by Shawneda
Blood drained from Aunt Tanya’s face. Folks say black people can’t go white. She didn’t, but she got awful close. All the red of her undertone disappeared as big tears rolled down her cheeks.
“I know my words hurt you, JeShaun. I rushed to judgement instead of… You and I don’t need to be in the same space.” Aunt Tanya stopped talking and blinked for what felt like an eternity.
My feet thawed. I tried to take a step forward.
“JeShaun, I’m not your mother. Have never tried to be her. Replace her. How can I? Why even try? All I want to do is make sure you girls knew her. How much she adored you.” Aunt Tanya shook her head. My blood ran cold as she studied my face. As if she recognized me but didn’t know me at the same time. “You look so much like her… sometimes I.”
My arms hung limp at my sides as the tears rolling down her face turned to a steady stream.
“I’m not your mother. Corey and I are the adults responsible for you and Keylisa. So before I say something to hurt you more or scar you for the rest of your life, I’m going to leave.” Aunt Tanya turned to leave. “Cause mother or not, I am the adult between the two of us. You’re not grown, yet, JeShaun. Not yet.”
Movement rushed back into my hands, legs, and feet as soon as Aunt Tanya turned the corner out of my room down the stairs. I heard her grab her keys from the hook and go out the door into the salon before I had the chance to think of what to say. My legs collapsed under me as I tried to get to my bed. My sobs racked my entire body as I replayed every disgusting word over and over in my head.
“Good morning, Ms. Brielle,” I poked my head in and looked around for my Aunt Tanya. We kept missing each other. More like she kept avoiding me. Every time I thought I’d find her alone to apologize for saying what I said, I missed her.
The sun streamed in through the window. Glitter in the shiny finish on the stylist’s chair sparkled as I eased into the room. My pulse raced as I hoped to see a light under the door to Aunt Tanya’s office. No such luck. I’d never seen a darker door bottom.
“Your Aunt went on a run.” Ms. Brielle patted the back of the chair. “Funny, back in the day if I said things like you said to your Aunt to my Mom, I’d be the one running. Away from her, my aunts, my grown cousins, my grandparents, the mothers at the church.”
My shoulders sagged in disappointment. “She told you.”
“Yeah, she told me. Crying and hysterical as per her usual. This time the tears and drama fit the moment. Your Aunt is not perfect, JeShaun. Neither are you. She loves you.” Ms. Brielle began taking my hair down from the previous week’s style. Each intricate twist and moisturized strand given delicate consideration as she prepared to shampoo my hair.
A ragged sigh escaped my lips. “She won’t let me apologize.”
“Make her hear you. Find a way to show her you’re sorry. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very.” Brielle unraveled the last flat twist design on the right side of my hair. “Very sorry. Almost repentant.”
Regret filled the pit of my stomach. “She’d know I meant the words if I model for the shoot tomorrow with Keylisa. I saw the preliminary notes. She wanted me to do some funky looking puffs. You saw the design she liked?”
“Yea, I know the design. I picked it for you to wear. I’ll give you your look for school after the photoshoot.” My godmother swiveled the chair around. “This is a very good start to softening her up to say your sorry. Your mother’d be proud of you.”
My heart perked up a little at the thought of pleasing my Mom. She hated to see people fight. She loathed when family members got into it over anything. Big or small. Didn’t matter. “Your people aren’t gonna be perfect. Long as they’re not hurting you and expecting you to enjoy it or keep taking it, stick close. Even if they hurt you, you… love them from a distance. Send them your blessings so God can help them stop hurting. Hurting or hurt people hurt people. Not healthy loved ones.” I remember the first time she gave me that speech at a family reunion when my cousin took my candy.
“You sure about the puffs and the photoshoot?” Ms. Brielle pulled me from the memory.
I nodded with a hopeful half smile. “We hurt each other. I have to do what I can to apologize for what I said.”
“Look at you, growing up.” Ms. Brielle secured a towel around my neck. She tapped my shoulder and nodded toward the shampoo bowl.
