“It’s so early in the pregnancy; what are the chances that I’ll carry the baby to term?” she said, sounding broken.
“Hey, stop it,” I said. “Lots of women have problems in the first trimester, and then afterward, it’s smooth sailing.”
“That’s what the doctor said,” Riley said.
My heart lurches at the sight of the strong Riley I know looking so frightened. I wish I could take her in my arms and squeeze away the fear. I reach for her again and hug her.
“I’ll probably be on bed rest for the next couple of months,” Riley says.
“It’s going to be fine. You just have to do as the doctor says. Anything to keep the baby safe, right?”
She nods. “Anything. I’ve never been so frightened in my entire life, and I know what you’re thinking. But this is different. With Jasper, I was given the news after the fact. Losing my baby was happening inside my body as I watched.” Riley tears up again.
I’m not surprised that the threat of losing her baby has brought back memories of losing Jasper.
“This is different, and the outcome will be different too. You have to stay positive. You have to stop going down that road of ‘what if’,” I say.
She sighs. “You know me too well.”
“The baby is going to be fine.”
By the time Leo is back, Riley is looking a lot better, and he looks relieved to see that. We chat a bit more, and he tells me that the doctor had said if everything goes well, Riley will be sent home the following day to continue with her bed rest.
I stay until it’s evening and then kiss Riley goodbye and promise to visit the following day.
In the car, my phone beeps with a message from Thomas asking how my day was. I hesitate before responding, and when I do, I tell him that it was fine. I don’t want to kid myself that he and I have something special. I can’t forget that he went out of town without bothering to inform me. That’s a red flag if I ever saw one. He wants to be my lover without a commitment. I’ll be smart, too, and keep my heart tucked away safely.
I’m emotionally exhausted after dealing with my mom and then getting that call from Riley. I’m happy to go home and have a relaxing evening. My phone rings as I’m entering the house, and I’m happy to see Fran’s name across the screen.
I sink into the couch and rub my feet as we talk. Without hesitation, I tell her about my hospital visit with Riley. It’s sad that I can tell Thomas’s sister anything but not Thomas himself.
Chapter 20
Thomas
“Thank you, Dr. Clarkson,” Jenna Smith says with a smile as she closes the door.
“Bye.” My cheer and smile are forced unlike hers, which is genuine as we’ve just confirmed her pregnancy. She’s rushing home to share it with her husband, who was traveling and is arriving back home today.
I find myself missing Cora. We haven’t spoken since last evening.
I glance at my watch. It’s almost one o’clock, and my stomach rumbles with hunger. As if on cue, my phone rings, and instantly my mood is lifted. I look at it and swallow my disappointment. My sister has an uncanny habit of calling when I’m hoping that the caller is Cora. I pick up the call, and we exchange pleasantries.
“How is Cora’s friend doing?” Fran asks.
I draw a blank. “What are you talking about?”
She’s silent for a few seconds, and that’s a big deal for Fran as she never lacks something to say.
“What kind of relationship do you two have? No, don’t answer that. Are you free? I’m just coming off my shift.”
I don’t want the grilling that I know will come, but it’s better than having lunch alone. “My next appointment is not until later. Let’s have lunch in the café downstairs. I’ll buy.”
I update client records, and half an hour later, I shut down my computer and head downstairs to meet Fran. She’s not there yet, and I order some water and wait.
She comes in five minutes later, looking rushed and tired. Even a smile doesn’t take away the exhaustion on her face.
“You look tired. Shouldn’t you take time off?” I tell her when we sit down across from each other.
She laughs a little. “Don’t be another Martin. I’d rather be working. Staying home will drive me crazy as I think of all the things that could be going wrong with my baby.”
I nod in understanding. That’s one of the hazards that come with her job as a midwife. She’s too aware of the myriad of things that can go wrong with a pregnancy.
“Maybe take fewer shifts?”
“Now that’s a good suggestion. I’ll see what I can do.”
The server comes by, and we order sandwiches, a coffee for me, and iced tea for Fran. When she leaves, Fran looks at me shrewdly.
“When was the last time you spoke to Cora?”
“We texted last evening.” My tone is a little defensive.
“What’s going on with you two? First, you don’t tell Cora that you’ll be out of town, and then she doesn’t tell you that her friend almost had a miscarriage?”
I sit up with a jolt. “Which friend?”
“Riley. She was in the hospital all of yesterday, but she’s okay now. Her body had gone into premature labor.”
“Very premature.” My heart goes out to Riley. A threatened miscarriage is a traumatizing event, and the rest of her pregnancy is going to have to be closely monitored.
She offers a few more details, and as she speaks, I feel a little hurt. I can’t believe that Cora told all that to my sister and didn’t share it with me. I should be glad that I’ve managed to keep a distance between us, but I feel rejected. It doesn’t make sense.
The server carries over a tray bearing our food and drinks.
I bite into my sandwich, and for the next couple of minutes, Fran and I don’t speak as we concentrate on filling our bellies. That’s the advantage of having lunch with a sibling. If you just need to eat and not talk, you do that without looking like a mannerless pig.
