Not this time. I’m fully aware there’s a possibility I’ll never get to experience this with Gwen again.
She blinks, her unsteady hazel eyes struggling to focus on me. Once our gazes lock, we fall apart together.
Her eyes droop as I rest my forehead against hers, both of us panting to catch our breath. It’s nearly three in the morning now. We need to go to sleep. I give her a quick kiss on the lips before getting up to dispose of the condom.
She’s already half-asleep when I get back to the bed, her naked form curled as if it’s waiting for me. The sight causes a tinge in my heart.
It’s hard not to wonder how things might’ve been if she never ended it. There’s so much we missed out on in the last two years. Nights like this, where it feels like we’re the only two people in the world. That our love is the only thing that matters.
But she broke us. Stole those moments and tainted our memories. If someone or something forced her to push me away, I’m going to figure it out. And when I do, there will be hell to pay.
Chapter Eighteen
Present
GWEN
Music fills the room, clearing my mind as I move to the beat. My mother had a dance studio added to our house after I was born. Back when she still had hopes of raising a little ballerina. A dream she gave up after realizing I’d never fit that mold. Dancing felt like part of my DNA by that point though, and I didn’t want to give it up. But my mother insisted it was better for me to find another creative outlet.
“You aren’t made for ballet, sweetheart.”
It didn’t stop me at first. I would come in here to practice every day, believing one day I’d be good enough for her. But I never could bring myself to show her. The thought of reliving the pain of her rejection held me back. Eventually, dancing became something I did for myself. This is where I come when I’m feeling anxious or depressed. Where I let go of all the bullshit weighing me down and just dance.
The chime of my phone cuts through the music and yanks me back into reality. I stop dancing and rush over to it, hating myself for being so desperate to hear from Cole.
He went back to avoiding me after we had sex. My heart sank when I woke up alone in his bed the next morning, tears streaming down my face as I made the walk of shame back to my room. But when I got out of the shower, there was a text from him on my phone.
Cole: I can’t stop thinking about last night. It’s causing a bit of a situation in my pants. If I’m not careful, things are going to get very awkward at work.
After we flirted back and forth for a few minutes, I had the biggest smile on my face. It felt like I finally had my Cole back, and a seed of hope planted inside of me. One that withers more each day that passes without seeing him. I’ve spent three days clinging to the random text messages he throws my way, hoping one of them will give me some clue about what’s going on in his head. He’s even been radio silent with Phantom Girl this week.
There’s one thing keeping my hope from completely dying: the smell of Cole that lingers in the air when I wake each morning. It’s proof that he’s sneaking into my room at night to see and hold me. But it also makes it obvious that he doesn’t want to face me.
As long as I’m hiding the truth from him, he’ll never trust me.
The text is from an unknown number, and my shoulders slump. It’s officially been twenty-four hours since I got anything from Cole.
Unknown: Hey, beautiful.
Groaning at the message on the screen, I roll my eyes and open it to reply.
Me: Sorry. I think you have the wrong number.
I go to place the phone back on the chair, but it chimes again.
Unknown: I don’t think so. I’m looking for the cute and sassy girl. The one with the dark eyes, pouty lips, and curves that could turn a saint into a sinner. She goes by Gwen. That you?
Panic fills my veins, my eyes scanning the wall of mirrors as if someone’s in the room with me.
Me: Who the hell is this?
Unknown: Don’t freak out. It’s Cory.
I let out a long breath and save his number.
Me: You might want to lead with that next time. How did you get my number?
Cory is a decent guy, but I’m not even the slightest bit interested in him.
Cory: Mia gave it to me. She said you could use a night out.
Cory: What do you say? Want to go see a movie or something tonight?
Oh my god. I’m going to murder her.
Me: That’s very sweet, but I can’t tonight.
It’s a brushoff, and not even a good one. I could at least give the guy a reason.
Cory: How about tomorrow?
Damn it. Cory is definitely persistent. I’ll give him that. He’s been asking me out since freshman year.
Me: Maybe. I’ll text you.
Cory: You better. I’m not giving up.
My jaw tics as I pause my playlist and dial Mia’s number. Her cackling laughter greets me when she answers.
“What the fuck did you do?” I demand. “This shit isn’t funny, Mia. He’s never going to leave me alone now.”
Her laughter calms. “Oh, don’t be mad. I’m only doing what you refused to do.”
Mia caught me in a weak moment the other night. I spent hours waiting to hear something from Cole and was in the middle of a breakdown when she called. Until then, I’d been lying to her. She thought everything was going great. And this is exactly why I didn’t want to tell her the truth. I knew she would go and do something crazy.
“And what exactly is that?” I quip.
“I’m simply giving Cole a little shove in the right direction.”
I squeeze the bridge of my nose, shaking my head. “Trust me when I say he’s not someone you want to push, Mia.” This shouldn’t be news to her. She’s never seen Cole’s temper, but she’s heard the rumors.
“Whatever. I’m not afraid of Cole Masterson.”
I laugh. “You should be.”