I stood into a stretch as I exited the elevated chair. Ms. Brielle’s fingers massaged, rubbed, and scrubbed away the stress of trying to find Aunt Tanya to apologize. A few more happy memories of my last year with Mom floated through my mind. The last memory of her showing me how to hold Keylisa. “So what hairstyle is Keylisa wearing?”
“Tanya found this cute pigtail variation to try. You know your sister is gonna love whatever we do to her hair. She hasn’t hit puberty yet.” Ms. Brielle paused with a dramatic sigh. “You remember the good ol days.”
My phone buzzed. I tapped the side to silence the sound and return to my homework. Moments later, the phone buzzed so much it began to move back and forth. The small space on my writing desk between the keyboard and raised edge vibrated. Instagram notifications filled my screen. Tens turned to dozens and hundreds in a few moments.
“JeShaun!” Aunt Tanya’s shrill voice cut through the air.
A frustrated groan gurgled up my throat and across my lips as I stood to leave my room.
“JeShaun!”
I took a deep breath. At least she decided to speak to me today. “I’m coming.”
“You in trouble again?” Keylisa peeked her head out of her door as I passed by on my way to the stairs.
I shook my head. “No more than usual. I guess. Have no idea… I tell you when I get back.”
“If you make it back.” Keylisa giggled as I stuck my tongue out at her on the way down the stairs. “Yes.”
Aunt Tanya waved her phone around. “So now you have nothing to say?”
“Say… I don’t know what you’re talking about, Aunt Tanya. I’ve tried to apologize to you for--” I leaned my head back to avoid running into her phone.
Aunt Tanya shoved her phone in my face. “You’re so popular these days. Going to college and changing your hair is all anyone is talking about on my brand’s Instagram page. Hope you’re happy, littl — JeShaun.”
“I’m not happy about them talking about me on your page. You said almost all publicity is good publicity if you do things right. How is my posing for the pictures with the hairstyle you want not a good thing?” Confusion covered my face. I searched for the right words and courage to say I’m sorry. For real. Again. Seemed like she sensed the direction I wanted the conversation to go.
Aunt Tanya shook her head. “Don’t remember saying that, but it sounds like me. Not sure this is the kind of attention I want. Some of these people are being low down, personal, and nasty toward me for choosing to promote natural hair. They act like I’m forcing them to come to my Instagram page.”
“You said haters come with success.” She smiled. See, I’m listening is what I wanted to say. The pain from before sat right behind her eyes. No way I’d slide a slick comment into the conversation, yet. Too soon. “Maybe Uncle Corey is right.”
The sound of footsteps echoed from the stairs leading onto the second floor. “Most days. Though I don’t want to brag. Right about what?”
“Hi, Uncle Corey.” I jogged over and gave him a half hug. “Aunt Tanya’s page blew up when she posted my pics, again. Now she’s angry because of… I don’t know what.”
Uncle Corey squeezed me back. He strolled over to Aunt Tanya and kissed her on the forehead and cheek. “I told you both what to do. This can be a huge positive for the brand and this whole straight hairuation.”
“Hairuation… you’ve been around Aunt Tanya too long. That’s not a word.” I chuckled. My laughed faded away as Aunt Tanya stared me down.
Uncle Corey smirked. “She knows I’m right.”
“You always think you’re right” Aunt Tanya crossed her arms.
>
Uncle Corey shrugged. He picked up a pile of papers from the edge of the table he’d been looking over before leaving for work. “What can I say? Feel like I’ve been on a winning streak since I fell in love with you. Almost like I can’t lose.”
“Charm bucket.” Aunt Tanya smiled.
Charm bucket? I hope I’m not this corny and easy to appease when I get old. “I just agreed to do what you wanted. How am I in trouble for this? These people started acting crazy and talking about me on their own.”
“On their own after your mini tantrum provoked them. Now they won’t get off my page.” Aunt Tanya framed her forehead with her hands. “This is unreal. Going viral again… for this.”
Uncle Corey left the room for a moment with the pile of papers.
“Is JeShaun on punishment yet? Cause if so, I want her ice cream. You said good girls deserve ice cream. My grades are up. I’m the best hair model. I deserve ice cream. I’m a very good girl.” Keylisa bounced down onto the landing, skipping the last step.