We resume talking when we finish eating and are sipping our drinks.
“The last time when you took off, I assumed you’d had a fight,” Fran says. “What is it this time?”
I look at her, and it dawns on me that I don’t have an explanation apart from the truth. And I find myself telling Fran the truth about my and Cora’s relationship.
“We’re not engaged, and neither are we in love,” I tell Fran.
A look of confusion comes over her features. She leans forward and folds her hands on the table in a gesture that reminds me of my mother. “I don’t get it.”
The whole sorry embarrassing tale comes out. Fran stares at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “I don’t believe what I’m hearing.” She looks away and then stares back at me. “No, I’ve seen how you two look at each other and how you talk about each other. That’s love.”
I shrug. “Don’t confuse physical attraction for love. That’s what Cora and I are about.”
Fran makes a face. “Eew. Don’t put images in my mind that might stay there forever.” She shakes her head again. “As stupid as that explanation is, it makes sense now.”
“She was pregnant, and I didn’t want to be in a real relationship. She didn’t either, for your information, but it worked out in the end. I get to be a dad, and she gets to have the baby she’s always wanted.”
“Mom and Dad will be so disappointed,” Fran says.
A stab of worry goes through me. “You’re not going to tell them, are you?”
“No,” she says, “but they’ll have to know at some point.”
“No, they don’t. A couple of weeks after the baby is born, I’ll tell them that Cora and I broke up, but we’ll raise the baby together.”
She stares at me. “Unbelievable.”
Fran’s phone rings, and after a glance at the screen, she turns to me. “I have to take this one.”
As she whispers into the phone, an overwhelming urge to hear from Cora comes over me. I fish my phone from my pocket and type
out a message to her. I’ve missed her, and I want to be there for her.
Memories from the past come over me, and I recall what an asshole I’d been after Tessa passed. I wasn’t there for her, and that is something that I have to live with. I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.
I ask her if I can stop by in the evening, and she says yes.
Just that is enough to change my mood and the rest of the day. My afternoon appointments go fast, and at six, I’m at home taking a shower. I leave for the Chinese restaurant at quarter past six and pick up the take-out that I’d ordered earlier.
Cora’s car is at her usual parking space, and a few minutes later, after I ring the bell, she buzzes me in.
She opens the door to her apartment, and when I see her, it feels like my world has righted itself. She looks freshly scrubbed and relaxed in joggers and a fitting T-shirt.
“You look gorgeous,” I tell her as I lean forward to plant a light kiss on her lips.
“Thanks. Whatever you’re carrying smells great,” she says.
“Why do I get the feeling that you’re more interested in the food than in me?” I say as I follow her into the house.
“That’s because I am,” Cora says, and I laugh.
I hand her the package, and she carries it to the already set table.
“I remember that you loved Chinese food. I hope that’s still the case,” I say as I pull up a chair and sit down.
“I did, and I do,” Cora says as she serves the food onto plates. “Yummy.”
I’m not as hungry, and I spend more time observing Cora more than I do eating. She really is gorgeous, and she doesn’t have a self-conscious bone in her body. When she notices me staring at her, she just grins impishly and continues eating.
Later, after clearing up, we settle on the couch with our drinks. Coffee for me and water for Cora.
“I feel at peace with the world,” Cora says and stretches.
“You mean at peace with your belly,” I tease.
She giggles. “That too. I’ve never appreciated food more.”
A comfortable silence descends, and although I’d decided that I wasn’t going to ask her until she offered, I find myself asking anyway.
“How is Riley?”
Cora is surprised by the question. “Fran told you.”
“Yes.”
“She’s okay. She was discharged today but has to be on bed rest. They don’t know for how long.”
“She’ll be fine, and so will the baby. Her doctor is one of the best,” I said.
“Yeah.”
I wait for a beat before speaking. “I thought we were friends, Cora. I was surprised and a little hurt to hear about something like that from my sister.”
She holds my gaze. “We are. The sort of friends who tell each other when they’ll be out of town.” Her voice drips with sarcasm.
I inhale sharply. I deserved that. “Look, I’m sorry about that. I was having a rough time.”
“I don’t understand,” Cora says.
“The accident you had with Fran took me to a very dark place. It reminded me of losing Tessa, and I needed some time to come to terms with the thought that I might have lost you too.” I can’t believe that those words have left my mouth.
“It was a scrape,” she says.
I shrug. “I know, but a half a second earlier, it could have been worse.”
“Oh, Thomas.”
After a moment, Cora gets comfortable on the couch and stretches her legs over my lap. I massage her feet softly as the earlier tension dissipates. It’s odd that after admitting something so heavy to her, I’m still comfortable in her presence.
“Do you think that one day you’ll heal from losing your wife?” Cora asks softly.
I don’t know how to answer that question. Do you ever heal from something like that?
Chapter 21
Cora
“I’m going crazy,” Riley says as she sits on her bed propped up by several pillows. “I miss going to work. The days are long, and I’m going crazy thinking about all the things that could happen with my baby.”
