by Sally Henson
His eyebrows squished together. He asked, “What was that?”
I puffed out a deflated breath, folded my arms, and sunk back into the leather cushion of the sofa. “That was supposed to be my flirty smile.” I gave him the truth. It was still my best friend in front of me.
He chuckled, shaking his head. “Please, never do that again. You’ve got a great smile. You don’t need to do something fake.” He leaned across and placed a kiss on my pouty lips.
It caught me off guard. Was that part of the “tutoring?” I didn’t think it was.
His eyes widened when he realized what he’d done, and he straightened, moving back into his own space.
My heart pounded. I wanted to admit that I liked him kissing me. Him. Not my tutor. It might be a line we shouldn’t cross as friends, but I didn’t want to lose the amazingness that had sparked between us either.
Before I could get any words out, he stood and headed away from me and toward the upstairs. “Loser makes a protein shake,” he called over his shoulder.
Nice, Tommie. I grunted out of frustration. He doesn’t see you like that. No boy sees you like that. When are you going to get a clue?
14
My phone dinged. I checked the message and then shut it off. “Cayla’s here,” I said to Juju. Since I didn’t respond to her messages earlier, she sent one to Madi that she was coming over. Cayla was the only person I didn’t mind being around right now. I rubbed Juju’s belly with my foot and wiped my hands on the kitchen towel. “Let’s go unlock the door.”
She whined and lie back down on the rug. I left her behind, crossing through the mess Mom called a “work in progress” to the front door to open it. “Hey,” I greeted in a less than chipper tone.
“That bad?” she asked, shutting the door behind her and following me back to the kitchen.
When I made it back to the stove, I flipped the bacon I had cooking in the oven and put the pan back in for a few more minutes.
“Oh, my gosh,” Cayla said, taking a seat at the bar. “Giant chocolate chip pancakes, maple syrup, chocolate syrup, whipped cream with bacon on top? Girl, what happened?”
I sighed, moving the pancakes to a plate. “I already told you everything when I got home last night.”
“Where’s Madi?”
“She’s out jogging on the beach, keeping her perfect little body looking…” The chunk of butter I dropped on the griddle sizzled. “Perfect.”
“Tommie, she’s not perfect. No one is perfect. She’s been in your corner, remember?”
My mouth watered from the melting butter aroma. I was seriously considering taking a bite of what was left from the stick. If I’d been alone, I might have. Instead, I ladled the batter into two giant mounds, sprinkling chocolate chips on top each one.
Madi had been nicer since the whole kissing tutor idea. I was still trying to figure out why. Now that I thought about it, she had cut back about the time James asked me to prom. I sighed thinking about how boys liked her, and she didn’t need a kissing tutor. Ugh. It wasn’t her fault Roan took the job no one wanted, and I wanted him to like kissing me…want me as a girlfriend. “Yeah. It’s just…I’m starting to like him, like him. You know? But kissing me has no effect on him. He doesn’t seem fazed at all. It’s like he’s tutoring me in calculus. I don’t know if I should keep doing this. I already felt like a loser, and this is making it worse.”
“If he wasn’t such a bear, I’d say he was on the top five list of hotties at school,” she said. “But I think you’re immune to his grumpiness, so why not go for it?” Cayla went to the fridge and brought the milk back to the island, pouring herself a glass.
“He is top five. He is not a bear. And obviously, he doesn’t see me like that. At all.” I wasn’t sure anyone did. An invisible hand wrapped its fingers around my heart and squeezed. Was it possible to have a heartbreak without being involved in a relationship?
“He’s definitely attracted to you or he wouldn’t want to kiss you. And he said your kisses were, ‘wow’ last night. Right?” She gave me a broad, toothy grin, wiggling her eyebrows up and down.
It made me chuckle. Which was good, because the doubt consuming my brain and pain in my heart sucked. “He said, ‘Whoa.’ And that it was good. But that doesn’t mean he wants to kiss me when he’s not being the tutor.” I flipped the cakes and pulled the bacon out of the oven, setting it on a trivet.