Did she just gun for my ice cream? I’m not a bad person for wanting to make decisions about my own hair. I’m not bad. I deserve ice cream, too.
“I need to go for a run.” Aunt Tanya pulled her locks out of her face.
Uncle Corey caught her arm before she lowered it. “Good. Then you’ll have a clear head to talk about how to make this work for everyone when you get back.”
* * *
Keylisa laughed as she made her Luigi jump on top of Mario’s head. Uncle Corey and Tanya told stories about watching their older cousins torture each other, playing Mario Brothers as children. Now they tease each other and laugh as we have fun with the rowdy pair.
“Well,” Aunt Tanya sashayed into the room wearing a faint smile and glowing skin. “Let’s talk about continuing this craziness with my company brand.”
My heart dropped as she perched on the sofa next to Keylisa. Her hands found a way to make adjustments to Keylisa’s flawless hair. Ever the spoiled baby, Keylisa ate the attention up like a slice of pound cake.
“Maybe you need another run.” Uncle Corey left the papers he’d been studying on the table. He sat on the brown leather ottoman between the couch and pillows under the flat screen television mounted to the wall.
Aunt Tanya inhaled a long, dragging breath. She stopped playing in Keylisa’s hair, placing her hands in her lap. “I’m listening.”
“Do I need to go to my room?” Keylisa said.
Aunt Tanya shook her head.
“You’re America’s top natural child hair care model. You’re the most important piece to the puzzle. We just have to clean this mess off the other two parts.” Uncle Corey thumbed toward Aunt Tanya and me.
Keylisa giggled. She made a serious face as she paused the game.
“JeShaun, first, thank you for participating in the pre product launch teaser shoot.” Uncle Corey looked between Aunt Tanya and I as he spoke. “Tanya and I know you’re having a challenging time preparing for college next year. We want you to know we appreciate you continuing to contribute to the brand.”
I nodded. “Of course. Ms. Brielle and I have been talking about this since the last time we discussed things and with everything else going on… We’re family, the photoshoot is the least I can do.”
“Oh, now we’re family.” Aunt Tanya mumbled under her breath.
Uncle Corey leaned forward and stared at his wife. “Yes. Even when we do or say things to hurt each other by chance or on purpose. We forgive, learn how to love each other better, and move on. Right, honey?”
“Huh?” Embarrassment covered Aunt Tanya’s face. She sighed. “Yes. Your uncle is right, girls. Perfect people don’t exist. We can love each other through anything. Whether we live in this house or the poorhouse. The poor house we’re headed to if things continue to disrupt the brand.”
Uncle Corey sat up straight. “Tanya, no one is going to ruin the family brand. Keylisa is going to make sure we don’t mess up her inheritance. She tells me as much once a week. JeShaun has sparked a natural hair community wide conversation that will go on with or without us. Either we take the opportunity to steer the direction and discussion or someone else will. We’ve raised a smart, intelligent young lady. Give her a chance.”
“I don’t want someone else profiting from our family drama. Lord knows some of the YouTube videos popping up means everyone will try.” Keylisa gave Aunt Tanya a toothy grin and thumbs up sign. “Well, the boss seems happy with the suggestion, so I’m on board. With a huge caveat. Do. Not. Disrespect. Me. Online. EVER. Again.”
My blood boiled. I felt large bubbles of lava popping in my veins. Someone else had to see them percolating under my skin. If they did, they pretended not to notice. “I am and always have been happy to help. With all the things Brielle is teaching me about taking care of my hair, I’m excited to discuss things while making my decision about my hair.”
“Brielle?” Aunt Tanya fumed. “This is the disrespect I’m talking about, Corey. She has lived in the house with a beautician almost her entire life but pretends she doesn’t know how to take care of her hair.”
Uncle Corey closed his eyes. He pulled his hand down his face as if to wipe the frustration away.
