by Livian Grey
guilty than she already did. Watching her being hounded at school by people who were supposed to adore her, then having to deal with his mother’s bizarre affections as well, Nate was seriously considering taking Violet somewhere no one would find her. He was doing a terrible job of looking after her the way he’d promised.
At least that weekend they had a better shot at being alone. It was still warm enough to go to the beach, and Nate borrowed Jacqueline’s car and took Violet there so she could see the ocean. She slipped off her shoes before her feet hit the sand and Nate went after her, finding she was as quick on her feet as she’d claimed. He hoped there weren’t any needles or bits of broken glass between the parking lot and the water. The world around her wasn’t safe, but then it hadn’t been safe before she was turned. Nate hadn’t once questioned what changing her would mean. In his defence, all he could say was he thought the whole thing had been a weird dream.
Violet was pacing along the water’s edge as she focused on the clouds above her.
‘I can taste the salt in the air. I never thought I’d see the edge of the world where the sky meets the sea. Not with my own eyes.’
Turning back, she went to him with an expectant look.
Nate let Violet get close, hiding his own trembling as best he could before she kissed him softly. He wasn’t going to try and open her mouth with his lips or put his hands anywhere inappropriate. This was her moment more than it was his, all he could do was make sure it happened somewhere special.
What it did to him was more of a shock. He felt like she was about to possess him again, just like before. He knew she couldn’t, she’d just reignited the same sensation. Nate didn’t want to stop her, it didn’t seem fair, still he was afraid and had to break the kiss so he could catch his breath.
She knew anyway, backing away with another guilty look. ‘I’m sure I cannot do what I did to you again, Nate.’
‘Sorry…’
‘I hope you trust me.’
‘I do, I just remember how you got here, it’s not really left me. It’s not like I felt any pain… and I wasn’t all that scared at the time…’
Violet made a small frown as she explained, ‘If I’d been told more by the others, I’d have better understood what was happening. I waited for them to come back again, I even went looking for them, but I’ve not seen them for centuries. If they were once human, like I was, I’m not even sure if they changed back to who they were. Maybe I’m the last…’
Nate took her hand. ‘So you know nothing about how those Enorahts even came to be?’
‘Joseph called them demons, others said they were the product of witchcraft. We had no women in our village who claimed to be witches. No one conjured the Enorahts or any other spirits, still I don’t think they were of the Devil, either.’
‘We could go look them up if you want.’
‘Would anyone else know about them?’
‘Depends. You can find all kinds of things on the internet now, I’d be surprised if there weren’t some sort of reference to them.’
Violet glanced back at the water. ‘It’s nice here. Can we stay a while longer?’
‘Sure.’ Nate really wanted to go home and start looking for information, but Violet wasn’t interested. She was probably terrified of seeing anything to do with it.
She made him talk about his childhood as they walked. He told her scraps of things, memories that didn’t hurt to bring up. He wanted to remember his dad better than he did, but a lot of it was fuzzy. She only said in response she’d rather forget her father altogether.
‘He sounds like a pretty horrible guy if he just let you be killed,’ Nate said.
‘He was cold and resentful. And he wished I’d been a boy. I think he would have accepted Annabelle more if I’d been her older brother.’
‘It’s not like anyone could control that, Violet.’
The air grew colder, Violet wrapping her jacket tighter around herself in response to a sudden breeze coming in off the water. She didn’t speak as Nate led her back to the car and drove her home.
Jacqueline was asleep on the sofa in the den even though it was late afternoon and she never napped. Nate covered her with a blanket then took Violet to his room.
She stood behind him as he sat at his desk, watching him do multiple searches on the words she suggested. There was nothing about the Enorahts or the kelesnae. He saw mention of a creature called a Will-o-the-Wisp, an odd spirit entity made of torchlight that lived in swamps and lured people to their deaths. But the few pictures they saw had no resemblance to how Nate remembered Violet, or how she remembered the Enorahts.
‘Pastor Joseph must have named them this,’ she concluded. ‘And he didn’t keep a record of them. Or they were lost.’
‘But he never told you about the kelesnae. So who named them?’
