wondering how I felt nothing. My body numb to emotion.
It was the day I met him, that night at the gallery. I was swept away into the arms of a king who placed me on top of the world.
Now I’ve fallen, and I don’t know how to pick myself up.
A knock at the door rings in my ears, but my body doesn’t react. I continue to lie there, as I listen to the pounding. Pretending that I don’t hear his voice.
“Claire, please let me in. I know you’re there,” Knox begs.
If I stay still, he will go away. It’s for his own good.
When the banging stops, I breathe a sigh of relief. That is until he appears at the doorway that I face. “Go away,” I mumble, not even attempting to wipe away the tears. My legs press firmly between my folded legs and my head rests tiresomely on the dampened pillow.
I close my eyes, as he moves toward me. “I’m not going anywhere.” I can feel the mattress dip, as he sits down. His hand lays gently on my shoulder as his thumb caresses the shear fabric of my robe. “You’ve been crying.” He leans closer, rolling me onto me back. “Claire, what’s wrong?”
When Knox expressed his willingness to open our relationship up to the world, I immediately knew it was a bad idea. There isn’t any point. Why? So I can fall in love with him and then lose him, lose us? It wasn’t until I left Blakely’s house when I got the call from Jorge, that I realized that this has to end now.
“Jorge, my phone has been off. What the hell is going on? I gasped into the receiver, as I pulled my car door shut in the parking lot of the school.
I watched as Knox got in his Jeep and burned out. Taking a piece of me with him.
“Stay calm, Ms. Rossi.”
“Don’t call me that. Why are you calling me that?” I spit in confusion, “Where is Malcolm?”
“He left for a meeting in Mexico City, and never returned. He took all of the ladies with him, including Giselle. Something’s not right, Claire.”
When I left, Malcolm brought in a new recruit who took my place with Jorge. Malcolm rarely separates the guards from their work. He feels that the girls need constant protection.
“Did he bring anyone with him. Jude? Paul?” Jude and Paul are a couple of the vetted bodyguards, who have been with Malcolm from the beginning.
“No one.”
“Oh shit, Jorge. Those girls aren’t coming back.”
“No, dear. They are not.”
“And, you think he’s coming here next?”
He goes quiet for a minute. “I’ve booked you a flight to Iowa. Your cards will arrive tomorrow morning. Follow the instructions.”
“No, I can’t leave. Not yet.”
“I have to go, Claire. Please be safe.”
And then the line went dead.
Insanity has crept in. Malcolm is losing control. He’s dishing out women like they are last night's leftovers. All the girls who lived in the house are being sold into a dark and scary life. That was almost me. I was a victim, but I was the one that he wanted to keep. Malcolm isn’t just part of a transnational mafia, he rules one. Extortion and drugs are his game, that’s what it is to him. A game of power and he’s paid in riches. I asked him once why he does it, his response was “You can sell a girl multiple times, you can only sell a drug once.”
He thinks that if he gets rid of them then I will come home.
“Knox, you have to go.” I spring up hastily.
“I’m not going anywhere. Ever.” He strokes my hair from my cheek.
“You don’t understand. This isn’t about us. I’m not who you think I am. I’m not a good person.”
I have one hour before I have to be dressed and over at Val’s. I promised, at the last minute, that I’d help her with her rehearsal dinner. After the food is made, I plan to weasel my way out of there and pack up this life, moving on to the next.
“You are more than good, you are perfect.” He attempts to pull me close, but I pull back, jumping off the bed and away from his touch.
“You don’t know me. You know nothing about me,” I cry out, “If you did, you would stay far away from me. Which you need to do anyway.”
He comes toward me, and I dodge him again, dancing our way around each other, as he tries to get me to focus on him. I fight to avoid it, to free him from me.
“Why are you talking like this? Please tell me what’s going on?”
“I can’t.” I tighten the ties of my robe. Then I look up, and I see the pain in his eyes. Pain that I have caused. “You are everything, Knox.” I blink through tear-soaked eyes. “You deserve someone absolutely amazing. Please don’t ever settle for less.” I walk toward him, kissing his cheek gently and taking in the last time my lips will ever touch him. Inhaling his scent and saving it to memory. I stroke his arm subtly, then squeeze my hands into a fist, wanting to hold his touch in my hands for eternity.
“We have to forget this ever happened.” I attempt to push him out of the way, but he resists.
He takes my face into his hands. “I know you feel it. This wasn’t just sex, Claire.”
“It was.” I close my eyes tightly, to hide my pain and to ease his.
Then I walk out the door. I go to the bathroom and lock the door, then drop to the floor with my back against it.
There is no point in fighting the tears, they continue to fall, as I try and catch a breath between heaves. Knox continues to bang on the bathroom door. I stick my head between my folded up legs and ignore it, crying through the loud noise.
Ten minutes later, it stops.
He’s gone.
Of all the places I could go, I’m going to Iowa. Originally, we thought closer was
good, because Malcolm will assume that I’ve fled for the East Coast. He knows how much I’ve always wanted to live in New York in a tall studio apartment that overlooks the city—I was a fool to share my dreams with him.
Now, however, Jorge thinks that Arizona is too close and that Malcolm is closing in. He’s kicked everyone off the grounds that isn’t essential to finding me. The girls...gone. Added security...gone. Even Jorge has been let go.
He thinks that Malcolm blames him for losing me. If he only knew what Jorge has done for me, he’d kill him, without even thinking twice.
I knew this would happen eventually; I’m just not ready for it to happen now. I was never prepared to fall for someone so hard, so fast. Especially someone who is forbidden to me. Then again, one might say that the forbidden fruit tastes much sweeter. Knox is proof of that. His sweetness has sucked me in and enveloped me into his world. A world of high school drama, modern day fantasy, and dreams of a better life. Everything about him screams innocence and purity of heart. He is a good man. Yes, a man. A boy can never make me feel the way he has. Yet, here I am trying to shut off these feelings and keep him far away from me.
Once I’m sure he’s gone, I stand up and look in the mirror, brushing my fingers under my eyes and looking back at the stranger staring back at me. They say in order to love another, you need to love yourself first, maybe that’s the problem. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel worthy of love.
I go to the living room where my phone sits on the kitchen counter and make a split decision to text Jorge and ask if there is another way. Anything that can be done, so I don’t have to leave.
Me: I don’t know if I can leave, Jorge. I’ve built a life here.
When he doesn’t respond, I toss my phone on the counter in a fit. My hand holds tightly to my forehead, as I pace the kitchen, my kitchen—my home. For the first time since I’ve stepped foot in Redwood, I finally feel like I can call this place home, and it’s because of Knox. Now I’m expected to just give it up. To walk away and leave behind a chunk of my heart, in hopes that it will continue to beat somewhere else.