“He doesn’t get to fuck around with my best friend’s heart and get away with it. Besides, it’s not like he’d know I had anything to do with Cory asking you out.”
I snort, plopping down in the chair. “Well, your plan didn’t work. I turned him down.”
“You don’t think I anticipated that?” she mocks. “That’s exactly why I invited him to your house on Friday. We’re going to throw a kickback while your parents are out of town.”
My back straightens, my stomach taking a freefall. “You invited him here? Are you crazy? Cole is going to lose his mind if he comes home and finds me with Cory.”
It doesn’t escape me that I referred to this as Cole’s home too or that I’m acting like he’s my boyfriend. When the bitter truth is, I don’t know if he even likes me. This could all be some elaborate scheme to hurt me the way I hurt him.
“I’ve missed you so fucking much.”
There was so much raw emotion in his voice when he spoke those words to me. Not even the most skilled actor could fake something that well. But no matter how much truth was in that statement, it doesn’t change what happened. It doesn’t mean he’s willing to forgive and forget.
Even if by some miracle he could absolve me for breaking his heart, we couldn’t be together anyway. The circumstances are still the same.
I’m playing a very dangerous game of Russian roulette. The closer we become, the more likely it is I’ll be found out.
“Duh. That’s the point, silly. The guy flipped out over you wearing Cory’s shirt. When he sees the two of you together and loses his shit, you’ll know for sure how he feels about you.”
The inmates must officially be running the asylum if I’m even considering this idea. So many things could go wrong. People could get hurt. Hearts could get broken. Again.
“And what if he doesn’t?” I force out around the lump in my throat.
“Then you finally give Cory a chance and get over that other bastard. He’s been jerking you around long enough. It’s time for him to either s
hit or get off the damn pot.”
The knock on my bedroom door causes me to jump, a tiny yelp expelling from my lungs. I stay frozen, my stare glued to the door until my mother calls from the other side.
“Gwen, can I come in?”
I take a deep breath, blowing it out in a huff. “Sure.”
My mother floats inside. Even a mundane task like walking is a graceful dance with her. She sits at the end of my bed, eyeing the book in my hands. “Is that any good?”
I shrug. “Yeah, it’s okay.” Truthfully, I have no clue. I’ve been staring at the pages for two hours, not absorbing a single word. My thoughts are too preoccupied with Cole and the plan for Friday night.
“What’s it about?”
My brow knits as I close the book. She seems nervous and slightly uncomfortable. It reminds me of the time she told me Blair Swanson didn’t want me at her birthday party. Apparently, I was too fat to be her friend. “You didn’t come in here to talk to me about my book, Mom. What’s up?”
She shifts, crossing her legs and straightening her skirt. “Well…I just wanted to let you know that your father and I spoke with Cole this morning.”
Nervous energy courses through my veins, and I tuck my legs underneath me. “You saw Cole today?”
Her stare becomes probing as she nods. “He wanted to ask us if he could invite some friends over Friday night as well.”
“He what?” I screech.
How the hell did Cole even find out about the kickback? It’s not like we run in the same circles. Mia told me about the idea yesterday, and we only invited ten of our closest friends. There’s no way any of them told him about it.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Your father and I weren’t sure what to say. It didn’t seem right to tell him no. We want him to feel at home while he’s staying here.”
“That’s perfect,” I grumble.
She reaches out, placing a hand on my arm. “Is everything all right between you and Cole? Will the two of you be okay here alone together while we’re gone?”
My heart races at the thought. We’ve been alone together in this house several times since his return, but having the house to ourselves for an entire weekend is different. Especially when I don’t know where things stand with us.
“Yes, of course. It’s fine,” I fib, squirming away from her touch. “Cole’s friends and my friends don’t get along very well is all. But I’m sure everything will work out.”
She frowns. “I’m sorry. If I’d known things were so strained with you two, I wouldn’t have—”
“Everything’s good,” I interject, my tone dripping with annoyance. “Stop worrying.”
Her lips press at my harsh tone, an exasperated huff blown out her nose. “I honestly assumed you’d be happy to have him back in the house. You were so sad after he moved out. I’m not sure what happened, but I hoped this would give you time to work things out. The light in your eyes hasn’t been as bright since you two stopped talking.”
My eyebrows shoot up, my stomach flipping. “You knew about that?”
I thought my mother was in the dark about everything with Cole. It certainly wasn’t something I shared with her. Or anyone. My heartbreak was suffered in silence.
“Of course. Just because you don’t talk to me about the things going on in your life doesn’t mean I’m not aware of them. I’m your mother. Despite our differences and the quarrels we’ve had, you’ll always be my baby. Nothing could ever change that. You’re a part of me. I know when you’re hurting. Even if I don’t always understand why.”
I chew on my bottom lip, unsure what to say. My mother and I don’t do the heart-to-heart talks. This feels strange. But she’s trying, and she needs to know I appreciate it.
“It’s complicated.” My vague, generic answer doesn’t give much away, but it confirms something is going on with Cole. Which is all I’m willing to share at this point.