Violet shook her head with a helpless shrug of her shoulders. ‘I suppose it no longer matters. I’m here now. What good could it do to know more?’
‘How can you not want to know?’
‘I’d rather forget, Nathaniel. I cannot make you forget what’s happened, but I don’t want to dwell on these things anymore.’
‘Sorry… I thought you’d be more curious.’
‘I almost forgot myself completely. I lost my voice. I could have vanished entirely. My nightmares of the Enorahts are too much for me. Please don’t make me keep looking.’
‘Okay, we’ll stop. I promise I won’t go looking for anything else.’
They sat cross-legged across from each other on his bed, holding hands. Nate wanted her to have all the dumb, teenage stuff that was supposed to happen before things got too serious. And in a pathetic way, he wanted this for himself as well.
‘Annabelle and I would play on the edge of the woods,’ Violet recalled. ‘She liked to pretend there were fairies in amongst the bushes. But then I grew too old for these games, telling my father I wanted to go to school to learn to read. He had no money, and girls didn’t normally go to school, so my mother offered to teach me what she could.’
‘I remember I couldn’t wait to go to school when I was a kid,’ Nate said before he smirked. ‘Didn’t take me long to change my mind about it.’
‘You’re luckier than you think, Nate. Your life has had more blessings than mine.’
Now he felt bad for taking what he had for granted. ‘I know. It’s hard for me to imagine living in a different time. I’d rather be in this one, even with all its complications.’
‘Why do you not have any brothers or sisters?’
‘Because my dad died and my mom won’t remarry. She doesn’t want to, even though she wants a daughter. I haven’t stood in her way at all, I hardly care if she marries someone else, long as she’s happy and whoever it is doesn’t make my life hell. It’s not like I’ll be living here much longer, anyway.’
Violet panicked. ‘Why? Where are you going?’
‘College, most likely. But not until next year.’ He was smiling as he said this, but it was short-lived when he remembered her chances of success. ‘Let’s just forget about that for now.’
‘No, I can’t. You have to tell me now if I cannot stay with you, Nate. If I have to go somewhere else, or if I’m a nuisance in your life…’
‘Violet, stop. I’m not kicking you out of my life now. I promised I’d look after you, and I didn’t just mean until you found your feet and could survive alone. That’s unless you want to go. Then I won’t stop you.’
She shook her head gently. ‘I won’t have a reason to leave your side. I will learn to adapt, and I’ll learn to protect myself. I’ll try to be strong for you, but I won’t leave. I can’t leave you.’
Nate saw she was being honest, yet he didn’t kid himself she might change her mind later on.
‘Tell me of the girls you knew,’ she said to him.
‘What about them?’
‘Were they kind to you?’
Nate thought about this carefully. ‘No, most weren’t. But then I can’t
say I was all that nice to them, either.’ He hadn’t been nice to Fiona, not really. Now it made sense she didn’t want to keep things going and he was glad she hadn’t.
‘You weren’t in love,’ Violet murmured.
‘Of course not. It’s sad, but people don’t really fall in love the way they used to. Some people don’t need it, other people need it too much.’
‘And which are you?’
‘I’m not sure.’
‘You need to be loved, but not strangled by it. I’ve no intention of smothering you.’
‘No one’s saying you do. But how do you want it to be, Violet? All of it, how did you see it?’
‘I couldn’t. My mother said so little to me of what was required of being a wife. You lay with your beloved, was all she said. I pressed her for what she meant, getting no answers. Much later, another girl told me she’d been bedded by a boy she wasn’t intended to marry. She’d committed a sin, yet she did not seem to feel bad for it.’
‘Then they should have sacrificed her and not you.’ Witch hunts and puritanical nonsense had never made sense to him. Having to read The Crucible and The Scarlet Letter had taught Nate little, he’d not expected to come across someone who’d lived the nightmares those books described.
‘She wouldn’t have been caught. And I would not tell anyone. I wanted to know what happened, and she told me, every detail. It left me confused for a long while after. Since then, I think I’ve made some sense of it.’
‘Violet, I won’t ever ask you to do something you don’t want to. You’re important to me.’
‘But if I wish to give of myself?’