Food wasn’t always my go-to when I was sad or upset. I just knew I needed to get out of bed this morning or I would end up staying in my room all day. Chocolate chip pancakes were never a bad idea.
After the cakes were done, I shut off the burners and piled food on top of my plate. Cayla did the same, maybe a ton less excessive than me.
“Let’s eat on the patio,” I said. “I think I could use some sunshine.” Sunshine cured a lot of things. So did endorphins. Maybe I should have gone with Madi. She asked me to. The sound of ocean waves rolling in and crashing on the beach had a way of mending things too.
Cayla shoved her phone in her pocket from the countertop. It dinged twice, but she didn’t bother checking it.
We stacked our plates, forks, napkins, and drinks on a big tray and carried it out the backdoor to the patio. This was one place Mom had finished. And though the backyard wasn’t that big, she had made it comfy.
“The gardenias smell amazing” Cayla said as she sat down at the table.
I breathed in deep. “Yeah, it’s nice out here.”
“Dad hates messing with flower beds and landscaping. He wants to mow it all,” she said, waving a hand toward the flowers lining the outer steps of the patio.
I cut my first bite and stuck it in my mouth. “Mmm,” I moaned, closing my eyes for a moment to savor the sweet reward of my cooking efforts.
We ate in silence for a few minutes. Cayla was probably giving me space without letting me be alone. It didn’t take long for Roan to fill my thoughts again. I asked, “What if this makes things weird and ruins our friendship?”
“You guys have been friends a long time. It’s worth finding out,” she said. “You’re the yin to his yang.”
I rolled my eyes at that craziness.
She giggled and asked, “What?” Cayla’s phone dinged again. She took another bite of food and lowered her fork to check it. With her mouth full, she said, “These are amazing, by the way.”
She scrolled through her screen and gasped. “Guess what?”
I devoured half of my food in the time it took her to read all her messages. “What?” I replied with my mouth full.
The back door squeaked shut as Madi came out of the house with a plate full of breakfast. “Tommie,” Madi said. “I know you’re in a bad mood, but this breakfast smells so good. Thanks for cooking.” She sat down across from me.
“Sure,” I deadpanned. At least I wasn’t eating by myself. That would be extra pathetic.
Cayla let out a high-pitched squeal.
I flinched, squeezing my eyes shut until it was over, asking, “What’s the deal?”
Cayla squealed again and said, “The baseball team invited us to go to Sweet Water Falls.”
“Really?” Madi wiggled her eyebrows at me.
“You can go in my place, Mads. I don’t feel like it. Especially after eating two plate-sized pancakes with chocolate sauce and about two pounds of bacon.” My belly pooched over my sleep shorts. I rubbed it and said, “Me in a swimsuit would not be attractive.” As if it ever was.
“You can’t be serious,” Cayla griped, her lips pressed into a thin line.
Madi asked, “Is Roan going?”
I shrugged. If he was going, I didn’t want to be there.
“Hey,” Roan’s voice called through the fence. “Let me in.”
I eyed Madi, silently telling her to do it. Our fence didn’t have a gate, and it was too tall to climb over.
“I’ll meet you there,” she called to Roan, standing and heading back in the house.
Cayla winked and whispered,
“He wants you to go.”
I shook my head. “I’m not sure I can do this, Cayla. Kiss him and pretend I don’t feel something. It’s making me feel worse.”
She wiped a drop of chocolate sauce off of her chin. Her lips curved into a gentle smile. “How do you know he’s not feeling the same thing?”
Because I was Tommie the tomboy. My throat tightened. I drank down the rest of my milk, hoping it would go away. It didn’t. I stared at the gray clouds dotting the blue skies for a minute, but the tears still threatened. “I think I’m going to take a shower. Let me know when he’s gone.”
“I think he likes you,” Cayla said, watching me move to the door.
I shook my head but didn’t look back before I turned the knob and walked into the kitchen, leaving the door open for Madi. She passed by me with a smile.
Roan stood next to the food with a plate in hand. He forked a pancake and said, “I sent you some messages. You never responded.”