She gives me a knowing smile. “Love tends to be that way.”
Love?
My heart skips a beat. “What?”
“Don’t look so surprised. It’s obvious he’s crazy about you. Always has been. I think he fell for you the first time he saw you prancing down the steps wearing your tiara. That boy would move heaven and earth for you.”
My face tingles, all those penned-up emotions threatening to break free. I do believe there was a time Cole felt that way. He would’ve done anything to protect me, to make me happy. I’m not sure he’ll ever let himself care about me that way again, though.
I scoff and shake my head. “I don’t understand. Why would you let him move in down the hall if you think he’s in love with me?”
“Like it matters,” she snickers. “You two started sneaking around this house stealing kisses when you were thirteen.”
My eyes widen on my heated face. “You knew about us the entire time?”
She smacks her lips. “You didn’t hide it as well as you thought. Though your father was and remains completely clueless. We should probably keep it that way. At least until the end of the summer.”
My pulse races at the thought of my father finding out about the things I’ve been doing with Cole. “Uh…yeah…”
“I trust you to be smart and responsible. If you two wanted to have sex—”
“Oh my god,” I squeal. “Can we not?”
Talking about sex with Mia makes me uncomfortable. There’s no way I’d survive having that kind of conversation with my prim and proper mother.
She bats away my comment with a quick roll of her eyes. “I was only going to say that if you wanted to do the deed, you would find a way no matter what.”
My hands cover my face. “I would like to be excluded from this narrative.”
“Fine.” She pulls my hands from my face, forcing me to meet her gaze. “One more thing, then I’ll drop it. If you decide you need to go see the doctor, I hope you know you can come to me.”
After the little slip-up with Cole the other night, it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to get on the pill. Though, as it stands now, I’m not sure we’ll ever have sex again.
“Thank you,” I choke out, my face on fire. “Can I get back to you on that?”
She nods, standing. “I’m always here for you.” She leans down to give me a quick kiss on the top of my head, then floats back out of the room.
I sit, puzzled, staring at the door once she’s closed me inside.
Maybe I’ve been too harsh on my mother.
Chapter Nineteen
13 years old
GWEN
My bedroom dims as daylight slowly drifts into nightfall. I’ve been hiding in here all afternoon, too upset to talk to anyone. My parents left early this morning to go on some type of business trip. Who leaves their kid on their birthday? It isn’t the first time. But they didn’t even say goodbye or wish me a happy birthday.
Thirteen.
Isn’t that supposed to be a special birthday?
It should be. I’m officially a teenager today.
The knock on my door startles me, and I sit up. It’s probably Lydia telling me to come down for dinner. I can smell it from here. Not that I need to eat.
My weight has always been an issue for me. I’m bigger than all the other girls my age. My mom pretty much told me that’s why I didn’t get into her ballet school, and I heard her talking to Lydia about a healthier menu. It certainly wasn’t because she was worried about her own figure. She’s always been thin and perfect in every way—unlike her daughter.
“Come in,” I call, drying my face with the sleeve of my shirt.
The door opens slowly and Cole walks in. My stomach flips at the sight of him.
It’s pathetic. I’ve been falling for this boy since we met, over six years ago, and he just keeps getting cuter. His blond hair has grown long, and he’s so tall now. When he’s standing close, I have to tilt my head back to see his beautiful green eyes.
Every time he smiles at me or puts his arm around my shoulders, I forget ho
w to breathe. Meanwhile, he looks at me like I’m his adorably annoying kid sister. It’s torture.
I’m so busy drooling over him that I don’t even notice the cupcake with the lit candle in his hand until he starts singing Happy Birthday to me.
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, Princess Gwen, happy birthday to you.” He sits down on the edge of the bed, holding the cupcake out to me. It’s red velvet. My favorite.
“What are you doing, crazy?” I sigh.
“You were refusing to come out of your room, so here I am. You didn’t think I was going to let your thirteenth birthday go by without celebrating, did you?” He brings a smile to my face with the tilt of his head then winks. “Now, blow out your candle and make a wish.”
I take a deep breath, my heart feeling too big for my chest as tears spring to my eyes again. Only this time, they’re happy tears. I’m not sure what I’d do without Cole and Lydia in my life. They mean the world to me. I hope they know that.
My eyelids fall as I lean in to blow out the candle, wishing for Cole to be in my life forever.
He smirks at me when I open my eyes, and my heart skips. “What’d you wish for?”
“I can’t tell you,” I protest, shaking my head. “It won’t come true.”
Cole peels back the wrapper on the cupcake. “Well, if it was for the most delicious red velvet cupcake you’ve ever tasted, wish granted,” he boasts, edging it toward my mouth. “Open up.”
I roll my eyes and take a bite. He wasn’t kidding. This is the best red velvet cake I’ve ever tasted in my life. Cole is becoming quite the cook. He’s even been talking about becoming a professional chef one day.
The Princess and The Jester: A High School Bully Romance (Westbrook Three Book 3) Page 10