He swallowed, thinking she probably heard him gulping. ‘Then I’ll try to make sure it’s not a disappointment for you.’
‘I’ve had thoughts and wants I couldn’t account for, more in the time I’ve known you. My affection for you was born out of what you gave me in the beginning. But it’s more than that now.’
‘I know. The way everyone looks at you, it’s hard to be around that. It’s exactly how I feel, only it’s magnified by everyone around us. I was only trying to protect you, not smother you like Joel said.’
‘Nate, I know this. I’m not upset.’
He saw Violet was tired then. He let her lie down on his bed and he was going to leave her alone, except she didn’t want him to.
‘Stay,’ she whispered.
Nate held her without too much intensity, already wanting her and absolutely petrified of it. Violet seemed to fit in his arms perfectly. She’d stolen pieces of him to make herself whole, leaving traces of her spirit within him that had them bound together. He never thought he’d have anything like that with someone else, he couldn’t tell if he needed it to be more than that. Maybe something pure and simple was all he’d ever need.
It was a nice thought, but when Nate considered it that way, he wasn’t sure it’d always be true.
Waking up beside Nate, Violet stayed perfectly still so she could watch him sleep. Being in his arms was wonderful for her; she was content now, almost as much as she’d felt when Samuel first kissed her.
A small piece of her thought she was betraying the memory of her beloved Samuel. He was a sweet boy, always trying to get her attention when she was in the market buying seed for Thomas to plough in his fields. She would pass the smithery on her way home, Samuel stopping his work to say hello to her.
The first day he had said anything, the boy had stumbled over his words. He didn’t normally stammer, not that Violet knew.
‘Hullo, Violet.’
‘Hello, Samuel. How are you?’
‘I… I’m fine… How are you?’
‘I am well,’ she responded, though this wasn’t entirely true.
‘You look very… I mean to say, you are very…’ He squeezed his eyes shut a moment and tried again. ‘You look very pretty today.’
‘Just today?’ she said with a smile.
He blushed. ‘Well, not… Um…’
‘Thank you, Samuel.’
He tipped his cap and she went on her way, her grin getting bigger and harder to hide.
For almost a month, Samuel made a point of saying hello to Violet. She always returned the favour, accepting any compliments he had for her.
One morning, she was visiting the town with Rebecca and Annabelle. Rebecca needed black thread to mend their clothes, and Samuel again made himself obvious as Violet purposefully trailed behind her mother.
‘Can I see you?’ he asked. ‘Alone?’
‘Where would we meet?’
‘I’ll find you by the river, where that tree bends over the water. You know the one.’
‘And when?’
‘Tomorrow afternoon?’ he suggested.
She nodded, running after Rebecca when she was called.
Violet almost didn’t get away from her chores to meet him and had rushed down the slope to the place he’d mentioned. He was there waiting, his messy blond hair in his face and his smile quick to appear when he saw her.
‘Thank you for meeting with me, Violet.’
‘I almost was kept by my mother, I’d not finished the cleaning. She does hate it so when I leave my chores unfinished.’
‘So does my father.’
She walked with Samuel along the river and he asked her questions about her parents; very pointed ones that suggested to her he was considering asking Thomas for her hand. He would be turning eighteen in less than a month and she knew it was a boy’s duty to find a wife by the time he became a man.
‘You are the prettiest girl in the village,’ he said timidly. ‘I do hope no one has asked for your hand already. I know Gregory, the butcher’s son, he is quite fond of you.’
Her heart couldn’t stop skipping. ‘I’ve not heard this. He has not said as much to me, Samuel.’
‘I wish I could see your hair.’ Samuel came to a halt, stepping ahead of her. ‘Would you show it me if we were married?’
‘I believe I am meant to show you a lot more than that,’ she said coyly.
Samuel grew closer, finally leaning in to give Violet her very first kiss. It was clumsy a moment, still she was enlivened by it, taking the memory of it with her to bed that night and hoping Samuel would speak to her father.
Once again, the recollection was as vivid as if it had been yesterday. Violet lamented Samuel’s loss and closed her mind off to any more thoughts of him so as not to grow sadder.