I shrugged, rinsed my dishes, and put them in the dishwasher. “My phone’s shut off.”
He gave me a look as if he couldn’t understand why I would do such a thing.
Of course, he wouldn’t. He’s a guy. Mom told me once that guys put all their thoughts and emotions in little boxes. They liked things to stay separate. Women connected everything together. Which was why us kissing means nothing to him and had me in a state of confusion and turmoil.
“I need a shower,” I mumbled and headed out of the room. We were close friends, but he’s not a mind reader. Though he had done quite a lot of that over the years.
“Where’s your mom?” he asked.
Where she always was. I called back over my shoulder, “Work,” and continued to the stairwell. Juju came alongside me, and we climbed the steps together toward my room.
Even after chocolate chip pancakes gloom continued to cloud my mood. If sun, chocolate, and bacon couldn’t reverse my sulking, music was worth a try. I scrolled through my playlists until I found a good dance one and connected my phone to the speaker.
While it played, I moved my body to the rhythm and rummaged through my dresser for some clothes. My sister’s “garbage sack” comment came to mind. “So what if Roan doesn’t want to kiss me for real, Juju girl? I still need to start dressing better, right?”
She whined and laid her head on her paws.
It was possible I had other kinds of shorts in my drawer. I searched through one stack and started on the other when I heard a knock.
I turned and saw Roan leaning against the door frame with his hands stuffed in his shorts pockets. Gorgeous liquid gold eyes, warm tanned skin, thick dark hair. Ugh.
What was he doing up here? Did he hear me talking to Juju? I raised my eyebrows, “Yeah?”
“Are you mad at me?” he asked, striding into my room until we were inches apart.
My chest tightened. Why did he have to look so kissable all the time? This was the reason I shouldn’t have agreed to him tutoring me. Itwas causing a rift between us already. And for what? I was still just a buddy. That’s all I would ever be. To anyone. I shook my head and looked down at Juju. “It’s me.” Even as I said it, I could feel the moisture threatening to pool in my eyes.
He chuckled. “Are you using the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ line?”
A hint of a smile inched halfway across my face. Maybe I used that line, but I just wanted him to go away so I could wallow in my self-pity for the morning. Okay, maybe for the weekend, but then I’d be over Roan and move on with my un-kiss-able, un-date-able reputation. I swallowed, keeping my eyes down, and said, “I’m not sure the tutoring thing is working out.”
He inched closer. “What are you talking about? You’ve only had a couple of lessons, and you’re doing great.”
I took a step back, watching my toes as they dug into the carpet. He wouldn’t get the whole truth but enough he would ease up with the questions. I met his gaze and said, “Look, you’re my best friend, and I don’t want to lose that.”
He tilted his head, his deep-set caramel eyes softening the wall I tried to build. “We’re not going to.”
I looked up at the ceiling. The tightness in my chest increased. “You were right, okay? It was a dumb idea. I’m not good at this.” I turned away and grabbed the first pair of shorts I saw and closed the drawer. “Besides, guys just don’t see me as potential girlfriend material. Or a girl.” I mumbled the last part under my breath. I turned back, folded my arms across my chest, and said, “Maybe college will be different.”
He closed the distance I had put between us. “It’s not entirely dumb.” He chuckled. “I’m actually having fun.”
“Great. I’m glad you’re having a good laugh on me.” Ugh, my heart dove over the line last night, and now he was making fun of me? My eyes stung, but I fought it.
“A bunch of the guys are going to the Falls today. Come with me.” He reached out and clasped my hands in his.
I peered up through my lashes at his wide grin. “Go with you as friends?” It slipped out. I didn’t mean to say that out loud.
He cocked his head to the side, looking at me as if he were solving a riddle. “Yeah,” he said in a way that sounded like a question.
“I don’t know. I need to clean,” I rushed out while the pancakes hardened in my belly. Ugh. I only needed to clean up the kitchen and my room, but he didn’t know that.