“Living with you hasn’t taught me how to take care of my hair. Being around something all the time doesn’t make you an expert. I’m not a criminals rights advocate like Uncle Corey. Learning about different products and natural hairstyles has been easy living here, yes. You never taught ME how to do my own hair.” My voice shook with the anger coursing through me. Fighting to get out.
Uncle Corey dropped his head for a moment.
Aunt Tanya opened her mouth, then clamped it closed.
Keylisa pushed her body to the back of the couch so her feet dangled over the front.
“She’s right.” Uncle Corey tapped on Aunt Tanya’s knee. “You have always done her hair. Even before she lived with us.”
Aunt Tanya crossed her arms. “Excuse me for ruining your life by doting on you.”
“Just tell me what and when you want me to say whatever, Uncle Corey, I’ll be there. Being respectful. Be nice to get the same treatment in return.” A massive headache started from the bottom of the back of my head, radiating in waves to the tip of my hairline. “I’m going to take an aspirin and lie down. I have a headache.”
My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. Today went great. Breyonna waved. I made our hand motions for ‘text you later’. All felt right with the world as I climbed onto the school bus. Buzz. Buzz.
[Come to my office when you get home.]
Well, that ended sooner than I like. Summoned to the court by the queen. I rolled my eyes and turned on my favorite K-Pop playlist from YouTube.
* * *
The smell of vanilla and some other sweetness from Aunt Tanya’s product mix filled the air as I made my way through the backdoor of the shop. Her apprentice students’ welcome basket items were sitting on the table next to the station where she’d teach her how to care for natural hair. Guilt filled the pit of my stomach as I remembered her face from a few weeks ago. She hadn’t come back into my room since I told her to have children of her own. Maybe she’d forgive me if I do a good job on the Ask Tanya B stuff.
“Aunt Tanya” I called out before I walked around the half wall.
Silence.
“Uncle Corey?” I paused before proceeding toward the cracked open door.
Knock. Knock.
“Come in,” Uncle Corey said.
My pulse slowed. Uncle Corey helped things get done. “Hi, Uncle Corey. Where is Aunt Tanya? She messaged me.”
“I’m here.” Aunt Tanya gave me what looked like the tiniest of smiles or let out some gas. I’m still not sure.
I placed my backpack on the floor next to the chair next to Uncle Corey. I scoot over a bit, nervous about disturbing her YouTube video recording setup. She ran two for one Saturday specials for three months to purchase the equipment at the beginning of the natural hair Yo
uTuber craze. She and one other licensed stylist started doing tutorials and product reviews before other stylists.
“Let’s get down to business. I have some more product to whip up for the first order for the Black Owned Beauty Shop Alliance trade show and an event in Savannah.” Aunt Tanya turned to face the computer.
I swallowed my comment on how cold she’d been towards me. Aunt Tanya kept grudges like old church ladies stored butterscotch. “I think once a month until I know what to do with my hair is good. Social media is not my thing.”
“No, maybe switch up which platform you do. One week Instagram takeover, another week you can do a Vlog for the YouTube channel. Then over to SnapChat or TikTok and then a recap of everything with insights and replies to what people comment on the blog, then you start all over.” Uncle Corey counted a finger for each platform.
“Oh,” I took a deep breath. This sounded like a lot more work than I anticipated. “Won’t people get tired of hearing me say the same thing?”
Uncle Corey played with his smartphone. “No, the same people aren’t on all of those platforms. You have a different group of people on SnapChat and Instagram. YouTube is where most of her people look for more in-depth information and tutorials, but they’re not following her on Insta or Snap. Blog readers are her ride and curls. They’re not a group. They’re the backbone of the entire online community. Most people aren’t familiar with social media like you or your peers. A lot of Tanya’s audience didn’t grow up with it. They pick their favorite and stick with it because of what they like. Give them the information based on how your Aunt breaks down who is where.”
“She will?” I cleared my throat.
Uncle Corey chuckled. “Who do you think taught me all of this? She is a beast.”
“Oh, I didn’t know.”
Uncle Corey tapped my knee. “Well, now you know.”
“So we start on Insta?” My forehead scrunched together as I tried to imagine talking to these people about my personal problems. Felt weird.