“It’s expected that you’ll get tired. You’re not used to being home all day,” I tell her soothingly.
Riley glares at me. “That’s not helpful at all.” Her face immediately falls. “I’m sorry. I’m taking out my frustrations on you.”
I smile at her. “There’s nothing you can say or do that can make me mad at you. Nothing.”
She stares at me and then bursts into tears. I hurry to her side and drape an arm around her. “It’s going to be fine. I promise.”
When she stops crying, I return to my chair. “I wish I cried as neatly as you do. I hate that I ugly cry.”
She laughs. “Only you would compare how we cry. I’m sorry; I don’t even recognize myself anymore.”
I know that it’s hormones playing havoc on Riley’s mind, but it’s still worrying. She’s right in that she’s definitely not the cool and calm Riley I know. It’s also tough that her family is not around. It would have helped if she had the distraction of her mother, brother, and sister-in-law.
“Have you told your mother about this?” I ask her.
A look of horror comes over her features. “Can you imagine how worried she would be, with Eva on bed rest as well?”
“Yeah, I see what you mean.” What terrible luck that two women of the same family would both be on bed rest.
“But Leo’s mom is coming tomorrow. She insisted,” Riley says.
My worry instantly goes down a notch. Riley raves about how awesome her mother-in-law is. “That’s good news.”
She smiles. “Yeah, it is. The days will definitely be shorter.”
“I have some exciting news. Thomas and I are going for the first ultrasound today. We’ll get to see our baby.” Tears well up in my eyes as I speak. It’s one thing to know that you are carrying a baby in your belly and another to actually see him or her.
“Has it been eight weeks already?” Riley says.
I nod, too overcome by emotion to speak.
“It’s going to be so special. I remember when we saw our baby for the first time.” She giggles. “Leo burst into tears. I’ve never let him forget it.”
I giggle too. I can’t imagine the macho Leo bursting into tears. One thing I know, though, Thomas won’t be following suit. For one, we are not in love like Riley and Leo are. That kind of overwhelming emotion is brought about by knowing that you are having a baby with the person you love.
We indulge in baby talk for several minutes, and then at 1 PM, the front door opens, and a minute later, Leo strides into the room carrying a box of pizza.
“Hello, ladies,” he says and goes to kiss his wife and then gives me a quick hug.
“Hi,” I say and watch hungrily as he opens the box of pizza and displays it for us.
“Hungry, ladies?” Leo says.
“You know we are starving,” Riley says. “I’m tempted to throw a cushion at you, but I can’t risk hitting that box.”
He chuckles and excuses himself to grab some plates.
Minutes later, the only sound that can be heard in the room is the crunching of food. I insist on clearing up when we’re done, and I gather all the plates and the empty pizza box and carry them to the kitchen.
I wash up, return to the bedroom, and stop at the doorway as I catch Riley and Leo in a private moment. He’s kneeling by the bed with his hands cupped around her face and kissing her, clearly oblivious to the fact that there is someone else in the house.
I swallow a lump of saliva as I watch them. Overwhelming feelings of loneliness come over me. Seeing two people who love each other with all of their beings makes me aware of what I’m missing. I’ve been kidding myself that having a baby will be enough for me. I want what Riley and Leo have. I want to experience that kind of love. I love Thomas, but he can’t love me the way I want to be loved. His ability to love died with his wife.
After I give birth, I’ll cut sexual
ties with Thomas. Give myself the chance to meet someone else and fall in love. If I keep sleeping with him, I’ll deny myself the opportunity of meeting my life partner.
***
I see Thomas’s car as soon as I step out of the gym building. We could easily have met at Dr. Phillips’s office for the ultrasound, but he insisted on picking me up and driving me there.
He gets out of the car when he sees me and opens the door for me. I kiss him on the cheek before slipping into the front passenger seat.
“How was your morning?” Thomas asks when he enters his side of the car.
He smells great and looks even better. He’s in an office shirt, a tie, and black pants. I think about the decision I made earlier about stopping sleeping with him when the baby comes. That’s going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But for my future and that of our baby, I’m going to have to. Our relationship would scar a child for life. A father who comes by for booty calls.
“Great, I spent much of it with Riley and Leo.” I take a swig of my bottled water. One of the instructions from the doctor was to drink as much water as I could before the scan. The result of that is that I already have a full bladder, and I know the next hour is going to be torture holding the pee in.
“How is she doing?” Thomas asks.
“Physically, she’s well, but I think being away from work is tough for her. Leo’s mother will stay with them for a while. I think that will help.”
We chat like a real couple as we head to the doctor’s office. I’m glad I’m not doing this alone, I think as Thomas and I stroll down the hallway to the ultrasound room.
The radiographer is a friendly brown-haired lady, and she preps me up for the scan. Minutes later, I’m lying on the examination bed while she spreads cold jelly on my belly.
“Sorry about this; I know it’s a little cold.”
I smile in response, too nervous to speak.
Thomas sits by the bed, holding my hand. I keep my eyes closed as she moves the sonogram machine over my tummy.
One Hot Doctor Page 13