Nathaniel was just as sweet as Samuel. He was courteous and charming, and perhaps more confident, but not by much. Violet wondered if Samuel would have married another girl. Annabelle was far too young for him back then, but other girls in the village were keen to be wed, he’d not have gone without a bride for long. Violet had wanted to give him sons, as was her duty. She’d wanted to bed him. She knew she’d have made a suitable wife.
But without even having to ask, Violet knew Nate didn’t want such things from her. Girls her age now still had children, but it was frowned upon by their elders. And almost none of them would have been properly wed first. Long ago, their promiscuity would’ve led to far dire consequences. Violet did not want to be seen as a wanton girl. If she were to give herself to Nathaniel, it would be in the hope he’d be her only lover, even if he refused to be her husband.
Picturing it in her mind was so difficult. She was aware she could look at things now that in her time were considered horribly sinful. In the midst of all her confusing thoughts and emotions, Violet still couldn’t find a reason to pray now. Not a piece of her wanted anything to do with the God who’d forsaken her in her darkest hour.
She kissed Nathaniel’s lips as he slept, stirring him awake. He smiled at her when he opened his eyes.
‘Hey… I wasn’t sure you’d still be here.’
‘I had no reason to leave you.’ She rested herself against his chest as his arms went around her.
‘Violet…’
‘Yes, Nate?’
He didn’t respond at first. ‘I think… I’m
not completely sure, but I think…’
She heard his heart pounding and she stayed perfectly still.
‘I think I love you, Violet.’
She reached up once more to kiss him, touching his cheek and running her fingertips down his jawline. Welcoming more of his kisses in return had her body in a state of bliss and shock. Her hand moved over his chest almost without her consent, making her skin grow warmer. Nate responded to her touch, running his hands up her back and pulling her closer.
Violet refused to end this, she wanted more, but Nate suddenly stopped.
‘We can’t,’ he whispered.
‘You don’t wish to?’
‘Of course I do, we just can’t. I don’t have any… and it might hurt you more than you realise… I don’t want to do that.’
Violet recalled a lot of boys in the village had little care for their conquests. Some of them were quick to run off with a girl and promise them nothing in return for one evening of sin. The next day, the girl was nothing more than a scrap to be tossed aside.
‘I understand.’
‘You’re too important to me, Violet. I might not have cared as much about this in the past, but I care now.’
‘Whatever you’ve done means little to me, Nate. Surely you know that.’
He kissed her once more, stroking her hair from her face. Jacqueline’s voice echoed up the stairs then and Violet moved away quickly.
‘Nate? Are you home?’
‘I better go check on her.’
Nate left Violet alone, calling out to Jacqueline on his way downstairs. Violet stayed by the door, unable to hear them talking.
Back in her room, there were piles of folded clothing on the bed. The fabric was much nicer than the cotton smocks and dresses she’d been forced to wear, even in the summer. Violet hated her bras as much as she’d loathed her petticoats. She hadn’t yet brought herself to try wearing pants. Jacqueline appeared no less feminine for it, she reasoned.
There was a full-length mirror in the door of one of the closets. Violet stripped off what she’d been wearing and picked up a shorter dress Jacqueline had insisted on buying for her. She had refused to put it on, the deep purple colour of it making her stomach twist. Pulling it on now, Violet straightened the fabric over her hips and stomach. The hemline fell just above her knees, revealing her pasty legs. She wasn’t preening, but she was feeling very different now.
Brushing out her hair, Violet stared at herself and wondered if Samuel would have liked her in this dress. Rebecca was going to give Violet her wedding gown, she’d even tried it on the day before Thomas sent her to steal food.
A brilliant flash burst in front of her, and behind her reflection was a cluster of purple lights, spinning around one another. Violet let out a piercing scream, turning about to see the lights weren’t there.
Nate burst in a moment later.
‘What happened?’
‘They were here,’ she murmured frantically. ‘I swear they were here.’
He scanned the room quickly. ‘I can’t see anything.’
Violet went into his arms, trembling as she wept. Had they sensed her vanity? Were they here to judge her? She never knew if they even cared for any transgressions their victims made. They were hungry, horrible creatures with no souls.
‘It’s okay. Nothing’s going to hurt you now.’