“Come on,” he drawled, changing his expression to a grin as he slid his hand around my waist. He began moving with the beat of the music. Roan’s dad was involved in competitive ballroom dancing when he was in his teens in Argentina. Roan took lessons when he was younger.
He taught me to dance a few years ago but made me promise not to tell anyone he took lessons. If his teammates knew, they’d never let him live it down.
But I didn’t want to dance. Not when the sting of his rejection from last night was still raw. One long kiss and that was it. We were all alone at his house for hours and he didn’t want to practice kissing.
He twirled me away, stepping close behind me. I ended up with my arms around my middle and my back against his chest.
“It’ll be fun,” he said. “Bring Cayla and Madi, if you want.”
And there it was. He only meant for me to come along as his buddy. The sparks I felt, the attraction, it was one-sided. My side. Totally unrequited… as usual.
He moved our hips to the beat of a song. His voice dropped low as he said, “You were right last night. We should’ve kept practicing.”
Why would he use that smooth, sexy voice, say those words, dance this close? It was torture. Being this close made my body think what was going on was real, real chemistry.
If I admitted I was falling for him, would it ruin our friendship? Would I ruin it by keeping it to myself? I had to ask, “Can I ask you something?”
“Ask away,” he said, his cheek pressing against my hair.
Facing away from him would make it a thousand times easier—I hoped. “Promise you’ll tell me the truth?”
He slowed to a sway and answered, “Promise.”
My mouth went dry, and I tried to swallow but couldn’t. Even my breathing had quickened. “When you, we…I’m…” How could I say this without him or me freaking out? “Am I just the entertainment here?”
We stopped moving but he said nothing. He fit around me like a cocoon, and it was everything I wanted and was afraid I wouldn’t have.
His head shook against mine. “No.”
I swallowed my nerves and asked another question. “Would it be too weird if I said I like kissing you?”
He lowered his lips close to my ear and whispered, “I like it too.”
I sucked in a quick breath. I thought my tight muscles would release after he agreed, but my body became even more excited. “Really?” I asked. “What do we do?”
“I don’t know,” he said, pausing for a moment. “Keep doing what we’ve been doing the last few days.”
I nodded, relieved he didn’t say he
’s the tutor, and that’s it. Excited the sparks and electricity buzzing inside my body wasn’t only me.
His cheek pressed against the side of my hair I had piled up on top of my head. “You smell like pancakes.” He chuckled. “And bacon.”
That was exactly what ten-year-old Roan would have said. It kind of ruined the moment. “Gee, thanks.” I tried to pull away, but he twirled me back around to face him.
“We might need to practice what you’ve learned so far.” He grinned, causing my stomach to quiver as he dipped his mouth closer to mine.
I leaned away. “Whoa!”
Roan came closer.
I squirmed out of his hold. It wasn’t a given, but lesson three could happen and that might have involved our tongues doing the tango. Since that would be a first for me, I definitely wanted it to be a good experience. “I need to brush my teeth. Please,” I said.
He held his hands up, stepping back toward my door. “If that’s the way you want it. Guess I’ll be downstairs.” His wide smile, the way it hitched higher on one side than the other, almost made me change my mind. But a quick flashback to my first kiss was enough to wait.
That, and the appearance of my brother behind Roan. “What’s going on?” Brendan asked.
Roan jumped, giving my brother a playful shove, and grumbled, “Dude.”
Brendan chuckled, clamping down on Roan’s shoulders, and then released him.
Roan shook his head and said, “I’m about to clean up breakfast. You want some?”
“No thanks,” Brendan said. “I just came back to get my wetsuit. A storm’s coming.”
I folded my arms across my chest and asked, “You’re going out in a storm?”
He turned, headed for his room, and called back, “Nope. Going out before the storm gets here.”
I met Roan in the hall. He pointed his thumb behind him as he walked backward toward the stairs, trying to control his smile. “We’ll, um…I’ll go eat.”
I nodded and escaped to the bathroom, turning the shower on. Did that just happen? What was that anyway? I thought I had asked if he liked me, but now I was even more confused.