She wanted to be away from the mirror, suddenly thinking it cursed. Following Nate downstairs, Violet saw Jacqueline in the den, staring off into space.
‘Is she alright, Nate?’ Violet asked.
‘I think so.’
Violet was still disturbed. She went tentatively toward Jacqueline and said her name softly. In response, Jacqueline lifted her head, appearing weary now.
‘Yes? Oh… Violet… How are you, sweetpea?’
‘I’m fine. But I am worried for you.’
‘Oh, I was just thinking of Ronald… I’m fine. How about I make you some tea?’
‘I’ll do it,’ Nate offered, taking Violet’s hand and drawing her out of the room. Violet said nothing until they were alone in the kitchen.
‘Nate, I have to tell you the truth… Something might be about to go horribly wrong.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I did try to tell you… I was told those who were enamoured of me may one day turn on me. I don’t know when, or how they will behave. But I’m afraid now the spell is lifting from Jacqueline.’
‘Will I see you differently?’
‘I don’t know… You might…’
Nate was disturbed. ‘If people love you so much now, they might really want to hurt you when they finally stop.’
Violet hugged her arms. ‘I’ll be all alone if you turn on me, Nate. Where will I go?’
‘Is there any way we can stop this?’
‘I do not know,’ she answered dismally. ‘I wish I knew what will happen next. I can’t live with this uncertainty.’
‘Maybe I should take you away from here. Just in case something happens.’
‘Where would we stay?’
Half his attention was on making tea for Jacqueline, the rest on their conundrum. ‘There’s nowhere I can think of where we’d be alone except the woods. The campsite’s usually empty… we could camp out in the woods… but for how long?’ He finished making the tea. ‘Stay here. I’ll be back in a second.’
Violet did as she was told, pacing instead of sitting. She went to the window, hiding behind the curtain and staring outside. Cars went by as children were playing on the lawn across the street. Birds were chirping. Everything was perfect.
It was unsettling. During her old life, Violet had always withstood the days her family went without enough food. Thomas would be bitter, saying little about their troubles but suffering all the same. He had to give the grain he milled to the town baker, but if he hadn’t enough to sell, he made no money. He’d gone on to slaughter their goat that winter, and that lasted them a month at best.
Violet read to Annabelle by candlelight in their hayloft, shivering with her under the thin patchwork blanket Rebecca had made. Thomas would argue in a hushed tone with Rebecca during the evening, Violet forcing herself not to listen. Annabelle often fell asleep against her chest, too innocent to really know what peril they were in. She could rest easily when Violet would have dreams of wolves at their door.
‘Why do you read to her those nonsense stories?’ Thomas later complained. ‘You fill her head with daydreams and you leave her open to the Devil’s lure. The Enorahts may still come for her.’
‘But we sent a sacrifice,’ Violet had said, remembering the protestations of a man named Nicholas who’d committed adultery with a younger girl in the village. ‘They won’t come for her.’
‘You think the Devil abides by his own rules? He’d be the first to renege on any promises made, Violet. Do you not listen in church? No, I suppose you do not since your head is so full of daydreams.’
‘Father, I do not imagine anything beyond this life. All I know is the misery of this existence.’
‘As you should, child. Keep your head otherwise no boy will want a woman like you, always off with the fairies, filling other’s heads with lies. Your silence is a virtue as much as your womanhood is.’
Thomas sometimes leered at Violet. Once they’d been alone and he’d touched her hair whilst standing close behind her, saying she was fit for a husband and would do him well to give him sons the minute she was wed. She couldn’t fail her husband the way Rebecca had failed him. His hand had touched her side, squeezing her flesh as he uttered she was too slender for childbearing. His breath had been at her neck.
‘Your flesh…’ he’d murmured. ‘You have the shape of a woman now, not a girl… They will covet your body before they offer to take your hand, Violet. Be wary.’
‘Father…’
‘Your actions do not go unnoticed by me, child. I have seen you be less gracious around the boys in the village. You’d do best to say your prayers
each night lest the Devil finally catch you out in a lustful thought.’
Violet’s hand was close to a fork, and it had reached out to grip the handle. ‘I am pure in thought and deed, Father.’
‘So you say…’
Her palm sweated and he’d backed away, leaving her trembling in the scullery for almost a minute before she’d rushed outside. Falling to her knees on the edge of the woods behind their house, Violet had wept openly into her hands.
These recollections brought back all her tears and she was crying deeply when Nate found her.
‘What’s wrong?’
She shook her head as she wiped her eyes. ‘My memories aren't distant anymore. It hurts me to think on them now.’
Nate carefully brought her into his arms. ‘What can I do?’
‘There is nothing you can do, Nate. But I’m beginning to wish I’d not come back. I was safe from this when was a kelesnae.’
‘I’m sorry this life isn’t all you hoped it would be,’ he said.
Nate’s apologies meant more to her than his love. ‘Thank you.’
He kissed her damp cheek lightly and this helped her smile again.
‘Is Jacqueline alright?’
‘She’s distracted, but she seems to be okay. Let’s go.’
‘Where are we going?’
‘Anywhere but here.’
Nate took the keys to Jacqueline’s car without another word. Violet hadn’t gotten used to sitting in these vehicles, still disconcerted by the growl of the engine. She thought she was inside some odd metal beast, unconvinced she was as safe as Nate claimed.
‘I am sorry if my presence is upsetting you, Nate.’
‘Really, it’s not. I think you’re afraid of what you can’t predict, like everyone else. I’m scared of a lot of things.’
‘Like what?’
‘Failing, disappointing people. I’m scared I might do something to make you hate me. And I worry my mom will be lonely if I move out. I don’t want my fears to be yours. I understand why you were worried about telling me everything.’
She was distracted by a small crowd children standing around a large van. An older girl was handing out popsicles and ice creams, and Nate saw Violet staring.
‘You haven’t had ice cream yet,’ he said, pulling up in the parking lot of the playground. ‘That’s one good thing you missed out on.’
The children near the van stopped their chattering as Violet approached. Nate was ahead of her and turned back when she paused.
‘It’s okay,’ he said.
Violet stayed still as the group of children surrounded her, all of them staring up at her with curious faces.
‘She’s glowing,’ murmured one boy in wonderment.
‘Is she an angel?’ asked another girl.
‘No,’ Nate said, perturbed. ‘She’s not.’ He took Violet’s hand, leading her away as the children kept staring. A pair of women called out to them from across the park. They were rushing over, looking worried as they tried to get the children to stop gazing at Violet. Nate pulled her close.
‘What are they seeing?’ he asked softly.
‘I’m not sure. Those women aren’t seeing the same thing as the children, and neither are you.’ She turned her gaze from the two women. ‘A child saw me in the woods when I was a kelesnae some years ago. I led her to safety when she was lost. She was the first person to see me in centuries.’
‘Maybe you just look different to little kids,’ he pondered. ‘You look normal to me right now.’
Nate bought her an ice cream so she could try it. She waited for him, keeping watch as one of the women distinctly glared at her and made Violet’s blood run cold.
‘It’s vanilla,’ Nate told her when he came back. ‘That’s kinda safe. I figured strawberry might be too sweet.’ He was doing all he could to keep her preoccupied, that much was clear to her.
She held the stiff cone and put her lips to the ice cream. The coldness of it numbed her teeth as she bit into it.
‘It’s freezing,’ she laughed.
‘It’s supposed to be. Do you like it?’
She nodded with a smile. ‘I’ve not had something this sweet before.’
He walked with her, taking her hand again and laughing at the mess she made trying to finish the ice cream before it melted all over her fingers. His innocent gestures had her doubting her father’s words. Nate’s touch wasn’t covetous, his deeds weren’t impure. He spoke honestly and only wished her to be happy.
‘Why were you crying before?’ he asked. ‘You need to tell me.’
‘It wasn’t over you, Nathaniel. I was remembering some things my father told me…some moments when he was cruel to me.’
‘He didn’t hit you, did he?’
‘No, but he raised his hand to Annabelle more than once when she was bad. My father’s look upon me was not one a father should give his daughter. I pretended to be ignorant. I think it suited him for me to die because I’d disappointed him so terribly.’
‘You didn’t deserve a second of what happened to
